Happy 2018! I know I am 7-8 months late, and I can truly say it’s been a busy year. My heart’s desire is to end this blogpost series this year, and we are getting closer. This part has been on my heart for almost three years, and it started as I was reading the foreword and Chapter 1 of a book called “The Speed Of Trust.” During my final year in Florida, I was in the first of three tiers of a Leadership Excellence Program at my last place of employment there. I made a note to check out this book as this would be a class for the second tier. As God would allow, I would move up here to the DMV (DC/MD/VA).
While reading the foreword of the The Speed Of Trust, which was written by the late Stephen Covey (with the actual book written by his eldest son), one part of the foreword struck my attention and would birth this blogpost that I’m finally writing. I know many people struggle with the concept of forgiveness and trust, but for the purposes of this blogpost, we will focus on trust as I know everyone has had their trust violated in some way. Here’s the part that grabbed my attention:
Low trust causes friction, whether caused by unethical behavior or by ethical but incompetent behavior. Low trust is the greatest cost in life and in workplaces as well as families. Low trust creates hidden agendas, politics, interpersonal conflict, win-lose thinking, defensive and protective communication.
When I think about low trust in a relationship, the first thing that comes to mind is when one person lies about the simplest thing. That low trust can turn to no trust when one person cheats and won’t admit it (or they’ll apologize but keep doing it). The person that cheats show that they are not trustworthy and that person doesn’t realize how much collateral damage has been done.
When someone struggles with trust, no one can be trusted in their mind - and the wounds from what was done to them can sometimes manifest in multiple ways. There must be a balance as to trust. If a person violates trust, that could cause someone to trust anyone to include God. For some people, the trust is in the mind, but not in the heart. Psalm 118 says it’s better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in man. How many can say they have resorted to “self-preservation” as a result of having been hurt or of having low to no trust? If you said yes, it would not surprise me.
So let’s shift gears for a second. How would you answer this statement, “people either have trust or they don’t. It’s just that simple.”
The author of the book makes a compelling statement when he says trust issues affect everyone. In fact, he hears these statements when he speaks on this topic:
I’ve been burned in the past. How can I ever trust anyone to have a real relationship?
The older my children get, the less they listen to me. What can I do?
I feel like my contributions at work are hardly ever recognized or valued.
I foolishly violated the trust of someone who was important to me. Will I ever be able to rebuild the relationship?
When you look at those statements, which ones do you think can patched up or has the trust been violated so bad to where there is no chance of being repaired?
Trust means confidence and distrust means suspicion. So, who in your life do you hold with high trust or low trust? Another question: do you believe that relationships of all kinds are built on and sustained by trust?
In closing, personal trust can be restored if we are willing to do the work (seeking God and having Him clean those hidden chambers of our hearts). If you don’t trust you, there is no chance for you to trust others. If this is you, you can be made whole by seeking Him (laying it all before Him). He’s the professional cleaner!
The Mayne Man