Well, first and foremost, let me say Happy New Year. I know
it’s been almost 4 months since I’ve written a blog (and this is my first blog
in 2015). I was listening to a program and it was talking about “correcting a
child.” I know there are many views about what it means to correct a child, but
during the course of the program, it was saying that correction has many
definitions: spanking, instructing, guidance, and a few others. I can’t speak
for others, but I’m going to put my personal life (and part of my family) on
Front Street for this blogpost, but there is a message here.
Many times, when I talk about family, I end up talking about
abuse. I will not be discussing abuse in this blog as it relates to discipline.
There is a big difference between discipline and abuse. I just want to focus on
the discipline aspect and why a child needs love AND discipline.
I know my parents love me (I know, that sounds like the
theme to “A Different World” – my favorite TV show by the way), but they were
good at disciplining me when I needed it. Do I hate my parents for it? No! They
nurtured my love for music and reading. When I was 4, I would be singing with
my father, and when I would be in my bedroom, I would be listening to book
& tapes. One of them was Noah and the Ark (and I believed that would shape
my faith in God as a result, which I’m very thankful for). In my immediate
family, I’m the oldest child. Now, I can’t speak for other members in my
immediate or extended family, but I know for two of my extended family members,
one was never really disciplined and the other was disciplined to the point it
became abuse. I know this affected their way of coping with life in many ways
(and it would not turn out positive). One thing I can truly say, there were
probably some things that I was disciplined for that was a bit excessive, but
the point is I was disciplined. And I can pretty much name everything I was
disciplined for:
1.
A poor progress report (kindergarten – that one
haunts me till today: not so much the spanking, but having to hear the tape
constantly of my behavior in class)
2.
Calling out a great deal in school (2nd
grade)
3.
Now this is embarrassing: drinking toilet water
(going into 3rd grade). Now this one I deserved – even though I didn’t
know what I was doing was wrong.
4.
Shoplifting (8th grade – this was
instilled me in my the one extended family member mentioned above who was never
disciplined).
5.
Of course, we have the lies and small things
(most brought on by the undisciplined family member).
I didn’t bring all of that up to glorify the wrongs I did or
to call my family out; but I wanted to say that I did receive love and
discipline as a child, and it made me the man I am today. If I didn’t get the
discipline, I would be a hot mess as an adult.
Oh, I will mention this since I’m an advocate for abuse
survivors: both of the family members mentioned above were involved in my
abuse. Now that I’m older, I’m able to understand and to pray for them (as well
as forgive them).
So, this blogpost is important to me because if a child is
not given love and discipline, we’re going to have adults who feel they’re
entitled and just downright spoiled brats!
