Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 13: The Letter)

Hey Special One,

As you read this, I want to you know that you are beautiful, you are special, and most importantly, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. And for anyone to tell you otherwise, is not telling you the truth, nor is what they say that’s not who you really are the truth. So, let’s shine the light over that lie.

I see the best in you and most importantly, the God that I serve sees the best in you. I don’t know who discounted you or wrote you off during your childhood. Was it your mother, your father, your siblings, your aunts, your uncles, your grandparents, or was it other extended family members to include friends of family? I also don’t know who is currently discounting your true identity or worth right now, is it the man or woman that’s in your life? Is it a co-worker, or a stranger that really doesn’t know who you really are? It may be time to cut those ties, because your associates will either add value to you or devalue you. And I’ll say this, those who discount you, are actually devaluing you.

Whoever told you that you need to be the talk of the town and that you need to just be popular – just to get attention – is lying to you. I know your childhood wasn’t picture perfect, and neither was mine. May I encourage you right now and tell you that you are not your past. You are not what your abuser said that you are. You can be free, healed and whole. I know you have dreams, aspirations and goals. May I say that you may not be mentally ready for some of them just yet? There is a growing process that has to take place, and it starts with being comfortable in your own skin. So, you must ask yourself, do you love you? When you look in the mirror when you’re by yourself, what do you see? Do you see your past, your pain, your shortcomings, or possibly your mistakes? If you do, do you believe that you can learn from them, grow from them so you can eventually declare what was mentioned in the first paragraph that truly is your identity? No man, woman or other human being will ever love you unconditionally than God. And let me say that you don’t have to compete with others for your attention; you are beautiful just as you are. I see the pain when I look at you, and I know that you are doing all you can to masquerade it, but there are consequences if you’re not careful.

Whoever told you that you need to be a certain shape or size just so you can be attractive, is lying to you. Whoever told you that love has to hurt is lying to you. I know you are strong, and I don’t deny it, and when I look at you, I see the pain and the tears that you are holding on to because of the situations you’ve put yourself in. I know you are fearful of the next step in your life. Just know that fear paralyzes, and faith sets you free. You are more than what people say they are and you don’t have to live up to other people’s expectations. That old saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is a lie from the pit of hell! Words have the power to hurt or heal. And you are not the negative words that clearly devalue who you really are. The people who talk down to you are people that are trying to build themselves up at your expense. Let them go, as they will do what they can to destroy you with their words. May I encourage you right now and tell you that you are not your past. You are not what your abuser said that you are. I know you are carrying a weight (not physical weight, I’m talking about weight of fears, hurt, shame, etc.), which is actually a burden, but our human bodies aren’t built to carry that weight. You can be free, healed and whole. I know you have dreams, aspirations and goals. Write down who you really want to be and desire to have in your life. So, you must ask yourself, do you love you? When you look in the mirror when you’re by yourself, what do you see? Do you see your past, your pain, your shortcomings, or possibly your mistakes? If you do, do you believe that you can learn from them, grow from them so you can eventually declare what was mentioned in the first paragraph that truly is your identity? No man, woman or other human being will ever love you unconditionally than God. And let me say that you don’t have to compete with others for your attention; you are beautiful just as you are. Once you divorce yourself from the opinions of others, you enter another dimension.

Just know my special one, you are uniquely gifted, and there is no one like you. Despite what you’re going through physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually, God loves you and He is not punishing you. He has nothing but love for you, and I do too. May His peace surpass all of your understanding, and know that you can be free, healed and whole from everything that you’ve been through in your life. He can give you beauty for the ashes that you’ve accumulated in your life and He can restore your broken self-worth/self-identity if you will let Him.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man


Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Will You Be Made Whole? (Interlude: If I Could)

Good morning or afternoon, wherever you are in the world. I pray that God's love is touching you and you are walking in that love.

Many of you who have been following my blog for the past 2 years know that I have been on the series "Will You Be Made Whole?" Before I continue on, I want to take a moment and share something on my heart with you.

Back in 1993, there was a song recorded by Regina Belle entitled If I Could (and I believe it was also recorded by jazz legend Nancy Wilson). It's basically saying that I would do such and such to take the place of what you went through.

As I look at my life, I have seen a lot of things and met a lot of people. Of course, life doesn't hand everyone a rose, and because I have a heart that really cares, it can be real easy for me to be either misunderstood. So, if you are reading this, take a moment to locate where you are mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. If you have suffered a lot in your life, I now declare a trigger warning. Please understand I don't mean any harm, I care about your freedom and so does Christ.

So reader, if I could cry the tears you cry because you have been lied to by your significant other, I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain of having to raise your child without help, I would and I will. If I could cry for the lack of support you get from your significant other, I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain you've endured in your relationship, I would and I will. If I could cry for the death of someone you loved or close to you, I would and I will. If I could cry for the ostracizing you've endured in childhood and adulthood, I would and I will. If I could cry for the abuse you endured in childhood, I would and I will. If I could cry for the hole in your heart as a result of your father being absent in your life (or was there but was a silent father), I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain you take on at the hands of your abuser (knuckling down to the devil), I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain you are experiencing as a result of your parents or family abandoning and/or neglecting you, denying your pain, and causing you to be the scapegoat, I would and I will. If I could cry for the lies you were told by a mate, family member, or those who said they loved you, I would and I will. If I could cry for the blockages in your mind, heart and spirit due to anything mentioned above, I would and I will. If I could cry for the shame you feel after having been manipulated, I would and I will. If I could cry for the torment you feel as a result of those in church who threw legalism at you to condemn you or puff themselves up over you, I would and I will. If I could cry for the anger you feel from church folk who talk you into staying bound and keep you from expressing true freedom, I would and I will. If I could cry for the view of God that arose as a result of your past, I would and I will. If I could cry for the hurt you feel and the help you haven't received, I would and I will. 

So, what is the underlying message to this post? It's very simple. I cry with you because we are to bear one another's burdens. We are all a part of God's body. And as I speak on burdens, our bodies aren't meant to carry burdens. You can be made whole, and more importantly, Jesus wants you to be whole. I know many of you want it and desire it, but you have to act on that in order for it to be a reality. You can try to rationalize it in your mind, that's not going to get it. The burdens are going to have to come off you as if you were taking off your wet clothes (did I say that). And as you take your wet clothes off, you leave them at the feet of Jesus, never to return from those wet clothes that have kept you bound. Just know that I love you reader, and here's to your freedom in Christ (and please don't let the devil whisper in your ear telling you to hold on to them).

Blessings,

The Mayne Man


Saturday, September 9, 2017

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 12: Restoration of "Self")

When you think about “self,” is the first thing that comes to mind is the concept of “me, myself, and I.” How many of you believe that for your life, it’s all about “me, myself, and I and forget about everybody else?” Well, that’s what I want to talk about in this post, the concept of “self,” and the restoration of “self.”

There are so many words that can go after the word “self.” What comes to mind are as follows:
Self-Esteem
Self-Preservation
Self-Control
Self-Centered
Self-Image
Self-Defeat
Self-Justification
Self-Identity
Self-Worth
Self-Love
Self-Mutilate
Self-Serving
Self-Hate
Self-Destruction
Self-Sabotage

Those are just some words, and there are many more that I didn’t mention. Self isn’t arbitrarily a bad thing, but it can be if you rely on “self” more than you do God to the point of making your “self” an idol. The late Stephen Covey talked about a centered life, and one area was “self-centered.” A self-centered life in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective people consisted of the following:

Self-centeredness is probably the most common center out of the other centers (money, family, spouse, church, work, pleasure, friend/enemy, etc.) and it’s obvious form is “selfishness,” which violates the values of many people. When you are self-centered, you accept and never give (in other words, “what’s in it for me,” “if it feels good.”). Your security is constantly changing, and you view the world by how decisions, events or how circumstances will affect you. In fact, your ability to act is limited to your own resources.

According to Stephen Covey, self-centeredness also breeds self-justification and self-interest. Before I forget, the two types of self that I really want to focus on for this blogpost are “self-worth” and “self-sabotage.”

If you look at Numbers 13, it’s a familiar story; it’s the story of Moses sending spies to survey the land. Ten of the twelve said that they couldn’t do take the land, even though God said it was given to them. Only two heeded the word of God. Now, here’s the interesting part (especially in the last two verses – 32 and 33): So they gave the Israelites a bad report about the land which they had spied out, saying, “The land through which we went, in spying it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants. And all the people that we saw in it are men of great stature. 33 There we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak are part of the Nephilim); and we were like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight.”

Did you notice something? Their enemies rarely can detect spies and what the spies did was cause the nation to take their side (with the exception of Joshua and Caleb).  They said, “We were like grasshoppers.” They discounted themselves out and saw themselves a way that their enemies may not have seen them. Have you ever known people (or have you even done it yourself) to discount themselves before others when they probably weren’t thinking that way about them? Using myself as an example, “I may think that a particular woman may not like me because I’m so unusual. So I don’t even introduce myself, when the truth may be that she really likes me.” I missed an opportunity due to self-sabotage because of low self-worth. That’s what the children of Israel did. They sabotaged their own success.

Don’t self-sabotage your self-worth because of somebody else. People will hate you whether you do/say something or whether you don’t do/say something. In short, people will hate you just because. This message here is to not be defeated from the start due to a low self-esteem (self-worth).

May I use a gruesome example: A woman is in a marriage with a man who claimed he loved her but physically and emotionally abuses her. During the course of the marriage, he wants her to worship him, talk to nobody by him, and is extremely jealous of her to the point that she has to look down at the ground whenever they are in the public eye. You can tell right there that this woman’s self-worth is destroyed and possibly her view of God may be skewed as well. When this happens, it’s easy to start self-sabotaging yourself to thinking, “this is what God wants from me, to suffer and stay in the marriage till death do we part.” It’s also easy to start thinking this abnormal life is normal. Even if she gets out, she will do whatever she can to gain control over everything around her (especially her life), and fears any loss of control due to what she experienced. Do I understand the rationale behind it? Yes. Does her life need to be repaired? Absolutely. Will it be difficult for her to go through the process and will she really want to go through the process? It will be difficult, and will do everything possibly in many cases to avoid the process. When this situation happens, it will be easy to mistaken what’s God when it really is self because of the control component. In other words, whatever good happens may sometimes be God, and every bad thing we blame God for it, especially when it doesn’t go the way we want it to go.

So, how do we restore self-worth to stop self-sabotage? It’s a great question, and here are some things to help along the way. If you are someone who believes in God (or even if your view of God is skewed because of traumatic events), your self-worth can actually be improved when you understand God’s principles for what they really are (in other words, read it as if you were a little child – and do what you can to throw away every teaching that was legalistic and condemning). When you become engrossed in His principles, it will improve your self-worth. Let me give you some examples from His Word that confirm who you are:
  • You are a fellow heir to a divine inheritance among the saints (Ephesians 1:18)
  • You are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9)
  • You are crucified with Christ, nevertheless you live, and the life you now live, you live by faith (Galatians 2:20)


Another way to improve your self-worth is to serve others, like mentor a child who’s coming up in this crazy world. So, I close with two questions to consider:
  1. What can you do to serve others? When you give, you actually open yourself up to so many blessings to you (please, don’t do this just for the blessings, let it really come from your heart).
  2. What are areas in your life where your pride needs to be swallowed (when I say pride, I’m referring to the concept of, “I’m a self-made man; I’m a self-made woman and I got here by myself”)? Of course that’s not true, we all received help at some point. What are some areas where you need to humble yourself? Remember, pride comes before destruction, and before the Lord, we must humble ourselves. He does know what’s best for us, and He’s the only one who can restore your “Self-identity!”


Will you let Him do that? He wants to restore your “self” into what He originally designed for you. He wants to place blessings and not cursing on you (in fact, it’s our “self” that cause them to come, not Him). The enemy wants you to “self-sabotage,” which cause “self-defeat!” Jesus wants to restore the “self-esteem” and “self-worth” that was destroyed by the enemy.

Blessings.


The Mayne Man