Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 11 - The Past)

Well, first and foremost, Happy 2017 (considering this is my first blogpost for the year 2017). I know, I’ve been procrastinating, so I ask for your forgiveness. It’s ironic that I’m posting my first blog for the year on Independence Day – and I pray that this post will allow you to break free from the past.

I was blessed to listen to a Marriage Made EZ from October 2016. It featured my parents and the special guests were the gospel duo Mary Mary and their respective husbands. As I listened, I started to reflect on my past and my journey to being free from the past (and I am free in faith).

A few years back, I did a blogpost entitled P.C.A (Porn, Children & Abuse). If you didn’t read it, I invite you to read this before continuing on with this post.

http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2014/10/pca-porn-children-abuse.html

The reason why I did that particular post was to address something that was haunting me, and now I want to explain that post and expand from that post. Now there are some things that you may have gone through in your past, and God may be the only person you need to confess the pain and shame from your past. The reason I am going public with this P.C.A is my desire to help others. I also know that me holding my abuse, pain and the porn that I was exposed to that would affect me for years would create so much shame. And because of the pain of the past, caused some cynicism to creep up in my spirit, which I am getting out to totally shame the devil. And I’ll be honest, I was not only introduced to sex when I was 10/11, to porn when I was 11, and the same uncle would watch porn for the next 3 years that he would either borrow from his friends, or whatever my late father would leave in the house. I would see bits and pieces of it, and I will be honest, when I was in my teens and I would watch it, it was a bit of a love/hate relationship towards it. Part of me enjoyed it, and the other part of me hated it to the core. Interesting, isn’t it?  As I got older, realizing some things in my life caused me to have so much shame for all that I’ve done in my past.

Now, let me say something when it comes to shame (actually, Tina Campbell said this during that seminar, that was so eloquent). Shame and embarrassment should never eat at you, people will say whatever they want – in fact, they don’t even know the pain you’ve experienced. Everybody has issues, so there’s no need to be embarrassed. The devil will do everything he can to get you to hold on to it, because it will keep you down.

Once we bring our inadequacies to Jesus, nobody else needs to validate our deliverance. It’s so sad that we want to boast about other people’s shame over our own. I thank God today for Him saving my life, and for delivering me from the pain that I’ve been holding for 30+ years.

I ask that you don’t go through your past alone. In order for me to attack your past, then I’m leaguing with the devil, I need to attack the root that caused your pain, which is the devil – and by the way, he’s a defeated foe. This is the day to be free and delivered. The beauty of God is that He heals from the inside out, and there are so many who are looking for a cure to heal from the outside in.

And I’ll be honest, and please forgive me. Between sharing that particular blogpost, and this particular post, there is a bit of shame and fear coming out of me (and the main reason why I’m sharing this part of my life is to shame the devil) because of some of you reading this, will see me differently. And this is something I need to be delivered from, the opinions of others (and I am delivered by faith). Not to justify my actions and behaviors because it all starts with my thoughts, the main root is the lack of validation received in childhood and that I mattered.

Before I even attempt to close this blogpost, I want to say something else. My past may have been a little jacked up, whether it be my actions in school, the porn and movies I know I should not have seen at my age, or the partners I had during the course of my abuse. If I weren’t delivered from all of this, it would totally mess up my future, and reflect on every person I was with and the porn I had watched. What I realized is this, the devil was setting me up to fail and cause certain people in my life to abuse me to distract my future and not see God’s blessing when it really comes. Remember I mentioned about cynicism earlier? I could be like, she is not from God when she really is – it’s just my spirit is messed up, and I'm allowing the initial doubt to rob me of my future because of the pain I experienced in my past – fear of being in pain again whether it be physically, mentally or financially. The key here is for me to be free, and this is my declaration of independence from my past! If you desire to be free from your past, declare your independence from your past.

Blessings.

The Mayne Man

Healing The Wounds

Ok, the Mayne Man is at it again. This time, we're going to discuss wounds. I don't know if you've ever had stitches or suffered physical pain that may have either paralyzed you in some way (or may have required a cast). I never experienced the latter; however, I have had stitches. Back in the summer of 1984 (I was 10 years old), I was riding my bicycle down a hill (which was slightly behind where we lived). Of course, I fell and let's just say there was a gash in my left knee that required 6 stitches. To this day, that scar is still there. That was almost 32 years ago.

Now, why did I bring that up? Many of us have been wounded in some shape or fashion. The pain of abandonment, rejection, bullying, neglect, rape, sexual abuse, child abuse, domestic abuse, infidelity, and many other things that I didn't mention will cause a wound and create an offense. You will probably have scars (and yes, I have scars). Let me stay on track. You see, wounds have to have the right conditions to heal. 

Can I just be real for a minute? If wounds don't have the right conditions, you will more and likely set yourself up for a life of bitterness, and agonizing pain because of the wound/offense. And if the wound doesn't heal, it will create some type of collateral damage to your physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health (where it hurts you and others around you). Acting like the wound isn't there via denial will leave a greater scar than you imagined. In some cultures, the concept of "we don't talk about these things," especially when the wound is hinged on what I mentioned in the above paragraph, will scar you internally and the minute someone does or says something that triggers the horrific experience you suffered, get prepared for an explosion. I am a living witness to that! 

How many of you have looked at your scar that hasn't healed and then start to feel the anger and pain of the person that either triggered it by something they said and did or the actual person that caused the scar? How many of you have said, "I'm all good," as it relates to your wound, but you know that you are a ticking time bomb when you experience a trigger? Some of us can put on a good facade to the world (and probably to God too), but are so broken and scarred to the point we hate ourselves and the world. 

You know you are not healed when you are constantly mulling over either what you did wrong or what others did to you. And for many sexual abuse survivors, the person who wronged them might have passed away, but still mulling over it. Even worse, wishing something destructive would happen to them. 

So, what are the right conditions to healing the wounds (and getting to he path of wholeness)?

1. Like I had to with my stitches, keep them in my knee for 10 days. That's symbolic to not rushing the healing process (but at the same time, not denying that you need the healing process). 

2. Continuing from #1, part of the healing process will probably require professional help (especially if it's a pain I mentioned earlier in this post), but most importantly God. A lot of people tend to overlook this step, and this is no different than having a cast on. You know that you need to wear it for 8 weeks, but your pride is saying, "I don't want to wear it, I'm cutting it off after one week!"

Healing is no different than medicine. How many of you remember Bactine? I don't know about you, but when I sprayed it on me, that stung. But they say it's to kill the germs so it can heal. That's what real healing can be like, and because of it, some don't even bother. 

I pray this has touched you and pushing you further along in your healing process on the path to wholeness (as I am also on this journey as well).

Blessings,

The Mayne Man