Thursday, October 29, 2015

If God Really Loved Me, Why Was I Abused As A Child?

If God really loved me, why was I abused as a child? How many of you have heard people ask that question? I have a better question: have you ever wondered that yourself? When I think about it, that question could be modified to fit whatever you have been through (natural disaster, loss of a child, loss of a parent, etc.). But for this post, I want to focus on childhood abuse (physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and verbal abuse). Is this question a valid question? Hand down, yes it is. And it deserves an answer (which will come during the course of this blogpost). Before diving into this post, I do need to say one thing: if you have asked this question and came through, just read and enjoy this post. If you have asked this question and have turned away from God because of what you went through (or perhaps you have some scars that are in need of healing), I dedicate this blogpost to you. Also, if anybody has condemned you, or looked at you strange because you have asked that question (you know, the “how dare you ask that”), you will not get that out of me. Allow this blogpost to touch your heart and spirit.

Psalm 27:10 (from the Amplified Bible) says this: Although my father and my mother have abandoned me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child]. This will be the foundational verse for this blogpost. If you have suffered any type of abuse mentioned in the above paragraph, you’ve probably had these questions in your mind:

Why didn’t those who said they loved me protect me? Why does my family fight so hard to cover up the abuse that I suffered? What did I do to deserve this abuse? Was it because I was born that I deserve this? Was I not even wanted? Was I an afterthought?

I’ll be honest; some of those questions were in my mind as I went through my teen years.

Let’s take this a step further: when you went through your abuse, did any of these become part of your life (you don’t have to share, just think about it):

You became more of a social butterfly
You became an introvert
You became promiscuous (sex addict)
You found yourself attracted to someone of the same sex
You decided to be asexual
You abstained because of the hurt suffered (either by choice or you were mocked by the opposite/same sex that forced you to abstain)
You found yourself running to Christianity (or a different religion)
You found yourself turned off from Christianity (or a different religion)

Again I’ll be honest. Out of the items listed above, I became an introvert (part of that was due to me having Asperger’s), abstained from sex – partly by choice and partly because I was mocked during my school years and I found myself running to religion (Christianity) for refuge.

So let’s go back to the original question: If God really loved me, why was I abused as a child? The question sounds complicated, doesn’t it? Is the answer complicated? It depends. Because of the abuse you suffered, you might have some physical and mental scars, along with holes in your heart and spirit. Now, I mentioned Psalm 27:10 earlier and some of you might have grown up in a religious home where there was abuse. Because the abuse occurred by someone in your family, you are disgusted with religion and don’t want anything to do with it. Do I understand? Absolutely. Is the abuse your fault (or was the abuse merit)? Absolutely not!! Does God for this type of abuse? Again, absolutely not!! This is where Psalm 27:10 really shines. Abuse is really abandonment and rejected – and those that were supposed to protect you really forsook you. In fact Matthew 18: 4-6 says this (and this is Jesus speaking to His disciples): therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives and welcomes one child like this in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble and sin [by leading him away from My teaching], it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone [as large as one turned by a donkey] hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Now, why did God allow it to happen to you? This is an excellent question. We may not know the reason why while we’re here on earth, and keep one thing in mind: His ways are not our ways (in fact, they’re higher than ours).  If we were to look at the book of Job (especially the first 2 chapters), you’ll find that the devil wanted access to Job’s life to do harm. God allowed the devil to do certain things (except kill him). After the devil did his damage, God restored everything the devil destroyed at the end of the book (the 42nd chapter to be exact). And if you have suffered, be encouraged that He will restore you and make your latter years greater than the former years. Note, the devil (in John 10:10) desires to steal, kill and destroy. He hates us. We suffered, and we may have holes as a result of what happened, but we can get healed and be restored. What’s key is that we have to fight for our healing and do our part (God wants to restore us). Don’t be afraid if you’re on the fence about it, go ahead and give Him a chance. You have nothing to lose.


The Mayne Man

P.S. If you can spare 3 minutes, on the right hand side of my blog, you’ll see a video (where I take the IAmMe Challenge); allow that song to bless your heart and spirit. And yes, I wrote and sing the 2nd verse and the bridge. 

Monday, October 26, 2015

The War On This "Identity Crisis"

You know, I was getting ready for work this morning, and right before I ate breakfast, this was dropped in my spirit.

Why don't we in the body of Christ sow into the lives of others (via an encouraging word, a word from the Lord, intercession, standing in the gap, etc.)? As I look at my life and many around me, I’m finding that there are so many who are self-sabotaging their futures because of past mistakes (or childhood abuse). I’ll be honest, when I was young and even now that I’m old, I find myself wanting to punish myself when I do something wrong whether it be in thought, word and deed. And this happens knowing that God loves me and will forgive me when I repent. Now watch this, many think that when they sin (and I’ve done this at times too), that God is mad at them and he hates them. That couldn’t be further from the truth. He hates sin, not YOU! All of this self-inflicting, self-pain, self-punishment is all part of the devil's plan, to divide us from people, but to also divide us from ourselves.

You know, Mark 3:24-26 says the following: If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. And if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. And if Satan has risen up against himself, and is divided, he cannot stand, but has an end. Did you get that? If the enemy is divided, he cannot stand and he has an end. When the enemy ensnares people with the sole intent to divide them from themselves, that's what brings about an "IDENTITY CRISIS." I don't know about you, but I'm tired of seeing my brothers and my sisters being picked off by the devil! That spirit can no longer hang over my brother’s heads & my sister’s heads.

So, how do we declare war on those with an Identity Crisis? As I am someone who speaks on mental illness, I want to be very careful with this. In most cases, many illnesses were brought on a person not by choice (especially when they have experienced trauma in their lives). In these cases (and this is the focal point of this particular blogpost), this all came from a demonic spirit. This is the war I’m referring to. But wait, this war is not against flesh and blood (it’s a spiritual war when it’s all said and done). But back to my question: how do we declare war on those with an Identity Crisis? First, we need to have a faith so grounded in Christ, notice I said Christ and not in people. As we live day to day, we see the world getting worse and worse (increase of wars, love of many growing cold – if you want to read the source of this, check out Matthew 24:1-14). As a result, people in the world are being picked off by the devil, but we in the body of Christ need to be extremely careful, that we don’t get picked off by the devil. Although the devil seeks those he may devour (1 Peter 5:8), but let me say this: 1 John 5:4 declares that this is the victory that has overcome the world—even our faith.

Second, it's time for some serious intercession within the Body of Christ for each other in a spirit of love and not to show how spiritual you are. We all need to experience the healing power of Christ especially in this hour, for Jesus is the Ultimate Healer. Believe me, a healing is needed for the minds, bodies, souls and spirits of many. We can sing Hezekiah Walker's I Need You To Survive, but how seriously do we take it? As for me personally, I’m determined (for His glory and not my own) to stand in the gap as an open and yielded vessel for those in the body of Christ who are hurting and struggling with an Identity Crisis.


The Mayne Man

Author Spotlight (Fiona Barnes)

I know it's been a while since I've done a blogpost (as well as an author spotlight). This author I actually met on Twitter and we became acquainted as we tweet on PTSD and child sexual abuse respectfully. She has quite a story and I still have to read her book about how she copes with living with a husband with PTSD. With that, I introduce to you today Fiona Barnes.

I'm a single mother of two delightful, insightful children, both of whom are battling PTSD. Not in the sense that they have it themselves (although it's likely), in the way of soldiers: with respect and ambition.

Their father, a firefighter, was diagnosed in 1999. Watching him fight two bouts in their lifetimes alone, they worry and struggle. They wake up with questions. Hopefully, they go to bed with answers. 

My job is to alleviate their fears, speak to their concerns, keep them safe, and treat their worthiness. I'm the anti-PTSD. :) and ;)

Paul (their dad) left our home in 2013. Recently, he's distanced himself even more from our family (the disease will do that). Our son is a musician. He plays just about everything (but he's magic with a guitar-listen at He also teaches and engineers. Our daughter is a student. They're both lovers; they deem themselves here to help the world, much like our friend Tremayne, who asked me to write a simple bio. 

Far be it from me to be a really good listener, here he goes. I'm a writer; I've published three books so far. I have one more ready to go. I've got two more under contract with my brain. I write books that help people understand PTSD. I'm interested in wellness versus illness however, as well as support. I really, truly enjoy and admire watching others succeed. So far I've watched my son publish one book and one CD. (He threatened me his music wouldn't see the light of day if my words stayed in our living room. So perhaps 'watched' isn't an incredibly correct word.) Paul has written and seen amazing success with his first title. And a handful of friends have reached for their dreams on my watch. 

I lead a writing class for young ladies at the beach-that is to say, we enjoy scrawling exercises and prompts. We work on inspiration. We giggle a lot. It's endearingly fun and my roster has blown up in the one year I've been at it. In 2016, I'll release an online version. (Stay tuned to if you're interested.) 

So who am I? An unapologetic mother, first and foremost. I'm a former marriage addict,  currently between husbands. I'm a voracious reader who loves words, and anyone who inspires them. I'm a star-gazing free spirit, dreamily chasing a filmy version of my own future reality. And I'm a grateful chick. 

Who does that add up to? I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out. In the meantime, tell me your dreams-I'm grateful already in anticipation of your inspiration.