Before I begin this blogpost, some of you, just based on the title may be thinking, “Who does he think he is? My view of God isn’t distorted!” Well, before you discount this blogpost, I want you to understand the perspective I’m about to write from, I promise you it’ll all make sense. I dedicate this blogpost especially to women who have been abused in childhood and/or grew up without a father in the home (or had a father there but was not present emotionally, or enabled the mother to be abusive).
I’ve talked to many women in my lifetime who have shared their story of abuse with me, and I think of one person in particular. I believe her story will show that there are many who are walking around with a distorted view of God. One day, about a month after the passing of my father, a woman posted a suicide note on social media. People ridiculed her and started to become overly spiritual with her, so I sent her an inbox to call me if she happened to get that message. Well, she called me, and proceeded to tell me her story. This woman, at the time, was between her late 20s and early 30s. She shared with me that when she was under the age of six, her father, a minister at a denominational church, molested her and would pass her off to her much older brother (in his late teens). According to her, they told her that she initiated it and wanted it. I had to tell her that there was no way she could initiate anything being so young, and most importantly it was not her fault.
I want to use this story to pull out a few points that clearly define a distorted view of God, and I must say that it’s not the victim’s fault. But the victim can now do something about it, which I will explain as this blogpost progresses.
The first point that I want to make is the fact that her father took advantage of a child who has does not have the capacity to think like an adult. And because he is a minister of the gospel, what does the child think? Her father is like God, and God endorses the ill treatment of His children. That of course is a lie from the pit of hell.
The second point piggybacks off the first point. If the father was never in the home, and if God is a Father, then that would signify that God isn’t there when the child needs Him the most. Thankfully, God is not like a natural father. Humans treat others cruel as a result of sin in the world; God can’t sin because He watches over His Word to perform it.
The third point is that this woman’s father lied to the child saying that she initiated the sex act. Then this will indicate that God can’t be trusted as a result of what the father did the child, if God is supposed to be a Father. And it also gives hints that God endorses abuse. That of course is a lie from the pit of hell. Man lies; God is not a man that He should lie!
If you look at those three points, there are many people who have suffered abuse that could relate to at least one of the three points. Just know that God is not like a natural father.
Let me say this, first and foremost, I’m sorry for any abuse you endured. God does not endorse this type of abuse. It’s recorded in the book of Matthew where Jesus states the following: “Whoever causes one of these little ones (children) who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (18:6). Another way of saying this would go (using the Message Bible): “But if you give them (children) a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you’ll soon wish you hadn’t. You’d be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck. Doom to the world for giving these God-believing children a hard time! Hard times are inevitable, but you don’t have to make it worse—and it’s doomsday to you if you do.” So, we have here that God does not endorse abuse, and it’s more of a tragedy for a minister of the gospel to abuse a child and/or lie to a child (saying they initiated the abuse, or just manipulating the child). That is pure church abuse (which brings about church hurt). Know that you can heal, but keep in mind that man is fallen, God is not, as He is eternal. Separate the two and know they have to account to God. Keep reading, as I will share on how to get a right view of who God is. If you are an adult, and didn’t grow up with an earthly father, my heart goes out to you. I have more to say on that in just a moment. God does not take advantage of His children. He loves them and nurtures and as you can see from the passage above, He loves children and does not tolerate when adults abuse children. God doesn’t lie to His children because He is the Truth. Man unfortunately will lie to children, and when they do, it skews their perception of God. So where does this distortion come from? Very simple, the devil! He doesn’t want children to know who God really is. God is so irresistible, that you can’t help but love Him once you understand who He really is. Society and the nuclear family structure is doing all they can to equate God to people, and there is no comparison. I’ll be honest; I thought my view of God was like my parents. Think about it, a child looks up to their parents, and when a parent fails them, their view of the world is negative (granted, mine was on many levels – this is why I go about changing the world the way I do). Because their view of the world is negative, they’ll equate God like their parents and will be turned off from God.
I want to keep my promise and address those who didn’t grow up with a father (or perhaps the father was home, but was either absent, or was an enabler to a narcissist), you may have what’s called an “orphan spirit.” What’s that? Bishop Joseph Mattera (whom I quoted in Part 7: The Bitter Pill) has this to say about the orphan spirit:
Ever since Adam and Eve were alienated from God the Father in the Garden of Eden, an orphan spirit has permeated the earth, causing untold damage! (By “orphan,” I am referring to a sense of abandonment, loneliness, alienation and isolation.) Almost immediately after the fall in Eden, the fruit of this orphan spirit resulted in jealousy, culminating in Cain murdering his brother Abel because God the Father didn’t receive Cain’s offering. To make matters worse, in contemporary society, with the breakup of the nuclear family, large amounts of people are not only alienated from God but are brought up without the loving care and security of their biological fathers.
I believe all of the emotional, physical and spiritual ills of society can be traced to humans feeling alienated from God and their biological fathers.
One blogpost said the following about spiritual orphans (which can cause a distorted view of God):
Spiritual orphans are the result of several things. The Bible indicates that when father’s and children’s hearts are turned from each other, a curse can result. I am not sure about you, but I think we are there. One of the great things about God is we can start over. The church has allowed the attitudes and ideas of the world to infiltrate it. With divorce and unwed mother rates soaring, western cultures have begun to embrace the idea that fathers as disposable and unnecessary. Many individuals will live their entire lives without a healthy relationship with their father or a father figure. Fathers have let down their children; they have abandoned and not pursued their own children. Another attitude we have seen reflected in the church is that the “younger generation” with all their fiery passion is somehow more valuable than the deeply rooted generations that have gone before them. When society began shuffling the elderly off to nursing homes, the attitude in our churches changed as well. Most churches market to younger people. Meanwhile, our older generation has thrown in the towel. They no longer want to invest in a generation that devalued them. Rejection begets rejection.
I want to address how to handle the orphan spirit but first we must identify it.
Here are some characteristics of the orphan spirit:
- Unable to put down roots in a church or change churches frequently
- Always on the look out for something bigger and better
- Feeling based faith (if it feels good, feels right, etc then I will follow it).
- Need recognition
- Easily offended
- Feelings of abandonment even when one has not been abandoned
- Attitude of “No one is going to tell me what to do”
- Attitude of “I know…” (unteachable)
- Survivalist Mentality always looking out for oneself
- Never truly comfortable in the presence of anointed spiritual father
- Reject others before they can be rejected
In closing, a friend of mine (Joy Robinson) said this (and I believe this will allow you to be made whole from your distorted view of God):
When you have an orphan heart, you have a distorted view of God the Father. A son or daughter can accept correction and discipline because they know they are loved. But an orphan heart has difficulty accepting correction and coming into alignment with God’s plan for their life. Orphans have deep trust issues and consequently they will bail out first in an effort to avoid hurt. But daughters know that they are accepted in the Beloved already. Here are some declarations of being loved that sons and daughters should walk in:
- Because I am loved by God, I do not fear being unloved by people so I don’t have to do anything to earn love from anyone God nor people I don’t have to keep track of who loves me and who doesn’t.
- Because I am loved by God, I am not envious of anyone or anything anyone has. I already have the most precious treasure in the world, the love of God.
- Because I am loved by God I do not have to retaliate against anyone who wrong with me because nothing they can do to me could diminish God’s love for me by a millimeter because I am loved by God I do not have to retaliate against anyone who wrong with me because nothing they can do to me could diminish God’s love for me by a millimeter!
- Because I am loved by God, I do not have to seek revenge in an attempt to even the score because the balance of God’s love for me was not and cannot be disturbed by anything anyone does.
- Because I am loved by God, I do not have to hold grudges because note that any person owes me could ever out measure the balance of the love account got hat for me.
- Because I am loved by God, I do not have to withhold love from anyone because God‘s love for me is not diminished by me loving someone else. My love tank does not go down from loving someone else. I am not in danger of running out of love because God is my source of love, not people.
The Mayne Man