Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Will You Be Made Whole? (Interlude: If I Could)

Good morning or afternoon, wherever you are in the world. I pray that God's love is touching you and you are walking in that love.

Many of you who have been following my blog for the past 2 years know that I have been on the series "Will You Be Made Whole?" Before I continue on, I want to take a moment and share something on my heart with you.

Back in 1993, there was a song recorded by Regina Belle entitled If I Could (and I believe it was also recorded by jazz legend Nancy Wilson). It's basically saying that I would do such and such to take the place of what you went through.

As I look at my life, I have seen a lot of things and met a lot of people. Of course, life doesn't hand everyone a rose, and because I have a heart that really cares, it can be real easy for me to be either misunderstood. So, if you are reading this, take a moment to locate where you are mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. If you have suffered a lot in your life, I now declare a trigger warning. Please understand I don't mean any harm, I care about your freedom and so does Christ.

So reader, if I could cry the tears you cry because you have been lied to by your significant other, I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain of having to raise your child without help, I would and I will. If I could cry for the lack of support you get from your significant other, I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain you've endured in your relationship, I would and I will. If I could cry for the death of someone you loved or close to you, I would and I will. If I could cry for the ostracizing you've endured in childhood and adulthood, I would and I will. If I could cry for the abuse you endured in childhood, I would and I will. If I could cry for the hole in your heart as a result of your father being absent in your life (or was there but was a silent father), I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain you take on at the hands of your abuser (knuckling down to the devil), I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain you are experiencing as a result of your parents or family abandoning and/or neglecting you, denying your pain, and causing you to be the scapegoat, I would and I will. If I could cry for the lies you were told by a mate, family member, or those who said they loved you, I would and I will. If I could cry for the blockages in your mind, heart and spirit due to anything mentioned above, I would and I will. If I could cry for the shame you feel after having been manipulated, I would and I will. If I could cry for the torment you feel as a result of those in church who threw legalism at you to condemn you or puff themselves up over you, I would and I will. If I could cry for the anger you feel from church folk who talk you into staying bound and keep you from expressing true freedom, I would and I will. If I could cry for the view of God that arose as a result of your past, I would and I will. If I could cry for the hurt you feel and the help you haven't received, I would and I will. 

So, what is the underlying message to this post? It's very simple. I cry with you because we are to bear one another's burdens. We are all a part of God's body. And as I speak on burdens, our bodies aren't meant to carry burdens. You can be made whole, and more importantly, Jesus wants you to be whole. I know many of you want it and desire it, but you have to act on that in order for it to be a reality. You can try to rationalize it in your mind, that's not going to get it. The burdens are going to have to come off you as if you were taking off your wet clothes (did I say that). And as you take your wet clothes off, you leave them at the feet of Jesus, never to return from those wet clothes that have kept you bound. Just know that I love you reader, and here's to your freedom in Christ (and please don't let the devil whisper in your ear telling you to hold on to them).


The Mayne Man

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 12: Restoration of "Self")

When you think about “self,” is the first thing that comes to mind is the concept of “me, myself, and I.” How many of you believe that for your life, it’s all about “me, myself, and I and forget about everybody else?” Well, that’s what I want to talk about in this post, the concept of “self,” and the restoration of “self.”

There are so many words that can go after the word “self.” What comes to mind are as follows:

Those are just some words, and there are many more that I didn’t mention. Self isn’t arbitrarily a bad thing, but it can be if you rely on “self” more than you do God to the point of making your “self” an idol. The late Stephen Covey talked about a centered life, and one area was “self-centered.” A self-centered life in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective people consisted of the following:

Self-centeredness is probably the most common center out of the other centers (money, family, spouse, church, work, pleasure, friend/enemy, etc.) and it’s obvious form is “selfishness,” which violates the values of many people. When you are self-centered, you accept and never give (in other words, “what’s in it for me,” “if it feels good.”). Your security is constantly changing, and you view the world by how decisions, events or how circumstances will affect you. In fact, your ability to act is limited to your own resources.

According to Stephen Covey, self-centeredness also breeds self-justification and self-interest. Before I forget, the two types of self that I really want to focus on for this blogpost are “self-worth” and “self-sabotage.”

If you look at Numbers 13, it’s a familiar story; it’s the story of Moses sending spies to survey the land. Ten of the twelve said that they couldn’t do take the land, even though God said it was given to them. Only two heeded the word of God. Now, here’s the interesting part (especially in the last two verses – 32 and 33): So they gave the Israelites a bad report about the land which they had spied out, saying, “The land through which we went, in spying it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants. And all the people that we saw in it are men of great stature. 33 There we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak are part of the Nephilim); and we were like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight.”

Did you notice something? Their enemies rarely can detect spies and what the spies did was cause the nation to take their side (with the exception of Joshua and Caleb).  They said, “We were like grasshoppers.” They discounted themselves out and saw themselves a way that their enemies may not have seen them. Have you ever known people (or have you even done it yourself) to discount themselves before others when they probably weren’t thinking that way about them? Using myself as an example, “I may think that a particular woman may not like me because I’m so unusual. So I don’t even introduce myself, when the truth may be that she really likes me.” I missed an opportunity due to self-sabotage because of low self-worth. That’s what the children of Israel did. They sabotaged their own success.

Don’t self-sabotage your self-worth because of somebody else. People will hate you whether you do/say something or whether you don’t do/say something. In short, people will hate you just because. This message here is to not be defeated from the start due to a low self-esteem (self-worth).

May I use a gruesome example: A woman is in a marriage with a man who claimed he loved her but physically and emotionally abuses her. During the course of the marriage, he wants her to worship him, talk to nobody by him, and is extremely jealous of her to the point that she has to look down at the ground whenever they are in the public eye. You can tell right there that this woman’s self-worth is destroyed and possibly her view of God may be skewed as well. When this happens, it’s easy to start self-sabotaging yourself to thinking, “this is what God wants from me, to suffer and stay in the marriage till death do we part.” It’s also easy to start thinking this abnormal life is normal. Even if she gets out, she will do whatever she can to gain control over everything around her (especially her life), and fears any loss of control due to what she experienced. Do I understand the rationale behind it? Yes. Does her life need to be repaired? Absolutely. Will it be difficult for her to go through the process and will she really want to go through the process? It will be difficult, and will do everything possibly in many cases to avoid the process. When this situation happens, it will be easy to mistaken what’s God when it really is self because of the control component. In other words, whatever good happens may sometimes be God, and every bad thing we blame God for it, especially when it doesn’t go the way we want it to go.

So, how do we restore self-worth to stop self-sabotage? It’s a great question, and here are some things to help along the way. If you are someone who believes in God (or even if your view of God is skewed because of traumatic events), your self-worth can actually be improved when you understand God’s principles for what they really are (in other words, read it as if you were a little child – and do what you can to throw away every teaching that was legalistic and condemning). When you become engrossed in His principles, it will improve your self-worth. Let me give you some examples from His Word that confirm who you are:
  • You are a fellow heir to a divine inheritance among the saints (Ephesians 1:18)
  • You are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9)
  • You are crucified with Christ, nevertheless you live, and the life you now live, you live by faith (Galatians 2:20)

Another way to improve your self-worth is to serve others, like mentor a child who’s coming up in this crazy world. So, I close with two questions to consider:
  1. What can you do to serve others? When you give, you actually open yourself up to so many blessings to you (please, don’t do this just for the blessings, let it really come from your heart).
  2. What are areas in your life where your pride needs to be swallowed (when I say pride, I’m referring to the concept of, “I’m a self-made man; I’m a self-made woman and I got here by myself”)? Of course that’s not true, we all received help at some point. What are some areas where you need to humble yourself? Remember, pride comes before destruction, and before the Lord, we must humble ourselves. He does know what’s best for us, and He’s the only one who can restore your “Self-identity!”

Will you let Him do that? He wants to restore your “self” into what He originally designed for you. He wants to place blessings and not cursing on you (in fact, it’s our “self” that cause them to come, not Him). The enemy wants you to “self-sabotage,” which cause “self-defeat!” Jesus wants to restore the “self-esteem” and “self-worth” that was destroyed by the enemy.


The Mayne Man

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 11 - The Past)

Well, first and foremost, Happy 2017 (considering this is my first blogpost for the year 2017). I know, I’ve been procrastinating, so I ask for your forgiveness. It’s ironic that I’m posting my first blog for the year on Independence Day – and I pray that this post will allow you to break free from the past.

I was blessed to listen to a Marriage Made EZ from October 2016. It featured my parents and the special guests were the gospel duo Mary Mary and their respective husbands. As I listened, I started to reflect on my past and my journey to being free from the past (and I am free in faith).

A few years back, I did a blogpost entitled P.C.A (Porn, Children & Abuse). If you didn’t read it, I invite you to read this before continuing on with this post.

The reason why I did that particular post was to address something that was haunting me, and now I want to explain that post and expand from that post. Now there are some things that you may have gone through in your past, and God may be the only person you need to confess the pain and shame from your past. The reason I am going public with this P.C.A is my desire to help others. I also know that me holding my abuse, pain and the porn that I was exposed to that would affect me for years would create so much shame. And because of the pain of the past, caused some cynicism to creep up in my spirit, which I am getting out to totally shame the devil. And I’ll be honest, I was not only introduced to sex when I was 10/11, to porn when I was 11, and the same uncle would watch porn for the next 3 years that he would either borrow from his friends, or whatever my late father would leave in the house. I would see bits and pieces of it, and I will be honest, when I was in my teens and I would watch it, it was a bit of a love/hate relationship towards it. Part of me enjoyed it, and the other part of me hated it to the core. Interesting, isn’t it?  As I got older, realizing some things in my life caused me to have so much shame for all that I’ve done in my past.

Now, let me say something when it comes to shame (actually, Tina Campbell said this during that seminar, that was so eloquent). Shame and embarrassment should never eat at you, people will say whatever they want – in fact, they don’t even know the pain you’ve experienced. Everybody has issues, so there’s no need to be embarrassed. The devil will do everything he can to get you to hold on to it, because it will keep you down.

Once we bring our inadequacies to Jesus, nobody else needs to validate our deliverance. It’s so sad that we want to boast about other people’s shame over our own. I thank God today for Him saving my life, and for delivering me from the pain that I’ve been holding for 30+ years.

I ask that you don’t go through your past alone. In order for me to attack your past, then I’m leaguing with the devil, I need to attack the root that caused your pain, which is the devil – and by the way, he’s a defeated foe. This is the day to be free and delivered. The beauty of God is that He heals from the inside out, and there are so many who are looking for a cure to heal from the outside in.

And I’ll be honest, and please forgive me. Between sharing that particular blogpost, and this particular post, there is a bit of shame and fear coming out of me (and the main reason why I’m sharing this part of my life is to shame the devil) because of some of you reading this, will see me differently. And this is something I need to be delivered from, the opinions of others (and I am delivered by faith). Not to justify my actions and behaviors because it all starts with my thoughts, the main root is the lack of validation received in childhood and that I mattered.

Before I even attempt to close this blogpost, I want to say something else. My past may have been a little jacked up, whether it be my actions in school, the porn and movies I know I should not have seen at my age, or the partners I had during the course of my abuse. If I weren’t delivered from all of this, it would totally mess up my future, and reflect on every person I was with and the porn I had watched. What I realized is this, the devil was setting me up to fail and cause certain people in my life to abuse me to distract my future and not see God’s blessing when it really comes. Remember I mentioned about cynicism earlier? I could be like, she is not from God when she really is – it’s just my spirit is messed up, and I'm allowing the initial doubt to rob me of my future because of the pain I experienced in my past – fear of being in pain again whether it be physically, mentally or financially. The key here is for me to be free, and this is my declaration of independence from my past! If you desire to be free from your past, declare your independence from your past.


The Mayne Man