Well, first and foremost, Happy 2017 (considering this is my
first blogpost for the year 2017). I know, I’ve been procrastinating, so I ask
for your forgiveness. It’s ironic that I’m posting my first blog for the year
on Independence Day – and I pray that this post will allow you to break free
from the past.
I was blessed to listen to a Marriage Made EZ from October
2016. It featured my parents and the special guests were the gospel duo Mary
Mary and their respective husbands. As I listened, I started to reflect on my
past and my journey to being free from the past (and I am free in faith).
A few years back, I did a blogpost entitled P.C.A (Porn,
Children & Abuse). If you didn’t read it, I invite you to read this before
continuing on with this post.
The reason why I did that particular post was to address
something that was haunting me, and now I want to explain that post and expand
from that post. Now there are some things that you may have gone through in your
past, and God may be the only person you need to confess the pain and shame
from your past. The reason I am going public with this P.C.A is my desire to
help others. I also know that me holding my abuse, pain and the porn that I was
exposed to that would affect me for years would create so much shame. And
because of the pain of the past, caused some cynicism to creep up in my spirit,
which I am getting out to totally shame the devil. And I’ll be honest, I was
not only introduced to sex when I was 10/11, to porn when I was 11, and the
same uncle would watch porn for the next 3 years that he would either borrow
from his friends, or whatever my late father would leave in the house. I would
see bits and pieces of it, and I will be honest, when I was in my teens and I
would watch it, it was a bit of a love/hate relationship towards it. Part of me
enjoyed it, and the other part of me hated it to the core. Interesting, isn’t
it? As I got older, realizing some
things in my life caused me to have so much shame for all that I’ve done in my
past.
Now, let me say something when it comes to shame (actually,
Tina Campbell said this during that seminar, that was so eloquent). Shame and
embarrassment should never eat at you, people will say whatever they want – in
fact, they don’t even know the pain you’ve experienced. Everybody has issues,
so there’s no need to be embarrassed. The devil will do everything he can to
get you to hold on to it, because it will keep you down.
Once we bring our inadequacies to Jesus, nobody else needs
to validate our deliverance. It’s so sad that we want to boast about other
people’s shame over our own. I thank God today for Him saving my life, and for
delivering me from the pain that I’ve been holding for 30+ years.
I ask that you don’t go through your past alone. In order
for me to attack your past, then I’m leaguing with the devil, I need to attack
the root that caused your pain, which is the devil – and by the way, he’s a
defeated foe. This is the day to be free and delivered. The beauty of God is
that He heals from the inside out, and there are so many who are looking for a
cure to heal from the outside in.
And I’ll be honest, and please forgive me. Between sharing
that particular blogpost, and this particular post, there is a bit of shame and
fear coming out of me (and the main reason why I’m sharing this part of my life
is to shame the devil) because of some of you reading this, will see me
differently. And this is something I need to be delivered from, the opinions of
others (and I am delivered by faith). Not to justify my actions and behaviors
because it all starts with my thoughts, the main root is the lack of validation
received in childhood and that I mattered.
Before I even attempt to close this blogpost, I want to say
something else. My past may have been a little jacked up, whether it be my
actions in school, the porn and movies I know I should not have seen at my age,
or the partners I had during the course of my abuse. If I weren’t delivered
from all of this, it would totally mess up my future, and reflect on every
person I was with and the porn I had watched. What I realized is this, the
devil was setting me up to fail and cause certain people in my life to abuse me
to distract my future and not see God’s blessing when it really comes. Remember
I mentioned about cynicism earlier? I could be like, she is not from God when
she really is – it’s just my spirit is messed up, and I'm allowing the initial
doubt to rob me of my future because of the pain I experienced in my past –
fear of being in pain again whether it be physically, mentally or financially.
The key here is for me to be free, and this is my declaration of independence
from my past! If you desire to be free from your past, declare your
independence from your past.
Blessings.
The Mayne Man
Its time for me to begin my healing process
ReplyDelete