tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69728011551496313252024-02-21T09:31:03.582-08:00The Mayne ManSpeaking to the issues at hand with an ear to the soul of man.Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.comBlogger282125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-92207748927783480222024-01-27T18:35:00.000-08:002024-01-27T19:11:21.782-08:00The Autopsy of the Body of Christ<p><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Happy 2024! Look who's back!!! I know it's been a minute, so my desire is to blog more this year as I did back when I started back in 2011. So, let's get started with my first post for 2024: The Autopsy of the Body of Christ!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">First things first, autopsies aren’t done on a person that’s still living. They are done on a person who has passed away to determine the cause of death. Now, there will be some who say that the body of Christ (the church) is dead based on our conduct (which I agree with); while others will say that the body of Christ is alive. Let me address the latter first, if you believe that the body of Christ is alive; I say it’s on life support!!! And now, I want to address the former, and provide a plan for us to get us back in action in order to redeem the time remaining as the days are evil.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">If I had to do an autopsy of the body of Christ, the primary cause of our death is due to too much sleeping and having no oil inside of us (reference Matthew 25:1-13). We place our energy on things that are outside of our control versus the things we can control. We have allowed our minds to be in neutral, thus failing to heed the warning in 1 Peter 5:8 to be sober as the enemy comes seeking whom he may devour. And he isn’t playing fair. Let’s be real, he’s increasing his rage against us to silence us, using our weak points or circumstances to attack us whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and of course, spiritually. We see the havoc the devil has wreaked in the culture, now it’s inside the body of Christ. He has turned the gas up and now people are using the Bible to make it fit their agenda (from the pews to the pulpit). This explains why innocent people are offended and are hurt by the church. The church needs to clean house of selfish motives, cliques, agendas and people who are worshiping people and not God. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">My heart cries out for the body of Christ. We are so divided on things that are so minor and don’t play a factor in our salvation. It’s this very thing the devil is using to break up marriages and all forms of godly agreements. We must understand that when there is no agreement but double standards, chaos increases and excellence is lost. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">I believe intercession is needed for the body of Christ. My assignment has been towards the body of Christ since the year 2000. We are losing sheep (inside the church) and are refusing to go after the one as Jesus talks about it in Luke 15 because we are too focused on the 99 found sheep.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Further in the autopsy report, the secondary causes of death include hypocrisy; lack of personal accountability; unresolved church hurt; lack of focus on our Kingdom assignment; focusing more on maintaining titles and positions; witnessing church and not Christ to the lost; double standards we hold like picking and choosing who we want to <i>agape</i> love and faking excellence to obtain man’s approval, yet our heart isn’t in it. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Our oil has burned out, and this is why we’re sleeping (physically, mentally and spiritually). We’ve accepted anybody in pulpits, and no lives are changed for the glory of Christ. Churches have become social/country clubs and not a place of worship. There’s more that I could say on that, but I’ll stop here. To the body of Christ: we must take our witness seriously! <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">So what is the plan to get back in action? We must remember that we have a mandate to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10). We are to keep the main thing, the main thing. We can’t afford to focus on where we sit in church over the visitor who has come and needs to hear about Christ. Yes, we are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, but we must have a heart for others at the same time. I implore all of us to put our personal agendas down, it’s about Christ, not us. If we really are sincere about surrendering (giving ourselves away like we sing about), then we have to be about His heart. We must be emptied of ourselves so He can fill our hearts. Once that happens, He will refresh our oil to be about His business. Understand this: the time is short. He is returning and the days are evil. We have a job to do! <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Blessings,<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-64083807688309474242023-02-13T18:01:00.004-08:002023-02-14T17:59:40.265-08:00What It Means To Be #1 (#MayneMan on Leadership)<p><span style="font-family: arial;">I was thinking about a leadership program that I was involved in 2014/2015, and one of the classes was called “The Power of One Degree” based on the book “212 degrees.” So let me say this: If you haven’t read the book 212 degrees, you are truly missing out on some great nuggets.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">What does it mean to be #1, let’s talk football for a moment. For players who don’t make the playoffs, football season is over for them. For those that do, here’s what players get (and this is per person):<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">For the 2022-2023 season:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Wild Card teams were paid $41,500 and division winners were paid $46,500 for Wild Card games. Despite not playing a game, players on first-round bye teams still received $41,500 for the Wild Card round.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Players made $46,500 for the divisional round and $69,000 for conference championship games.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Here’s a <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/mayneman?__eep__=6&__cft__%5B0%5D=AZVVFmpN4nt-bJCwhRwxihacqooMBAJjgBxfPPEnikVcx5jMgFwmlQZ-plRVU9uT3si_-WLxqrzxRruLScCoBvAEbY1PfXv9yHQzAxTmXTpFSQUuvzZKUYIfAz74RG2dVSoUA5MQiVMDasXMozVkQAFqCij1GmEFHNCLIfM5YcGnZw&__tn__=*NK-R" style="color: #954f72;">#MayneMan</a> Insert: Notice the increase from Wild Card to Division (and teams on a first-round bye get paid for not even playing – how’s that for a blessing). And those who didn’t make it to the playoffs don’t qualify for this extra money, fame, recognition and prestige. And don’t forget the increase from Division to Conference. Now, let’s look at the Super Bowl payouts to each employee.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Players on the losing team (the Eagles in this case) will receive $82,000 per player. Players on the winning team in Super Bowl LVII (the Chiefs) will receive $157,000 apiece. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Do you see the importance of being #1? Mediocrity is not acceptable and neither is average (and possibly above-average). Oh, I forgot to mention this: winners also receive a championship ring, which are generally valued between $30,000 and $50,000. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">What are your takeaways on this? I see what my best man (at my wedding) said years ago, when you perform and qualify for the playoffs when the original season is over, you extend your season. Winners extend their season!!!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So let’s look at the flipside of this: there are many people who are striving to be #1, and there’s at least one person who is jealous of you (smiling in your face – you should know that song). The question is why are they jealous, especially when the person striving to be #1 wants them to come along – as that’s what a good leader does. Many would say low self-esteem, yet I would believe it’s a case of wanting to be #1 and not put in the work. It would require the jealous person to have to take a look at themselves and find out what they are doing wrong, and for some, pride may be in the way to where they won’t want to admit their shortcomings. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Winners who strive to be #1 have the mindset to put in the necessary work and have the discipline to finish. It requires a commitment without taking any shortcuts. And that’s very important and I hear my best man loud and clear when he says that those who aren’t prepared look for shortcuts. Yes, I understand that favor isn’t fair, at the same token, wanting to be #1 without putting in the work is really an exercise in futility (translation: a waste of time)! <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">My desire is to see people who are with me to strive for the same goal as we are all in the same boat. I do understand that not everybody will jump onboard due to mindsets. Winners understand that betrayal could happen. Now, let me qualify this: winners don’t go looking for those who could possibly betray them, as they are so laser-focused, they are just aware that it can happen. Those who run with turkeys will easily betray those who are flying with eagles. Another way I can say that is those crabs that are in the barrel will get mad when one crab gets out. The crab that got out the barrel understands that he’s free and there’s no one holding them back! <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Winners understand that “misery loves company” and will quickly disassociate from those who are a distraction in order to complete their mission – and why is it that people hate those who are so committed? Because they have no focus and no drive to stay committed to their respective tasks themselves. It’s easy to blame shift than to be accountable for your lack of focus and commitment. In summary of this paragraph, winners understand that criticism comes from the uncommitted, and it comes in the form of “you think you’re better than me!” By the way, not everyone will appreciate your shine, don’t let that get to you. Winners understand that people who don’t have the mindset of a winner will always operate in mediocrity!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Most winners are excellent leaders and a good leader will set a bar (and will not accept mediocrity or even above average), not to prove they’re better than others, but to encourage them that they can do it as well and is willing to pull them up with them. They only accept excellence and will expect it for others (holding them accountable to excellence), and especially for themselves (holding themselves accountable to excellence). Unfortunately, when a good leader desires to pull others up with them, many don’t want a hand up, they want a handout. It’s easier to be given a fish because it’s a state of complacency, teaching people to fish requires work with a greater payout. People want a reward, but don’t either want the process that comes with it or they failed to count the cost. Another issue as to why people don’t want a hand up is pride. They don’t want to admit they need help or to allow others to help them, so when it’s time to perform, they’ll fall flat on their face (thus creating more embarrassment). The key to getting to #1 is to swallow your pride, allow someone to challenge your potential so you can maximize your capacity.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">You can’t control other people and what they say and do, you can control you, and when you’re with a team that’s committed to the same goal, being #1, the team works together completing the task and not competing with each other! The only competing should be to be better (challenging each other).<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Do you remember back when we were kids, we used to play kickball, dodgeball, baseball and other sports? When we played those games, we always chose people who were winners and/or we knew who were focused on winning. Those who were lazy or we knew who couldn’t assist in winning were always chosen last. The same concept holds true in life. Winners will hang with other winners who are focused on winning and they will help others win. Selfishness is not a characteristic of a winner. So, if you see someone with you and they wreak of selfishness, they are not for you, and they don’t have a winning spirit!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I believe that’s why these teams who were in the playoffs made it to the playoffs, they had the mindset of being #1! In my book, those who made it to the playoffs are winners, as they qualified for the extension of their season when the football season was really over. Overflow is imminent when you extend your season – it comes with work, faith and patience. And for the Kansas City Chiefs (though I was routing for Philly), that’s how they made it to #1. With that, swallow your pride, challenge yourself and make it your resolve to get to #1 for yourself (and not for bragging rights). Encourage others to get to #1 too. It’s more fun when others achieve success alongside with you! Help others when they struggle, no one should be left behind (that’s if they really want it). We can do it together. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Blessings,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><br /></p>Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-91626306583778103402023-01-31T18:30:00.000-08:002023-01-31T18:30:01.980-08:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 22: Men)<p><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Happy 2023, I am declaring that this blogpost will be the final part to close out the series Will You Be Made Whole, which I started back in 2016. A lot has transpired during that time, learning a new job, getting married, finishing Bible School, completing the Ministry Internship Program and now seeing what God is going to do in my life (especially for 2023). Let me preface a few things before I get into this topic, as it’s strange that I have to talk about men, as I am one, obviously (smile). Anyway, if things come up as it relates to being whole in any area, I’ll just make it a bonus. Feel free to go back through some of my blogposts that I’ve written, not just this series, but other things that I’ve blogged about as I’m all about the heart and soul of man. With that said, let’s talk about men.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">When I was 24 years old (back in 1998) I left the military and attended Florida A&M University (which we simply call it FAM or FAM-U). One of the things I discovered during the course of talking to people was the following: most of these women problems are because of us MEN! The last two blogposts have been on absent fathers with a little dash of Mary J. Blige, so we’re going to build on that, and just talk about men. First of all, don’t take this blogpost as male bashing, as that’s not the intent. Granted, many people saw Waiting to Exhale as male bashing, I didn’t see it that way; however, I saw that when I was 21, and I saw it as women that I meet on a day-to-day basis picking men that aren’t even considered men (with the exception of Gloria’s character, who ended up with a man that I would call a MAN). I’ll shut it down here, so I don’t go into my soapbox about Waiting to Exhale. I have a lot of thoughts and comments that I will spare you all of. I will say this as I think about it, I wasn’t saved when I saw it, yet a lot of the views that I have about it still remained. My late father got upset with me because I took the movie personal. I felt I had the right to take it personal as a man because it’s men out there who don’t care about a woman, that will strip their identity, break their mental and emotional state and then they end up guarded, “bitter, angry and mean” (which I call it the BAM syndrome). I can’t begin to tell you how many women I’ve met in my life that are still struggling with relationships, many of them I’ve known since college and even high school. During my college years, I would strive to live life like a Kingdom man only for women who say they “luh” God to end up with some trifling boy! Yep, I said boy, because they’re not even worth being called a man.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Okay, let me get back on track. Trust me, I still have more thoughts about Waiting to Exhale. By the way, Mary J. did a song for that soundtrack called Not Gon’ Cry. Pencil that as we will come back to that song. So, let’s go back to my earlier statement: the source of most women problems are because of men. If you don’t believe me, just listen to a song from Mary J. Blige. She would be the perfect example, and I pray for her heart and spirit as well as she’s dealt with some trifling men in her life. Okay, staying on task here. If you listen to the lyrics to Not Gon’ Cry, Thick of It or Your Child (my prior blogpost was on this song), the focus of each of these songs are about TRIFLING MEN that broken women can relate to and understand. Thanks to the wonderful age of YouTube, you can watch Mary perform “live” and many of the women are cheering her on while she’s internally bleeding inside. In some cases, when she’s singing those songs, she’s bleeding on others who are struggling with their own pain. Question: when songs like that are being sung, who is getting healed? Help a brother understand. What I see is anger, unforgiveness and a hard heart, which could possibly lead to high blood pressure. Understand that the enemy is using that anger, unforgiveness and all that to bring on an illness – that’s the enemy’s plot, to keep you bound and you may not even be aware of it. Now I’m just using Mary as an example as there are so many people who are hurting and are bleeding on people who are not equipped to help you heal. We’ll talk about the healing piece later on in this blogpost. The more I think about it, I had a neighbor who slit all 4 tires to a man’s car, and I can imagine a song being written about it – the sad part is that women (saved and unsaved) who have done that would glorify the song. Now, I understand writing is therapy – this is what we writers do. What’s so important in what we write is that we write healthy solutions (especially if you believe God) to these problems as we are this world’s answer. Okay, continuing on. A lot of the songs sung by women that have been out since the 1990s have been about women issues and “I don’t need a man” or pretty much talk about trifling men. Now to those women listening to those songs, especially if they’ve been hurt mentally or emotionally, they will gravitate to songs that speak on keeping your pride and not crying. That song by the way is Karyn White’s Superwoman (1988) – by the way, it was a good song. There was another one that came out in the same year that bothered me, and it was called Thanks For My Child. I saw that as an anthem for single mothers who got pregnant by a trifling man! Yep, here it goes again. I was 14 when that came out, and for that to bother me then speaks volumes of what God was doing with me. So, back to the pride piece, you do realize that pride goes before destruction (according to Proverbs), so that will require a little humility to swallow your pride. Yes, I know you’ve been hurt my sister, and you can heal the proper way (not by a song that’s just going to keep your wound open or cause your scars to become so callous). Understand that the devil thrives off of pride, as it opens doors to fear, anxiety, worry, insecurity – things that will contaminate your faith. And it’s pride that got the devil kicked out of the garden of Eden! Also know that the devil likes it when people are pride because he will attach you to someone else who is bitter, angry and mean (BAM) and then, no healing can really take place – just straight bondage. Galatians 5:1 talks about standing fast in the liberty which Christ called you to and to not be entangled with the yoke of bondage. Some of you ladies who have been damaged by men, just need to get away from them for a season, fast, pray, so you can heal properly. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">By the way, I said this when I was 24, many women think I’m hard on them, I’m worse with men. I’m still that way today. We men have got to get it together, I have to take my role as a husband, father and a man of God seriously, as we are losing men to the prison system, to the devil, and sadly, to death!<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">I’m not finished with this just yet. It’s sad that I have to talk about this, yet it’s so very important that it needs to be addressed. I remember writing a sermon via e-mail in 1998 about the concept of Defilement – what I was addressing was Genesis 34, where Shechem rapes Dinah, and then two of Jacob’s sons killed Shechem as a result. What Shechem did before he raped her was eyed her in a spirit of lust. And that’s what I saw going on during my time at FAMU (especially my first year) and many of the women were so gullible (like they dropped off all the spiritual wealth they gained at home) once they got to campus. And today, the concept still hasn’t changed. It’s men like that (with an evil eye and heart) seeking to damage women – of course, we all know it’s the devil who is after the woman. Why? Glad you asked, understand that it was the woman who birthed Jesus that would crush the devil’s head! And God even stated that he would put enmity between the devil and the woman (Genesis 3). And that’s the devil’s plan, to send men like Shechem to women with the sole intent to break you physically, mentally and spiritually to where you believe that you are damaged goods. What’s so sad and I’m glad my pastor (Dr. Mike Freeman) posed these two questions: how are we men not paying for the babies we made? And why are we letting women go to court to get us to pay child support? Another pastor (Pastor Ken Friendly) said this and I had to agree: it’s a tragedy when a man (father) won’t pay child support and have the audacity to live better than the children and mother who birthed his children. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">It's true, we men have to get it together. This absent father syndrome needs to stop, yet we men must be held accountable, considering the strength of a nation is determined by the male population. I’ve said this for some time and got flack (even to the point where someone verbally attacked me for it): at men’s conferences, we’re usually talking about sex or pornography, and that’s fine. We’re dealing with the acts and that’s fine, the issue is as follows: we’re not dealing with the whole man here. Many of the men don’t know what it means to be a husband, a father, or a man of God. I believe if we deal with those three, then the acts can clear up simultaneously. If we just keep talking about sex and pornography at these men’s conferences without teaching men how to be a man of God, a father and a husband, then men would never graduate from the “boy” state!<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">In summary, we all (men and women) need to go to work on our lives and be healed and whole from the damaged that was done to us from our past. Now let’s talk about this thing called “work.” Praying and declaring the Word and healing scriptures is fine. Some work is needed, seek Holy Spirit and not your inner conscious (Proverbs 3:5), talk to a counselor (secular or Christian), talk to a pastor, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to an authentic pastor and to God so that your scars and open wounds can heal properly. If you pray and declare without doing the necessary work, you’ll still end up bound – considering, faith without works is dead. Take that first step, so that you can let God know that you’re serious – understand that the enemy will seek to stop you whether it’s to prevent you from taking that first step or midway. The key is to have the discipline to follow through! I trust and believe that you can be made whole. Remember the story in Luke 17 where the 10 lepers got healed, two came back and gave thanks, and they received wholeness. There’s a difference between the two, healed is for a certain thing, wholeness is for everything! In your process of getting whole, give thanks in the midst of your process! Look to the promise while going through your process. You can make it; you have the Mayne Man in your corner routing for you and most importantly, God is routing for you! <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Blessings,<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></p>Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-75820198669039457672022-07-13T14:59:00.002-07:002022-07-13T15:31:13.497-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 21: Hole In The Heart)<p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">In the previous part, I talked about absent fathers. I want to stay on this topic because I heard something yesterday that brought me to tears. I remember 22 years ago, I was in a music store and I heard Mary J. Blige’s song Your Child being played. Now, I remember when she came out on the scene with her debut album What’s the 411 in 1992, and most of her songs have a theme: Women Empowerment/Women Issues With Men.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Personally, Your Child is my favorite song from her, as it talks about Mary being with this guy yet he is denying a child that he has with someone else – the mother of the child confronts Mary and tells her the truth that it’s actually his child. Well, I managed to hear the live version of this song (recorded at the House of Blues back in 2004). As the song was coming to an end, it was like Mary snapped. Allow me to share a clip of this because what she says is very important and I know a lot of people will be able to relate to this. And if this is you, stay with this blogpost till the end. Here’s the dialogue with the audience:<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><i>I’ve got a question for you. How come these brothers and some of these mothers, they leave these children, abandon them and then they don’t want to take care of them? They don’t want to tell them they love them. And when they grow up, they’re going to want to know, how could you do it?! How could you do this to me, I was your baby. Why didn’t you love me? Why didn’t you hug me? Why didn’t you kiss me? Why didn’t you teach me? Why didn’t you tell me I was beautiful? Why didn’t you teach me how to walk like a lady? Daddy, where were you?! They were touching my body, where were you?<o:p></o:p></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><i> </i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">The song finally closes at this point, and she’s in tears (and granted, I’m in tears typing this up). I can feel her pain, as I can imagine that Mary’s father abandoned her (left her when she was 4 years old, he suffered with PTSD and he would assault Mary’s mother). So, let’s pick up from where the music breaks, because there’s more to what Mary has to say (and this is the most important piece).<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><i>It’s killing me! I’m so sorry, but it’s killing me. Where were you daddy?! Where the f*** were you, excuse me, but where were you? That’s why we got to take care of the babies. I know this is a club and you all probably don’t want to hear that, but it’s real. It’s the reason why we are all f***** up in our head right now because nobody wanted to love us.<o:p></o:p></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><i> </i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Here’s where I break out in tears for the second time. I have a question to everyone reading this, how many of you can relate to the pain that Mary is feeling at this moment? If you can, my heart cries for you. If you were abandoned, broken, unloved by your parents, abused by someone in your family and your parents didn’t take your side (or they were the abusers), you definitely have a hole in your heart. No matter how you try to camouflage it, it’s there. Now, if you went to counseling, praise God. So many times, we neglect counseling thinking we have the strength to do it by yourself. Or we just deal with it on a surface level because of the shame that’s buried underneath. There’s nothing wrong with counseling, it can be secular or spiritual (whatever your religion). The key here is to get your pain out, because if you keep it inside, the hole in your heart will become enlarged and you will end up with a heart that is beyond repair, that could remove years of your natural life. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Now as a man of God, I have to tell you that the best way to have the hole in your heart filled is to give it all to Jesus. He cares for the broken hearted. He will be the first to tell you that what you went through was not your fault!!! Please understand, I don’t care with other people say to you. He loves you. And you might be questioned, why didn’t He protect you when all of this was going on? Excellent question, He was there – in that pain with you. Give it all to Him, and your life will never be the same. I love you all, and I’m here if you need to vent.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Blessings,<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">P.S. I don’t know if Mary is healed from her father wound or not. I do pray for her regardless of her state. I believe everyone could use prayer – even me. If you are in need of prayer due to a parental or familial wound, drop a comment below and I’ll pray. Oh, and if you are healed from your familial wound, feel free to share your story in the comments below.<o:p></o:p></p>Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-24502917850299177702022-06-04T18:20:00.000-07:002022-06-04T18:20:02.368-07:00Will You Be Made Whole (Part 20: Absent Fathers)<p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">This part of the series has been on my heart for quite some time. I don’t know who this is for, however, I know someone who will be ministered to with this. I dedicate this blogpost to anyone who physically didn’t have a father present in their lives; or had a father, but was emotionally or mentally absent. For this, I want to look at Genesis 19 for a reason, and I want to dissect the first few verses for a reason.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Genesis 19:1-8 (NKJV)<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">Now</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">the two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">them,</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">he rose to meet them, and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground.<b><sup> </sup></b>And he said, “Here now, my lords, please</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">turn in to your servant’s house and spend the night, and</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">wash your feet; then you may rise early and go on your way.”</span></i></span> <span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">And they said,</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">“No, but we will spend the night in the open square.”</span></i></span> <span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">But he insisted strongly; so they turned in to him and entered his house.</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">Then he made them a feast, and baked</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">unleavened bread, and they ate.</span></i></span> <span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">Now before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both old and young, all the people from every quarter, surrounded the house.</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">And they called to Lot and said to him, “Where are the men who came to you tonight?</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">Bring them out to us that we</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">may know them</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">carnally.”</span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">So</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">Lot went out to them through the doorway, shut the door behind him,<b><sup> </sup></b>and said, “Please, my brethren, do not do so wickedly!</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">See now, I have two daughters who have not known a man; please, let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you wish; only do nothing to these men,</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;"> </span></i></span><span class="text"><i><span style="font-family: "Segoe UI", sans-serif;">since this is the reason they have come under the shadow of my roof.”</span></i></span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Wait, press the brakes! Did Lot just say to the men, “here are MY two daughters, do to them as you wish.” Wait, did you catch that. What father, in their right frame of mind, would prostitute their daughters? Lot was not in his right frame of mind. Now how many of you women would wish their father be absent if they ever did something like that to you? Think about it. The men wanted the angels, Lot is trying to protect the angels as if they couldn’t defend themselves by giving his daughters to men who wanted to get busy with the angels. Lot right there was absent, although physically present, he was definitely absent mentally, spiritually and emotionally. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">If you grew up without a father, you need a father. Now this father may not be earthly, you need a Father who is not going to prostitute you, who will love up on you to heal those father wounds. Many people would call this concept of children without a father, a mother (or without both parents) an “orphan spirit.” <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">I believe truthfully, this is the first case of sexual abuse recorded in the Bible. I can tell you story after story of young girls (and even young boys) being prostituted to other adults by their parents. It’s wrong, cruel, and God is not please with any adult who does this to their child!!!<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">As we look further into the chapter, you will find that the daughters that Lot was about to pimp out to the Sodomites would sleep with their father. One tribe would be called Moabites and the other Ammonites. They would turn on each other in 2 Chronicles 20 and be destroyed. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">If you suffered any parental abuse as a child, my heart goes out to you. Know that you can be made whole from this pain. The key is: how bad do you want to be free. Wishing it away or sweeping it under the rug is not going to get it. Give your pain to God, He will hear you. He’s not like man and will lead you down a path of pain and sorrow. I will pray for you if you want me to.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Blessings,<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p><p><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">The Mayne Man</span> </p>Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-92094370695195629662022-06-03T17:43:00.002-07:002022-06-03T17:43:48.035-07:00How Spiritual Warfare & Rocky Tie Together<p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">Good evening everyone. If you’re like me, you are a fan of Rocky Movies. I was walking during my lunch break yesterday (Thursday, June 2</span><sup style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">nd</sup><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif">to be exact), and I was thinking about a trial I’m experiencing in my life. And I saw clips of Rocky 3 in my mind. In Rocky 3, Rocky (played by Sly Stallone) doesn’t face tough opponents until he accepts to fight Clubber Lang (played by Mr. T). Now, for many of us, we are coasting through life. Not everyone can say that, I sure can’t. And you haven’t met a challenge of some sort (whether it be physical, mental, spiritual, emotional or financial). Well, Rocky takes on that challenge and loses the fight and the belt. Now, the question is, why did Rocky lose that fight? Rocky didn’t properly train for that fight, he was training like he did for those fights that weren’t tough opponents. Clubber Lang trained like a pit bull for that. Rocky didn’t study his opponent. Now, you have to study your opponent and take nothing for granted. This is how spiritual warfare is. You have to study your opponent. My pastor said to us men, that we can’t have a causal disposition with a vicious devil! And that is so true! You can’t fight a spiritual war without proper preparation. The main thing you have to understand is that Ephesians 6:12 has to be on lockdown in your spirit and in your mental understanding.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times;">Let’s move to the second fight within Rocky 3. Apollo Creed (played by Carl Weathers) trains Rocky as Apollo was Rocky’s opponent in the first two Rocky movies. As the second fight begins, each fighter is in their corners. This is where you regroup, recalibrate and refocus. After the first round, Clubber Lang is stunned. That’s how you know you have the upper hand. The second round, Clubber Lang comes back hard and the part that stuck out at me was when Rocky said “You ain’t so bad, you ain’t nothing!” That’s confidence even though Clubber nor Apollo understood it. And our enemy is nothing no matter what he throws at you. It may not “FEEL” like it in the natural, that’s why that understanding of Ephesians 6:12-18 is so important. Mind you in the second round that Clubber tried to keep him in the corner to where Rocky was at Clubber’s mercy and he actually knocked Rocky now. Rocky would eventually get us. In this spiritual war, the enemy wants to keep you in the corner to take you out and eventually take you out of the game. Remember what Rocky said to Clubber, he’s nothing. When Apollo confronts him asking what he’s doing, Rocky says “I know what I’m doing.” Apollo got it right, and said, don’t just know, DO IT! And that’s what we’re missing. A lot of people know the Bible, but aren’t doing it! This is why so many Christians are getting their head bashed repeatedly. In the third and final round, Rocky eventually implements his strategy and the training Apollo taught him and knocks him out winning the belt.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: times;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times;">In the fourth Rocky, Apollo and Rocky are confronted with a Russian boxer named Ivan Drago (played by Dolph Lundgren). Now, if Apollo would’ve taken Rocky’s advice and learned more about their opponent and trained like he taught Rocky, Apollo would’ve stood a chance against Drago. Tragically, Apollo dies in the ring in the second round. Rocky studied his opponent and watching Apollo lose his life, Rocky trains like his life depended on it. And Rocky went the distance with Drago going all 13 rounds to eventually win the fight.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: times;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times;">Understand this, in this life, we have to go the distance with the devil, and you have to stay on guard with the Word of God, hearing it and doing it – when it feels good, and when it doesn’t feel good. Just wanted to encourage you as this encouraged me yesterday.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: times;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times;">Blessings,<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: times;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: times;">The Mayne Man</span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-71631601231566004042022-05-26T14:25:00.003-07:002022-05-26T18:15:09.281-07:00Lessons from Joe & Irma Garcia<p>Happy 2022, I know I haven’t been blogging like I should, this tragedy in Texas struck a cord with me. Within this tragedy, I heard about the passing of Joe Garcia, the husband to the late Irma Garcia. I just posted this on Facebook, and now I want to share this with everyone.</p><p>#MayneMan on Real Love (and not the Mary J. type, either)! Now that I have your attention, I heard about the tragic death of not only Irma Garcia, but also the death of her husband. I don’t want to minimize the weight of any death that has occurred in these shootings and those that died tragically, I just want to park here to talk about the love these two have.</p><p>I don’t know what all of what their marriage entailed, and we will never know. Based on this photo here is very telling. I know I’m coming up on 3.5 years of marriage, and it’s definitely a learning institution I will never graduate from. What I found interesting is that they were high school sweethearts and their marriage was for 24 years. They stayed true to their vows, and that’s the first thing that struck me (till death do they part). The honor of Joe, he went to his wife’s memorial and he passed due to grief. If this isn’t love, I don’t know what is. Yes, both of their deaths were tragic, but their living out this thing called marriage speaks to me. Men, brothers, this is how our wives want to be loved, where we would sacrifice for them (even if it means we cease from living to protect them) and to always agape and honor them. We are in a covenant with our wives and our marriages are so important to the world and to God. Joe loved Irma so much that he would lose (sacrifice) his life in honor of his wife. That’s what agape and honor looks like. His heart broke over the loss of his wife. To me, that defines a covenant that they had. Ladies, I know this story of their passing is heartbreaking, let their marriage relationship minister to you (whether you’re single, married, etc). </p><p>Think about this, the bridegroom gave up His life because He honored His bride. The bridegroom’s heart breaks when our hearts break. This is when two really become one (this is known as the power of covenant)!</p><p>My condolences go out to the Garcia’s children and to the families who lost loved ones due to this tragedy. </p><p>#irmagarcia</p><p>#JoeGarcia</p><p>#GarciaStrong</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2rcuzJLNYbGjdsgr059-YidnlMJnLw6XqJqYlkPBEkOvAPZNplY5OckeETaza2GaN1R-bYNs06YgiSPq8X_tP6szD6GYltJNnbteMwZzJGXKfm1wg85HYSHcgWptdCUNQuSoX8qGoF3p580N_pmOotwK2VOXXA4cXkmX_ewT_DtYXAmTDNKmmdfALrg/s2688/C195ED43-49E6-4C3E-A0BE-1749A6174E93.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2688" data-original-width="1242" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2rcuzJLNYbGjdsgr059-YidnlMJnLw6XqJqYlkPBEkOvAPZNplY5OckeETaza2GaN1R-bYNs06YgiSPq8X_tP6szD6GYltJNnbteMwZzJGXKfm1wg85HYSHcgWptdCUNQuSoX8qGoF3p580N_pmOotwK2VOXXA4cXkmX_ewT_DtYXAmTDNKmmdfALrg/s320/C195ED43-49E6-4C3E-A0BE-1749A6174E93.png" width="148" /></a></p>Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-66331484573605817772020-09-30T07:37:00.008-07:002020-10-01T05:04:53.957-07:00Is It (Really) Not About Us? (Round 2)<p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Happy 2020, first and foremost. I know I have been off the grid for almost two years. I can truly say my life is changed for the best. I married the love of my life at the end of 2018 and I just finished Bible School in June. So I’m back, and I intend to close the Will You Be Made Whole Series and prepare to start my Philly Soul blog Series.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Eight years ago, I wrote a blogpost addressing how we are singing Now About Us, and in actually, we are lying to ourselves when it’s really about us. If you want to preview this blogpost before you continue reading this blogpost, feel free to do so right here.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><a href="http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2012/10/is-it-really-not-about-us.html" style="color: #954f72;">http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2012/10/is-it-really-not-about-us.html</a><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">I’ve been posting for about a week or two about this concept of division. Unfortunately, not too much has changed since I wrote what I did eight years ago. You know, I could talk about yesterday’s Presidential Debate, and why candidates believe what they believe and why they didn’t do this or that, what fruit would be gained out it? None! Do I deny that things were said or unsaid? No, is it important? As a believer, not really as I am not of the world. So, the question you may be asking is: am I voting? Yes, I am voting. I am seeking God’s guidance and not my own understanding. More to be said on the political climate in a moment.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">One of the things that has concerned me since the summer is the fact that there are two civil wars brewing, which would literally destroy the AA (African-American) community if we are not watchful and prayerful (which I can see very little based on what I see on social media). There’s a saying, a house divided can’t stand. Many see the first one, a racial war. Am I speaking for it to happen? Absolutely not! What many don’t know is that this civil war is probably happening now, and regardless (and I repeat, regardless) of who wins this election, it will manifest itself. Again, am I speaking for this to happen. No! What I don’t understand is the violence – it’s saying to me that we’re acting like grown children that haven’t matured (if you don’t give me what I want, when I want it – then I’m going to throw a tantrum). Now I’ll say what is the root cause in a moment (and how we as believers miss the whole concept – maybe some people were sleeping during the movie War Room). This next war that I’m about to describe could literally mean the destruction of the AA community. This war is between black liberals and black conservatives. It’s going on right now. One group hates the other and mindsets have become if you don’t agree with my viewpoint, then you can delete me or I will block you. Has it really become: if you don’t agree with my views, then we are divided and we can’t be friends any longer? Well, I find it interesting that Dr. Bernice King (a liberal) and Dr. Alveda King (a conservative) disagree on politics, but the love they have for each other is genuine. Maybe we should take a lesson on this type of unity.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">I mentioned that I would say what is the root cause of these wars, it’s the devil. Ephesians 6 speaks about warring against flesh and blood, but if you remember in War Room, Miss Clara talked about fighting the wrong enemy and because we’re fighting flesh and blood, the devil is staying hidden. Now have we forgotten this part in the Bible and how Jesus said to pray for your enemies (and if you won’t forgive, don’t be expected to be forgiven). Sadly, I’ve known people to say, I will not pray for people because I don’t like them. Wow, and this is out of the mouth of people professing to be Christians. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Now about this political climate, I do have some concerns as it pertains to my spiritual beliefs. Now, when someone in the world says that they “become very intimate with the spirits we call on regularly,” and they are allegedly representing my race, it raises a question not so much about my race, but more my spiritual beliefs. The only spirit I want to call on is Holy Spirit. If something is involved in witchcraft, then a believer should have no parts in it. This article is very telling:<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"><a href="https://www.cnsnews.com/article/national/alexander-watson/blm-leaders-discuss-resurrecting-spirit-so-it-can-work-through-us" style="color: #954f72;">https://www.cnsnews.com/article/national/alexander-watson/blm-leaders-discuss-resurrecting-spirit-so-it-can-work-through-us</a><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">What we are failing to understanding is that if we continue to live our lives about us and be angry with things that don’t pertain to your spiritual walk, deception is lurking around your corner and sadly, you’ve been distracted by the world. The world is going to do its own thing, and it’s trying to suck you into its drama. And as I said 20 years ago, if the world is crying racist, and you as a believer are called to freedom, what are you subjecting yourself to? And if we as the body of Christ can’t walk in unity and put these petty differences assigned, then we have no right to sing “It’s Not About Us,” because it’s a lie!<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Oh, to Jesus, all lives matter. My life matters, and so does yours. The devil is using this violence to further separate the races, and sadly many are focusing more on the world and their philosophy and not the call to unity that God is calling for. Oh yes, we want that commanded blessing from God, but we don’t want to walk in unity. Why, because personal preferences have taken over what God is commanded us to do (according to 1 Timothy 2). Love (agape) isn’t even a thought because we have taken the mindset of Drake, being “in our feelings.” Dr. King said love conquers hate. So to be angry and not pray, shows hate. There is no middle ground.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">This is a wake up call, and yes The Isley Brothers slightly prophesied it 45 years ago when they recorded Harvest For The World (which has been my favorite song from them since childhood and it still is to this day). This world is perhaps reaping its harvest. We must get back to living/walking by faith (it’s no longer an option for us as believers), and if you don’t understand faith (or if you believe your faith is not operating as it should), it’s time to get it developed (or grow up in it). Too many people are being picked off by the devil, and this is why we have casualties. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">Until then, blessings and walk in faith and love.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; margin: 0in;">The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></p>Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-91972406753033234572018-07-31T10:03:00.000-07:002018-07-31T10:06:49.846-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 19: The Issue Of Trust)<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 16px;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Happy 2018! I know I am 7-8 months late, and I can truly say it’s been a busy year. My heart’s desire is to end this blogpost series this year, and we are getting closer. This part has been on my heart for almost three years, and it started as I was reading the foreword and Chapter 1 of a book called “The Speed Of Trust.” During my final year in Florida, I was in the first of three tiers of a Leadership Excellence Program at my last place of employment there. I made a note to check out this book as this would be a class for the second tier. As God would allow, I would move up here to the DMV (DC/MD/VA). </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">While reading the foreword of the The Speed Of Trust, which was written by the late Stephen Covey (with the actual book written by his eldest son), one part of the foreword struck my attention and would birth this blogpost that I’m finally writing. I know many people struggle with the concept of forgiveness and trust, but for the purposes of this blogpost, we will focus on trust as I know everyone has had their trust violated in some way. Here’s the part that grabbed my attention:</span></div>
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<i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Low trust causes friction, whether caused by unethical behavior or by ethical but incompetent behavior. Low trust is the greatest cost in life and in workplaces as well as families. Low trust creates hidden agendas, politics, interpersonal conflict, win-lose thinking, defensive and protective communication. </i></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">When I think about low trust in a relationship, the first thing that comes to mind is when one person lies about the simplest thing. That low trust can turn to no trust when one person cheats and won’t admit it (or they’ll apologize but keep doing it). The person that cheats show that they are not trustworthy and that person doesn’t realize how much collateral damage has been done. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">When someone struggles with trust, no one can be trusted in their mind - and the wounds from what was done to them can sometimes manifest in multiple ways. There must be a balance as to trust. If a person violates trust, that could cause someone to trust anyone to include God. For some people, the trust is in the mind, but not in the heart. Psalm 118 says it’s better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in man. How many can say they have resorted to “self-preservation” as a result of having been hurt or of having low to no trust? If you said yes, it would not surprise me.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So let’s shift gears for a second. How would you answer this statement, “people either have trust or they don’t. It’s just that simple.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The author of the book makes a compelling statement when he says trust issues affect everyone. In fact, he hears these statements when he speaks on this topic:</span></div>
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<i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I’ve been burned in the past. How can I ever trust anyone to have a real relationship?</i></div>
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<i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The older my children get, the less they listen to me. What can I do?</i></div>
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<i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I feel like my contributions at work are hardly ever recognized or valued.</i></div>
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<i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I foolishly violated the trust of someone who was important to me. Will I ever be able to rebuild the relationship?</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">When you look at those statements, which ones do you think can patched up or has the trust been violated so bad to where there is no chance of being repaired?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Trust means confidence and distrust means suspicion. So, who in your life do you hold with high trust or low trust? Another question: do you believe that relationships of all kinds are built on and sustained by trust?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">In closing, personal trust can be restored if we are willing to do the work (seeking God and having Him clean those hidden chambers of our hearts). If you don’t trust you, there is no chance for you to trust others. If this is you, you can be made whole by seeking Him (laying it all before Him). He’s the professional cleaner! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Blessings,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The Mayne Man</span></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-87510898907666521092017-12-20T07:22:00.001-08:002017-12-20T07:22:24.931-08:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 18: Battle Wounds)<div class="MsoNormal">
As I’m preparing to head to Cali today, I keep hearing my
spirit Battle Wounds. There are so many of you who have been through so many
battle wounds (whether it be battles with the devil, or bad choices in which
the devil would take advantage). Regardless of the situation, I want you know
that you can be made whole. And if there is any message I want you to gain from
this blogpost, it would be this: your life is worth fighting for (not only is
there someone in your circle fighting for you, your life and your dreams, but
God is fighting for you, your life and your dreams and He wants you to win).<o:p></o:p></div>
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Take a moment to look at where you are right now: are you in
a situation to where you believe you can’t break free (fear of being on your
own), you’re trying to find love in all the wrong places, you’re using a
situation to gain the upper hand on others, you’ve gone through an abortion,
you’ve been raped, you’ve been neglected, you were lied to, you were physically
abused, emotionally abused, verbally abused, sexually abused, abandoned by
those you say were for you, those who were supposed to protect you. You may
have gone through those things, and you just want people to know how much
you’ve been through. Many in this life are oblivious to what you’ve been
through, and let me say this: God is not the author of what you’ve been
through/experienced. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I know you have battle wounds, and if you let God heal them
correctly, they will be a testimony of how God not only healed you, but of how
faithful He is to restore what you’ve endured. Some of you have been lied to in
saying God caused your experiences or He caused your loved one to die
(translation: He took your loved one). Let me say something to you: because of
the lies you’ve heard (and the experiences you went through), many of you have
given up on what you believed and are striving to reach God or gain His
blessings on your terms. Basically, you’ve surrendered because you’re constantly
looking at the battle wounds of what others, yourself and the devil inflicted
on you. God doesn’t see your wounds (and neither do I), He sees you healed and
whole. And yes, you can be made whole from the wounds and scars that you’ve
endured. Will you be made whole? Don’t put off going after healing His way any
longer. Remember, your battle is not flesh and blood; it’s the devil who’s
after your very soul (and most importantly, your faith). If can steal your
faith, your view of God will not only be distorted, it will cause you to not
only quit life (and your dreams), but God too. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In this thing called life, it is a fight. And because there
will be tribulations, you will experience wounds. But understand that the only
fight you’re supposed to fight in this life is a “faith” fight. He loves you,
but circumstances are doing all they can to deter that love He has for you. For
some of you, you have fell to procrastination, almost to the point of giving up
because the wounds that you’ve endured hurt other parts of your body (heart,
mind and parts of your flesh). I know many of you are warriors and wouldn’t
allow this battle to get this crazy! But because it did, you’ve lost your sense
of peace and are looking everywhere but up for the peace that surpasses all of
your understanding.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In summary: He loves you and has an awesome future for you
(that your eyes haven’t seen). You have to believe me when I say this. Your
life is worth fighting for, and I want you to know my reader, that I’m fighting
for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just don’t quit as you
experience battle wounds. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’re one
who quit (or is on the verge of quitting) because the fight is so over the top,
call on God’s angels to fight for you (and those who are focused on seeing you
win, and not gossip)! If you don’t quit, and acquire a made-up mind, you will
win! It’s a fixed fight!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-55367945460492318502017-12-03T10:04:00.000-08:002017-12-03T10:04:37.064-08:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 17: Church Hurt)<div class="MsoNormal">
I made a note in <a href="http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2017/11/will-you-be-made-whole-part-15-denial.html">Part 15: Denial</a> that I would address this
topic. In fact, this topic has been on my heart for at least 2 years. So let me
begin.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did the church or something that was said that caused you to
leave the church hurt you or scarred you? If the answer is yes, then I dedicate
this post to you. I want to divide this post into three categories:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Quotes that are not Scriptural that can cause
doubt</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">No sympathy from the church when you’re going
through</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">My own personal experience of church hurt</span></li>
</ol>
<br />
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Let me start with the easy part: quotes or things that are
said from church/religious people that are so no scriptural. This will offend
those inside the church, and that’s fine.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quote #1: Tragedies are acts of God. You know, when I was
young, I remember reading the instructions to the first microwave my family
bought. Under the warranty, it said that the warranty was not covered by “acts
of God.” I always wondered about that. And throughout 2017, you’ve heard about
hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, and many people (in and out of the church)
call them “acts of God.” In fact, some people will call the deaths of their
loved ones, “acts of God.” If Jesus came to give life, how can He be the cause
of tragedies? When people call tragedies acts of God (especially in the
church), that causes people to blame God when their loved one passes away,
blame God for every death that has happened. And some will say at the funeral,
God took your loved one. That right there can cause church hurt in people. But
it’s all a trap of the enemy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quote #2: God put this test on you, for He knows how much
you can bear. Wait, how can God put cancer on you, cause a death to sweep
through your family, etc.? Many will use 1 Corinthians 10:13 to back this quote
up. The devil is the one who is bringing tests and trials. Which leads me to
Quote #3.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Quote #3: Tests and trials come to make you stronger. No!
They come to kill you! If this were really the case, we would all be strong by
now. Tests and trials come by the devil to take you out. Why is it that when a
test or trial comes, people panic? Or they stay right where they are, and they
pass away? End result: God is the blame for all of this – therefore, out of the
church they go.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Quote #4: He may not come when you want Him to. All I’m
going to say to this, is Hebrews 13:5 – He will NEVER leave you nor forsake
you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quote #5: Do not pass me by! See my Scriptural passage from
Quote #4.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll stop there with the first section.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No sympathy from the church when you’re going through. This
is where most of the church hurt comes from. I can truly say during this walk,
I’m seeing more and more people so entrenched with their own lives that they
can’t take a moment to see what’s going on next door. I’m not saying neglect
your own life, but if you were to walk in every church, you’ll find at least
one person who is internally bleeding to death with something on them. But
because so many are just coming to church to get that word for their life, that
blessing for them (and forget everyone else), many are hurt because they didn’t
even receive a smile, a hug, a “how are you doing today, how can I pray for
you?” This particular category breaks my heart. I know I don’t say much
especially when I’m inside the church walls, but I’m very mindful of this
outside the church walls. Mainly because I know that I am the church – meaning,
that I have to be a light to people when I’m outside the church, not just when
I’m inside (to impress people). And don’t even get me started on the
hypocritical issue. When people are going through, many will say they are
attacked, but blame others for their lack of faith. These are half-truths on
both sides. It is true that there is an attack, but where’s the love and
support (and not just chastisement – or trying to puff how much Word they know
or how strong their faith is over another) – and standing in the gap for them?
Blaming others for their lack of faith, a real brother and sister will
strengthen them and ensure they are not going at this alone (and granted, their
foundation may have been shaky from the start due to being in a unscriptural
church, bad childhood upbringing – that’s distorted their view of God and what
faith in God looks like). I’m finding within the past week and a half, that we
are so oblivious to those around us to the point we care more about things we
can’t control (like the president) than we do our own lives or the
brother/sister living next door. Part of the blame for this church hurt is
leaders using their platform as a political platform over teaching the Word.
And when they do teach it, they’re teaching it to fit their opinion,
denominational teaching, or just to pacify those listening while they’re still
internally bleeding to death. So, because there’s no teaching to the
congregation how to love their brother and sister, there will be church hurt
(and granted, those who are hurt, need to go to a better church hospital). <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And let me discuss the final category, my own experience of
church hurt. Six years ago today, I wrote a suicide note (<a href="http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2014/09/when-i-wanted-to-die-world-suicide.html">When I Wanted To Die</a>). And I’ll be honest, I was going to a church where many in the
congregation could’ve cared less if I lived or died. In fact, it was all about
personalities and who was in their specific clique. To have that attitude is
not showing love (especially when I was crying for help). Today, that attitude
in the world as a whole has increased the more. I still thank God that my
salvation was based on God’s Word and not a church. When you place their
salvation on a church, or a man and not God, your foundation is off. There is
no question about that! Anyway, what I’m saying here is that people will let
you down, but don’t equate God to the people in the church. I’m not saying that
you excuse their behavior, for we are living in a time where people who say
they believe need to put up or shut up! It’s just that simple. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my blogpost <a href="http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2017/11/will-you-be-made-whole-part-15-denial.html">Part 15: Denial</a>, I mentioned when it comes to
sexual abuse, we deny it because of the shame that it’s placed on us as well as
the pain that was afflicted on us. One of the reasons we deny it is because in
church, we’re told to either “get over it,” or “that was all in your head.”
That’s really putting a band-aid over it and because the root is never
addressed, they’re internally bleeding to death sitting inside the church. When
it comes to this topic, many churches aren’t equipped to address it, and in the
African-American church, the easy drug for anyone who has been abused or
suffered in childhood is denial. I understand that denial was taught for
decades and centuries, but times have to change, and we have to address it so
we can be free. What good is denial when a trigger occurs and you explode? And
for the church to frown on those who have suffered in childhood and not comfort
them, build them up by letting them know that God loves them and was not the
author of the abuse and answering the question roaming in their mind, “why did
this happen?” – we are setting ourselves up for casualties in the church, and
many will leave and forsake Christianity because of our response. The root of
the pain is the devil! And for us to be so passive with those hurting and
brushing them off in the church is to literally side with the devil and his
purpose to destroy the one who is already hurt. The devil loves to find people
(who say they love God) but not loving God’s Word to hurt others. We as the
body of Christ have to do better!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bonus category that I need to discuss: legalism. This is the
biggest area where church hurt comes from. Legalism is all about the rules and
regulations to prove your salvation. Now if your foundation was based on
legalism, it would not come as a surprise if you have left the church (or you
are bound with working as hard as you can to please God. Know that your works
don’t please God; it’s your faith and knowing that you are His. Your past is
just that in His eyes, let it go.). Legalism will tell you that you have to
work on being righteous, which is false. You were righteous the moment you
accept Christ. Now, holiness is something you work on. Many who are legalists
will be the ones flaunting their perfection over other people’s face, either to
control them or to puff themselves up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
fact, legalistic people won’t pray for you, but will ask for prayers instead –
mainly because they want to see you fail because it gives them a reason to act
arrogant towards you. If you were hurt by the church due to you being at a
church that taught legalism, or you were around people who are too legalist for
their own good, I sympathize with you, and you need to be healed and made whole
from this (and anything else I mentioned above).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just know that you can be made whole from church hurt. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-87037941253680375032017-11-28T12:42:00.000-08:002017-11-28T12:42:01.222-08:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 16: Bad Men)<div class="MsoNormal">
Between the blogpost that was released Friday (<a href="http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2017/11/will-you-be-made-whole-part-14.html">Part 14:Distorted View of God</a>) and a conversation that I had with some men as we’re
reading Dr. Tony Evans’ Kingdom Man yesterday, I’ve been thinking about this
issue intensely.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, I’m fully aware of the stereotype of that once you run
across a bad man, everyone else is bad as well. In other words, one bad apple
spoils the whole batch. Now, is that true or is that false? You have your
thoughts on the answer. I’ll answer it and say it’s false. Just because you got
one bad apple, doesn’t mean you have to throw the remaining apples out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I stated in my blogpost from Friday, my heart goes out to
you if you went through life without a father (especially if you’re a woman),
but now for this blogpost, I want to extend it by saying that if you ran across
a bad man in your life (I don’t care if the man was a biological father, stepfather,
adopted father, uncle, grandfather, teacher, coach, or pastor) or if you
happened to be in an environment where your father was missing, absent,
emotionally unavailable, abusive/controlling or just a tyrant, my heart goes
out to you and this blogpost is dedicated to you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even though earlier, I was talking about apples, the same
principle holds true as it relates to God. Even as a man, I can testify to this
(where I placed my view of God as to my relation to my parents). How many of
you have (or are currently) seen God based on your current relationship to your
parents (or lack of relationship with your father/male figure)? If I could see
through your mind and heart, it’s not a pretty picture, I know. You may be
crying as you’re reading this, and I say let the tears flow. I can imagine that
you’ve been holding the tears for so long, and are feeling like no one cares
about the internal pain you’re going through. If no other human being cares,
know that I do. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can be made whole from Bad Men, and you don’t have to
live in bondage because of what someone did to you, or didn’t give you the
nurturing that you deserved in childhood. Men, let me say something to you: if
you didn’t grow up with a father (or had to endure a man based on what I talked
about above), you don’t have to live in bondage to where you are abusive to
others. You can be made whole too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To all reading this, please separate God from how a human being treated you. Don’t think that you deserved the pain you’ve endured. You can let it
go. I heard Real Talk Kim say this (still on the topic of Bad Men): because you
were ill treated and not protected, you are now protecting people that didn’t
even protect you. I see men doing this more than women, but it can happen on
both sides. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How many of you are willing to go to the mirror and make
this declaration? I am not my past, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am
not what my parents said that I was (especially if it was negative), I am not
the abuse, I am not what a bad man said and did to me. God loves me despite
what that bad man did to me. I no longer live my life in anger and shame! I
declare that I’m healed from the pain that the bad man did to me (if you have
to cry after saying it), do it! I’m free from what religious people say to me,
because what’s important to me is what you, God, say who I am. And I accept
what and who You say I am. I no longer have to prove to others of my identity,
because You God have given me my identity! Thank You Jesus! I surrender all the
myths, and false truths that I had of You. You are not like man, and I
surrender every feeling that I feel that is keeping me in a cycle of hurt! No
bad man has that much power over me to where I am stuck in this situation in my
life. I forgive me, and I ask that You forgive me. Amen!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can be made whole from the bad men in your life! Do you
believe it? If yes, walk in it (by faith, if you have to).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-629075001912505122017-11-25T09:19:00.000-08:002017-11-25T09:19:21.935-08:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 15: Denial)<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope everyone enjoyed his or her fabulous Thanksgiving.
When it comes to this particular blogpost, I know, I know, I’m rather late; I
initially started writing this blogpost back in April of this year, but a lot
has transpired this year for me, so I cease from procrastinating and finish
this much needed blogpost. I don’t know about you, but this year has been a
year of change for me. As I think about this year as a whole, there are many
people (whether they will admit it or not) living in denial. Have you ever
looked at someone and see the beauty of someone, but if you look into their
eyes and sometimes listen to their words, you can see and/or hear the pain that
they’re trying so hard to keep inside. They know they need to alter their
mindset, or make a change on the inside, but they refuse to (and end up doing
the same things over and over again expecting different results). Now that’s
just one area. Let’s take this up a notch.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As you can see, this blogpost is dealing with the mask of
denial. Where we know something is wrong, but we just don’t want to deal with
it because it’s too messy, or it’s a matter of “I’ve got this under control,”
when the truth is, you don’t! That’s denial. Have you ever been in a
relationship when a man who was totally at fault, stepping out of the
relationship, cheating, lying to you, and your healing process consists of you
attacking them in the following manner, “Where were you? See, this is why I
don’t trust you. You don’t respond to my texts when I text you? What! You don’t
love me? Your words say one thing, but I just don’t trust you! I called your
job, and they told me that you weren’t there. In fact, your friends told me
that you skipped work! Give me your passwords to your social media accounts and
your phone! Let me see who you’re texting?” And the other person says, “Where’s
my privacy? You don’t trust me?” Would you say this is a case of jealousy or
trust issues? I’ve never been in this situation before that I just type
(thankfully), but I know these situations do happen in real life and on the TV
screen. If I were to analyze this, there are issues that both parties have to
address. The one doing the attacking is possibly struggling with trust and lack
of it that he/she received during the course of their upbringing. The one who
was asking, “Where’s my privacy?” actually provided no trust in the
relationship for whatever reason. The last thing anyone should do is to not
address it only to go through the same thing over and over expecting different
results in a different relationship. For the one doing the accusing, it would
appear that their heart is troubled (and Jesus said to let not our heart be
troubled); for the one accused, there’s some hurt within too where they’re not
standing up for themselves. So, because they don’t address the hurt, they’re in
essence denying the hurt inside. Dealing with hurts inside requires one to own
their process. This is how effective change takes place. This is something I’m
working through in my life as I look at some areas where I am damaged, fearful,
and feeling bound in certain areas. I have to own my process, and stop denying
or procrastinate in making a change about it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But let’s take the above paragraph another level. Sometimes
the person doing the accusing may do this and there was never a violation in
the first place. In other words, the accused is actually innocent, but the
accuser is so used to being betrayed in the past (from the past – whether it be
bad relationships, or upbringing), that now, they’re playing the doctor/nurse
and just want to operate on something that doesn’t need surgery at all. So this
could possibly be denial of what they’re experiencing in their mind and heart. The
way this denial is expressed is very extreme. If you really look closely at the
situation, the accuser just wants to be safe and secure. If you deny being
truly safe and secure (and you just isolate yourself without God’s Word in your
spirit), you can never be whole from this feeling that’s within you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Think about this, have you ever said, “Are you feeling me?”
only to just share your thoughts and describing your feelings. Feeling really
requires one word, such as “I feel abandoned. I feel hurt.” Those are examples.
When you do that, it actually helps you get in touch with what you are going
through. This requires your thoughts to be separated from what you feel. Are
you willing to understand your process? When there’s pain inflicted on someone,
that pain is felt by the person who’s hurt and the response from the person who
they hurt that now the person who did wrong has to bear. The key here is to
stop denying the pain you really feel – regardless if it’s someone who’s
currently in your life, or someone who’s no longer in your life. Let it go and
let God create in you a clean heart. If your heart isn’t clean, the devil will
allow you to stay in that hurt, and your heart will continue to bleed and will
never heal. This is why I am always conscious of what I say and do to others,
because I know that my wrongs don’t affect others, they affect me too. Staying
in denial doesn’t hurt just you; it hurts others who are around you. For many,
they’ll stay in denial because of the fear of the unknown. You’re not mean to
go through this alone, that’s why Jesus said to take His yoke because it’s easy
and His burden is light. Your body isn’t built to carry burdens. Carrying them
just to have someone to carry is really pride (which the devil thrives on).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did you know that faultfinding is a form of denial? What am
I talking about, you might ask. This is where you strive to seek the bad/wrong
in every person you are entering a relationship with, and the problems with the
relationship are on them and not you. You use faultfinding as a weapon as
needed so that you can take the nearest exit out of the door. A lot of this
faultfinding is hinged on something you’ve experienced in your life. Would you
agree or disagree? Think about this one. I know it hurts, but this could
actually hinge on self-sabotage (mentioned in Part 12: Restoration of “Self”). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you have ever justified your denial, you will probably
relate to this part right here. If I deny the pain that I experienced in my
abuse (like I did during my teen years) and justify it, then I’m really wearing
the mask of “everything is fine,” when the truth is, I’m broken, battered and
beaten. Sadly, society and some churches want you to have the mask on and stay
in denial (without helping you cope with the pain that you have to take to bed
with you every night). Denying my abuse and justifying it looks like this, “if
you have protected me, then I wouldn’t hate you as much as I do now!” In a
relationship, it will look like this, “I am single because the last man I had
punched me in the face, talked down to me, cheated on me, wanted to have a
threesome, etc.).” If someone violated your trust, you can easily project that
on people who didn’t harm you and justify your reason for being extremely
jealous. In other words, this justification of your behavior is denying that
you have the ultimate responsibility for how you conduct your life – and you’re
blaming other people for your actions.” The beauty of God is that He’s not
judging you as hard as you are judging yourself. Your behavior is a work, and
it’s not the grounds for your salvation. Religion (and the devil) will tell you
that your behavior determines your salvation, and that’s a lie! And on that
note, don’t deny your true feelings when you’re talking to God, He already
knows and He’s not judging you, like man does!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When it comes to sexual abuse, we deny because of the shame
that it’s placed on us as well as the pain that was afflicted on us (I will
address the root cause of the pain which will be called Church Hurt, so stay
tuned). I have met so many people who have denied their pain and I remember
having to tell someone, “If you continue to deny your abuse, if a trigger
happens and you haven’t dealt with it, you will explode.” Yes, the pain and the
hurt you experienced was not your fault, you see the enemy wants you to take on
the pain that was inflicted and denial causes you to assume the blame, pain and
then you’re on a downward spiral to where it affects you mentally. I’ll be
honest; this is something I had to realize. If unresolved pain isn’t resolved,
and it’s denied, triggers have a way to cause the pain to be infected. Years
ago, I experienced it, and it shook me to the core. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This might be off subject, but it still applies to the
denial concept. On a normal scheme of things, if parents are walking with God, the
parent loves the child unconditionally – there is nothing the child could do to
make the parent stop loving the child. But of course, not every parent walks
with God, and the parent puts conditions on the child (if you do this or that,
say this or that, that will prove that you love me – otherwise, my love for you
is conditionally). When parents walk with God, a child could say I hate their
parents, the parents won’t stop loving and/or praying for them. When parents
aren’t walking with God and the child says not only do they hate them, or
questions why did they allow the abuse to happen to them, the parent will deny
and wonder, “what did I do wrong?” and they deny what’s really going on within
them. Then everything goes downhill, to include blame shifting (now everyone
becomes the source of their own problem). That’s not healthy for anybody, and
it’s just pure denial. I pray this paragraphs sets victims of this kind of
abuse free (if you had parents who were manipulative – and denying it till the
cows come home), and those who are living in pure denial. If you read Part 14:
Distorted View of God, when a child is loved conditionally, this love can
create a distorted view of God (and when a parent denies or neglects a child,
it creates a distorted view of God to the point that their foundation of who
God is to them is on shaky, if not stony ground). And when an adult (who is
still longing for the approval from the parent, when the parent neglected them)
is trying to discover who God is, it’s distorted (which is all a setup by the
devil, not God). Refer back to the blogpost from yesterday on this. This
paragraph here is really describing denial that indirectly affects you when you
weren’t the one who caused it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So what we have discovered here in this blogpost is that
denial can either start with us, or be passed down from generations. Now, the
decision has to be made if you want to be free and made whole from the mask of denial.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-81148297124830778922017-11-24T07:10:00.000-08:002017-11-24T07:10:20.523-08:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 14: Distorted View of God)<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Before I begin this blogpost, some of you, just based on the
title may be thinking, “Who does he think he is? My view of God isn’t
distorted!” Well, before you discount this blogpost, I want you to understand
the perspective I’m about to write from, I promise you it’ll all make sense. I
dedicate this blogpost especially to women who have been abused in childhood
and/or grew up without a father in the home (or had a father there but was not
present emotionally, or enabled the mother to be abusive).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve talked to many women in my lifetime who have shared
their story of abuse with me, and I think of one person in particular. I
believe her story will show that there are many who are walking around with a
distorted view of God. One day, about a month after the passing of my father, a
woman posted a suicide note on social media. People ridiculed her and started
to become overly spiritual with her, so I sent her an inbox to call me if she
happened to get that message. Well, she called me, and proceeded to tell me her
story. This woman, at the time, was between her late 20s and early 30s. She
shared with me that when she was under the age of six, her father, a minister at
a denominational church, molested her and would pass her off to her much older
brother (in his late teens). According to her, they told her that she initiated
it and wanted it. I had to tell her that there was no way she could initiate
anything being so young, and most importantly it was not her fault.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to use this story to pull out a few points that
clearly define a distorted view of God, and I must say that it’s not the
victim’s fault. But the victim can now do something about it, which I will explain
as this blogpost progresses.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first point that I want to make is the fact that her
father took advantage of a child who has does not have the capacity to think
like an adult. And because he is a minister of the gospel, what does the child
think? Her father is like God, and God endorses the ill treatment of His
children. That of course is a lie from the pit of hell. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The second point piggybacks off the first point. If the
father was never in the home, and if God is a Father, then that would signify
that God isn’t there when the child needs Him the most. Thankfully, God is not
like a natural father. Humans treat others cruel as a result of sin in the
world; God can’t sin because He watches over His Word to perform it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The third point is that this woman’s father lied to the
child saying that she initiated the sex act. Then this will indicate that God
can’t be trusted as a result of what the father did the child, if God is
supposed to be a Father. And it also gives hints that God endorses abuse. That
of course is a lie from the pit of hell. Man lies; God is not a man that He
should lie!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you look at those three points, there are many people who
have suffered abuse that could relate to at least one of the three points. Just
know that God is not like a natural father. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me say this, first and foremost, I’m sorry for any abuse
you endured. God does not endorse this type of abuse. It’s recorded in the book
of Matthew where Jesus states the following: “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Whoever causes one of these little ones (children) who believe in Me to
sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and
he were drowned in the depth of the sea.</i>” (18:6). Another way of saying
this would go (using the Message Bible): “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But
if you give them (children) a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their
simple trust, you’ll soon wish you hadn’t. You’d be better off dropped in the
middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck. Doom to the world for
giving these God-believing children a hard time! Hard times are inevitable, but
you don’t have to make it worse—and it’s doomsday to you if you do.”</i> So, we
have here that God does not endorse abuse, and it’s more of a tragedy for a
minister of the gospel to abuse a child and/or lie to a child (saying they
initiated the abuse, or just manipulating the child). That is pure church abuse
(which brings about church hurt). Know that you can heal, but keep in mind that
man is fallen, God is not, as He is eternal. Separate the two and know they
have to account to God. Keep reading, as I will share on how to get a right
view of who God is. If you are an adult, and didn’t grow up with an earthly
father, my heart goes out to you. I have more to say on that in just a moment. God
does not take advantage of His children. He loves them and nurtures and as you
can see from the passage above, He loves children and does not tolerate when
adults abuse children. God doesn’t lie to His children because He is the Truth.
Man unfortunately will lie to children, and when they do, it skews their
perception of God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So where does this
distortion come from? Very simple, the devil! He doesn’t want children to know
who God really is. God is so irresistible, that you can’t help but love Him
once you understand who He really is. Society and the nuclear family structure
is doing all they can to equate God to people, and there is no comparison. I’ll
be honest; I thought my view of God was like my parents. Think about it, a
child looks up to their parents, and when a parent fails them, their view of
the world is negative (granted, mine was on many levels – this is why I go
about changing the world the way I do).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because their view of the world is negative, they’ll equate God like
their parents and will be turned off from God. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to keep my promise and address those who didn’t grow
up with a father (or perhaps the father was home, but was either absent, or was
an enabler to a narcissist), you may have what’s called an “orphan spirit.”
What’s that? Bishop Joseph Mattera (whom I quoted in Part 7: The Bitter Pill)
has this to say about the orphan spirit:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ever since Adam and
Eve were alienated from God the Father in the Garden of Eden,
an orphan spirit has permeated the earth, causing untold damage!
(By “orphan,” I am referring to a sense of abandonment, loneliness, alienation
and isolation.) Almost immediately after the fall in Eden, the fruit of
this orphan spirit resulted in jealousy, culminating in Cain
murdering his brother Abel because God the Father didn’t receive Cain’s
offering. To make matters worse, in contemporary society, with the breakup of
the nuclear family, large amounts of people are not only alienated from God but
are brought up without the loving care and security of their biological
fathers.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I believe all of the
emotional, physical and spiritual ills of society can be traced to humans
feeling alienated from God and their biological fathers.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One blogpost said the following about spiritual orphans
(which can cause a distorted view of God):<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://cbgrace.wordpress.com/2010/02/24/how-to-pray-for-an-orphan-spirit/">https://cbgrace.wordpress.com/2010/02/24/how-to-pray-for-an-orphan-spirit/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Spiritual orphans are
the result of several things. The Bible indicates that when father’s
and children’s hearts are turned from each other, a curse can
result. I am not sure about you, but I think we are there.
One of the great things about God is we can start
over. The church has allowed the attitudes and
ideas of the world to infiltrate it. With divorce and unwed
mother rates soaring, western cultures have begun to embrace the idea that
fathers as disposable and unnecessary. Many individuals will live their
entire lives without a healthy relationship with their father or a father
figure. Fathers have let down their children; they have abandoned and not
pursued their own children. Another attitude we have seen reflected
in the church is that the “younger generation” with all their fiery passion is
somehow more valuable than the deeply rooted generations that have gone before
them. When society began shuffling the elderly off to nursing homes, the
attitude in our churches changed as well. Most churches market to
younger people. Meanwhile, our older generation has thrown in the
towel. They no longer want to invest in a generation that devalued
them. Rejection begets rejection.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I want to address how
to handle the orphan spirit but first we must identify it.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Here are some
characteristics of the orphan spirit:</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ol>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Unable
to put down roots in a church or change churches frequently</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Always
on the look out for something bigger and better</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Feeling
based faith (if it feels good, feels right, etc then I will follow it).</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Need
recognition</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Easily
offended</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Feelings
of abandonment even when one has not been abandoned</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Attitude
of “No one is going to tell me what to do”</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Attitude
of “I know…” (unteachable)</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Survivalist
Mentality always looking out for oneself</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Never
truly comfortable in the presence of anointed spiritual father</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Reject
others before they can be rejected</i></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In closing, a friend of mine (Joy Robinson) said this (and I
believe this will allow you to be made whole from your distorted view of God): <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">When you have an
orphan heart, you have a distorted view of God the Father. A son or daughter
can accept correction and discipline because they know they are loved. But an
orphan heart has difficulty accepting correction and coming into alignment with
God’s plan for their life. Orphans have deep trust issues and consequently they
will bail out first in an effort to avoid hurt. But daughters know that they
are accepted in the Beloved already. Here are some declarations of being loved
that sons and daughters should walk in: </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ol>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Because
I am loved by God, I do not fear being unloved by people so I don’t have to do
anything to earn love from anyone God nor people I don’t have to keep track of
who loves me and who doesn’t.</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Because
I am loved by God, I am not envious of anyone or anything anyone has. I already
have the most precious treasure in the world, the love of God.</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Because
I am loved by God I do not have to retaliate against anyone who wrong with me
because nothing they can do to me could diminish God’s love for me by a
millimeter because I am loved by God I do not have to retaliate against anyone
who wrong with me because nothing they can do to me could diminish God’s love
for me by a millimeter!</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Because
I am loved by God, I do not have to seek revenge in an attempt to even the
score because the balance of God’s love for me was not and cannot be disturbed
by anything anyone does.</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Because
I am loved by God, I do not have to hold grudges because note that any person
owes me could ever out measure the balance of the love account got hat for me.</i></li>
<li><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Because
I am loved by God, I do not have to withhold love from anyone because God‘s
love for me is not diminished by me loving someone else. My love tank does not
go down from loving someone else. I am not in danger of running out of love
because God is my source of love, not people.</i></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-51054742658244011902017-11-21T16:30:00.000-08:002017-11-22T11:28:49.773-08:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 13: The Letter)<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hey Special One,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As you read this, I want to you know that you are beautiful,
you are special, and most importantly, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
And for anyone to tell you otherwise, is not telling you the truth, nor is what
they say that’s not who you really are the truth. So, let’s shine the light
over that lie.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I see the best in you and most importantly, the God that I
serve sees the best in you. I don’t know who discounted you or wrote you off
during your childhood. Was it your mother, your father, your siblings, your
aunts, your uncles, your grandparents, or was it other extended family members
to include friends of family? I also don’t know who is currently discounting
your true identity or worth right now, is it the man or woman that’s in your
life? Is it a co-worker, or a stranger that really doesn’t know who you really
are? It may be time to cut those ties, because your associates will either add
value to you or devalue you. And I’ll say this, those who discount you, are
actually devaluing you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whoever told you that you need to be the talk of the town
and that you need to just be popular – just to get attention – is lying to you.
I know your childhood wasn’t picture perfect, and neither was mine. May I
encourage you right now and tell you that you are not your past. You are not
what your abuser said that you are. You can be free, healed and whole. I know
you have dreams, aspirations and goals. May I say that you may not be mentally
ready for some of them just yet? There is a growing process that has to take
place, and it starts with being comfortable in your own skin. So, you must ask
yourself, do you love you? When you look in the mirror when you’re by yourself,
what do you see? Do you see your past, your pain, your shortcomings, or
possibly your mistakes? If you do, do you believe that you can learn from them,
grow from them so you can eventually declare what was mentioned in the first
paragraph that truly is your identity? No man, woman or other human being will
ever love you unconditionally than God. And let me say that you don’t have to
compete with others for your attention; you are beautiful just as you are. I
see the pain when I look at you, and I know that you are doing all you can to
masquerade it, but there are consequences if you’re not careful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whoever told you that you need to be a certain shape or size
just so you can be attractive, is lying to you. Whoever told you that love has
to hurt is lying to you. I know you are strong, and I don’t deny it, and when I
look at you, I see the pain and the tears that you are holding on to because of
the situations you’ve put yourself in. I know you are fearful of the next step
in your life. Just know that fear paralyzes, and faith sets you free. You are
more than what people say they are and you don’t have to live up to other people’s
expectations. That old saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words
will never hurt me,” is a lie from the pit of hell! Words have the power to hurt
or heal. And you are not the negative words that clearly devalue who you really
are. The people who talk down to you are people that are trying to build
themselves up at your expense. Let them go, as they will do what they can to
destroy you with their words. May I encourage you right now and tell you that
you are not your past. You are not what your abuser said that you are. I know
you are carrying a weight (not physical weight, I’m talking about weight of
fears, hurt, shame, etc.), which is actually a burden, but our human bodies
aren’t built to carry that weight. You can be free, healed and whole. I know
you have dreams, aspirations and goals. Write down who you really want to be
and desire to have in your life. So, you must ask yourself, do you love you?
When you look in the mirror when you’re by yourself, what do you see? Do you
see your past, your pain, your shortcomings, or possibly your mistakes? If you
do, do you believe that you can learn from them, grow from them so you can
eventually declare what was mentioned in the first paragraph that truly is your
identity? No man, woman or other human being will ever love you unconditionally
than God. And let me say that you don’t have to compete with others for your attention;
you are beautiful just as you are. Once you divorce yourself from the opinions
of others, you enter another dimension.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just know my special one, you are uniquely gifted, and there
is no one like you. Despite what you’re going through physically, mentally,
emotionally, financially, and spiritually, God loves you and He is not
punishing you. He has nothing but love for you, and I do too. May His peace
surpass all of your understanding, and know that you can be free, healed and
whole from everything that you’ve been through in your life. He can give you
beauty for the ashes that you’ve accumulated in your life and He can restore
your broken self-worth/self-identity if you will let Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-31062029449356726242017-09-27T03:52:00.001-07:002017-09-30T09:39:35.843-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Interlude: If I Could)<div style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">
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Good morning or afternoon, wherever you are in the world. I
pray that God's love is touching you and you are walking in that love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
Many of you who have been following my blog for the past 2 years know that I
have been on the series "Will You Be Made Whole?" Before I continue
on, I want to take a moment and share something on my heart with you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Back in 1993, there was a song recorded by Regina
Belle entitled If I Could (and I believe it was also recorded by jazz
legend Nancy Wilson). It's basically saying that I would do such and such
to take the place of what you went through.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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As I look at my life, I have seen a lot of things and met a
lot of people. Of course, life doesn't hand everyone a rose, and because I have
a heart that really cares, it can be real easy for me to be either
misunderstood. So, if you are reading this, take a moment to locate where you
are mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. If you have suffered a
lot in your life, I now declare a trigger warning. Please understand I don't
mean any harm, I care about your freedom and so does Christ.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So reader, if I could cry the tears you cry because you have
been lied to by your significant other, I would and I will. If I could cry for
the pain of having to raise your child without help, I would and I will. If I
could cry for the lack of support you get from your significant other, I would
and I will. If I could cry for the pain you've endured in your relationship, I
would and I will. If I could cry for the death of someone you loved or close to
you, I would and I will. If I could cry for the ostracizing you've endured in
childhood and adulthood, I would and I will. If I could cry for the abuse you
endured in childhood, I would and I will. If I could cry for the hole in your
heart as a result of your father being absent in your life (or was there but
was a silent father), I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain you take
on at the hands of your abuser (knuckling down to the devil), I would and I
will. If I could cry for the pain you are experiencing as a result of your
parents or family abandoning and/or neglecting you, denying your pain, and
causing you to be the scapegoat, I would and I will. If I could cry for the
lies you were told by a mate, family member, or those who said they loved you,
I would and I will. If I could cry for the blockages in your mind, heart and
spirit due to anything mentioned above, I would and I will. If I could cry for
the shame you feel after having been manipulated, I would and I will. If I
could cry for the torment you feel as a result of those in church who threw
legalism at you to condemn you or puff themselves up over you, I would and I
will. If I could cry for the anger you feel from church folk who talk you into
staying bound and keep you from expressing true freedom, I would and I will. If
I could cry for the view of God that arose as a result of your past, I would
and I will. If I could cry for the hurt you feel and the help you haven't
received, I would and I will. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, what is the underlying message to this post? It's very
simple. I cry with you because we are to bear one another's burdens. We are all
a part of God's body. And as I speak on burdens, our bodies aren't meant to
carry burdens. You can be made whole, and more importantly, Jesus wants you to
be whole. I know many of you want it and desire it, but you have to act on that
in order for it to be a reality. You can try to rationalize it in your mind,
that's not going to get it. The burdens are going to have to come off you as if
you were taking off your wet clothes (did I say that). And as you take your wet
clothes off, you leave them at the feet of Jesus, never to return from those
wet clothes that have kept you bound. Just know that I love you reader, and
here's to your freedom in Christ (and please don't let the devil whisper in
your ear telling you to hold on to them).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
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Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-71408062625370574602017-09-09T17:00:00.000-07:002017-09-09T17:00:12.036-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 12: Restoration of "Self")<div class="MsoNormal">
When you think about “self,” is the first thing that comes
to mind is the concept of “me, myself, and I.” How many of you believe that for
your life, it’s all about “me, myself, and I and forget about everybody else?”
Well, that’s what I want to talk about in this post, the concept of “self,” and
the restoration of “self.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are so many words that can go after the word “self.”
What comes to mind are as follows:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Esteem<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Preservation<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Control<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Centered<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Image<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Defeat<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Justification<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Identity<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Worth<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Love<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Mutilate<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Serving<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Hate<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Self-Destruction<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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Self-Sabotage<o:p></o:p></div>
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Those are just some words, and there are many more that I
didn’t mention. Self isn’t arbitrarily a bad thing, but it can be if you rely
on “self” more than you do God to the point of making your “self” an idol. The
late Stephen Covey talked about a centered life, and one area was
“self-centered.” A self-centered life in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective
people consisted of the following:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Self-centeredness is
probably the most common center out of the other centers (money, family,
spouse, church, work, pleasure, friend/enemy, etc.) and it’s obvious form is
“selfishness,” which violates the values of many people. When you are
self-centered, you accept and never give (in other words, “what’s in it for
me,” “if it feels good.”). Your security is constantly changing, and you view
the world by how decisions, events or how circumstances will affect you. In
fact, your ability to act is limited to your own resources.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
According to Stephen Covey, self-centeredness also breeds
self-justification and self-interest. Before I forget, the two types of self
that I really want to focus on for this blogpost are “self-worth” and
“self-sabotage.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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If you look at Numbers 13, it’s a familiar story; it’s the
story of Moses sending spies to survey the land. Ten of the twelve said that
they couldn’t do take the land, even though God said it was given to them. Only
two heeded the word of God. Now, here’s the interesting part (especially in the
last two verses – 32 and 33): <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">So they
gave the Israelites a bad report about the land which they had spied out,
saying, “The land through which we went, in spying it out, is a land that
devours its inhabitants. And all the people that we saw in it are men of great
stature. 33 There we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak are part
of the Nephilim); and we were like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we
were in their sight.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did you notice something? Their enemies rarely can detect
spies and what the spies did was cause the nation to take their side (with the
exception of Joshua and Caleb). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
said, “We were like grasshoppers.” They discounted themselves out and saw
themselves a way that their enemies may not have seen them. Have you ever known
people (or have you even done it yourself) to discount themselves before others
when they probably weren’t thinking that way about them? Using myself as an
example, “I may think that a particular woman may not like me because I’m so
unusual. So I don’t even introduce myself, when the truth may be that she
really likes me.” I missed an opportunity due to self-sabotage because of low
self-worth. That’s what the children of Israel did. They sabotaged their own
success. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t self-sabotage your self-worth because of somebody
else. People will hate you whether you do/say something or whether you don’t
do/say something. In short, people will hate you just because. This message
here is to not be defeated from the start due to a low self-esteem
(self-worth).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May I use a gruesome example: A woman is in a marriage with
a man who claimed he loved her but physically and emotionally abuses her.
During the course of the marriage, he wants her to worship him, talk to nobody
by him, and is extremely jealous of her to the point that she has to look down
at the ground whenever they are in the public eye. You can tell right there
that this woman’s self-worth is destroyed and possibly her view of God may be
skewed as well. When this happens, it’s easy to start self-sabotaging yourself
to thinking, “this is what God wants from me, to suffer and stay in the
marriage till death do we part.” It’s also easy to start thinking this abnormal
life is normal. Even if she gets out, she will do whatever she can to gain
control over everything around her (especially her life), and fears any loss of
control due to what she experienced. Do I understand the rationale behind it?
Yes. Does her life need to be repaired? Absolutely. Will it be difficult for
her to go through the process and will she really want to go through the
process? It will be difficult, and will do everything possibly in many cases to
avoid the process. When this situation happens, it will be easy to mistaken
what’s God when it really is self because of the control component. In other
words, whatever good happens may sometimes be God, and every bad thing we blame
God for it, especially when it doesn’t go the way we want it to go.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, how do we restore self-worth to stop self-sabotage? It’s
a great question, and here are some things to help along the way. If you are
someone who believes in God (or even if your view of God is skewed because of
traumatic events), your self-worth can actually be improved when you understand
God’s principles for what they really are (in other words, read it as if you
were a little child – and do what you can to throw away every teaching that was
legalistic and condemning). When you become engrossed in His principles, it
will improve your self-worth. Let me give you some examples from His Word that
confirm who you are:</div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">You are a fellow heir to a divine inheritance
among the saints (Ephesians 1:18)</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">You are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood
(1 Peter 2:9)</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">You are crucified with Christ, nevertheless you
live, and the life you now live, you live by faith (Galatians 2:20)</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Another way to improve your self-worth is to serve others,
like mentor a child who’s coming up in this crazy world. So, I close with two
questions to consider:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">What can you do to serve others? When you give,
you actually open yourself up to so many blessings to you (please, don’t do
this just for the blessings, let it really come from your heart).</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">What are areas in your life where your pride
needs to be swallowed (when I say pride, I’m referring to the concept of, “I’m
a self-made man; I’m a self-made woman and I got here by myself”)? Of course
that’s not true, we all received help at some point. What are some areas where
you need to humble yourself? Remember, pride comes before destruction, and
before the Lord, we must humble ourselves. He does know what’s best for us, and
He’s the only one who can restore your “Self-identity!”</span></li>
</ol>
<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Will you let Him do that? He wants to restore your “self”
into what He originally designed for you. He wants to place blessings and not
cursing on you (in fact, it’s our “self” that cause them to come, not Him). The
enemy wants you to “self-sabotage,” which cause “self-defeat!” Jesus wants to
restore the “self-esteem” and “self-worth” that was destroyed by the enemy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-50878760199900115092017-07-04T16:24:00.000-07:002017-07-04T16:24:14.140-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 11 - The Past)<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, first and foremost, Happy 2017 (considering this is my
first blogpost for the year 2017). I know, I’ve been procrastinating, so I ask
for your forgiveness. It’s ironic that I’m posting my first blog for the year
on Independence Day – and I pray that this post will allow you to break free
from the past. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was blessed to listen to a Marriage Made EZ from October
2016. It featured my parents and the special guests were the gospel duo Mary
Mary and their respective husbands. As I listened, I started to reflect on my
past and my journey to being free from the past (and I am free in faith). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few years back, I did a blogpost entitled P.C.A (Porn,
Children & Abuse). If you didn’t read it, I invite you to read this before
continuing on with this post.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2014/10/pca-porn-children-abuse.html">http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2014/10/pca-porn-children-abuse.html</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The reason why I did that particular post was to address
something that was haunting me, and now I want to explain that post and expand
from that post. Now there are some things that you may have gone through in your
past, and God may be the only person you need to confess the pain and shame
from your past. The reason I am going public with this P.C.A is my desire to
help others. I also know that me holding my abuse, pain and the porn that I was
exposed to that would affect me for years would create so much shame. And
because of the pain of the past, caused some cynicism to creep up in my spirit,
which I am getting out to totally shame the devil. And I’ll be honest, I was
not only introduced to sex when I was 10/11, to porn when I was 11, and the
same uncle would watch porn for the next 3 years that he would either borrow
from his friends, or whatever my late father would leave in the house. I would
see bits and pieces of it, and I will be honest, when I was in my teens and I
would watch it, it was a bit of a love/hate relationship towards it. Part of me
enjoyed it, and the other part of me hated it to the core. Interesting, isn’t
it? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I got older, realizing some
things in my life caused me to have so much shame for all that I’ve done in my
past.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, let me say something when it comes to shame (actually,
Tina Campbell said this during that seminar, that was so eloquent). Shame and
embarrassment should never eat at you, people will say whatever they want – in
fact, they don’t even know the pain you’ve experienced. Everybody has issues,
so there’s no need to be embarrassed. The devil will do everything he can to
get you to hold on to it, because it will keep you down. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once we bring our inadequacies to Jesus, nobody else needs
to validate our deliverance. It’s so sad that we want to boast about other
people’s shame over our own. I thank God today for Him saving my life, and for
delivering me from the pain that I’ve been holding for 30+ years. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I ask that you don’t go through your past alone. In order
for me to attack your past, then I’m leaguing with the devil, I need to attack
the root that caused your pain, which is the devil – and by the way, he’s a
defeated foe. This is the day to be free and delivered. The beauty of God is
that He heals from the inside out, and there are so many who are looking for a
cure to heal from the outside in. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I’ll be honest, and please forgive me. Between sharing
that particular blogpost, and this particular post, there is a bit of shame and
fear coming out of me (and the main reason why I’m sharing this part of my life
is to shame the devil) because of some of you reading this, will see me
differently. And this is something I need to be delivered from, the opinions of
others (and I am delivered by faith). Not to justify my actions and behaviors
because it all starts with my thoughts, the main root is the lack of validation
received in childhood and that I mattered. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before I even attempt to close this blogpost, I want to say
something else. My past may have been a little jacked up, whether it be my
actions in school, the porn and movies I know I should not have seen at my age,
or the partners I had during the course of my abuse. If I weren’t delivered
from all of this, it would totally mess up my future, and reflect on every
person I was with and the porn I had watched. What I realized is this, the
devil was setting me up to fail and cause certain people in my life to abuse me
to distract my future and not see God’s blessing when it really comes. Remember
I mentioned about cynicism earlier? I could be like, she is not from God when
she really is – it’s just my spirit is messed up, and I'm allowing the initial
doubt to rob me of my future because of the pain I experienced in my past –
fear of being in pain again whether it be physically, mentally or financially.
The key here is for me to be free, and this is my declaration of independence
from my past! If you desire to be free from your past, declare your
independence from your past.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-22734467025515442342016-08-18T19:03:00.000-07:002016-08-19T05:13:15.217-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 10 - The Scapegoat Child)<div class="MsoNormal">
I was reading a book over the weekend, and the word
“scapegoat” stuck out at me. What was revealing was that it said at the end of
this particular paragraph, “many people scapegoat, so they don’t look at the
goat in the mirror.” Heavy words, but I’ll talk about that more in the end. But
for now, I want to talk about the scapegoat child living in an abusive
environment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you were to look at a narcissistic (abusive) home, the
family dynamics typically look like this: one parent is a narcissist, the other
parent is an enabler. If children are involved (especially if there’s more than
one), one child will be the scapegoat, and the other will be the golden child.
I believe the best way to talk about the scapegoat child is first sharing an
excerpt from a blogpost I stumbled across as well as share pieces of my life.
The name of the blogpost was entitled Why Family Scapegoats Become Lifelong
Victims (the entire blogpost can be read here).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/04/25/why-family-scapegoats-become-lifelong-victims/">https://luckyottershaven.com/2015/04/25/why-family-scapegoats-become-lifelong-victims/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you were
scapegoated by your family, two things can happen. You can become a narcissist
yourself (narcissism being an elaborate defense mechanism to avoid further hurt
and abuse) or you will internalize the early message that you’re worthless,
defective and have no rights. I’m going to talk about the second scenario
because that’s what this video is about and it’s what happened to me.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">As a scapegoat, you
are trained to live in fear. You become afraid to defend yourself, express your
opinions, or demand fair treatment. This attitude of worthlessness, fear and
shame is carried into adult life. Other people can immediately sense you are a
pushover and a magnet for abuse, rejection, and bullying, and you become a
target for abuse by others well into adult life.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You can become a
lifelong victim unless you find a way to break the pattern. It’s difficult to
unlearn, because it was established so early in life by the narcissistic
parent.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Golden children, who
more closely resemble the narcissistic parent or provide them with narcissistic
supply (adulation), are more likely than scapegoats to become narcissists
themselves. They will often become the aging narcissistic parent’s flying
monkeys against the scapegoated adult child, continuing the family pattern of
abuse.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Scapegoated children
are the family shock absorbers. They are the children who have been assigned to
absorb and internalize the narcissistic parents’ rage and to mirror back what
has been projected onto them.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This is exactly what
happened to me. Although because I was an only child I sometimes served the
Golden Child role, for the most part I was the scapegoat. My Aspergers and high
sensitivity made me even more perfect for that role.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">For many years I
walked around as if ashamed to be alive. I carried shame with me like a heavy
burden that affected the way I spoke, the way I related, the way I thought (all
the negative self-talk and self-hate), even the way I moved and carried myself.
I embarrassed myself</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I read that, I thought about my life. Because my uncle,
though 2 years older than me and bigger than me, was good at manipulating me
because of my psychological condition, I was an automatic scapegoat because I
was five years older than my sister. Whenever he did a wrong, I was the blame
for it (so I would suffer physical abuse as a result or if he told my parents,
or I confessed to something I either did or didn’t do, I faced the infamous
belt). Eventually, as I entered my early teens, accepting blame for everything
was quite common for me, so I eventually became numb to it all and accepted everything
that came my way for the most part. One thing the blogger wrote that stuck out
at me was that she said that they are pushovers and magnets for abuse,
rejection and bullying. Given that I have Aspergers myself, I will admit that I
was naïve to certain things in life, so I endured four types of abuse
(physical, sexual, verbal and emotional in the home), rejected by many in
school and was bullied my freshman year in high school (because upper classmen
knew my uncle and what he did to me, so that definitely made me a target). At
home, the thought was that I would never succeed in the world and that I needed
to stay home. Eventually, I struggled with life and how I felt about life and
myself. The only thing that kept me going was my desire to know Christ even at
the age of 17. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I stumbled across another blogpost that inspired this one
right here (the one above inspired it also) entitled 12 Steps to Breaking Free
from being the Family Scapegoat written by Glynis Sherwood. Here’s an excerpt of the her blogpost:<o:p></o:p><br>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Did you grow up having doubts about your self-esteem or personal worth? When things went wrong in your family, did you tend to be the fall guy? Do you find yourself encountering recurring disrespect from friends or colleagues? Do you feel unsure of yourself and/or have difficulty experiencing trust in relationships?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of these statements, you may have been scapegoated by your family. The term ‘scapegoat’ refers to a family member who takes the blame for difficulties in the family. Scapegoating is a form of bullying. Family relationships profoundly impact our identity and how we view ourselves.</i><br>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br></i>
I hope that excerpt above intrigued you like it did for me. Here's the link to read the rest of her post (which I highly recommend). She gives you ways to tell if you have been scapegoated and steps to breaking free.</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://glynissherwood.com/12-steps-to-breaking-free-from-being-the-family-scapegoat/">http://glynissherwood.com/12-steps-to-breaking-free-from-being-the-family-scapegoat/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br></div>
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The more I think about it, I see my childhood throughout what she said in her blogpost. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br>
Glynis mentioned that one step in breaking free getting in the habit of treating yourself with kindness, caring, compassion,
appreciation and acceptance. Now I can’t speak for anyone reading this but
during my teen years and having lived life as a scapegoat, there was a rage
inside of me and I held a lot of anger, hate and unforgiveness. Those three
things came as a result of being the scapegoat child. A lot of hard core rap
music at that time intensified the rage especially when I reached the age of
15. And even though I became more spiritual, there was still a root of anger,
unforgiveness and pride (that I’m addressing today).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Within the roots of anger, unforgiveness and
pride, what would grow as a result was a critical spirit (to the point of judging
them harshly), and a fight to be right at all cost. So I couldn’t agree with
Glynis more if I tried. These are things I need to practice as I type this. Oh,
there’s one more thing that I have to do, and that’s to walk in forgiveness
(forgiving others as well as myself).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Can I talk to the faith community (especially in the AA
community) for a moment? From generations past, we grew up under the philosophy
of “what goes on in the house stays in the house.” This creates an environment
to abuse, but also generational curses (full of criticism, negativity towards
self and others, denial, and many others). Denial is the drug of choice for
many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In most cases, when someone was
abused in past generations, no one will talk about it (shame, fear of
retaliation from the molester, protecting the image of the family, accused of
lying about it). Because it was never addressed, it was passed down many generations.
You might be dealing with it now. You were denied when you wanted to voice your
abuse or you were known as a liar because you revealed family secrets, and as a
result, you are living with the guilt and shame of others. As mentioned
earlier, you end up scapegoating others because it was never addressed in
childhood. Earlier, I was talking about the “goat in the mirror.” Let’s talk
about that now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In Biblical times when a
trespass (or wrongdoing was done), a scapegoat was needed to take the blame for
what the wrongdoer did. An animal was used and was slaughtered (and discarded).
That’s what happens to the child who was a scapegoat. If it was never
addressed, it carries into adulthood. Now when it comes to getting help in
matters like this, we tend to put a spiritual band-aid over it and say, “I’m
healed.” Yes, you are in faith, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go to the
doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think about it: your car needs
an oil change, you can say, my car has oil all day long, but if you don’t take
it to get it changed, you will damage your car! The same holds true for your
life. The reason why many don’t want to look at the goat in the mirror is
because what you dealt with in your past is ugly. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Another way of saying it is like this. The goat that is staring at you when you look in the mirror is the </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">pain you endured in childhood (and/or possible adulthood) that was never addressed (via denial) and now the heart is callous to where forgiving others and self is unheard of. So there's a strong chance that scapegoating will happen to shift the blame elsewhere and then kill the scapegoat to rid of the pain to avoid addressing it. Dealing with painful pasts is not easy because like an onion, there are layers. The deeper you go, the more painful it is to the eyes. In this case, it's more painful to the heart. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Many will never be set free because they will find things in their heart or life that they really don't want to see and/or change. So they will make somebody else the blame for their own issues. The sad part is God may take them to a place to be free in their heart and soul, but because the process is painful, they will refuse to go there. Here's what's important, He is with you and in my best Michael Jackson voice, you are not alone! </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">May I encourage you to go through the process? I promise you that there's a promise that follows after the process. </span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Now</span>, don’t make the mistake
in assuming blame for what you didn’t do (like I did and struggle with at times
today), that wrong done by others is on them. Take the pain that you did and
cast it over to Him and get the help needed (if you believe you need it). It
will require the work, but remember that’s a process. Within each process you
go through in life (that has a positive outcome), there’s a promise! It’s been
said, focus on the promise and not the process. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mentioned walking in forgiveness a moment ago, but I need
to say this especially to the faith community. It’s so important to walk in
forgiveness, because good friendships and relationships can be destroyed
because of the pain that was never been addressed since childhood (via the drug
denial). And I’ll be honest I have destroyed good friendships and relationships
during my walk of life due to the pain that was done to my heart and spirit. So,
I have had to go back and ask for forgiveness (regardless of how I feel, it’s
what the Word says). I’ve heard it said that we use faith for everything in
life except for the area forgiving others and self. I am learning that I have
to forgive people and myself in faith (because there will be days where seeds
of doubt will creep up and say “you haven’t forgiven them, and look at you, you’re
still beating yourself up”).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to
trust God enough with my heart to forgive others and myself. It doesn’t have
anything to do with what they did or said (and it’s not giving them a pass); it
has everything to do with my relationship with God, spending time in prayer and
meditating on His Word. Protecting myself isn’t an issue with others, if I’m
vulnerable to His Word; considering if I trust God, my heart is protected and I
will be able to forgive people when people will say and do mean things. My friendships
and relationships get the overflow based on my relationship with God.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br></div>
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As always, healing is the children’s bread and you can be
made whole!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-5475602163212008282016-08-09T16:14:00.000-07:002016-08-09T16:14:59.261-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 9 - Abuse & Destructive Words)<div class="MsoNormal">
I was getting ready to go workout, and I stumbled across
this episode of Judge Mathis on TV. I do need to issue a <b>TRIGGER WARNING</b>
because some words will be said that might create triggers and I want to be
sensitive to wherever you are in your journey to healing; if you haven’t
started, I pray that this post will encourage you to start your journey to
healing. Here’s a YouTube clip that personifies how destructive words can be to
someone who was abused and/or neglected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It really heats up around 1:50 till the end.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGM6kZMvkWw">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGM6kZMvkWw</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you were not able to view it, that’s ok. Since I saw it
from the beginning, let me catch you up to the point where the clip begins: the
mother filed a lawsuit against the daughter (the defendant) and the daughter
files a counterclaim for emotional distress. The daughter testified that she
told her mother about the abuse, but she was beaten with an extension cord and
was told to not bring it up again. So, the daughter kept that inside until she
was older. Because the daughter never addressed her pain, she ended up on drugs
and her mother took care of her daughter’s kids as a result. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s what stood out to me within the clip: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Daughter: I have a
letter from my doctor; I have the text message (from my mother) of how I enjoy
being molested. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Judge Mathis (to the
mother): You didn’t say anything about her enjoying being molested. Read where
it says she enjoyed being molested. This is the worst thing I’ve heard in 17
years! <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The doctor says this:
this letter to remind you (the daughter) that you have post-traumatic stress
disorder (PTSD) due to the catastrophic experiences you have encountered in
your life especially when you were a defenseless child. You are currently
having an exasperation of this disorder after about 5 years of stability. The
most likely reason for your decompensation is the manner you were reminded of
your past by the person who had the responsibility of protecting you from harm.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mother (reading the
text message): I didn’t find out nothing about you or anybody until you were an
adult. That’s why I said that you must’ve liked it because you kept going over
there. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know about you, but for a mother to tell a child,
“you must’ve liked it because you kept going over there,” is a slap in the
child’s face. I can’t speak for other abuse survivors, but I can definitely say
this (as an abuse survivor): I didn’t like the abuse (well, eventually I became
numb to it because no one was going to protect me because of the grooming), but
I also knew that I had no choice in the matter because my voice didn’t matter.
The more I think about it, I told my parents the whole story when I was 22, and
the response was, “why didn’t you say something then?” My response was, “would
you have believed me, and besides, I had a choice, be beat up by my uncle who
was bigger than me and good for making me pay for the mistakes he made as well
as my own, or receive the belt from you.” It’s been said that the moment your
abuse occurred and no help was provided, can actually have you stuck at the age
when the abuse occurred. See the blogpost that was released 8/7/16 on Loss of
Childhood.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need to talk specifically to the AA community (since we’re
real good at denying things, and holding dearly to the philosophy “what goes on
in the house, stays in the house”): When you deny that your child is being
abused, or you neglect their care when you know they are being abused, your
actions truly speak louder than words. When you put a spiritual band-aid over
someone who’s been abused (telling them they are healed and cursed are they if
they seek help – yes, I know that generations past were great at keeping things
inside the house), that root of hurt will fester into anger, rage, bitterness,
and don’t be surprised if the child (now an adult) acts up and ends up in a
world of trouble, if not dead mentally, physically, spiritually or emotionally.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One more thing, we should never curse
someone or tell them to deny that they are suffering from a disorder especially
if they have been through something traumatic (and never had a support group to
help them heal, or never sought professional help). And yes, there is nothing
wrong with seeking professional help, so can we please come off of your
religious pedestal for a moment? If the truth be told, and the truth should be
told, we all have something that we’re dealing with – we’re not immune to
what’s going on in this world. We should be able to support each other, fight
for each other’s healing, encourage them to heal (seeking help if needed as
well as spiritual counseling, praying healing scriptures) and not live in
denial. We’re all in this together. Thank you, now to continue with this post.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, for many who have been abused (even though
this is really addressing child sexual abuse, but I can also say for many who
have been abused of any type and regardless if it occurred in childhood or
adulthood), they end up with PTSD. Other disorders that could occur are BPD
(borderline personality disorder), Bipolar, DID (dissociative identity disorder
– I would encourage you to be tested for this if your abuse occurred under the
age of 6) or even worse Schizophrenia (whether mild or full-blown). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since this blogpost is about abuse and the power of
destructive words, let’s really talk about this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The mother on Judge Mathis had the unmitigated gall to say,
“You must’ve liked it…” Regardless of where the daughter was on her road to
healing, those words spoken were destructive and spoke death over her daughter.
If you read between the lines, the mother was saying, “I don’t give a ____
about you, whatever happens to you will happen.” Granted, the mother might have
had her own demons to fight, but the mother has a responsibility to the child
to nurture and protect – and listen to the child when they say they’re
molested, and not beat them with an extension cord saying, “they’re lying.” Telling
a child “they’re lying,” are destructive words to the child (especially if
they’re telling the truth). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here are some examples of words or phrases that are
destructive to someone who has suffered abuse or neglect:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>There’s nothing wrong with you</li>
<li>He or she is just acting out and wanting attention</li>
<li>Why are you lying? I will punish you for your lies (your molester would never do that to you)</li>
</ul>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I just wanted to give you a few, I’m sure those of you who
are reading can come up with much more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Here are some things that I had to hear during my childhood after my abuse:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>Because you don’t have a girlfriend, you are a homosexual
(male relative)</li>
<li>I understand you’re trying to be religious, but you need to
be out there with the women (male relative)</li>
<li>The way you act around the house, you will never make it through
basic training (female relative)</li>
<li>The way you act around the house, you aren’t fit for college
dorm life (female relative)</li>
<li>Look at your clothes; they’re cheap (male relative -
paraphrase)</li>
<li>The reason why your collarbones stick out is because you
have AIDS (classmate in 7<sup>th</sup> grade)</li>
</ul>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I wanted to say to the male relative at the time who
made the first two remarks was that I knew a lot more than he thought, and
there were a few women in school that I thought were attractive that I would’ve
wanted to hit it and quit it. Two buffers were in place: 1-most of the girls in
school thought I was goofy and immature (mainly because I was acting out as a
result of the abuse – which they knew and did their best to stay away from me)
and 2-the grace of God. I believe He stopped it so that I wouldn’t damage not
only their life, but mine considering I had experience with a female relative
to the point where I knew as much as someone in an X-rated movie. Now my
parents didn’t know about that incident at the time – and I’m glad they didn’t
because I probably wouldn’t have been alive today. In response to the female
relative (knowing that I couldn’t talk back to this particular relative), I enlisted
in the military to 1-prove that I can make it on my own (that would come with a
set of problems, which I’m addressing now in my 40s) and 2-fulfill the dream
that was inside my heart when I was in high school (I was not about to let her
words destroy the future that was inside my heart). To the male relative (who
talked about my clothes), that was the uncle who molested me (he put me through
hell between ages 8-14, and most of what came out of his mouth towards me was
destructive). The backlash to my uncle’s words for me was that it created a
rage inside of me (with no place to release it – except school). I was angry,
bitter, and I kept it all inside. So to cut people with words if they wanted to
hurt me was the norm (and a form of protection – note, I had an epiphany at 16,
which I believe God was making me realize that I can’t continue to live my life
like this). Believe me when I say that I was willing to defend myself at all
costs (and I vowed as I got older to defend the woman I marry – off subject:
many women see me as such a sweetheart, and probably assume that I don’t carry
the trait that I will defend a woman if needed; don’t get it twisted, I will
gladly defend and fight for my wife and beside my wife to the death if the
situation warrants it – never against her). The classmate in 7<sup>th</sup> grade gave me
a crash course of AIDS; however, her words could’ve crushed my chance at life –
knowing that once you end up with AIDS, your life for the most part is over.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I don’t want to make any excuse for the destructive
words I may have said to people during my teen years and in adulthood. Some of
them came from a place of hurt, and the remainder was out of pure ignorance.
So, if you were the recipient of any words that were destructive to your ears,
I ask for your forgiveness. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Can we be healed from destructive words? Absolutely! Once we
realize the life and death are in the power of the tongue, we won’t harm others
or ourselves. Healing is the children’s bread, and I hope you stand with me as
we are on the path to wholeness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s an example of positive words that will assist in your
healing process. Using Proverbs 12:18 as an example, a confession can be made
from this verse that speaks life to the body.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Proverbs 12:18 – Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as
any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Confession: My tongue makes me well. I have what I say. I
say, The Lord is my Healer. I say, He takes sickness away from me. I say, No
plague can come nigh my dwelling. I say, He healeth all my diseases. What I
confess, I possess. My words make me well. There is healing power in my words,
for they are God’s Words. I speak health to every muscle, tissue, fiber, and
cell in my body. I release God’s healing power with my words into my whole
body. Healing is mine! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-59888934525097559502016-08-07T13:37:00.000-07:002016-08-07T13:39:45.942-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 8 - Loss of Childhood)<div class="MsoNormal">
This past Thursday night, I was leaving a meeting and
someone said to me three words, “loss of childhood.” My initial thought was the
late and the great, Michael Jackson. I’ll talk about him in just a moment. But
at the same time, I had to ask myself, “did I lose my childhood? Is this the
cause of the pain that’s in my heart that has caused people throughout my life
to say I’m goofy, immature and a whole host of other words that are degrading?”
Before talking about my life, let’s look at Michael Jackson’s life for a
moment. Despite how the media strove to demonize him and to give them what they
wanted, music, drama and stories that would generate attention for their gain
and his loss, his childhood was far from perfect.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is an excerpt from the following articles: <a href="http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/michael_jackson_lost_childhood.html">http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/michael_jackson_lost_childhood.html</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://sites.jmu.edu/103fall14/mj-draft/">https://sites.jmu.edu/103fall14/mj-draft/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">As the world learned,
however, was that Michael Jackson had a dark side that involved child <span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">abuse</span>, neglect, and
accusations of child molestation. You find can an entire populace of people with
similar history in prison.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It wasn’t enough that
Michael suffered a lost childhood. He was never allowed to be own person. His
spirit was never free. Instead, his life became a tool for others to make
profit of his enormous talent. His father, Joe Jackson, was not a successful
man on his own by any means. He was a steel worker during the day, hardly
carrying enough change in his pockets for lunch.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To his credit,
however, Joe Jackson was a driven man. He played in a band and was a talented
guitarist. Perhaps he had <span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">dreams</span>
playing for record label, but fell victim to the circumstances in his day:
poverty, racism, and missed opportunities.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To some, growing old
and not fulfilling your lifelong dream is intolerable. Joe Jackson may not have
wanted any of that. So, his kids became the pawns for his success. According
the Michael and his sister LaToya, Joe Jackson was a tyrant with an iron fist.
He ran the household with fear, intimidation, and complete lack of concern
about his children’s feelings.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Which Michael at the
realm, the Jackson 5 attracted television and record deals. Before they became
famous, they would play in small clubs and bars, exposing the underage boys to
bar violence, nudity, and alcohol. But their father didn’t care. He would
subject his children to anything, good or bad, to achieve fame and fortune.</i><span style="color: #0c140d; font-family: "opensans"; font-size: 16.0pt;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Like many child
stars, however, Michael was forced into world that God never meant for
children. Michael never experienced a childhood. He was busy making money for
his <span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">family</span> and for the record
labels. He was a moneymaker. Despite the claims from those who say they loved
him and showed genuine concern, he was a music moneymaking machine. The
self-worth was solely based on that. If he stopped producing, they stopped
caring.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">When he was 20 years
old, Off The Wall was released. Most people at this age are in college,
partying, studying for college exams, or thinking of their careers. Michael
remained what he was since he was 10, a money making machine. Not a man with
feelings, not a man with a spirit, and a human being. He was a money-making
machine, the darling of the media, a man with billions of dollars, yet no life.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It’s just human nature
to make up for lost experience. It not unusual for teenage moms, as soon as
their children are grown, to dress up in sexy garbs, hang out at bars, and date
younger men.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Michael’s inner demons
were not demons. They were yearnings (yearnings to have the God given right to
a normal childhood).<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Now many would say, he should’ve gotten over it or he was
mature enough to do the things he should do to heal. Well, it’s easier said
than done (especially if you don’t have the right support system – and the
media will 90% of the time fail at being a support system). Knowing that the
devil is the ruler of this world, he will steal your life, kill your life and
destroy your life (John 10:10a). And sadly, this was the case for Michael
Jackson. Many of you reading this can identify some areas of your life that
mirror his. Personally, I grew up to Michael’s music and he is a gifted
songwriter (especially with songs that were focused on healing the world).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before I share a little bit about my life, let me say this
first and foremost. Healing is the children’s bread (in other words, we have a
right to be healed – but it will require our part). Check out this excerpt
about Michael’s childhood:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Michael Jackson was
one of the biggest child stars of his time. Many people adored him because he
was such a great presence on stage and moved like no one could. He always
seemed so happy and carefree on stage, like a child should be. But that was
only a facade. Michael was not a happy child. By the time he was 9, it was
almost like he was an adult in a child’s body. He would be in school for about
three hours a day and then it was straight to recording or interviews or
performances. He had no time to be a kid, no time to play or relax, no other
friends except for his other siblings. He was lonely, but his father didn’t
care, he overworked Michael. Michael would cry from loneliness and become
depressed. He would see other children playing and having fun, while he was on
his way to the recording studio or rehearsal. There was just no time for
Michael to be a real kid.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">As Michael Jackson
grew up his fame and success skyrocketed. He was eventually able to escape his
father’s abusive grasp and become an extremely successful solo recording
artist. But as he grew up he began to reach out to the childhood that he lost.
Many people judged Michael because he always acted so childish when he grew up.
But he was trying to make up for the time he lost. He always loved children
because he saw purity and innocence in them and something magical. He loved
their imaginations and curiosity. He loved their ability to dream and he drew
from this as inspiration. Many people, mainly the press, alleged that he was
doing inappropriate, impure things with children. They said that he would have
sex and abuse other children. The lines are still blurred on these allegations.
But one thing is for sure, if Michael did any of the things held against him,
it was because of his messed up childhood.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If only people had
understood what he went through and truly understood who he was, then maybe
they wouldn’t have made his life so difficult. He changed his face because his
father called him ugly when he was a child. He hung around with kids because he
never got to play with other kids when he was young. He acted childish and silly
when he was older because he never got to when he was a child. His childhood
affected him so much and all he wanted to do was make up for lost time. People
that don’t know Michael Jackson only judge him based off of what they heard
from the media. But most people have no clue what he went through, the
emotional and physical turmoil. If only people took the time to learn about him
and learn to appreciate what he contributed during his lifetime instead of his
mistakes, then maybe they would stop judging him or making fun of him. He was a
great man and the whole world should know. It’s not his fault his childhood was
so broken.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes we can be so wrapped up in self that we still opt
to blame Michael (and people who suffered under the hand of abuse, neglect) for
all that they endured (and that they should have gotten over it). If there was
no support group around (or you grew up in a community where the philosophy was
“what goes on in the house, stays in the house”), there’s a slim chance that
you will get the support and help you need. So, what happens, you end up resorting
to destructive means to cope (even if you know that it’s not going to benefit
you). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are certain parts of Michael’s story that I’m able to
relate to. And I’ll share right now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was eight years old, life became different for me. I
went from being an introvert with Aspergers to an introvert trying to survive.
Between the ages of eight and fourteen, I was thrust into adulthood in certain
areas, but at the same time, my childhood was stunted as a result of the abuse
(verbal, emotional, physical and sexual), bullying and neglect. Many of you
know the story about what my uncle did to me, but there’s one aspect of my
abuse where one of my abusers was a female relative. Now watch what I’m about
to say. Even though she initiated, it wasn’t a one-time thing. I remember my
mother asking me 10-11 years after this period, “what did I know at 11 years
old.” My response was, “well, if I was in the kitchen with her going from head
to toe for about 45 minutes to an hour, apparently I knew what I was doing.” I
made a reference to it in my blogpost <a href="http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2014/10/pca-porn-children-abuse.html">PCA</a> about being exposed to pornographic
movies by my uncle (who molested me) at the age of 11. My response after seeing
it was simply, “been there, done that.” As I think about it now, I knew a lot
more than I realized. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, I faced many of the same ridicules and struggles
that Michael did (and I’m sure many others who have lost their childhood could
say the same).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll list as many
struggles that I have seen since the time of my abuse as I can.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>Unusually high level of anger/excessive temper</li>
<li>Aggression towards family and others</li>
<li>School problems</li>
<li>Difficulty concentrating</li>
<li>Suicidal thoughts or actions</li>
<li>Withdrawal from friends and family</li>
<li>Acting out in social situations</li>
<li>Imitating the traumatic event</li>
<li>Fear of adults who remind them of the trauma</li>
<li>Sleeplessness</li>
<li>Irritability</li>
<li>Inability to trust others or make friends</li>
<li>Lack of self-confidence</li>
<li>Loneliness</li>
<li>Confusion</li>
<li>Clinginess</li>
<li>Sexual knowledge beyond the child’s age</li>
<li>Overreaction to situations</li>
<li>Re-creation of the traumatic event during play</li>
</ul>
<o:p></o:p><br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For some of you reading this, you may have identified with
what I experienced above, or you might have experienced some of these below.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>Verbal abuse towards others</li>
<li>Overly bossy or controlling</li>
<li>Stomachaches, headaches and other physical complaints</li>
<li>Fear of being separated from caregiver</li>
<li>Eating problems such as loss of appetite, low weight or
digestion issues</li>
<li>Nightmares</li>
<li>Drug or alcohol use</li>
<li>Hoarding of food</li>
</ul>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For many of us, these would be considered strongholds over
our lives. I am so thankful there’s a way to heal from that. If you’re
struggling with this, please don’t wait to get help. If you’re spiritual, pray
and/or seek help. A little FYI, it wasn’t until 2008 that I found out that I
have PTSD and until 2014 that I found out that I had Aspergers (that went
undetected). But know that we have to put in the work to get that spirit of our
childhood back. Hold me accountable as I hold you accountable. Don’t care about
public eye (they will always try to make you less than, when you are more
than).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to close this with an excerpt from this article
(which is fitting as many of us reading are adults and may be grieving from the
loss of childhood). Know that we can be made whole from what we endured from
the past. We are survivors! The full article can be read here:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.synergiacounselling.com/adult-grieving-as-a-response-to-childhood-loss-or-trauma/">http://www.synergiacounselling.com/adult-grieving-as-a-response-to-childhood-loss-or-trauma/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Most people think of
grief as a response to the loss of a loved one, but grief can be a response to
any type of loss, including the loss of something that never was (such as a
happy childhood). This post explores the experience of grief in the
present as a response to having bad experiences (from abuse, neglect, or
trauma) in the past as a child. Grief of this sort is a necessary and restorative
process that permits a person to bring new life and a renewed sense of hope to
childhood hardship and deprivation. Looked at in this way grief allows us
to cleanse ourselves of hurt and loss and continue to grow and to expand our
sense of ourselves.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Many people do not
realize that they may be suffering in the present from having been mistreated,
deprived or traumatized as a child. Partly this is the case, because it
is hard to know that something is missing if one has never had the experience
of its presence. If you did not have loving, attentive, nurturing parents
who were joyful about life and about you as their child, you might not know
that this is something that you lacked. If you were emotionally abandoned
or neglected, you may not know what it is like to be emotionally accompanied or
cared for.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Often a person does
not begin to grieve their childhood losses until they have reached a point in
their lives where in they can emotionally afford to do so. This may be
because the person has found a therapist with whom they feel safe enough or
because they find themselves with a social support system that is stable and
strong enough for the first time. The self-compassion borne out of
grieving the losses of your childhood makes it clear that you did not deserve
the abuse or neglect that you suffered and that you are hurting now because you
were hurt then and not because you were bad then.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you were neglected
or abused as a child your emotional or intellectual development may have been
truncated. This may be because you needed to use your energy to protect
yourself rather than to grow and develop naturally emotionally and
intellectually. There may not have been opportunities for you to
participate in normal, age appropriate activities such as playing, asking
hundreds of curious questions, using your imagination, experimenting with
language and cause and effect, or to getting to know yourself and your own
emotional internal world in an intimate way. Moreover, these losses and
the feelings of grief associated with them may have been unacknowledged or even
actively denied by those around you. In some cases the lack of
acknowledgement of loss can be more emotionally devastating than the loss
itself. The grief associated with unacknowledged childhood loss may be
outside your awareness, but actively affecting you to this day. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-89211020224739837102016-08-04T09:06:00.001-07:002016-08-04T09:44:05.849-07:00Don't Forfeit Your Inheritance (The Blessing of Abraham)If you happened to read my blogpost The Bitter Pill - Part 7 of my Will You Be Made Whole series (released 7/27/2016), I talked a little about Esau and the birthright he gave up (referencing Hebrews 12:14-17) near the end of that post. I want to talk about this "birthright" a little bit more in depth. <div><br></div><div>If you have a Bible, let's start with Galatians 3:13-14. It says that Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is everyone that hangs on a tree: that the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.</div><div>Now I know many people are jumping, singing and shouting in church about the blessing of Abraham and they are going to get their inheritance. That's all well and good; however, I wonder if anyone is hurt or crushed of the mere fact that they haven't seen their manifestation of their inheritance at this very moment (or you feel that you let your inheritance pass you by). If this is you, you are the one I want to talk to today.</div><div><br></div><div>So, what is this thing called "inheritance" and how will I be talking about it in this post? I'm glad you asked, so let's go back to Genesis 25. Rebekah finds out that she's carrying two children in her womb and the first child (Esau) will serve the younger (Jacob). Well, one day Esau was coming from the field and was faint. He asked Jacob for some of his soup; however Jacob saw an opportune time to seek Esau's birthright in exchange for a bowl of soup. </div><div><br></div><div>So, what does this birthright entail? </div><div>1. Leadership in worship and headship in the family</div><div>2. A double portion of the inheritance</div><div>3. The title to the covenant blessing of Abraham that God promised Him</div><div><br></div><div>When I read that, I think, "wow, Esau is has to make a choice. A bowl of soup, or maintain those three items above." One would think he would cherish the birthright (since technically, it's the inheritance of the firstborn). Verse 32 of Cahpter 25 is interesting. Esau says behold, I am at the point of death, and what profit shall this birthright do to me? In other words, I can't think straight and this temporary moment of hunger is more important of a promise that will bless the remainder of my life and leave a powerful legacy. This birthright isn't important to me, (Bishop TD Jakes said it like this),<i> it's worthless and I'm selling it for nothing.</i></div><div><br></div><div>Can I ask you a question right here? How many of you have thought of something or someone as worthless and you walk away from that very thing or person because it didn't bless you at that very moment? </div><div><br></div><div>What Esau didn't realize was that birthright was very valuable and would bless him as time progressed. Can I encourage you to not forfeit your inheritance today? I believe that many of you reading this are staring at your inheritance and are thinking about walking away from it because it's not manifested yet. If you happened to let it pass you by, don't fret, repent and ask for forgiveness. God is so awesome, He is a restorer and will restore what you loss and those wasted years.</div><div><br></div><div>Let's continue with the story of Esau and this birthright. In the final verses (verses 33-34) of chapter 25, it says that Esau sold his birthright. And it says that despised his birthright. Wow, that tells me that Esau had a choice. Although he was not in his right mental state when Jacob asked for Esau's birthright, he should've stopped and thought about it. Sometimes we are faced with situations when we are in a vulnerable state. This is something we have to be very mindful of and the devil thrives in these situations. We must really seek God when faced with a situation that could alter the course of your life (for better or worse) even if you are faint like Esau or in a vulnerable state. Once a decision is made and it turns out to be for the worse, well, let's move to Genesis 27. </div><div><br></div><div>This particular chapter focuses on Jacob & Rebekah plotting to get Isaac's blessing on their terms. After Jacob gets the blessing, Esau realizes that Jacob stole the blessing so in verse 34, he weeps bitterly. I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound good. Verse 36, Esau said that Jacob took away his birthright. I disagree, he sold it (even though it was under duress). Because his cry was bitter, he is now plotting to kill his brother. You could say that Esau just tasted the bitter pill. Of course, the punishment for Jacob seeking the blessing his way and not God's was that he would never see his mother again (because he had to flee from his brother).</div><div><br></div><div>As we are living in the last of the latter days, don't forfeit your inheritance. If you are on the verge of your inheritance, go get it! Don't let the devil talk you out of it, don't let him get you in a place of duress (mental, financial, spiritual, physical or emotional) where you stand a strong chance at forfeiting it. He loves to paint a picture that your blessing is to be gratifying at that very moment. God wants you to be patient and at peace as you wait for the inheritance He has for you. </div><div><br></div><div>Now everybody say this: no devil in hell is going to cause me to forfeit my inheritance!</div><div><br></div><div>Blessings,</div><div><br></div><div>The Mayne Man</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-17550872321299794612016-07-27T18:18:00.000-07:002016-07-27T18:18:56.381-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 7 - The Bitter Pill)<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone has tasted the bitter pill at some point in life,
and the truth is, it’s no fun tasting it because not only does it not taste
good, it affects other areas of your body (mentally, emotionally and in many
cases, spiritually). I want to address the bitter pill from an emotional
perspective and a spiritual perspective – and how the perpetrators cause
victims to taste it when they really weren’t supposed to. As a result, the pill
has created hurting souls and those souls have walls up (note: there are pros
and cons to this). Please grab some tissue as this will touch emotions and
cause certain feelings to emerge (and I ask that you not tune me out as you
read). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bishop Jospeh Mattera wrote a blog post entitled Why Hurt
People Hurt People. A few things stood out to me (to include this statement).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Until we as a church
deal with the whole person as shown in 1 Thessalonians 5:23 our congregations
will be filled with people who are spiritually gifted but act like emotional
infants. As in other words, the church must deal with emotional health and not
just spiritual health and power.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bishop Mattera said that these are typical traits that hurt
people display in their interactions with others. Many of his explanations
underneath each posts were edited for the purpose of this blogpost; however, you
can read his entire blogpost here – which is a great post in my humble opinion:
<a href="http://josephmattera.org/why-hurt-people-hurt-people/">http://josephmattera.org/why-hurt-people-hurt-people/</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
</div>
<ol>
<li><i>Hurt people often transfer their inner anger onto their family and
close friends (Often those around them become the recipients of harsh tones and
fits of rage because they have unknowingly become the vicarious recipients of
transferred rage).</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people interpret every word spoken to them through the prism of
their pain (Because of their pain, ordinary words are often misinterpreted to
mean something negative towards them. Because of this, they are extremely sensitive
and act out of pain instead of reality)</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people interpret every action through the prism of their pain
(Their emotional pain causes them to suspect wrong motives or evil intent
behind other people’s actions towards them)</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people often portray themselves as victims and carry a “victim
spirit.” (Hurt people have a hard time entering into a trusting relationship.
Hurt people often carry around a suspicious spirit)</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people often alienate others and wonder why no one is there for
them (They often continually hurt the ones they love and need the most with
their self-destructive behavior).</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people have the emotional maturity of the age they received their
(un-dealt with) hurt. (For example, if a girl was raped by a man when she was
12 years old, unless she forgives that man and allows Christ to heal her heart
and allay her fears, in that particular area of her life (sexuality with a man)
her emotional growth will stop. Even when she reaches her later years she may
still have the emotional maturity of a 12 year-old).</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people are often frustrated and depressed because past pain
continually spills over into their present consciousness. (In many instances,
they may not even be aware of why they are continually frustrated or depressed
because they have coped with pain by compartmentalizing it or layering it over
with other things over time).</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people often erupt with inappropriate emotion because particular
words, actions, or circumstances “touch” and “trigger” past woundedness</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people often occupy themselves with busyness, work, performance,
and/or accomplishments as a way of compensating for low self-esteem</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people often attempt to medicate themselves with excessive
entertainment, drugs, alcohol, pornography, sexual relationships, or hobbies as
a way to forget their pain and run from reality. (Until the church learns to
deal with and emphasize the emotional life and health of the believer, the
church will be filled with half-Christians who pray and read the Bible but find
no victory because they do not face the woundedness in their souls). Note: The
Mayne Man has to say Amen to this one!</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people have learned to accommodate their private “false self” or
“dark side” which causes them to be duplicitous and lack integrity (Often their
private life is different from their public life, which causes hypocrisy and
compounds feelings of guilt, condemnation, and depression)</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people are often self-absorbed with their own pain and are unaware
that they are hurting other people. (They are often insensitive to other people
because their emotional pain limits their capacity for empathy and their
capacity for self-awareness)</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people are susceptible to demonic deception. (Satan works in
darkness and deception, and stays away from the light. Hurt people often have
destructive habit-patterns that are practiced in the dark. Hence, their mind
becomes a breeding ground for satanic infiltration and deception. If the church
would deal more with the emotional health of the individual, there would be
less of a foothold for demonic infiltration. Also, there would be stronger
relationships, stronger marriages, healthier children, and a more balanced
approach to ministry with less of a chance of pastoral and congregational
burnout)</i></li>
<li><i>God often purposely surfaces pain so hurt people can face reality. (Whether
it is because of a marriage problem, or continual personal conflicts on the
job, God often allows conflict and spillover because he wants the infection to
stop spreading and the person to be healed. Often Christians are fighting the
devil and blaming him for conflict when in essence God often allows conflict so
that people would be motivated to dig deeper into their lives to deal with root
causes of destructive thought and habit patterns. God’s purpose for us is that
we would all be conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). This does not
just happen with Bible studies, prayer, and times of glory but also in painful
situations when we have to face what has been hurting us for many years).</i></li>
<li><i>Hurt people need to forgive to be released and restored to freedom. {The
Gospel of St. John 20:23 says that we have to release the sins of others if we
are going to be released. This means that if we do not forgive others then the
very thing we have become victimized with will become a part of our life. For
example, alcoholic fathers breed alcoholic sons if their sons do not forgive
and release their fathers. The good news is that, through the efficacious blood
of Christ, we can all be healed and set free from all past hurts so we can
comfort others with the same comfort we ourselves have received from God (2
Corinthians 1:4)}.</i></li>
</ol>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I read those 15 bullet points, I found myself in a couple
of them. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you actually see yourself in one or
more of them. And that’s OK. If you fit into at least one of them, please read
the final bullet above. Why am I emphasizing this so heavily? Because bitter
pills as a result of a hurt, can cause emotional and spiritual damage. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Can I just meddle for a minute? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of you reading may have been in
relationships or situations where it’s disappointment after disappointment, or
perhaps you were constantly neglected numerous times. Because of this, it makes
good sense to put a wall up and to guard your heart. The good side of doing
this is that it gives you a chance to recover and heal (and then understand
what it means to truly discern); the bad side is that it can cause your heart to
become callous toward people, and in many cases towards God. Situations like
this would make someone quit in a heartbeat, that’s a natural response
especially if you’ve suffered needless neglect or abuse. Note: I am not telling
anybody to stay in a situation where your life is in danger. If this is your
predicament, please seek help and safety!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This past Sunday on Christian TV, Bishop TD Jakes was
preaching from his lesson The Danger of Giving Up Too Soon. I listened and
realized that he was preaching from two blogs I had written between this year
and last year (<a href="http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2015/04/bitter-like-naomi.html">Bitter Like
Naomi</a> and the previous part of my current series subtitled <a href="http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2016/06/will-you-be-made-whole-part-6-lemonade.html">Lemonade</a>).
Because what he said was so powerful and in line with this topic, I will
expound on what he says (and his direct quotes will be in italics). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you look at the
story of Lazarus (John 11), Mary and Martha were grieving because Jesus didn’t
come when they wanted Him to. Martha said that if you had been here, my brother
would not have died. Notice that they didn’t thank Jesus for coming, as a
result, they were bitter. Bitter people blame you for their problems. But when
life doesn’t turn out the way you think it ought to turn out, you look for
someone to blame, “it’s your fault that I’m in this condition.” Don’t let life
make you change your name like Naomi. Naomi went through devastating losses, and
she requested that her name be changed to Mara (which means bitter).</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I need to clarify blame for a second. If you were molested
or raped and you contracted a virus, the molester should bear the blame for you
contracting a virus. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if you allowed
yourself to blame every other man for what the rapist did, now you’ve moved to
a state of bitterness. Another scenario: if you were having unprotected sex,
and the father of your child either said the child isn’t mine (or refuses to
own up to his role in your pregnancy), blaming other men for what the one man
did to you is what Bishop is talking about. This kind of blame breeds
bitterness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bitterness is when the
things on the outside have contaminated the person on the inside. Have you
allowed your past to bleed into their present and pollute your future? If you
have, you may not know it (because it’s easier to see bitterness and hurt in
others than it is to see your own). In fact, you may not use the word “bitter,”
you may use other words such as “careful.” Until you call it what it is, you’ll
never be free. You’re not a wimp because you’re bitter. Life will bring
situations that will cause you to be bitter. If you don’t know how to deal with
it, you’ll give up. Many of you ladies have probably felt like David when he
said in Psalm 116:11 (All Men Are Liars)! <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bitterness
contaminates your judgment (read Hebrews 12:14-17). When you are bitter, you
can’t trust your own judgment. If you look at Esau, he was bitter because he
didn’t wait but hastily gave up his birthright to Jacob. When bitterness gets
down inside of you, you’ll walk away from something and say it’s worthless. You
sell it for nothing, not realizing that what you gave away was valuable, it was
going to take time to bless you. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Take the power of God
to the place in your life where you became bitter. What you want is the
anointing on that troubled place in your life where you find it hard to believe
that things will work out. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the entire sermon if you want to listen to it: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUP4ATnWytU">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUP4ATnWytU</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to challenge you to throw those pills away, take the
healing pill prescribed, and most importantly, fall in love with Jesus and His
Word! Believe, Trust and Obey Him concerning your life. Don’t let the devil
cause you to be impatient and to give up because you’re hurt; or let the walls
cause you to turn your back on God or miss small blessings that may not be
packaged in a way that you anticipated.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to close this with some questions and notes to
consider (you could call this a review from the prior 6 parts within this
series):<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
</div>
<ol>
<li>If you think about the story about
the woman with the issue of blood, she was determined to get to Jesus. Why do
you think many opt not to get to Jesus now (whether through His Word or via His
presence)?</li>
<li>Do you find that many declared
their healing but are expecting God to do everything – even if God gave them a
set of instructions that required their part? As a result, they die
prematurely?</li>
<li>Back to question 1, the woman
could’ve been stoned because she wen to Jesus. Under the OT, she was forbidden
to be out in public. Do you think many are embarrassed to go to Jesus with
their issue?</li>
<li>Can isolation be a blessing and/or
a curse when you know you are in need of a healing from Christ? And do you
think that’s the enemy’s objective (to get those who need a touch from Christ to
be shut up and locked away from society)?</li>
<li>This is a bonus – this was a tweet
from one my brothers in Christ: <i>I saw a
tweet saying a woman got LAID by over 900 men. The truth is her soul has been
split into more than 900 parts. </i>So I ask, do you agree or disagree? If you
agree, then that brings a series of questions: can she heal? If so, what would
her healing process look like? How can a person intercede her
healing/wholeness? And why do we in the church cast them off as basket cases
(even if they isolate themselves from society)? Jesus didn’t turn His back on
the woman at the well, why do we? He came to bring the Word (which she would
receive and was made free), and to make this more interesting, the woman at the
well was from Samaria but the Jews didn’t mingle with them.</li>
<li>Second tweet from the same
brother: <i>Ladies, each time a man has sex
with you, your soul is split and you are scattered. When a man hits you, he
splits you. </i>Do you agree or disagree? If you agree, I then say Wow! This
should make a real man like Boaz cry and start praying for her wholeness.
Healing is the children’s bread. Bozo could care less if he splits a woman.
Your thoughts on this?</li>
</ol>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-74134989042443969412016-06-13T17:56:00.000-07:002016-06-15T18:51:39.629-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 6 - Lemonade)<div class="MsoNormal">
**Trigger Warning** to those who are still in the healing
process. This post may be a little graphic in nature, so please proceed with
caution.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Between yesterday and today, this post was imminent.
Yesterday, I was watching UnSung and the artist profiled was Miki Howard. And
after UnSung was TV One’s featured film entitled Love Under New Management: The
Miki Howard Story. For the benefit of those who don’t know who she is, she’s a
female vocalist who mainly did R&B as well as jazz (she’s been in the
industry as early as the 80s, but really established herself as a female
vocalist in 1986/1987). I was just entering middle school when her first solo
recording was playing on the radio. I want to use her story as the base (and
the inspiration) for this post. Now some of you might be wondering, what does
this has to do with lemonade? It’s a great question so let me explain (and this
post has absolutely nothing to do with Beyonce’s Lemonade). There’s a saying
that goes, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Well, if you just take
water and add lemons to it without adding any sugar, you have sour lemonade. I
don’t know about you, but sexual abuse, emotional abuse, domestic abuse,
neglect, abandonment, divorce, death of a loved one are lemons. You didn’t ask
for them, so how do you make lemonade out of them? Again, that’s a great
question so let me get right into the post by sharing her story and I will answer
the question as to how to make lemonade out of all of this as this progresses.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, Miki Howard grew up in a musical home. She is the
offspring of Josephine Howard, of the gospel group the Caravans, and Clay
Graham of the Pilgrim Jubilees. Both her mother and father were gospel
mainstays, and her sister could hold her own as well. Part of Howard’s story is
having grown up in a household where homosexuality was being practiced. This
subject was far more taboo in the 60s than it is today. Coupled that with the
fact that her mother was a lesbian gospel singer, one can begin to understand
why she may be torn about her relationship with gospel music. That could be one
lemon that Miki received. During her childhood, her parents were separated and
at one point, Miki was placed in a foster home (and I can’t remember if she has
been through 2 foster homes). Either way, her being placed in a foster home
could be a lemon that she received. In fact, there was a time that Miki’s
mother had a man in the home that even tried to come on to Miki and it was
overlooked. Of course, that’s a lemon she received. To add insult to injury, her mother not only took the man's side, she would accuse Miki stating that she was coming on to him. As a result, Josephine threw Miki out when she was only 16 years old. That in my opinion is at least 3-5 lemons (if not more).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One could imagine that when you don’t have that parental
love that you so desperately need, you try to find love from the world. And
because we know that the devil is the god of this world, the result is not
going to be pretty. So, it only made sense for Miki to crave love during her
late teen years. She would reveal the following, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Most people, at that age, are out going on dates and they’re learning
about men and boys and things like that. I was learning about singing, I was
learning the music business and I didn’t have the opportunity to learn the
things that you should learn. I lost my mom at 18 years old and the show says
it was later, but it was 18. She put me out by the time I was 16. So, there was
no parent to tell me. Besides that I grew up in a completely gay environment.
So, I had no idea about men. I knew nothing! When I tell you nothing, I mean
nothing. I just put them on a pedestal and held them in high esteem, whether they
deserved it or not. That’s not a good thing, so I had to learn the hard way
that you don’t cast your pearls among swine. There are men that are swine and,
most likely, they’re the first ones that come up. When you don’t have a lot of
time and you don’t have a lot of knowledge you kind of go with the first Joe.
‘Hey you like me, you love me? Ok, let’s do this!’ I didn’t go to the movies,
smooch in a theater or fondle in the backseat of a car. I didn’t do any of
those things that teenagers are supposed to do in learning about your
sexuality. So, in all of my 20s and early 30s I made serious mistakes with men</i>.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How many lemons can you find that Miki received during the
course of reading the above paragraph? Here’s how many that I found:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li>She lost her mother at the age of 18 years old.</li>
<li>She was put out of the home at the age of 16.</li>
<li>Depending on your spiritual conviction, her home environment
would be one.</li>
<li>Putting men whether deserved or not, were placed on a
pedestal.</li>
<li>Lack of knowledge as it relates to men and/or the true
meaning of sex.</li>
</ul>
<o:p></o:p><br>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are looking at your life and you see yourself in it,
please keep reading. I know that this may be hard for you (and granted, I see
myself in some of what we’ve been discussing so far), but we are going to get
to that place of healing and wholeness together.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When she was 20, she met a man in a singing group who was
28, and she ended up having two children with him. He was very adamant in not
marrying her even though that was what she wanted. I’ll let you decide if that
is a lemon that she received.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When she was 26 years old, she released her first solo
album. And a few years later, she would marry a man named Eddie Phelps. He
appeared nice from the beginning, but as the marriage progressed, he
blackballed her in the music industry for several years after frequent
outbursts with her record companies. Of course, it goes without saying that he
physically abused her to the point of breaking her nose. And during the
marriage, she ended up being addicted to cocaine. With the help of the late
Gerald LeVert, she checked herself into rehab at the turn of the millennium. During
the course of her time in rehab, the therapist was calling her a junkie (to the
point that she felt degraded, and it’s definitely understandable). When she
decided to stick it out in rehab, the therapist asked her a pivotal question,
what happened in childhood that may have started all of this? Many people would
be like Miki and think that question came out of left field. If you have lived
in a state of denial and/or blocked out things that happened, it would make
sense to think that. She started sharing about the abuse she endured, and he
would nicely state that she has post-traumatic stress syndrome (or we could
simply call it PTSD). I’m glad that question was stated because it got to the
root of a lot of childhood pain that has been held inside. And truthfully, it
can explain every lemon that has been received to cause all of the sourness and
bitterness that’s in a hurt soul’s life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The reason why I wanted to use her story is because I know
every abuse survivor can relate to this in some form. And let’s face it, we
overcome by the word of our testimony, and the testimonies of others can
encourage others to keep going and to fight for their healing. I was very
touched by her story and I’m so glad she shared it (as I am in the healing
stage of some childhood wounds that I received). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, if you happened to think of how many lemons you have
received in your life, how are you able to make lemonade (and a good one at
that)? First, add water to those freshly squeezed lemons (yes, I know the
squeezing part is painful, because it consists of rolling it on the counter,
and pressing it before cutting it open to be squeezed). But we’re trying to
make great lemonade so others can taste it and it is refreshing to their soul
when they come to you to drink from the story that you have to share. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that you added water to the pitcher where you freshly
squeezed those lemons into, we need to add some sugar to it. Don’t stir it just
yet. If you noticed, the sugar is all at the bottom. So if you were to drink
it, you’ll find that it’s still bitter and sour. This is where some of us are,
still bitter because we haven’t made steps to be sweet. Don’t worry, I’m not
condemning you, this might be where you are in the healing process. If you’re
taking baby steps, I’m with you; and if you’re not ready, I’m with you. We’re
in this together. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now we’re getting ready to stir that sugar in. If you are
involved in the faith community like I am, then I will just share one scripture
with you from Psalm 119:103 - <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How sweet
are Your words to my taste, Sweeter than honey to my mouth! </i>God’s Word is
sweet, that’s the sugar needed in our lemonade. We just need to get that from
the bottom of the pitcher and get it stirred into our hearts and any other type
of professional help you may get. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, let’s talk a little bit more about the stirring process.
This is the part that many don’t want to go through, because this will affect
every part of your inside, and stirring requires some good muscle if you want
all of that sugar to dissolve in this lemonade you’re creating. Can I encourage
you for a minute? Because you are still alive and are able to read this after
all that you’ve been through, you have some muscle. You took every lemon and
are on the verge of creating some awesome lemonade. Many of you have shared
your lemonade with me, and I have enjoyed it. Likewise, many of you have
enjoyed mine even though I’m still in the stirring process. Part of the
stirring process will require a thought renewal (and having to fight the urge
to quit stirring when you’re right at the point of finishing up your lemonade).
If you quit, you’ll just remain bitter lemonade. You were born with such
sweetness, and life threw many lemons at you (of course, the horrific lemons
you received were not deserved and are no fault of your own). Let me encourage
you a little bit more: don’t be discouraged about the time you may have thought
you wasted in your life and the time that you lost. But you can get back all
the things that you lost in the time that was wasted. The God that I serve is a
restorer of all things. I want to challenge you to close the gap between what
you what you want to see for your life and where you are right now. Your
results are determining by your thoughts. As I challenge you, I want you to
challenge me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Are you ready to finish off the lemonade? Here we go. If you
have your wooden spoon out, let’s start stirring until all of the sugar is
dissolved and you don’t see anymore in the bottom of the pitcher. That
sweetness has overshadowed the pain that you’ve experienced in your past. Make
sure that you keep things and/or people away from the sweetened lemonade that
you have made that will do everything they can to try and make it bitter again.
And cherish those who will stir you to keep your lemonade sweet and ensure that
the sweetness that you are doesn’t go to the bottom of the pitcher and it’s
unnoticed when people go to partake of it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Miki’s lemonade was sharing her story on UnSung and creating
a TV Movie based on her life. And I was truly blessed by her story and I pray
many others will be as they hear.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, I can’t close this blogpost without telling you
how many lemons I received in my life. I’m only going to share for the sake of
time the obvious lemons I received: physical and sexual abuse, emotional abuse,
neglect, abandonment and rejection (which will equate to PTSD in a nutshell).
My lemonade is still in the stirring process but believe me, if you had a
chance to partake of it, it’s refreshing (smile).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are in the healing/wholeness process, your lemonade
is under way; if you are healed/whole, let others partake and help others make
their lemonade great. Healing and wholeness is for us. It’s a promise from God.
He wants us to be made whole and for your lemons to truly be lemonade.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br></div>
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The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6972801155149631325.post-80197259796790619712016-05-22T17:18:00.002-07:002016-05-22T17:19:54.497-07:00Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 5B - Oppression & Opinions)If you missed Part 5A (and you want to read it), please click here.<br />
<div>
<a href="http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2016/05/will-you-be-made-whole-part-5a.html">http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2016/05/will-you-be-made-whole-part-5a.html</a></div>
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<br /></div>
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I briefly mentioned opinions of others, now let’s go deeper
in this area! Everybody has an opinion – which there is no shortage of for
some. I heard a pastor say that we actually enter another dimension when we
divorce ourselves from the opinions of others. Dr. Price made a comment back in
1998 as it relates to denominations and how many in their respective
denomination swears it's the right one. It's an opinion of course and for many
that have opinions, they hype it up to the point that it trumps the Word.
That should never happen. Some have been bold enough to use the Word to hype up
their opinions when the truth is they are really misusing it. Of course, this
creates oppression to the one who falls from the opinion. Let me stay there,
because I see an epidemic on social media (where there are single pastors with
no covering or accountability promoting their agenda – really shearing those
who are babes and have itching ears). I speak against that in Jesus' name.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Now I’m not saying denominations are totally a bad thing,
just focus on how they started. And that’s simply an opinion that may or may
not be Scripturally based. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The ones that make me laugh and frustrated are the ones who
say, “The Lord said…” and there’s no Scriptural content contained in it. This
right here is one example of someone who’s in the childhood stage. People that
have opinions with no substance are dangerous to themselves and to others. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Let me give a great example: when you’re going through
spiritual warfare or dealing with a crisis of any type, opinionated people say
“you need just a little more Jesus.” You have my permission to slap them! Jesus
is more than enough. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t need to surrender
control, you are your own and you are self-made. That, whether you know it or
not, can cause oppression. Jesus wants whatever control you think you have. And
let’s be real, what we’re thinking isn’t always the mind and heart of God. In
Jeremiah 29:11 (from the Message Bible), it starts off saying (God speaking) I
know what I’m doing. If He knows what He’s doing, that should give us every
reason to trust Him with everything. Let’s add to this, He knows what we’ve
done and are currently dealing with, yet He still wants us. Just because
pastors, brothers and sisters in Christ, and the world will reject, God won’t!
He wants you so He can lavish His love and healing over you. What the devil is
doing with many people is to get them to agree that you don’t have to follow
when you have can do it better than others (and inadvertently better than God).
Look at what you’ve been through, you need to gain control of your life, don’t
surrender it to anybody including God. The key to getting out of this
oppression is stop knowing what to do. Let every thought and decision pass
through the filter of God. If people want to hurry you, let them, but stand
still so God can speak through you. I’m a living witness in that whatever is
not in God’s will, will become my bill (in other words, I’m going to have to
pay for it). But watch this, confess that to God, don’t carry that burden. Your
body wasn’t designed to carry it. And besides, what good is it doing you by
carrying it?<o:p></o:p></div>
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If you don’t remember anything, remember this: the enemy
will use people (in and out the church) to oppress you with their opinions. The
enemy will get you to question God’s Word (like he did Eve in Genesis 3). You
see, in the pews, we have people like Eliphaz, Bildad & Zophar sitting
right next to you, waiting for you to slip up so they can attack you. Jennifer
LeClaire (from Charisma Magazine nailed this): Eliphaz is one who will come
over your house to tell you that it’s your fault because of sin. Bildad will confirm
everything Eliphaz said and Zophar will condemn you in the battle. How is that
for opinions? <o:p></o:p></div>
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And while I’m on it, she expounds further about legalistic
Christians who throw their jargon out there to puff themselves up especially
when they know someone who’s engaged in spiritual warfare. She said: <i>The enemy uses those close to us to add fuel
to his fiery darts when what we really need is someone to stand in the gap for
us. Of course, we should all examine our hearts when the onslaught comes to
make sure we don't have any open doors, but too many well-intentioned
Christians give pat answers and platitudes that do not reflect God's heart in
the midst of our battle.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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And we want to throw darts, instead of praying for
reconciliation, restoration, and for recovery? The devil doesn’t have to win
even though we may have intently or unintentionally taken the bait! I serve a
God who is in the healing business, restoration business, reconciliation
business, and who loves us despite the mistakes we made and sins we committed. If
you look at the Scriptural text for this blogpost, what stands out to me is the
fact that Jesus came to heal the sick and the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18). But the
leader of the synagogue was indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath.
You have some people in church that will become so legalistic saying that they
don’t deserve to be healed, or they have to go through some form of ritual, or
they have to bear the shame of the sin they committed, they must be exposed to
the church and to the public that they are a disgrace. The leader of the
synagogue cared about the law (while he truthfully was breaking that very law)
and didn’t care if she ever got healed (because they wanted to be seen by the
crowds as holy and untouchable, when they truthfully were full of sin and
needed a Savior). I like that Jesus called them for what they were, hypocrites
(and the Amplified Bible used the terms play-actors and pretenders). And you’ll
find that hypocrites, play-actors and pretenders are experts with opinions and
parroting Scriptures to prove that they are all that and they got this life so
down to where they really don’t need Jesus themselves. That’s a sad place to
be.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Think about it, if you have ever been oppressed, everything
is out of whack. If you’re not careful and you’re not going after His Word with
all you have, it’ll be real easy to fall for the opinions of others that are
not even scripturally based (like God hates divorce, so stay in your abusive
relationship). And when you’re oppressed, there’s a strong you may not be able
to see yourself (and others) free from the oppression? And most opinionated
people have done so much damaged to those who are oppressed that they will turn
their backs on them because they did their damage. Faith and agape love won't
allow people to stay oppressed or under the web of an opinion that’s not of
God!<o:p></o:p></div>
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I heard a pastor give a great example of an opinion that can
literally oppress someone (especially if they’re not strong in their faith):
Let’s take the word “grace.” When you ask the question, “What is grace?” They
will say that grace is unmerited favor. The truth is that grace and favor mean
the same thing, but the question still wasn’t answered. So, they’ll say it’s
something you don’t earn, knowing full well that wasn’t what you asked. So, you
then ask them, “Why don’t I deserve it?”
You now have to tell me every bad thing that I did to show me that I don’t
deserve it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I now ask you, what’s wrong with that picture? Considering you’ll
never hear God say that about anybody! So, if you’re one who says that grace is
unmerited favor – you’re not looking at God, you’re looking at man. When you
say that grace IS a gift, that’s pointing to God. So many Christians (well,
people of all walks of life for that matter) feel condemned because people are
going around saying that grace is unmerited favor and you don’t deserve it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Can I just give you one more example? I’m sure you’ve heard
this from a pastor, a coach, a counselor or someone sitting in the congregation
with you (or at another church) the following: <i>we are the initiators and create our reality. We don’t have to follow
and why do it like someone else considering that we can make it better. And
just because you’re saved and a Christian, doesn’t mean that you have to submit
to Him. You are your own man and your own woman.</i> Whoever is telling you
that may sound good, but it’s contrary to Scripture and will actually hinder
your healing from oppression and the opinions of others. The Word is the final
authority and the final say so in your life. We have to make sure that what
people say is lined up with the Scripture, otherwise, get away because their
agenda is to bring oppression onto your life. They say misery loves company. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Many of us are on the path to healing and wholeness, and
I’ll be honest with you, it will require some spiritual warfare. You will be
challenged and tried on many levels. The key is to stay committed to the fight
(and yes, it’s a faith fight and the faith fight is a good fight) when
everything inside you and those opinionated people will tell you to quit, and
put bugs in your ear saying, “you can never heal, you’ll never recover!” Don’t
buy into that. The devil IS a liar! Romans 8:31 says if God be for you, who can
be against you! <o:p></o:p></div>
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I was truly blessed by this article entitled <a href="http://www.charismamag.com/blogs/the-plumb-line/25167-what-your-friends-don-t-want-to-hear-when-the-devil-is-attacking">What
Your Friends Don’t Want To Hear When The Devil Is Attacking</a> written by
Jennifer LeClaire (I quoted a little bit of it above, so just click on the
title to read it). What I like about it is that it exposes how the enemy will
use people (it could be a counselor, a coach, a pastor, those in the pews, and
the list goes on) and their opinions to oppress you and to bring condemnation
to your mental/emotional psyche. She says this: <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Spiritual
platitudes—banal, trite and stale remarks—are not as painful as pious calls for
repentance for sins you haven't thought about committing. But spiritual
platitudes are unhelpful at best and admittedly annoying. Let's face it, pat
Bible answers—"cast all your cares" and "those whom He loves He
disciplines"—that really don't apply to your situation are anything but a
word in due season.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>When people are going
through hell and back, most people don't need to play patty cake with verses
about not growing weary in well doing, fighting the good fight of faith,
standing and withstanding or counting it all joy. That may be helpful for baby
Christians, but mature warriors usually don't need to be told what is obvious:
Have faith in God; only believe; the battle is the Lord's.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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God wants you healed, whole and thriving into what you were
predestined to do. We don’t define our assignment; we discover it through Him.
Are you willing to break free from the opinions and the oppression? I pray that
you can shout YES when asked this question knowing and having confidence that
healing is the children’s bread according to Matthew 15:20-28. Let’s finish
2016 strong by going hard for God and His Word! <i><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Blessings,<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Mayne Man<o:p></o:p></div>
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Maynetrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17439964543973382802noreply@blogger.com0