Church Issues (Loss of Identity)

I’m starting on a blog series that has been on my spirit since June of this year. I was debating on Sunday whether to subtitle this Loss of Identity or Free Thinking. As you can see, Loss of Identity won. This particular post has been on my spirit for a couple weeks. It’s my heart’s prayer that you open your mind, heart & spirit to this. I believe God will bless your spirit totally if you can stay through this entire post. I need to thank one of my sisters for these thought provoking questions, which will be how I start this blog (and for some additional thoughts within this blog). I modified some of the questions a little bit for all to participate.

Take this moment and think about your life before you joined your respective church and now that you’re in your respective church. Here are some questions for you to ponder:

1. How was your relationship with your parents, siblings, and friends?
2. Were you always in a defensive mode?
3. Were you always on guard?
4. Did you always feel like you have to hide the truth about your past or current church?
5. Are you openly sharing the teachings of your current church?
6. Have your habits changed?
7. Have your eating or sleeping habits changed?
8. Do you feel nervous or on edge?
9. Do you still hang out with your friends from the past on a regular basis?
10. When was the last time you called them asking to hang out or just talk?
11. What about your music choices, have they changed?
12. Has your prayer life and prayer language changed?
13. Has your vocabulary changed?  How many words have different meanings now that you’re attending your current church?
14. Do you listen to Christian radio or visit Christian bookstores or did you used to?
15. What about God?  How is your relationship with Him?  Be honest with yourself and God.
16. How many times have you chosen to lie to your loved ones about anything to do with your new church?
17. Ladies: when was the last time you wore a pair of pants/jeans or sandals to church on Sunday?  Have you stopped wearing two pairs of earrings if you have double piercings?
18. Men: when was the last time you went to church on Sunday without wearing a tie and slacks?  Have you stopped wearing earrings if your ears are pierced?

If your responses came out more on the negative side to where you’ve shunned your friends & family away, you might have lost your identity to the church and its doctrine. This is just a little something to think about.

Now, I used to go to a church where we all (men & women) were under the leader’s control. I’ll use this one clip because I will cover different clips under a different topic.

I think back to my former church and it was mandatory that we men go to the Men's Bible Studies (M-F at 6am). There were times I would register for classes either at 7am or on Thursday night intentionally just to get a break from it. Our pastor would go so far as to say we were in sin if we didn't do what he says. If we missed a Thursday night service or a Sunday service, we were taking a vacation from God. How’s that for control! He said that the wives had to be homemakers, and they were in sin if they worked. A man was not supposed to cook, that was the woman's job. There was a couple where the husband was living a double personality. He was trying so hard to be himself, but he didn't want to hear a lecture all about him being in sin if he didn't implement what the pastor told him to do (causing him to lose his own identity). My former pastor was good for making a Sunday lesson (or a Men’s Bible Study) on people who didn’t do what the pastor said. The end result was a loss of his identity, the couple divorced and they both left the church. I actually left the church a week or two after they did. Just from that, you can gain an idea of what we went through (I stayed there from August 1998 to May 2000).

There are many churches where people can't think for themselves. It's a tragedy!

The beauty of God is He gives us the power of choice. We have the choice to do right or to do wrong, but we will reap what we sow. Churches designed by God are taught to listen to Him through reading His word, gaining counsel from your pastors, parents and friends and to think for you. Domineering churches (like my former church) are taught to listen to the leader because he has made all of the decisions for you. I will add this: my former pastor was so domineering to where he decided who you married. Here’s the tragedy, most of those he married, are now divorced once they left the church.

Here are some more characteristics of a domineering church (and I’d strongly consider you leaving for your sanity):

1. Every single action you participate in with a church is determined by your pastor of the local congregation.
2. You will be told when to go to church and where.  You’ll be told how to dress, what to eat and drink, what to study and when.  You only serve on the worship team or child care when the pastor calls to let you know they have an opening that needs to be filled

Ladies, would you sit under a religions organization that's telling you what to do and you have no right to question it OR would you continue to sit under that kind of teaching even if you know that teaching is far off or contradictory? If you are currently sitting under a domineering church like what I mentioned above, why are you still there? If you have fears of leaving, talk to me. I left my former church and they actually came looking for me. But I have my freedom.

Author Spotlight (Shelia M. Goss)

This week's author spotlight is on my sister & fellow author Shelia M. Goss. I was privileged to ask her some questions, and I believe her responses will inspire you to go forward (especially if you're an aspiring author).

Shelia M. Goss writes in multiple genres. She is the author of the Essence Magazine, Dallas Morning News and Black Expressions Bestseller My Invisible Husband and Roses are thorns, Violets are true, Paige’s Web, Double Platinum, His Invisible Wife, Hollywood Deception, Delilah (January 2011), and Savannah’s Curse (February 2011). She’s also the author of the young adult book series The Lip Gloss Chronicles: The Ultimate Test, Splitsville, and Paper Thin.

Her books are available in stores or from any of the online retailers or order direct from www.kensingtonbooks.com.

Her 10th novel, Delilah,  was released in January 2011 and it’s her first Christian fiction novel. Her suspense novel, Savannah’s Curse will be in stores at the end of February 2011.

Shelia also writes young adult fiction. Be sure to share the news of her books with a teen in your life. The website is www.thelipglosschronicles.com. The Ultimate Test, Splitsville, and Paper Thin are the three books in the Lip Gloss Chronicles series.

Although Shelia has a Bachelor of Science in Engineering, her passion for writing has always been there. Shelia decided to pursue her life-long dream after being down-sized from a fortune 500 company.

She’s received many accolades since embarking on a writing career:

• 2011 EDC Creations Top Books Award - Delilah
• 2010 Dallas Morning News Best Seller - Paper Thin: The Lip Gloss Chronicles Vol. 3
• 2009 EDC Creations Top Books Award – His Invisible Wife
• 2009 EDC Creations Author of the Year – Lip Gloss Chronicles series
• 2009 Amazon Best seller - His Invisible Wife, The Ultimate Test, & Splitsville
• 2008 BlackWebAwards.com – Best Female Author Site
• Disilgoldsoul 2007 YOUnity Guild Award – Most Outstanding Book Debut Promotions- “Paige’s Web”
• Infini’s Outstanding Author 2006
• Literary Divas: The Top 100+ Most Admired African-American Women in Literature
• ESSENCE MAGAZINE Bestsellers List
• #1 Black Expressions.com Bestseller
• Honorable mention in a New York Times article & Writer’s Digest article
• 2004 OneSwan Productions Female Author of the Year
• Three Shades of Romance Magazine Reader’s Choice Awards
• Dallas Morning News Bestseller

Was there a time as you were writing, you thought about quitting (and what made you keep going)?

No. I've always enjoyed writing. I write because there's something within me that won't allow me to NOT write.

What are your sources of inspiration when you write your novels?

Life is my inspiration. I sit, observe and listen. Ideas are planted and usually come to the forefront of my mind via dreams.

How did you overcome the adversity when people reject your book?

Since I feel like my writing is a God given talent, I wouldn't or couldn't allow rejections to stop me from pursuing the path that I went on. I used the rejections to give me the fuel I needed to push forward.

What would you want to say to those who know they’re to be writing, but don’t make the time to follow-through?

If you want to be a writer, then write. Don't talk about it, do it.  If you're waiting to find enough time to write, you'll never write a paragraph. You have to make time to write. If you need to get up early or stay up late to do so, then do it. Remove the excuses from your way of life and just write.

Which project was your longest project to complete?

The longest project was a book that I collaborated on with another writer. We had two different schedules so when you're partnering with someone else, you have to make time adjustments.

Was writing your ultimate dream in life?

Yes. I've been wanting to be a writer since I was a freshman in high school; maybe even before then since I've always been on the newspaper staff or yearbook staff.

What are your thoughts on authors needing to support each other and needing to not compete against each other?

For the most part, authors are very supportive of one another. We each pass on information about our peers books as well as purchase our peers books. Once a reader finishes reading one of our books, they are eager to read other books.  As an avid reader, I love discussing books with my network of people.

When you started your first project, was it mandatory that you believed in yourself?

Absolutely.  You have to believe in yourself first, before anyone else will.

When is your best time in the day to write?

I write better in the morning.

What do you want readers to know about you?

I'm down to earth. I love my family and cherish my friendships. I'm shy but I'm also a people's person.  I love stylish purses.

What do you want readers to understand when they read your works?

I want readers to not only be entertained but encouraged or inspired after reading some of my books.

Apart from writing, what else do you like to do or what else are you gifted in?

I love doing graphics work. I do banners, websites, etc. It started off as a hobby but has blossomed into extra income to me.

More information about her can be found on her website: www.sheliagoss.com

Tips For Joining A Writer's Group

There's a saying that goes, the rich build networks while others are trained to look for work. I have been extremely blessed just from meeting this woman (and I know many others have been blessed also). Without further ado, this column was written by my sister & fellow author Barbara Joe Williams. This is a must read if you are called to be a writer/author.

Tips for Joining a Writer’s Group

Submitted by: Barbara Joe Williams

If you haven’t joined a writer’s groups yet, don’t think about it anymore…just do it. For most authors who’re serious about the writing craft, a writer’s group will give you the motivation and support needed to further develop your literary skills. You’re likely to meet local authors, aspiring writers, avid readers, professional editors, seasoned photographers, and accomplished publishers willing to share their experiences with you. The benefits are endless and some of the contacts you’ll make will probably last a lifetime. Not only will you feel like you’re a part of a positive organization, but you’ll also grow as a writer if you become an active participant.

While getting together with other like-minded individuals, sharing information, and socializing is important, you should never lose focus of your writing goals. Make sure you maintain a balance between the group and the actual writing process. A good place to find a writing organization is online, libraries, colleges, and bookstores.

Never underestimate the importance of joining a writer’s group and networking with other writers. If you’re interested in improving your writing skills and want the support and accountability of other writers, check out these tips for joining a local or online writing group:

1.      Local vs. online group. The first step is to decide how you’d like to spend your time as part of the group. For extroverted writers, I’d suggest that you find a local group to join so that you’ll have direct interaction with members of the organization. For writers who’re more introverted, you might want to join an online group. And it might be advantageous for you to join both if you have the time and willing to make the commitment.

2.      Determine your needs. Make sure that the objective of the group meets your needs or objectives as a writer. Are you looking for a group to do critiques or simply a place to share ideas? Do you need a group that’s focused on romance, mystery, or welcome all genres? You have to determine whether or not the group is a fit for you and proceed accordingly.

3.      Making a commitment. You shouldn’t join any organization unless you’re willing to make a time commitment. If the group meets once a week, can you handle that? If not, you might be more suited for a group that meets once a month or every other month. Either way, once you join, you should be committed to the organization and at least try to attend all physical meetings.

4.      Giving and Receiving. Hopefully, you’re joining the writer’s group to contribute to the organization as well as receive valuable information and make important contacts. The group forum definitely isn’t a place for blatant publicity stunts or one-way information exchanges. Writing groups are as much about giving as getting!

5.      Formal vs. informal. Some writing groups are more formal than others and may be incorporated with officers, have strict procedures, guidelines, registration fees, and monthly dues. However, other writing groups may be very informal with an open format. But either way, the group has to have a leader who’s the contact person and guides the development of the organization.

When I co-founded the Tallahassee Authors Network in 2008, it was formed as a means to bring all locally published authors, aspiring writers, and avid readers together in one venue to learn from one another. It was never meant to be a formal organization, a critique group, or a publicity machine, but just a place for members to network and grow together as a unit. After years of being on the road promoting my work, attending conferences, and visiting writing groups, I felt it was time to come home and build a place where all authors (and literary lovers) could feel comfortable.

Since that time, we have established a strong local presence and hosted group book signings at schools, bookstores, the library, and the State Capitol. I believe that I have accomplished more as a part of a group than I could ever accomplish on my own. As a general rule, bookstores are more likely to schedule a group signing than an individual signing because it brings in more patrons. So if you’re looking for a way to improve your writing skills, need feedback as well as support, and you’re ready to commit to an organization, don’t think about it anymore…just do it.

Author Spotlight (Felicia S.W. Thomas)

This week's author spotlight will be my sister & fellow author Felicia S.W. Thomas.

Felicia S.W. Thomas is the author of 80 Proof Lives, her debut novel, which was released in February 2011 and published by Amani Publishing, LLC. Felicia holds a B.S. degree in Journalism from Florida A&M University, and a Juris Doctorate degree from Florida State University.

Adults and children alike are raving about 80 Proof Lives. It’s a young adult fiction novel set in Quincy, FL during the summer of 1976. A teenaged girl is forced by her mother to clean house for the local madam and bootleg queen, Miss Lipstick, in order to pay off the mother’s beer tab. The young girl encounters colorful characters throughout the summer and discovers why some people live their lives inside a liquor bottle, as well as some life-changing information about herself that could plunge her into an 80 proof life.

Go to Amazon.com and read the reviews of 80 Proof Lives. Here are just a few:

“This first novel of Felicia S.W. Thomas weaves a tale of unforgettable flawed characters, some who support Fla's dreams and some who nearly destroy her future. Older teens and adults will enjoy this book.”

“80 Proof Lives provides an interesting but safe way through which one can view non-traditional lifestyles and challenges. A short read, the large print book is both kind to the eyes of the fiction's adult characters' age-cohort reading audience and coercing to young reluctant readers.”

“This is a story of forgiveness and redemption, where young Fla learns even the lowest of lowlifes have their stories and their reasons for sinking into self-defeating, destructive behavior. To Fla's credit, she learns to forgive those who have failed her and to rise above her rough beginnings. In many places, the prose sings like a poem.”

Felicia Thomas currently lives in Quincy, FL, with her husband and three children. She is hard at work on her next novels. You can check out 80 Proof Lives on her website at www.feliciaswthomas.com.

Never Give Up (The Almighty Will Never Give Up On You)

From time to time, I will have special guests writing columns for my blog. With that said, this post is written by my sister & fellow author Nedra M. White. What she has to say is dedicated to the ladies. Be blessed.

Gracie's Journey Out Of Darkness:

It's my testimony that I never gave up on finding my birth family, and God gave me the strength to keep living. Things didn't happen in my time, it was in His divine time. I can only speak of my journey to you that even in my darkest, darkest hour, only God could save me.

When you go through circumstances in life you have no control of at a young age and make decisions that you have no knowledge of the consequences, it's hard.

My life started out being taken from my birth mother and separation from my siblings, knowing this at the age of seven can be horrific. I was placed in a foster home that was a den of hell. If God hadn't been by my side, I would not have made it out of that den.

Every step from then on, he was by my side.  Having a child at the age of 15, and continuing to have 4 more children kept me from insanity. God's plan works and not my plan (and I can truly say, "in mysterious ways.") While feeling sorry for myself at times, drinking and thoughts of suicide, who do you think got me through my darkest hour?

Through the heartache of wondering where was my Mother, looking in the mirror for my identity, and searching for my siblings; it was more than any child or even a grown person should have to bare.  My message when it's all said and done is this: God will lift you up, give Him the glory and the praise, because without Him, it is then you will be lost to the point of no return.

Ladies, I ask you to believe no matter what mistakes you have made, other situations you have no control of, put the Almighty in control of your life, put Him first. I am living proof, to say He saved me from myself and He will and can do the same for you, and I am Thankful to him.....Amen

Author Spotlight (Shantae A. Charles)

Today, I turn the author spotlight on my sister, editor & fellow author: Shantae A. Charles.

Shantae Charles is principal of God Ideas, LLC; a publishing, editing, and creative arts consulting company. She is a licensed minister, singer, songwriter, freelance writer and author of the popular novel series Church Love. She has been teaching for the past ten years to adults and youth ages 3-18 in various subjects and arenas, specializing in Life Skills, Abstinence Education, Spiritual Education, Stress Management and Corporate Spiritual/Gender Conflict Management.

She currently has a blogspot entitled: Legs Closed Mind Open. Check it out at:

http://legsclosedmindopen.blogspot.com

Church Love can be purchased on her blogspot or the following link below (note: this link is to Book One):

http://www.amazon.com/Church-Love-Worthy-Second-Chance/dp/098445960X/ref=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1309859869&sr=1-7

Freedom

Many of us today will be celebrating July 4^th with cookouts, fireworks and everything else in between. I write this post today thinking about this country and what it stands for. Notice the pledge of allegiance doesn’t say “with security and justice, for all,” it says “with liberty and justice, for all.” I don’t write this post because my father & I served in the US Armed Forces, I write it for all of those who either have been, are currently or contemplating entering the US Armed Forces. If it wasn’t for the US Armed Forces, we wouldn’t have the freedom that we unfortunately are taking for granted.

I salute my fellow soldiers as we celebrate the 4^th of July, for we didn’t fight for security, we fought for freedom (in 1776). Some people think security and freedom are the same words, but they aren’t. The more security you have, the less freedom you have. Today, so many want security over freedom and we’re losing the true meaning of what this country was built on. Sure, many can say it was built while beating the backs of others, but still this is our country.

And this needs to be mentioned although it’s been heard many times; freedom does have a price which somebody else has to pay for. Think about it. As you celebrate this 4^th of July, think of those who died for you to enjoy the freedom in this country. They didn’t die for you to have security; they died for you to have freedom. And last, but definitely not least; our Savior died to set us free from the bondage of sin. Galatians says to stand fast in the liberty which we are called (I know I’m paraphrasing), but you get the point.

And with all of that said, have a great 4^th of July!