Is A Heart Transplant Needed?

Good morning/afternoon everyone.

If you are following me on social media, my mid-morning thought asked a question: do you agree/disagree (and why) in that if I desire to see change in others, then my heart must change? I believe the answer is a resounding YES. Before I go any further, I would like to dedicate this post to anyone who has a neurological disorder (such as Cerebral Palsy) or a neurodevelopmental disorder (such as Autism or Aspergers). I believe that you (or your caregiver) will be able to understand me as I share what was dropped in my spirit this morning.

The late Stephen Covey said that one out of the seven habits of highly effective people is to "seek first to understand, then be understood." I believe this principle is based off of the words that Jesus said, and that's He didn't come to be served but to serve. Serving is placing others before yourself. Unfortunately, people who have disorders like I mentioned above are never understood by others, because many don't want to take the time to understand. I heard that 50 Cent mocked someone who was autistic. Being autistic myself, on a high level, I can say that being mocked or ridiculed in my life doesn't come as a surprise. I'm his case, it's a natural reaction when you initially don't know what a person suffers or is going through. I'm not defending him, I'm just writing from the perspective of that's how many people in this world treat those who are suffering from these types of disorders. Contrary to what neuro-typicals think (neuro-typicals are people who don't have Autism), these people are worthy of love and understanding. In fact, they are really harmless. Speaking for myself, having faced ridiculed, bullying, abuse, being misunderstood and labeled immature, very few people have taken the time to understand me. Now, I'm not saying that to just get attention. I just want to make the point that if we have the heart to understand others (and stop forcing those who have these conditions to conform to what society's standard is - whatever that is), then we can all get along. To have them conform without even seeking to understand them and what they're dealing with, is bullying and really judging them. And I will never say that I didn't make fun of someone in that condition in my life before. I'll admit it was pure ignorance until I realized that I was actually diagnosed with it myself. But also, another person didn't have what I have, but she was overweight, but she was a dear friend to me and it made me hangs my perception of how I see people (and that was at the very end of my 10th grade year).

In order to get to this place where we don't point fingers at them or curse them, a heart transplant is needed. It's extremely hypocritical to down someone with it, but if the tables turned, you would want the world to stop for you. Our stony hearts must be taken out so we are given a heart of flesh. Everybody, regardless of what they're dealing with, has a gift given to them by God. I pray that we start to understand people in these conditions and stop ostracizing them from society. What will happen is that they will end their lives externally or internally. 

I would even challenge you to hug somebody who has a condition I stated above - not with the mindset of "I'm better than you," but with a spirit of, "I'm so glad you were born and you are special to me and in the eyes of God."

So, I believe that a heart transplant is needed in a lot of people, including me. So, I need to exchange my stony heart for a heart of flesh. I want a heart that loves others, forgives others, and to understand others without criticizing or judging others. I don't want to have a heart where I excuse the faults of some and say it's just their personality but tolerate it in others (this kind of heart really breeds partiality). I want a heart where I admit my shortcomings and not blame others for it. I want a heart that seeks to bless others and speak life to and over everyone.

Are you with me in wanting a heart transplant?

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 4 - Abuse & Relationships)

This topic was dropped on my spirit on my way to work this morning, and it also disturbed me to the point that I had to talk to God about this on my way home from work. After working out late this afternoon, the real meaning of this was revealed and as a result, here’s a blogpost about a topic that is healing for me, and for those who need a healing as a result of childhood abuse and/or domestic abuse. Please brace yourself for this (and grab some tissue just in case), as we heal together.

The desire to love someone is a beautiful thing. But you know it can be a daunting task if there are some unresolved issues from childhood. I didn’t realize it during my high school years and a good portion of my 20s and 30s. Speaking for me, I refuse to go into my 42nd year of life (starting tomorrow) going backwards with no progress. In fact, I speak healing over my life and over everyone that needs a healing right now, so I believe we are all healed right now (yes, this is by faith until we see the manifestation).

Using my life as the base for this post, I would like to share what are some ramifications that can occur if unresolved issues from childhood aren’t resolved. You’re probably thinking, “You’re just now realizing this?” Well, I believe the Lord will reveal it when we’re ready to take it head on and/or we’re capable of understanding the purpose behind it.

I started my 10th grade year in 1989 in a new school. My father received orders to Germany before the school year began so we moved there and I started the 10th grade there. There were two high school friends that stick out to me as I type this post (one already knows about this post, as I shared the base of this post with her) – in fact they were new to the school as I was (and we met during New Student Orientation – something to that effect). The first friend was Carla and the second friend (the one who knows about this) was LaShaunda. Let me start with Carla first.

Carla was in the same grade as me, and I remember just being so wrapped up in her (and I believe that I carried her books at one time), but she wouldn’t even give me the time of day. She would leave Germany after our 11th grade year. I’ll come back to Carla later on as we reconnected in 2010 via Facebook.

LaShaunda was a freshman, and I remember her having a boyfriend the first 5 months of the school year. One day after they broke up, we were talking at the Laundromat and she made a comment to me that resonated to my 15-year-old mind. She said, “I am a one man woman, and all I want is a one woman man.” That really made me think about how I should carry myself, as I was becoming a man. As the summer progressed, she was very instrumental in furthering my pursuit for Christ. I was searching for Christ during the midst of my abuse (which I’ll share parts of it as it relates to relationships in a moment), but for her to say that she was trying to get right with the Lord made me desire to go deeper in my quest. Of course, we became special friends at that time (and granted, we’re still friends today). When I asked her out, she said something to me then that I didn’t understand, but I understand it now as God was revealing something to me today. She said, “I can’t be with you because you think of me more than yourself, and you think I’m God’s gift to the world, I’m not.” Back then, I didn’t understand, and yes, I cried my eyes out.

So what is the message in the midst of what she said? First of all, if you have been abused in childhood (this also includes, abandoned, rejected or neglected), there’s a strong chance that you will have a skewed view of a healthy relationship if it was never addressed via counseling. In fact, because of the abuse, there’s a level of emotional and mental pain that was never addressed and I can’t forget the manipulation piece. That manipulation piece damaged the psyche of the mind. I know it did for me. A little off subject, but it’s true: if you have been abused in a marriage relationship, manipulation, which is a tactic of the devil, can literally destroy someone spiritually, mentally, financially and emotionally. And when the demonic spirit grabs hold of someone, it will plant seeds such as “you’re the one who caused it.”  Back to the message of what she was saying to me. Second, because no love was found in the house you grew up in as a result of the abuse, there’s a strong chance of trying to find someone who will appreciate you and indirectly, you actually make either the person or the concept of “love” an idol. And God is a jealous God. That’s the revelation that I received today. Third, I made reference to there being a strong chance of trying to find someone who will appreciate you. If God is not consulted, there’s a possibility that God will not mandate the relationship and it will be pure hell. He wants to protect us, but at the same time, give yourself some credit if you messed up. He’s a forgiving God. For most of us, when we were young and have been through something traumatic, we didn’t have a full understanding of God. I know I didn’t even though I was on my quest, so a lot of choices and decisions were made based on my emotions (yes, I was feeling emotions like Mariah Carey at that time of my life – smile). I don’t know what background you grew up in, if they were deep in church (even though they abused, neglected or abandoned you), there’s a possibility that your view of God may be warped as a result of what you had to endured.

What were some things that were going on in the house that I grew up in that gave me a skewed view of relationships?

1. Without question, there was sexual abuse and physical abuse from a family member who lived in the house (and was overlooked).
2. There was gas lighting that permeated the house on a consistent basis. How did it come? For me, my sexuality was questioned by my family including the family member who abused me) because I didn’t have a girlfriend. The way you act around the house shows signs that you’re immature (of course, being autistic was never questioned).
3. Even though I was the only one who was interested in God during my childhood, my parents were the most anti-church group of people you ever wanted to meet.

So how did I go through high school? Well, I stayed to myself a lot. You could say my anxiety levels were extremely high (due to my undetected autism, and survival). I was trying to find an out and someone to appreciate me – sadly I had no concept of love at all. And granted, when I went through school, I was considered immature because of my undetected autism. I was different, and that I was only good for being a friend.

You could say that my childhood really affected my concept of relationships, and trying to find something that would bring me joy. Well, the irony of that was in 1996, I believe the Lord wanted me to rid of every woman that I was supposedly interested in so that I could make an intelligent decision to give my life to Him.

Still in the healing process, there were some things that I did that I thought was God, but the truth was, it was me and putting God’s name on it (knowing full well, that was all me). How many of you can testify to this? The beauty of God is that He knows my flaws, my mental and emotional stability, and He’s the only one who loves me regardless (the same holds true for you too). He wants a relationship with me, just like He wants one with you.

Oh yes, you’re probably wondered what happened when I reconnected with Carla via Facebook. Well, she apologized for how she treated me. I accepted her apology and I apologized for how I treated her. I also stated that I was in a time in life where I was attracted to any woman who had a pulse.

Why was that? For me, it was cover up a lot of pain that I had inside (remember, I was 15, and I was dealing with so much abuse since childhood). The more I think about it, middle school and high school for me was really about who could rap, who could dance, and who had a girlfriend. Well, I could rap (and sing), I couldn’t dance, and I sure didn’t have a girlfriend. You could say that I went through a lot of my life hurt and lonely, and couldn’t figure out why. Well, when I realized that the abuse had done so much damage to me, lately, I have had to let the Lord speak to me as I now understand the art of ‘shut yo’ mouth!’

Most of my 20s and 30s was spent with a wall up to protect my heart because of the pain that I had endured. For me, it became a norm even as the Lord is breaking some of them even as I type this. But at the same time, most of the problems in this arena actually resided with me. Now, the actual abuse was NOT my fault. And if you have been abused, rejected or abandoned either in childhood or due to a bad relationship, that is NOT your fault. I don’t care if so-called friends and even church members say that it is. They are lying to you and leaguing with the devil to further prevent your healing process.

I know for many reading this, this is a hard thing to do – to look at the abuse you suffered to see if this plays a role in the committed relationships you’ve been in (or lack of – like me). But the God that I serve wants to heal those wounds and scars in you and me. He wants to heal our mental and emotional psyche that the devil is striving to destroy within us. Jesus is asking each of us, “Will You Be Made Whole?” I pray that you will man up (or woman up) and say yes even though this healing of abuse process is difficult. One more thing, know that you may not ever get closure from the ones who abused you, abandoned you, rejected you, or neglected you (I’m referring to childhood here, not domestic abuse). If you give God those parts that you desire closure in, He will bring you closure. Surrender the BAM (bitter, angry, mean) state to Him so that He can give you a heart to forgive them (but more importantly, forgive yourself). We deserve to be free, we deserve to have our years restored, and we deserve to be made whole! If we desire to be in a relationship (even after all that we endured in life), we deserve full healing in our lives because it’s God’s will that we be made whole! Healing is the children’s bread. He’s waiting on us to come to Him and lay ourselves before Him. He loves us so much.

If this blogpost wasn’t for anybody else, this was definitely for me.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Why Faith Communities Bash Autism

This topic has been heavy on my heart for a few weeks, even though I address some of this in my novel Deaf, Dumb, Blind & Stupid. If I have to answer the question (especially since I’m so involved in the faith communities), it’s pure ignorance. Many people are so narrow-minded to the point that they think that autism is a disease. The truth is that autism is not a disease; it’s a different way of learning. Sure, for many people who are autistic or are on the spectrum, anxiety and a mental illness will come with it (and there’s a cure for that). I find that the older I get, the more ignorance I see when it comes to people who have challenges. In fact, many will bash others who are autistic, but heaven forbid they have a child living with autism. They would want others to be sympathetic to them and their children. According to Autism Speaks, autism is a complex disorder of the brain. And when I minister to faith communities about autism (as I educate people about it), I say that just like body parts get sick, brains get sick. Autism is a little different because although it’s associated with intellectual disability, and there are difficulties in motor coordination and attention to include physical health issues, many are gifted in visual skills, music, math and art.

I encourage you to visit www.autismspeaks.org to find out more information about it.

Continuing on with the topic at hand. Faith communities bash people with autism because of pride within themselves (believing they’re better than others because they don’t have it).  As I said in my blog last month entitled “My Healing Journey (Part 1),” the better neurotypicals (non-autistics) understand our journey, the more acceptance and support we will receive from them. And it’s recorded in Scripture that people perish for a lack of knowledge. Because of that lack of knowledge, it’s very easy to judge and discriminate against those living with autism. There is no cure of autism, but some of the symptoms do have a cure.

I find it very interesting that faith communities frown on people who are struggling with something (a life crisis, a health crisis, etc.), pointing fingers at them saying it’s because of a lack of faith. But when the table is turned, they want all the sympathy they can get, and will stand in any prayer line for prayer. In my book, I call it hypocritical. Everybody needs mercy and not everybody is perfect like YOU! I also find it interesting that we tend to bash the spouse when they have challenges, as if they had nothing tragic happen to them. Faith communities need to be able to support each other, just like married couples challenge each other (and not ridicule each other).

Think about it. Faith communities have become so callous to the point, when someone says they’re going through something, one of two things will happen: either they’re say you’re healed (and you don’t need to see a doctor), or it’s because of a sin that you caused or your parents. That’s not very loving if you really think about it. What I love about God is that He created everyone unique. I believe everyone has a thorn of some sort (according to 2 Corinthians 12:9), but watch this: His grace is sufficient. We don’t glorify God FOR it, but IN it.

Near the end of my novel DDBS, I make this statement: There are so many people who are plagued with ADD, AD/HD, PTSD, BPD, or Bipolar, and we steadily punish them for their mental differences and chemical imbalances. Galatians 6:7 says ‘don’t be deceived because God is not mocked. Whatever we sow, we will reap.’ I ask you a question: Why are we only sympathetic if OUR child has a mental disorder? On the contrary, if you know someone whose child has a mental disorder, they need a beating. This is unfair, and reflects the worse part of human nature.

Faith communities have challenges, and we need to stop acting like we’re immune to them. Faith is acting on what we believe, but denying it is faith. In fact, denial is foolish. And denial has been the trend for generations. We need to grow up, deal with what we’re struggling with, so that we can overcome. Everybody deserves love and compassion, not judgments because they are different!

This blogpost post is not intended to bash the faith communities, as I am a part of the Christian faith communities. And because I deal heavily with it, I see a lot of attitudes that are not godly causing church dropouts or causing other brothers and sisters to be infected with that attitude and they become extremely callous. That’s not healthy, and we must be healed from our pride. The easy way to heal from pride is to deny yourself and humble yourself.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

My Healing Journey (Part 1)

If you're reading this blog and are living with Aspergers (Autism) and/or PTSD, I welcome you to my journey of healing. One of the reasons why I love writing is because it's therapy and my desire is to write to right the broken soul (mine and yours). So, I thank you for accompanying me on this journey to healing. Even though we may have Autism and/or PTSD, we can be very thankful that there's a healing for the anxiety as a result of it. Of course, there's a cure for PTSD; however, Autism is a different story. But as I have learned, Autism is actually a gift (I'll share more on that as I share part of my journey with you all). So let's get up close and personal as we heal together (in fact, lift your hands up in victory)!

I heard someone say that the better neurotypicals (non-autistics) understand our journey, the more acceptance and support we will receive from them. Well, when I was diagnosed with it in 2014, very few people were very supportive with me. But I know that for some people, my anxiety disturbs them and I can totally understand (some know that it's due to autism). One of my dearest friends recommended that I looked into a support group, and I did. I'll be honest; anxiety and stability are the two things I struggle with the most. I'm others have told anyone who struggles with anxiety that if they would just learn to relax; the anxiety would go away.  Well, it's not that easy (especially if you have Aspergers/Autism). Over a period of time, the anxiety-filled memories from childhood become locked in our brains, tending to make the anxiety stick with us throughout our lives (I'm a living witness to that). When you think about it, Autism breeds other disorders such as OCD, PTSD, and different forms of anxiety.

If you could watch my life via a movie throughout my school years, you would find an anxious boy. Some would even call it obnoxious due to trying to find my place in this world (as Michael W. Smith would say). Fear was my best friend at home and at school (I didn't experience that much fear during my last three years of high school though). What were my greatest fears? Well at home, it was the belt. This is not an attack on my parents by any means. If I received notes to take home from elementary school that stated that my behavior was terrible or that stated I called out a great deal, I had to fear the belt. There were times I would come home and hide under the bed because I knew that a belt was waiting for me. At school (especially my freshman year in high school), I was bullied because most of the upper classman knew my uncle (and him molesting me), so that made me fresh meat! So, the world was a scary place for me, and as a result, I lived most of my teen years in isolation. Now some would say that I had no reason to be anxious during that time, if only you knew. Now that I'm an adult, I still have to face these fears, just in a different way. One of my first jobs out of college was working as a teller at a bank. I was written up mainly because I didn't gossip with the co-workers. The write-up did indicate that I dressed professionally, I was never rude to my co-workers or to customers and I did my job in excellence. But it was the one negative thing that was harped on. And truthfully, that was my life at home. Never mind the good things I did, it would be the one thing that was harped on. In fact, during my 5th grade year (this was the year of my molestation), my grades were average - wasn't failing in any subject, but my behavior was atrocious. My parents didn't know about the molestation, but they sure harped on my behavior and bypassed my grades. As an adult, I struggle with social situations. One of my dear friends said to me that she could spot me out in a group photo, which is usually buried in the back to myself. And truthfully, that's due to my inner anxiety. Now some would say, just come out my shell. It's easier said than done. But not to worry, I will journal more as I am on the path to healing from the anxiety that Aspergers brings.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Caregiver Life (Autism Awareness)

In the spirit of Autism Awareness month, I wanted to feature an author who can speak on this very topic. She's a single mother and caregiver of two sons (her youngest suffering from Cerebral Palsy). Her adult brother has severe Autism and Epilepsy. More could be said, so I'll let this author take over. Everybody, show your love to Monique Duell.

My life is anything but ordinary! I am a stay at home, single mom...for now. I have 3 extraordinary children that God has given me stewardship over. I have a funny, smart 17 yr old with ADHD who loves video games, a 14 yr old son with Cerebral Palsy who loves God, singing and macaroni & cheese, and I am caring for my 37 yr old brother who has Autism/Severe Retardation & Epilepsy, who lives in a 24-hr full-time care facility, is mostly non-verbal and doesn't even know what day it is. He makes noises, rocks back and forth and shakes his hands. Welcome to my world! They are all a joy and a handful at the same time. For about four years or so, in addition to raising them, I also had custody of my little sister who was suffering from an autoimmune disease and Ulcerative Colitis. My mother passed away in March of 2006, 2 months after her 52nd birthday, and I refused to allow my siblings to go into the system. No one else in my family came forth to take them in, which is sad because our families are big. It was never a second thought for me. So, here I was, from 2006, until 2011, with a house full of different needs, emotional issues and physical handicaps with NO support or financial assistance from their fathers. No calls, no visits, nothing! My youngest son and my brother requires 24 hour care. My son who has CP is in a wheelchair, can't walk, dress, bathe, brush his teeth or go to the bathroom. Everything I do for myself, I have to do for him-every single day! My brother, however, can do all of that, but like my son, he can't express specific emotions, like pain, sickness or if someone is hurting them, etc. They can express when they're hungry, tired, or scared. Couple that with my brother having seizures, and you have a whole new situation. He has no idea what is happening to him. I’ve been asked, what life is like as a caregiver?

Well, it’s busy, tedious, rewarding, confusing to some, requires faith, patience, a prayer life and a relationship with Jesus Christ! There’s no way that any human could withstand what I have endured in their own strength. You’d be dead, crazy or hospitalized. Since my brother and sister are out of the house, life has calmed down significantly. Before then, I spent at least 4 days a wk at a doctor’s office or a specialist’s office, and that was just for my sister! She was on 15 medications, plus injections and infusions. My son had heel cord surgery to lengthen his tendons due to spasticity. He was casted from hip to feet for 3 mths. We had a special bed and chair delivered to our home for him. After they removed the cast, he had intensive therapy because he had no muscles. It was very painful for him and for me as his mother to watch him go through that. We take too much for granted! I had to baby proof my home for my brother because he would do whatever his mind told him to do. Any little object could attract his curiosity and he’d take it and do God knows what with it. He was very creative. He took my radio apart and put it back together! My brother would just go around the house, searching for something to get into. One day, he took a pencil sharpener that was in my arts and crafts case, and shaved half of his beard with it! He doesn’t like hair on his face or head, and I guess I took too long getting his hair and beard cut. My oldest son was acting out because he was jealous. My time was taken, and he felt left out, and rightfully so. I was just ONE person, trying to hold our family together. I had to find a balance. I learned how to take time with each of them to do things that they enjoyed. There was never a dull moment in our house. Meal time was a chore too. While three of them (my oldest son, brother and sister) could eat whatever I cooked, my youngest needed foods that he could manipulate with his mouth. He doesn’t chew like you or I. He kinda works his mouth until he softens his food, then swallows. He, and my brother eats too fast. I used to have to sit with them and verbally tell them to slow down. Now, I got the look! Then, there were the different attitudes and behaviors I deal with. Having two of them not being able to express normally, I have to watch carefully their body language and what they don’t say. I have to do that with my oldest son. He’s at that age where talking to mommy is awkward. As long as they are fed and entertained, they are good. My brother is so quiet, you wouldn’t even know he’s in the house. He even walks quietly. My youngest son makes lots of noise, all the time. He suffers from echolalia, which means he will repeat a word, phrase, or song over and over again until he gets tired. My son also jumps when certain commercials or jungles come on the radio or TV. I still have let to understand why. The doctors tried to explain it to me, but I can’t explain it to you. Family TV time is difficult because not only do I have to watch what came across the TV, but his echolalia makes it impossible to enjoy our favorite shows. I have to record what I like and watch it when he goes to bed. Bedtime is a challenge too! My brother I used to going to bed at 7 on the dot, and gets real cranky if he doesn’t. My youngest son goes to bed and literally starts screaming and yelling noises, songs, words, etc. til he tires himself out. Now that he is 14, he has discovered his male part, so every night, he attempts to break in his diaper to play with his male part. Sometimes he succeeds because he is soaked in the am. This means that I have to do laundry more than I would normally. I have to stay awake until he falls asleep to make sure that he doesn’t have a bowel movement because he can gotten into his diaper on more than one occasion and, well, you know the rest. I woke up one day mortified! He had feces on the wall, in the bed, on his face, on his head, he had it everywhere. This is the embarrassing part that no one wants to talk about, but if my story helps someone else, to God be the glory. I called his doctor because I was afraid he’d harmed himself by consuming it. I was scared, crying and feared CPS would come in and take him. I have sense then developed a way to secure his clothing to prevent that. He has to wear clothing with drawstrings. He can only manipulate his left hand fully, so this works in our favor. His right hand had surgery to extend it from being bent, by transferring a tendon to it. He still keeps his fist closed until he reaches for something. Every now and then, he has temper tantrums when he can’t have his way or I take too long getting him something. He will either ball up his fist or open handedly slap himself in the face repeatedly while crying or screaming a word or a
phrase. When he or my brother was overstimulated, I would turn on worship music, watch sermons on TBN or the Word Network and pray. It calms them right down and I continue to do this in my home. I’ve taught them how to pray and flow in the Spirit by doing that. We have morning devotions before my sons go to school and when my brother visits, we do it before he leaves. I can only tell you that God kept me and is still keeping me despite the fact that my brother and sister have moved out. I still have two healthy, busy teenagers who keep me on my toes. As I mentioned earlier, financially, my sibling’s father never paid any child support despite me going to court several times. My sister’s father did bring her clothes and money a few times. It was her grandfather who financially helped me get her settled when she came to live with me straight from the hospital after she was released for a life-threatening clot that almost cost my sister her leg. She had nothing but the clothes on her back! My son’s father pays child support erratically. He will work for six mths to a yr, then be unemployed for a yr. Thankfully, my sibling’s receive death benefits from my mom. They are well cared for. My son are well cared for too! I have a support system who makes sure that they don’t want for anything. God is an amazing God! He will provide and help you if you trust Him. I am not a one woman show. There is always an appointment to go to, a service that needs to be rendered for one of them, a meeting or an IEP that needs to be attended and always something to pray for! My life has a whirlwind of ups, downs, struggles and triumphs. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. I have gained a wealth of knowledge that I now share with others. I have grown as a woman and as a mother. I am closer to God than I’ve ever been and He is rewarding me handsomely for my faithfulness.

These days, things have definitely shifted. I have become an Author. I have two books, currently on Amazon, Google Play, and Ibooks. They are called, “How Do I Handle a Special Needs Child?” and “Handicapped Mom: Lessons I Learned from Cerebral Palsy.” My first book is an inspirational how-to book that deals with overcoming the negative emotions we face as parents, caregivers, and guardians, such as guilt and depression. My latest book is my testimony about some of what you just read, plus more! I promise you that your mouth will drop, tears will fall and your hands will go up! I will never be ordinary. God has made me extraordinary!

Amen!

Monique's books are available on Amazon/Kindle, Google Play Store & Ibooks. Follow her on social media:

Twitter: @moniqueduell

FB:facebook.com/imjusmo

Blessings:

The Mayne Man

The Autistic Life (Part 2 of 2)

Makasha, using my childhood as an example, what can parents do considering there are some parents who know their children are special needs, but instead, they discipline their children (smacking their face, spanking them for every small thing they do wrong, though it's due to the disability), thinking the discipline will bring children to obedience? 

 

Parents can only rear their children based on what they know and accept about them. In other words, if you know your child has cancer you will likely pursue medical attention. The same should be done when your child is diagnosed with a mental illness or learning disorder. You have to get the proper team in place to help your child.

 

One of the immediate things my son’s team worked on was helping me to decipher when his disability was causing him to be disobedient. Children with social disabilities should not be treated differently. It will cause problem in the home with the other children. Since every child is different, discipline should be customized to meet the child’s social, age and developmental levels while reinforcing the values you’re trying to instill. You can read my take on this here.

http://makashadorsey.com/2014/04/d-is-for-disability-versus-disobedient/

 

Why doesn't insurance pay for this (and why the school system calls these kids problem children)? 

 

We’ve had the benefit of good insurance so I don’t know a lot about why insurance does not pay. In many cases, insurance don’t pay for care because the bill coding from doctor’s offices are inaccurate. In addition, some practitioners offer vague diagnosis which will also prevent payment.

 

Both autism and Asperger’s are covered by most insurance companies. However, certain treatments are not. Therefore, your medical provider should work with you on finding treatment options that are covered by your plan or work with you to help get an exception approved so that your insurance company will pay.

 

The school system is an entirely different scenario. As it is, the public school system was not created to be able to accommodate children with disabilities. For many years, children with disabilities were either sent to mental institutions—both private and public—or kept locked away from family and friends. In actuality, some people thought these children and adults were possessed by demonic forces. Thank God for modern medicine. Since the school system was not created to accommodate children with disabilities, they’ve had to play catch up in this arena.

 

I’ve never heard school officials refer to children on the spectrum as problem children. However, I have seen schools not equipped to meet a child’s needs and it creates a problem for the school, the parent and the child. Most counties have school choice programs for children with Individualized Education Plans (IEPs). If the school does not have support, try another one that does. As parents we have to shoulder the bulk of the responsibility is ours when it comes to educating our children. If you have to wake up thirty minutes earlier to get your child to another school, do it. If you have to downsize your home/lifestyle to home school a child who cannot matriculate in the classroom due to violent outburst, social anxiety or the such, do it.

 

Too much responsibility is put on the public school system. Your child is your responsibility. Find a common ground or another ground to educate your child. There are options and sometimes you have to pay for them.

 

I would like to thank Makasha for chiming in on this. One thing she said when she was talking about the facts: Autism is oftentimes diagnosed along with OCD. I would take that a step further and say that if a child who's autistic (or "special needs") is being bullied (via physical, sexual abuse, etc.), PTSD will be discovered. That was the case with me (I was diagnosed with that in 2008). 

I mentioned a little bit of discrimination in Part 1, let me pick it back up from there. A lot of people (including me) that I went to school with didn't know I was autistic. But I knew deep inside that I was different. So, I was an easy target in school (and part of my adult life) for being used and picked on. Many people discriminate against children & adults with "special needs" due to ignorance or to just being mean. I fully understand that the world is all about "self" and stepping on people to better themselves.

I'd like to take a moment and share with you with what goes on in an autistic mind (using myself as an example). Many people will be able to identify and some may not, and that's ok. With me, a thousand thoughts flood my mind (and it's been like that since I was in pre-school). In fact, the things that stick out to me the most are as follows:

1. Music, songs & when it was released (if you know me, I'm very good with dates and I can more & likely tell you what was going on in my life when I hear certain songs, the year it came out, what grade I was in, and who wrote/produced the song).

2. Books I read. If you're not careful, you might find me reciting a children's book called Make Way for Ducklings (from beginning to end). 

3. Movie clips. I can tell you my favorite line from movies I watch.

I just mentioned a thousand thoughts, it's like that even as I'm typing this blog. One of those thoughts is that I'm going to forget to put something in this blogpost (smile). While I'm talking about the mental state, let me say this: for me, it's a struggle shutting my mind off at times. In fact, I've ran across a few blogs over the weekend that confirm that when we are in a quiet space, the mind picks up everything to think on (some good and some bad). What helps me is listening to classical at times & maybe some quiet worship to relax my mind. Reading helps (but it depends on what it is - sometimes what you read can appear in a dream or in your thoughts later when you really don't want to think about it). 

Now let's talk about my life with Aspergers. But first, let me give you a statistic:

1 out of 5 autistic children are physically abused & 1 out of 6 autistic children are sexually abused. 

I mentioned earlier when I posed a question to Makasha, that I was hit in the face quite often growing up (whether it was my parents or my uncle - same one who abused me). I can truly say, it made me rebellious and angry to some extent. But what I really want to focus on is this (and I'm going to fight tears saying this): in my life, I could do 5 things, but the one thing I would do wrong would be held against me for as long as I live. It would replay in my mind, or my parents would glorify my wrongs (people in social life would want to throw stones at me). Because I've been in trouble too many times, I am the type of person who seeks to make amends. Most of the time it's a dead end. Many of you who know me know that I apologize way too much. It's the conscience within me always doing something wrong, unintentionally hurting people that I so deeply love & respect. Like I said, my wrongs have been glorified growing up, so it's only natural to feel that way. In fact, it hurts more when I don't know that I hurt someone (or they just stop talking to me). Having been rejected as a result of my "special needs" state and abuse, I am thankful that I found stability in my faith. But at the same time, no man is on Gilligan's Island alone. 

What troubles me so much is when a person is suffering, they receive a finger pointed at them, but when the person pointing a finger is going through, the world must stop for them. It's been said to "seek first to understand." I guess it's easier said than done. I know many of us with "special needs" want to be understood, but we have been conditioned to understand others first. That can explain why we are very caring people and others tend to scoff at us and treat us like CRAP! And that's what society does at times, look at us as troubled children or even a liability to the health care system.

One thing that stands out to me is an incident that happened at home. My uncle came to live with us and I foolishly believed him when he said that he taught The Commodores how to write songs. My mother was taking a college class and she told her classmates this. When she told me she did that (I was about 11), I felt so humiliated. 

And this now leads into the next area I want to move to.

Aspergers & Depression

I can definitely speak on this first-hand. I don't like to see people hurt, but rejection for me is like taking my very life. In fact, my mind is happy about life and then when I feel rejected, my mind wants to escape life (this can even occur when I'm speaking or at a release party for my own book). There are some things in my own life, I can't even explain. 

This morning, I ran across this link (and I ask that you check this out as you read this blog):

http://www.adultaspergerschat.com/2011/10/dealing-with-depression-55-tips-for.html?m=1

As I was reading, I saw myself in many of them (especially #3). 

As I wind this blog down, let me say this: Suicide among kids with autism due to being bullied, and being sexually abused is increasing as the days progress. According to http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/827794 66%of adults with Aspergers have suicide ideation. Among adults with Aspergers, those with depression are 4x more likely to experience suicide thoughts.

So why am I saying this? People with "special needs" need love, care & protection. They need stability, and a feeling that they're not rejected. Many times, they feel that society has rejected them. In fact, I have found that those who are "special needs" (to include those with AD/HD), are very gifted in the creative arts. 

Now, that I'm drained, you all be blessed today.

Blessings:

The Mayne Man