Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 7 - The Bitter Pill)

Everyone has tasted the bitter pill at some point in life, and the truth is, it’s no fun tasting it because not only does it not taste good, it affects other areas of your body (mentally, emotionally and in many cases, spiritually). I want to address the bitter pill from an emotional perspective and a spiritual perspective – and how the perpetrators cause victims to taste it when they really weren’t supposed to. As a result, the pill has created hurting souls and those souls have walls up (note: there are pros and cons to this). Please grab some tissue as this will touch emotions and cause certain feelings to emerge (and I ask that you not tune me out as you read).

Bishop Jospeh Mattera wrote a blog post entitled Why Hurt People Hurt People. A few things stood out to me (to include this statement).

Until we as a church deal with the whole person as shown in 1 Thessalonians 5:23 our congregations will be filled with people who are spiritually gifted but act like emotional infants. As in other words, the church must deal with emotional health and not just spiritual health and power.

Bishop Mattera said that these are typical traits that hurt people display in their interactions with others. Many of his explanations underneath each posts were edited for the purpose of this blogpost; however, you can read his entire blogpost here – which is a great post in my humble opinion: http://josephmattera.org/why-hurt-people-hurt-people/

1. Hurt people often transfer their inner anger onto their family and close friends (Often those around them become the recipients of harsh tones and fits of rage because they have unknowingly become the vicarious recipients of transferred rage).
2. Hurt people interpret every word spoken to them through the prism of their pain (Because of their pain, ordinary words are often misinterpreted to mean something negative towards them. Because of this, they are extremely sensitive and act out of pain instead of reality)
3. Hurt people interpret every action through the prism of their pain (Their emotional pain causes them to suspect wrong motives or evil intent behind other people’s actions towards them)
4. Hurt people often portray themselves as victims and carry a “victim spirit.” (Hurt people have a hard time entering into a trusting relationship. Hurt people often carry around a suspicious spirit)
5. Hurt people often alienate others and wonder why no one is there for them
(They often continually hurt the ones they love and need the most with their self-destructive behavior).
6. Hurt people have the emotional maturity of the age they received their (un-dealt with) hurt. (For example, if a girl was raped by a man when she was 12 years old, unless she forgives that man and allows Christ to heal her heart and allay her fears, in that particular area of her life (sexuality with a man) her emotional growth will stop. Even when she reaches her later years she may still have the emotional maturity of a 12 year-old).
7. Hurt people are often frustrated and depressed because past pain continually spills over into their present consciousness. (In many instances, they may not even be aware of why they are continually frustrated or depressed because they have coped with pain by compartmentalizing it or layering it over with other things over time).
8. Hurt people often erupt with inappropriate emotion because particular words, actions, or circumstances “touch” and “trigger” past woundedness
9. Hurt people often occupy themselves with busyness, work, performance, and/or accomplishments as a way of compensating for low self-esteem
10. Hurt people often attempt to medicate themselves with excessive entertainment, drugs, alcohol, pornography, sexual relationships, or hobbies as a way to forget their pain and run from reality. (Until the church learns to deal with and emphasize the emotional life and health of the believer, the church will be filled with half-Christians who pray and read the Bible but find no victory because they do not face the woundedness in their souls). Note: The Mayne Man has to say Amen to this one!
11. Hurt people have learned to accommodate their private “false self” or “dark side” which causes them to be duplicitous and lack integrity (Often their private life is different from their public life, which causes hypocrisy and compounds feelings of guilt, condemnation, and depression)
12. Hurt people are often self-absorbed with their own pain and are unaware that they are hurting other people. (They are often insensitive to other people because their emotional pain limits their capacity for empathy and their capacity for self-awareness)
13. Hurt people are susceptible to demonic deception. (Satan works in darkness and deception, and stays away from the light. Hurt people often have destructive habit-patterns that are practiced in the dark. Hence, their mind becomes a breeding ground for satanic infiltration and deception. If the church would deal more with the emotional health of the individual, there would be less of a foothold for demonic infiltration. Also, there would be stronger relationships, stronger marriages, healthier children, and a more balanced approach to ministry with less of a chance of pastoral and congregational burnout)
14. God often purposely surfaces pain so hurt people can face reality. (Whether it is because of a marriage problem, or continual personal conflicts on the job, God often allows conflict and spillover because he wants the infection to stop spreading and the person to be healed. Often Christians are fighting the devil and blaming him for conflict when in essence God often allows conflict so that people would be motivated to dig deeper into their lives to deal with root causes of destructive thought and habit patterns. God’s purpose for us is that we would all be conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). This does not just happen with Bible studies, prayer, and times of glory but also in painful situations when we have to face what has been hurting us for many years).
15. Hurt people need to forgive to be released and restored to freedom. {The Gospel of St. John 20:23 says that we have to release the sins of others if we are going to be released. This means that if we do not forgive others then the very thing we have become victimized with will become a part of our life. For example, alcoholic fathers breed alcoholic sons if their sons do not forgive and release their fathers. The good news is that, through the efficacious blood of Christ, we can all be healed and set free from all past hurts so we can comfort others with the same comfort we ourselves have received from God (2 Corinthians 1:4)}.

As I read those 15 bullet points, I found myself in a couple of them. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you actually see yourself in one or more of them. And that’s OK. If you fit into at least one of them, please read the final bullet above. Why am I emphasizing this so heavily? Because bitter pills as a result of a hurt, can cause emotional and spiritual damage.

Can I just meddle for a minute?  Many of you reading may have been in relationships or situations where it’s disappointment after disappointment, or perhaps you were constantly neglected numerous times. Because of this, it makes good sense to put a wall up and to guard your heart. The good side of doing this is that it gives you a chance to recover and heal (and then understand what it means to truly discern); the bad side is that it can cause your heart to become callous toward people, and in many cases towards God. Situations like this would make someone quit in a heartbeat, that’s a natural response especially if you’ve suffered needless neglect or abuse. Note: I am not telling anybody to stay in a situation where your life is in danger. If this is your predicament, please seek help and safety!

This past Sunday on Christian TV, Bishop TD Jakes was preaching from his lesson The Danger of Giving Up Too Soon. I listened and realized that he was preaching from two blogs I had written between this year and last year (Bitter Like Naomi and the previous part of my current series subtitled Lemonade). Because what he said was so powerful and in line with this topic, I will expound on what he says (and his direct quotes will be in italics).

If you look at the story of Lazarus (John 11), Mary and Martha were grieving because Jesus didn’t come when they wanted Him to. Martha said that if you had been here, my brother would not have died. Notice that they didn’t thank Jesus for coming, as a result, they were bitter. Bitter people blame you for their problems. But when life doesn’t turn out the way you think it ought to turn out, you look for someone to blame, “it’s your fault that I’m in this condition.” Don’t let life make you change your name like Naomi. Naomi went through devastating losses, and she requested that her name be changed to Mara (which means bitter).

I need to clarify blame for a second. If you were molested or raped and you contracted a virus, the molester should bear the blame for you contracting a virus.  But if you allowed yourself to blame every other man for what the rapist did, now you’ve moved to a state of bitterness. Another scenario: if you were having unprotected sex, and the father of your child either said the child isn’t mine (or refuses to own up to his role in your pregnancy), blaming other men for what the one man did to you is what Bishop is talking about. This kind of blame breeds bitterness.

Bitterness is when the things on the outside have contaminated the person on the inside. Have you allowed your past to bleed into their present and pollute your future? If you have, you may not know it (because it’s easier to see bitterness and hurt in others than it is to see your own). In fact, you may not use the word “bitter,” you may use other words such as “careful.” Until you call it what it is, you’ll never be free. You’re not a wimp because you’re bitter. Life will bring situations that will cause you to be bitter. If you don’t know how to deal with it, you’ll give up. Many of you ladies have probably felt like David when he said in Psalm 116:11 (All Men Are Liars)!

Bitterness contaminates your judgment (read Hebrews 12:14-17). When you are bitter, you can’t trust your own judgment. If you look at Esau, he was bitter because he didn’t wait but hastily gave up his birthright to Jacob. When bitterness gets down inside of you, you’ll walk away from something and say it’s worthless. You sell it for nothing, not realizing that what you gave away was valuable, it was going to take time to bless you.

Take the power of God to the place in your life where you became bitter. What you want is the anointing on that troubled place in your life where you find it hard to believe that things will work out.

Here’s the entire sermon if you want to listen to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUP4ATnWytU

I want to challenge you to throw those pills away, take the healing pill prescribed, and most importantly, fall in love with Jesus and His Word! Believe, Trust and Obey Him concerning your life. Don’t let the devil cause you to be impatient and to give up because you’re hurt; or let the walls cause you to turn your back on God or miss small blessings that may not be packaged in a way that you anticipated.

I want to close this with some questions and notes to consider (you could call this a review from the prior 6 parts within this series):

1. If you think about the story about the woman with the issue of blood, she was determined to get to Jesus. Why do you think many opt not to get to Jesus now (whether through His Word or via His presence)?
2. Do you find that many declared their healing but are expecting God to do everything – even if God gave them a set of instructions that required their part? As a result, they die prematurely?
3. Back to question 1, the woman could’ve been stoned because she wen to Jesus. Under the OT, she was forbidden to be out in public. Do you think many are embarrassed to go to Jesus with their issue?
4. Can isolation be a blessing and/or a curse when you know you are in need of a healing from Christ? And do you think that’s the enemy’s objective (to get those who need a touch from Christ to be shut up and locked away from society)?
5. This is a bonus – this was a tweet from one my brothers in Christ: I saw a tweet saying a woman got LAID by over 900 men. The truth is her soul has been split into more than 900 parts. So I ask, do you agree or disagree? If you agree, then that brings a series of questions: can she heal? If so, what would her healing process look like? How can a person intercede her healing/wholeness? And why do we in the church cast them off as basket cases (even if they isolate themselves from society)? Jesus didn’t turn His back on the woman at the well, why do we? He came to bring the Word (which she would receive and was made free), and to make this more interesting, the woman at the well was from Samaria but the Jews didn’t mingle with them.
6. Second tweet from the same brother: Ladies, each time a man has sex with you, your soul is split and you are scattered. When a man hits you, he splits you. Do you agree or disagree? If you agree, I then say Wow! This should make a real man like Boaz cry and start praying for her wholeness. Healing is the children’s bread. Bozo could care less if he splits a woman. Your thoughts on this?

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Healing The Wounds

Ok, the Mayne Man is at it again. This time, we're going to discuss wounds. I don't know if you've ever had stitches or suffered physical pain that may have either paralyzed you in some way (or may have required a cast). I never experienced the latter; however, I have had stitches. Back in the summer of 1984 (I was 10 years old), I was riding my bicycle down a hill (which was slightly behind where we lived). Of course, I fell and let's just say there was a gash in my left knee that required 6 stitches. To this day, that scar is still there. That was almost 32 years ago.

Now, why did I bring that up? Many of us have been wounded in some shape or fashion. The pain of abandonment, rejection, bullying, neglect, rape, sexual abuse, child abuse, domestic abuse, infidelity, and many other things that I didn't mention will cause a wound and create an offense. You will probably have scars (and yes, I have scars). Let me stay on track. You see, wounds have to have the right conditions to heal. 

Can I just be real for a minute? If wounds don't have the right conditions, you will more and likely set yourself up for a life of bitterness, and agonizing pain because of the wound/offense. And if the wound doesn't heal, it will create some type of collateral damage to your physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health (where it hurts you and others around you). Acting like the wound isn't there via denial will leave a greater scar than you imagined. In some cultures, the concept of "we don't talk about these things," especially when the wound is hinged on what I mentioned in the above paragraph, will scar you internally and the minute someone does or says something that triggers the horrific experience you suffered, get prepared for an explosion. I am a living witness to that! 

How many of you have looked at your scar that hasn't healed and then start to feel the anger and pain of the person that either triggered it by something they said and did or the actual person that caused the scar? How many of you have said, "I'm all good," as it relates to your wound, but you know that you are a ticking time bomb when you experience a trigger? Some of us can put on a good facade to the world (and probably to God too), but are so broken and scarred to the point we hate ourselves and the world. 

You know you are not healed when you are constantly mulling over either what you did wrong or what others did to you. And for many sexual abuse survivors, the person who wronged them might have passed away, but still mulling over it. Even worse, wishing something destructive would happen to them. 

So, what are the right conditions to healing the wounds (and getting to he path of wholeness)?

1. Like I had to with my stitches, keep them in my knee for 10 days. That's symbolic to not rushing the healing process (but at the same time, not denying that you need the healing process). 

2. Continuing from #1, part of the healing process will probably require professional help (especially if it's a pain I mentioned earlier in this post), but most importantly God. A lot of people tend to overlook this step, and this is no different than having a cast on. You know that you need to wear it for 8 weeks, but your pride is saying, "I don't want to wear it, I'm cutting it off after one week!"

Healing is no different than medicine. How many of you remember Bactine? I don't know about you, but when I sprayed it on me, that stung. But they say it's to kill the germs so it can heal. That's what real healing can be like, and because of it, some don't even bother. 

I pray this has touched you and pushing you further along in your healing process on the path to wholeness (as I am also on this journey as well).

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 2 - Forgiveness)

If you read my blogpost from last night, I made a reference to some hindrances to divine healing: unbelief, sin, traditions of men, lifeless words and fear. There's an additional hindrance that I'd like to focus this blogpost on: unforgiveness.

Most unforgiveness that people have stems from anger that's in their heart. Anger is no different than worry from this perspective: Jesus summarized the last ten verses of Matthew 6 to not be anxious (or worry) about what's to come tomorrow. Most people who are anxious, worried, or fearful will be the ones who say, "I got to have something to worry about." The same holds true for an angry person (or for someone who has a mental block caused by the devil), they will say, "I got to have something to be angry about," or "I got to have somebody to be angry with." For many this is normal, even though it truthfully is dysfunction. If the devil can cause us to isolate ourselves, the devil can come in and bring its cousins (pride, arrogance, bitterness, unforgiveness and confusion) - and for some, he will bring decoys (via the opposite sex who's straight from the pit of hell) with the sole purpose of destroying you and your faith (remember he comes to steal, kill and destroy you spiritually, financially, physically, mentally and emotionally).

Ever since last Monday, I have been talking about offenses on social media (as my morning and evening posts). One thing we need to understand is that offenses will come and because we're in the last days (Matthew 24 & 2 Timothy 3), it will get worse (in fact, it's probably the new normal). If we subscribe to this new normal, we will never be free. We will end up with what I call the BUG (bitterness, unforgiveness & grudges). So this will definitely keep you from being whole as I discussed in my prior blogpost. You know what's sad, many of us know that these are hindrances to our divine healing (which is rightfully ours), but we voluntarily choose to live with the BUG. If we're not careful, offenses can cause is to miss our true destiny. Watch this: the very one who offended you, could be the very one to bless your life and launch you to your next level. This is why it's very important to forgive. Not solely or that, but really to free you, your heart from stress, and you are free to listen to God as you surrender your hurts, pains, bitterness, unforgiveness and grudges. He already knows what's troubling you, and He is waiting and ready to heal you. When you are free from anger and unforgiveness, there's a peace that comes to your spirit. There are some that say they forgive, but their hearts are so callous to where their attitude is like "nobody better cross me like that again, I will get cray cray and let you have a piece of my mind." The minute that happens, the devil gained a foothold because the inch you have him.

Joyce Meyer said something so profound as it relates to this topic. I will paraphrase a small quote from her book The Battlefield of The Mind. This is the case where the daughter (Mary) ended up with a stronghold from the devil that actually came from her father. The end result is that it would then cement her thoughts. I said that to say that it's not always our fault as to how the stronghold came. Is it fair that you are suffering for what somebody placed on you that could destroy who you are? No, although you now have the choice to cast it to the One who wants it so you can forgive to live. I dedicate this segment to anyone who has been physically abused or sexually abused knowing that this month is sexual assault awareness month:

There was a father who had a domineering spirit and he always vented his anger on the mother and Mary. The father treated his sons as golden children but the women in the house were targets of his wrath. By the time Mary was 16, she was brainwashed by the lies the devil told her such as "Men really think they are something. They are ALL alike; you can't trust them. They will hurt you and take advantage of you." As a result, when Mary left home, she resolved by saying "nobody is going to push me again." The devil was waging war on the battlefield of her mind. Joyce nailed it when she said if you play those thoughts constantly for years, don't think that she's going to be the sweet submissive wife." How many of you can testify to this?

I brought that up because we must cover our children, and each other via prayer and intercession, as well as to live peaceably with everyone (with a clean heart). I encourage you to be vocal about what you went through but go through the steps to heal (this includes forgiving yourself - which I discuss near the end).

So, what is an offense? I heard someone say that it's a feeling of being upset, irritated, hurt by something or someone did or said. 

Let's briefly talk about those who offend you. If you are one who intentionally tries to hurt someone, you truthfully are leaguing with the devil. If you are wondering when they will receive justice, don't worry about that. Forgive them and know that if they don't receive it in this life, they will when it's judgment day. I can promise you that because God said He will.

If you are offended, you actually have the right to be offended. The key is to seek God as to what you should do about it, but at the same time, confess the hurt you feel. The devil wants you to stew on it until it gets hot and boiled, to burn somebody to the point they're scorched but you're still hurt due to the anger still lingering. If you have to confront, do it in a spirit of love. Dealing with offense and anger is critical to being made whole. 

Using me as an example, in order to heal, I have to love and walk in forgiveness. This requires humility and dying to self. And yes, the MayneMan still has some dying to do and that's a process in itself, but I'm willing and determined to go through it (in fact, I'm in it now, and sharing parts of the process with you like this one - as this is part of my process). I have to understand that people may intentionally try to hurt me and some may not even know they are hurting me (whether it's perceived by a filter of hurts from my past or not). The key is to forgive them regardless. Will it require a faith increase (like the disciples requested after they learned they have to forgive 70x7 times)? You bet! Walking in forgiveness is about your freedom and healing -granted, we have work to do and people need our gift. It's rather difficult to walk in your gift when you are bitter, angry and mean (I call it the BAM state).

You know Christ forgave everyone who nailed Him to the cross, He forgave those who were offended by Him, those who rejected Him; now watch this, we won't forgive someone who owes us $5! If you have time, read Matthew 18:21-35. Also know there is a difference between forgiveness and trust. I always wondered why we have a tendency to be angrier at unintentional things than we do intentional. But I'm also reminded that offenses will increase, betrayals will increase and hatred will increase. Either way, I am to have a heart that forgives.

The last thing I want to discuss is the concept of forgiving ourselves. Sometimes we can be our worst enemy. The enemy will do whatever he can to make us feel so guilty for the wrong we did, for allowing ourselves to be put in compromising situations or to blame you for the wrong that you didn't do. Can you do yourself a favor when you hear a voice saying, "You can't forgive yourself, look at your life, look at what you caused!" Tell that voice, "so what that I messed up! I accepted the part that belongs to me and rebuke the part that doesn't belong to me. I forgive me and I'm forgiven by God. I claim the promise of 1 John 1:9."

As for me, I forgive me, I'm forgiven by God and I forgive everyone who intentionally or unintentionally hurt me. I hold no bitterness towards anyone. I desire to be made whole by Jesus and by faith I am whole even as He takes me through the process of healing that I'm currently on. My poor choices in life do not define me nor do they deter what God has for me.

I pray that this blesses you as you walk in the power of forgiveness. Remember, it's all about getting us to a place where we can shout YES when He asks us the question "Will You Be Made Whole?"

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

  

When Life Beats You Up

I was sitting in my office last Thursday and this topic was dropped on my spirit. So, I was wrestled within my mind deciding if I wanted to release this in two parts. Well, it will be in two parts, in this blogpost. So, I pray that you are relaxed and that you hear my heart as I’m writing to write the broken soul. Let’s begin.

(Part 1 of 2)

This part was dropped on my spirit 2/11/16 at 11:49am.  If you are broken, beaten and battered due to life (but especially because of what another human being did to you), always remember that the devil is behind the pain and the shame and he wants you to take the blame for it. If you ask me if there's an agenda to what the devil is doing with this pain, shame and blame, I will tell you it's to steal, kill and destroy your life. If you are volunteering to remain bitter because of what you allowed the devil to do to you (or because of what he did to you), you are indirectly giving the devil power over you. Know that you are saved, but simply oppressed, that's all. I'm also not saying that you don't have a right to grieve over it. The focus here is the choice of healing and moving forward. Will I agree when you say you need time to heal from what life has done to you? Yes. Will I understand when you say your faith is wavering as a result of life? Yes. Do I disagree when people say that you should give thanks FOR all that you have been through? Absolutely!!!! Did you deserve all that you have been through? Absolutely not!!! Why did it happen? It’s because of sin in the world and the devil, plain and simple. Notice that I didn't say that you're the blame for this.

(Part 2 of 2)

You see we all have to walk through this path called life. I’ll be the first to tell you that’s not easy. Many of you know my story, but for the benefit of those who don’t know, I suffered under the hand of abuse within my family, and a few years back, I wanted to end my life due to the pressures of life. I have been rejected, abandoned and neglected at certain points of my life. To me, that’s life beating me to the core. I could easily have asked, “why me? Why do I have to suffer?” Are my questions legitimate? Absolutely!  

So how can you and I be able to stand tall when life beats you up? If you feel that you can’t get up, know that a just man (I’m talking to you my brother and sister) may fall seven times, he still gets up. Let life know that I’m not quitting until it’s time for me to leave the earth. Don’t go before your time. One way to stand tall when life beats you up is to have the truth in your heart, put that on your waist; you need the shield of faith – it’s your faith that overcomes the world and anything it throws. You’re not out for the count – the devil wants you out! I could go on and on, but I believe you get the point.

In closing, know this: Sometimes things happen that we know not the reason for... bad things, even when we are not the one in sin. It's called life. It's in the knowing that God is still with us, that God still loves us... it's in knowing that we can find the hope to move forward and receive God's peace.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man