Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 22: Men)

Happy 2023, I am declaring that this blogpost will be the final part to close out the series Will You Be Made Whole, which I started back in 2016. A lot has transpired during that time, learning a new job, getting married, finishing Bible School, completing the Ministry Internship Program and now seeing what God is going to do in my life (especially for 2023). Let me preface a few things before I get into this topic, as it’s strange that I have to talk about men, as I am one, obviously (smile). Anyway, if things come up as it relates to being whole in any area, I’ll just make it a bonus. Feel free to go back through some of my blogposts that I’ve written, not just this series, but other things that I’ve blogged about as I’m all about the heart and soul of man. With that said, let’s talk about men. 

 

When I was 24 years old (back in 1998) I left the military and attended Florida A&M University (which we simply call it FAM or FAM-U). One of the things I discovered during the course of talking to people was the following: most of these women problems are because of us MEN! The last two blogposts have been on absent fathers with a little dash of Mary J. Blige, so we’re going to build on that, and just talk about men. First of all, don’t take this blogpost as male bashing, as that’s not the intent. Granted, many people saw Waiting to Exhale as male bashing, I didn’t see it that way; however, I saw that when I was 21, and I saw it as women that I meet on a day-to-day basis picking men that aren’t even considered men (with the exception of Gloria’s character, who ended up with a man that I would call a MAN). I’ll shut it down here, so I don’t go into my soapbox about Waiting to Exhale. I have a lot of thoughts and comments that I will spare you all of. I will say this as I think about it, I wasn’t saved when I saw it, yet a lot of the views that I have about it still remained. My late father got upset with me because I took the movie personal. I felt I had the right to take it personal as a man because it’s men out there who don’t care about a woman, that will strip their identity, break their mental and emotional state and then they end up guarded, “bitter, angry and mean” (which I call it the BAM syndrome). I can’t begin to tell you how many women I’ve met in my life that are still struggling with relationships, many of them I’ve known since college and even high school. During my college years, I would strive to live life like a Kingdom man only for women who say they “luh” God to end up with some trifling boy! Yep, I said boy, because they’re not even worth being called a man.

 

Okay, let me get back on track. Trust me, I still have more thoughts about Waiting to Exhale. By the way, Mary J. did a song for that soundtrack called Not Gon’ Cry. Pencil that as we will come back to that song. So, let’s go back to my earlier statement: the source of most women problems are because of men. If you don’t believe me, just listen to a song from Mary J. Blige. She would be the perfect example, and I pray for her heart and spirit as well as she’s dealt with some trifling men in her life. Okay, staying on task here. If you listen to the lyrics to Not Gon’ Cry, Thick of It or Your Child (my prior blogpost was on this song), the focus of each of these songs are about TRIFLING MEN that broken women can relate to and understand. Thanks to the wonderful age of YouTube, you can watch Mary perform “live” and many of the women are cheering her on while she’s internally bleeding inside. In some cases, when she’s singing those songs, she’s bleeding on others who are struggling with their own pain. Question: when songs like that are being sung, who is getting healed? Help a brother understand. What I see is anger, unforgiveness and a hard heart, which could possibly lead to high blood pressure. Understand that the enemy is using that anger, unforgiveness and all that to bring on an illness – that’s the enemy’s plot, to keep you bound and you may not even be aware of it. Now I’m just using Mary as an example as there are so many people who are hurting and are bleeding on people who are not equipped to help you heal. We’ll talk about the healing piece later on in this blogpost. The more I think about it, I had a neighbor who slit all 4 tires to a man’s car, and I can imagine a song being written about it – the sad part is that women (saved and unsaved) who have done that would glorify the song. Now, I understand writing is therapy – this is what we writers do. What’s so important in what we write is that we write healthy solutions (especially if you believe God) to these problems as we are this world’s answer. Okay, continuing on.  A lot of the songs sung by women that have been out since the 1990s have been about women issues and “I don’t need a man” or pretty much talk about trifling men. Now to those women listening to those songs, especially if they’ve been hurt mentally or emotionally, they will gravitate to songs that speak on keeping your pride and not crying. That song by the way is Karyn White’s Superwoman (1988) – by the way, it was a good song. There was another one that came out in the same year that bothered me, and it was called Thanks For My Child. I saw that as an anthem for single mothers who got pregnant by a trifling man! Yep, here it goes again. I was 14 when that came out, and for that to bother me then speaks volumes of what God was doing with me. So, back to the pride piece, you do realize that pride goes before destruction (according to Proverbs), so that will require a little humility to swallow your pride. Yes, I know you’ve been hurt my sister, and you can heal the proper way (not by a song that’s just going to keep your wound open or cause your scars to become so callous). Understand that the devil thrives off of pride, as it opens doors to fear, anxiety, worry, insecurity – things that will contaminate your faith. And it’s pride that got the devil kicked out of the garden of Eden! Also know that the devil likes it when people are pride because he will attach you to someone else who is bitter, angry and mean (BAM) and then, no healing can really take place – just straight bondage. Galatians 5:1 talks about standing fast in the liberty which Christ called you to and to not be entangled with the yoke of bondage. Some of you ladies who have been damaged by men, just need to get away from them for a season, fast, pray, so you can heal properly. 

By the way, I said this when I was 24, many women think I’m hard on them, I’m worse with men. I’m still that way today. We men have got to get it together, I have to take my role as a husband, father and a man of God seriously, as we are losing men to the prison system, to the devil, and sadly, to death!

 

I’m not finished with this just yet. It’s sad that I have to talk about this, yet it’s so very important that it needs to be addressed. I remember writing a sermon via e-mail in 1998 about the concept of Defilement – what I was addressing was Genesis 34, where Shechem rapes Dinah, and then two of Jacob’s sons killed Shechem as a result. What Shechem did before he raped her was eyed her in a spirit of lust. And that’s what I saw going on during my time at FAMU (especially my first year) and many of the women were so gullible (like they dropped off all the spiritual wealth they gained at home) once they got to campus. And today, the concept still hasn’t changed. It’s men like that (with an evil eye and heart) seeking to damage women – of course, we all know it’s the devil who is after the woman. Why? Glad you asked, understand that it was the woman who birthed Jesus that would crush the devil’s head! And God even stated that he would put enmity between the devil and the woman (Genesis 3). And that’s the devil’s plan, to send men like Shechem to women with the sole intent to break you physically, mentally and spiritually to where you believe that you are damaged goods. What’s so sad and I’m glad my pastor (Dr. Mike Freeman) posed these two questions: how are we men not paying for the babies we made? And why are we letting women go to court to get us to pay child support? Another pastor (Pastor Ken Friendly) said this and I had to agree: it’s a tragedy when a man (father) won’t pay child support and have the audacity to live better than the children and mother who birthed his children. 

 

It's true, we men have to get it together. This absent father syndrome needs to stop, yet we men must be held accountable, considering the strength of a nation is determined by the male population. I’ve said this for some time and got flack (even to the point where someone verbally attacked me for it): at men’s conferences, we’re usually talking about sex or pornography, and that’s fine. We’re dealing with the acts and that’s fine, the issue is as follows: we’re not dealing with the whole man here. Many of the men don’t know what it means to be a husband, a father, or a man of God. I believe if we deal with those three, then the acts can clear up simultaneously. If we just keep talking about sex and pornography at these men’s conferences without teaching men how to be a man of God, a father and a husband, then men would never graduate from the “boy” state!

 

In summary, we all (men and women) need to go to work on our lives and be healed and whole from the damaged that was done to us from our past. Now let’s talk about this thing called “work.” Praying and declaring the Word and healing scriptures is fine. Some work is needed, seek Holy Spirit and not your inner conscious (Proverbs 3:5), talk to a counselor (secular or Christian), talk to a pastor, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to an authentic pastor and to God so that your scars and open wounds can heal properly. If you pray and declare without doing the necessary work, you’ll still end up bound – considering, faith without works is dead. Take that first step, so that you can let God know that you’re serious – understand that the enemy will seek to stop you whether it’s to prevent you from taking that first step or midway. The key is to have the discipline to follow through! I trust and believe that you can be made whole. Remember the story in Luke 17 where the 10 lepers got healed, two came back and gave thanks, and they received wholeness. There’s a difference between the two, healed is for a certain thing, wholeness is for everything! In your process of getting whole, give thanks in the midst of your process! Look to the promise while going through your process. You can make it; you have the Mayne Man in your corner routing for you and most importantly, God is routing for you! 

 

Blessings,

 

The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 21: Hole In The Heart)

In the previous part, I talked about absent fathers. I want to stay on this topic because I heard something yesterday that brought me to tears. I remember 22 years ago, I was in a music store and I heard Mary J. Blige’s song Your Child being played. Now, I remember when she came out on the scene with her debut album What’s the 411 in 1992, and most of her songs have a theme: Women Empowerment/Women Issues With Men.

 

Personally, Your Child is my favorite song from her, as it talks about Mary being with this guy yet he is denying a child that he has with someone else – the mother of the child confronts Mary and tells her the truth that it’s actually his child. Well, I managed to hear the live version of this song (recorded at the House of Blues back in 2004). As the song was coming to an end, it was like Mary snapped. Allow me to share a clip of this because what she says is very important and I know a lot of people will be able to relate to this. And if this is you, stay with this blogpost till the end. Here’s the dialogue with the audience:

 

I’ve got a question for you. How come these brothers and some of these mothers, they leave these children, abandon them and then they don’t want to take care of them? They don’t want to tell them they love them. And when they grow up, they’re going to want to know, how could you do it?! How could you do this to me, I was your baby. Why didn’t you love me? Why didn’t you hug me? Why didn’t you kiss me? Why didn’t you teach me? Why didn’t you tell me I was beautiful? Why didn’t you teach me how to walk like a lady? Daddy, where were you?! They were touching my body, where were you?

 

The song finally closes at this point, and she’s in tears (and granted, I’m in tears typing this up). I can feel her pain, as I can imagine that Mary’s father abandoned her (left her when she was 4 years old, he suffered with PTSD and he would assault Mary’s mother). So, let’s pick up from where the music breaks, because there’s more to what Mary has to say (and this is the most important piece).

 

It’s killing me! I’m so sorry, but it’s killing me. Where were you daddy?! Where the f*** were you, excuse me, but where were you? That’s why we got to take care of the babies. I know this is a club and you all probably don’t want to hear that, but it’s real. It’s the reason why we are all f***** up in our head right now because nobody wanted to love us.

 

Here’s where I break out in tears for the second time. I have a question to everyone reading this, how many of you can relate to the pain that Mary is feeling at this moment? If you can, my heart cries for you. If you were abandoned, broken, unloved by your parents, abused by someone in your family and your parents didn’t take your side (or they were the abusers), you definitely have a hole in your heart. No matter how you try to camouflage it, it’s there. Now, if you went to counseling, praise God. So many times, we neglect counseling thinking we have the strength to do it by yourself. Or we just deal with it on a surface level because of the shame that’s buried underneath. There’s nothing wrong with counseling, it can be secular or spiritual (whatever your religion). The key here is to get your pain out, because if you keep it inside, the hole in your heart will become enlarged and you will end up with a heart that is beyond repair, that could remove years of your natural life. 

 

Now as a man of God, I have to tell you that the best way to have the hole in your heart filled is to give it all to Jesus. He cares for the broken hearted. He will be the first to tell you that what you went through was not your fault!!! Please understand, I don’t care with other people say to you. He loves you. And you might be questioned, why didn’t He protect you when all of this was going on? Excellent question, He was there – in that pain with you. Give it all to Him, and your life will never be the same. I love you all, and I’m here if you need to vent.

 

Blessings,

 

The Mayne Man

P.S. I don’t know if Mary is healed from her father wound or not. I do pray for her regardless of her state. I believe everyone could use prayer – even me. If you are in need of prayer due to a parental or familial wound, drop a comment below and I’ll pray. Oh, and if you are healed from your familial wound, feel free to share your story in the comments below.

Will You Be Made Whole (Part 20: Absent Fathers)

This part of the series has been on my heart for quite some time. I don’t know who this is for, however, I know someone who will be ministered to with this. I dedicate this blogpost to anyone who physically didn’t have a father present in their lives; or had a father, but was emotionally or mentally absent. For this, I want to look at Genesis 19 for a reason, and I want to dissect the first few verses for a reason.

 

Genesis 19:1-8 (NKJV)

Now the two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them, and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground. And he said, “Here now, my lords, please turn in to your servant’s house and spend the night, and wash your feet; then you may rise early and go on your way.” And they said, “No, but we will spend the night in the open square.” But he insisted strongly; so they turned in to him and entered his house. Then he made them a feast, and baked unleavened bread, and they ate. Now before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both old and young, all the people from every quarter, surrounded the house. And they called to Lot and said to him, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may know them carnally.”So Lot went out to them through the doorway, shut the door behind him, and said, “Please, my brethren, do not do so wickedly! See now, I have two daughters who have not known a man; please, let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you wish; only do nothing to these men, since this is the reason they have come under the shadow of my roof.”

 

Wait, press the brakes! Did Lot just say to the men, “here are MY two daughters, do to them as you wish.” Wait, did you catch that. What father, in their right frame of mind, would prostitute their daughters? Lot was not in his right frame of mind. Now how many of you women would wish their father be absent if they ever did something like that to you? Think about it. The men wanted the angels, Lot is trying to protect the angels as if they couldn’t defend themselves by giving his daughters to men who wanted to get busy with the angels. Lot right there was absent, although physically present, he was definitely absent mentally, spiritually and emotionally. 

 

If you grew up without a father, you need a father. Now this father may not be earthly, you need a Father who is not going to prostitute you, who will love up on you to heal those father wounds. Many people would call this concept of children without a father, a mother (or without both parents) an “orphan spirit.” 

 

I believe truthfully, this is the first case of sexual abuse recorded in the Bible. I can tell you story after story of young girls (and even young boys) being prostituted to other adults by their parents. It’s wrong, cruel, and God is not please with any adult who does this to their child!!!

 

As we look further into the chapter, you will find that the daughters that Lot was about to pimp out to the Sodomites would sleep with their father. One tribe would be called Moabites and the other Ammonites. They would turn on each other in 2 Chronicles 20 and be destroyed. 

 

If you suffered any parental abuse as a child, my heart goes out to you. Know that you can be made whole from this pain. The key is: how bad do you want to be free. Wishing it away or sweeping it under the rug is not going to get it. Give your pain to God, He will hear you. He’s not like man and will lead you down a path of pain and sorrow. I will pray for you if you want me to.

 

Blessings,

 

The Mayne Man 

How Spiritual Warfare & Rocky Tie Together

Good evening everyone. If you’re like me, you are a fan of Rocky Movies. I was walking during my lunch break yesterday (Thursday, June 2^nd to be exact), and I was thinking about a trial I’m experiencing in my life. And I saw clips of Rocky 3 in my mind. In Rocky 3, Rocky (played by Sly Stallone) doesn’t face tough opponents until he accepts to fight Clubber Lang (played by Mr. T). Now, for many of us, we are coasting through life. Not everyone can say that, I sure can’t. And you haven’t met a challenge of some sort (whether it be physical, mental, spiritual, emotional or financial). Well, Rocky takes on that challenge and loses the fight and the belt. Now, the question is, why did Rocky lose that fight? Rocky didn’t properly train for that fight, he was training like he did for those fights that weren’t tough opponents. Clubber Lang trained like a pit bull for that. Rocky didn’t study his opponent. Now, you have to study your opponent and take nothing for granted. This is how spiritual warfare is. You have to study your opponent. My pastor said to us men, that we can’t have a causal disposition with a vicious devil! And that is so true! You can’t fight a spiritual war without proper preparation. The main thing you have to understand is that Ephesians 6:12 has to be on lockdown in your spirit and in your mental understanding. 

 

Let’s move to the second fight within Rocky 3. Apollo Creed (played by Carl Weathers) trains Rocky as Apollo was Rocky’s opponent in the first two Rocky movies. As the second fight begins, each fighter is in their corners. This is where you regroup, recalibrate and refocus. After the first round, Clubber Lang is stunned. That’s how you know you have the upper hand. The second round, Clubber Lang comes back hard and the part that stuck out at me was when Rocky said “You ain’t so bad, you ain’t nothing!” That’s confidence even though Clubber nor Apollo understood it. And our enemy is nothing no matter what he throws at you. It may not “FEEL” like it in the natural, that’s why that understanding of Ephesians 6:12-18 is so important. Mind you in the second round that Clubber tried to keep him in the corner to where Rocky was at Clubber’s mercy and he actually knocked Rocky now. Rocky would eventually get us. In this spiritual war, the enemy wants to keep you in the corner to take you out and eventually take you out of the game. Remember what Rocky said to Clubber, he’s nothing. When Apollo confronts him asking what he’s doing, Rocky says “I know what I’m doing.” Apollo got it right, and said, don’t just know, DO IT! And that’s what we’re missing. A lot of people know the Bible, but aren’t doing it! This is why so many Christians are getting their head bashed repeatedly. In the third and final round, Rocky eventually implements his strategy and the training Apollo taught him and knocks him out winning the belt.

 

In the fourth Rocky, Apollo and Rocky are confronted with a Russian boxer named Ivan Drago (played by Dolph Lundgren). Now, if Apollo would’ve taken Rocky’s advice and learned more about their opponent and trained like he taught Rocky, Apollo would’ve stood a chance against Drago. Tragically, Apollo dies in the ring in the second round. Rocky studied his opponent and watching Apollo lose his life, Rocky trains like his life depended on it. And Rocky went the distance with Drago going all 13 rounds to eventually win the fight.

 

Understand this, in this life, we have to go the distance with the devil, and you have to stay on guard with the Word of God, hearing it and doing it – when it feels good, and when it doesn’t feel good. Just wanted to encourage you as this encouraged me yesterday.

 

Blessings,

 

The Mayne Man

Lessons from Joe & Irma Garcia

Happy 2022, I know I haven’t been blogging like I should, this tragedy in Texas struck a cord with me. Within this tragedy, I heard about the passing of Joe Garcia, the husband to the late Irma Garcia. I just posted this on Facebook, and now I want to share this with everyone.

#MayneMan on Real Love (and not the Mary J. type, either)! Now that I have your attention, I heard about the tragic death of not only Irma Garcia, but also the death of her husband. I don’t want to minimize the weight of any death that has occurred in these shootings and those that died tragically, I just want to park here to talk about the love these two have.

I don’t know what all of what their marriage entailed, and we will never know. Based on this photo here is very telling. I know I’m coming up on 3.5 years of marriage, and it’s definitely a learning institution I will never graduate from. What I found interesting is that they were high school sweethearts and their marriage was for 24 years. They stayed true to their vows, and that’s the first thing that struck me (till death do they part). The honor of Joe, he went to his wife’s memorial and he passed due to grief. If this isn’t love, I don’t know what is. Yes, both of their deaths were tragic, but their living out this thing called marriage speaks to me. Men, brothers, this is how our wives want to be loved, where we would sacrifice for them (even if it means we cease from living to protect them) and to always agape and honor them. We are in a covenant with our wives and our marriages are so important to the world and to God. Joe loved Irma so much that he would lose (sacrifice) his life in honor of his wife. That’s what agape and honor looks like. His heart broke over the loss of his wife. To me, that defines a covenant that they had. Ladies, I know this story of their passing is heartbreaking, let their marriage relationship minister to you (whether you’re single, married, etc). 

Think about this, the bridegroom gave up His life because He honored His bride. The bridegroom’s heart breaks when our hearts break. This is when two really become one (this is known as the power of covenant)!

My condolences go out to the Garcia’s children and to the families who lost loved ones due to this tragedy. 

#irmagarcia

#JoeGarcia

#GarciaStrong

Is It (Really) Not About Us? (Round 2)

Happy 2020, first and foremost. I know I have been off the grid for almost two years. I can truly say my life is changed for the best. I married the love of my life at the end of 2018 and I just finished Bible School in June. So I’m back, and I intend to close the Will You Be Made Whole Series and prepare to start my Philly Soul blog Series.

 

Eight years ago, I wrote a blogpost addressing how we are singing Now About Us, and in actually, we are lying to ourselves when it’s really about us. If you want to preview this blogpost before you continue reading this blogpost, feel free to do so right here.

http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2012/10/is-it-really-not-about-us.html

 

I’ve been posting for about a week or two about this concept of division. Unfortunately, not too much has changed since I wrote what I did eight years ago. You know, I could talk about yesterday’s Presidential Debate, and why candidates believe what they believe and why they didn’t do this or that, what fruit would be gained out it? None! Do I deny that things were said or unsaid? No, is it important? As a believer, not really as I am not of the world. So, the question you may be asking is: am I voting? Yes, I am voting. I am seeking God’s guidance and not my own understanding. More to be said on the political climate in a moment.

 

One of the things that has concerned me since the summer is the fact that there are two civil wars brewing, which would literally destroy the AA (African-American) community if we are not watchful and prayerful (which I can see very little based on what I see on social media). There’s a saying, a house divided can’t stand. Many see the first one, a racial war. Am I speaking for it to happen? Absolutely not! What many don’t know is that this civil war is probably happening now, and regardless (and I repeat, regardless) of who wins this election, it will manifest itself. Again, am I speaking for this to happen. No! What I don’t understand is the violence – it’s saying to me that we’re acting like grown children that haven’t matured (if you don’t give me what I want, when I want it – then I’m going to throw a tantrum). Now I’ll say what is the root cause in a moment (and how we as believers miss the whole concept – maybe some people were sleeping during the movie War Room). This next war that I’m about to describe could literally mean the destruction of the AA community. This war is between black liberals and black conservatives. It’s going on right now. One group hates the other and mindsets have become if you don’t agree with my viewpoint, then you can delete me or I will block you. Has it really become: if you don’t agree with my views, then we are divided and we can’t be friends any longer? Well, I find it interesting that Dr. Bernice King (a liberal) and Dr. Alveda King (a conservative) disagree on politics, but the love they have for each other is genuine. Maybe we should take a lesson on this type of unity.

 

I mentioned that I would say what is the root cause of these wars, it’s the devil. Ephesians 6 speaks about warring against flesh and blood, but if you remember in War Room, Miss Clara talked about fighting the wrong enemy and because we’re fighting flesh and blood, the devil is staying hidden. Now have we forgotten this part in the Bible and how Jesus said to pray for your enemies (and if you won’t forgive, don’t be expected to be forgiven). Sadly, I’ve known people to say, I will not pray for people because I don’t like them. Wow, and this is out of the mouth of people professing to be Christians. 

 

Now about this political climate, I do have some concerns as it pertains to my spiritual beliefs. Now, when someone in the world says that they “become very intimate with the spirits we call on regularly,” and they are allegedly representing my race, it raises a question not so much about my race, but more my spiritual beliefs. The only spirit I want to call on is Holy Spirit. If something is involved in witchcraft, then a believer should have no parts in it. This article is very telling:

https://www.cnsnews.com/article/national/alexander-watson/blm-leaders-discuss-resurrecting-spirit-so-it-can-work-through-us

 

What we are failing to understanding is that if we continue to live our lives about us and be angry with things that don’t pertain to your spiritual walk, deception is lurking around your corner and sadly, you’ve been distracted by the world. The world is going to do its own thing, and it’s trying to suck you into its drama. And as I said 20 years ago, if the world is crying racist, and you as a believer are called to freedom, what are you subjecting yourself to? And if we as the body of Christ can’t walk in unity and put these petty differences assigned, then we have no right to sing “It’s Not About Us,” because it’s a lie!

 

Oh, to Jesus, all lives matter. My life matters, and so does yours. The devil is using this violence to further separate the races, and sadly many are focusing more on the world and their philosophy and not the call to unity that God is calling for. Oh yes, we want that commanded blessing from God, but we don’t want to walk in unity. Why, because personal preferences have taken over what God is commanded us to do (according to 1 Timothy 2). Love (agape) isn’t even a thought because we have taken the mindset of Drake, being “in our feelings.” Dr. King said love conquers hate. So to be angry and not pray, shows hate. There is no middle ground.

 

This is a wake up call, and yes The Isley Brothers slightly prophesied it 45 years ago when they recorded Harvest For The World (which has been my favorite song from them since childhood and it still is to this day). This world is perhaps reaping its harvest. We must get back to living/walking by faith (it’s no longer an option for us as believers), and if you don’t understand faith (or if you believe your faith is not operating as it should), it’s time to get it developed (or grow up in it). Too many people are being picked off by the devil, and this is why we have casualties. 

 

Until then, blessings and walk in faith and love.

 

The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 19: The Issue Of Trust)

Happy 2018! I know I am 7-8 months late, and I can truly say it’s been a busy year. My heart’s desire is to end this blogpost series this year, and we are getting closer. This part has been on my heart for almost three years, and it started as I was reading the foreword and Chapter 1 of a book called “The Speed Of Trust.” During my final year in Florida, I was in the first of three tiers of a Leadership Excellence Program at my last place of employment there. I made a note to check out this book as this would be a class for the second tier. As God would allow, I would move up here to the DMV (DC/MD/VA). 

While reading the foreword of the The Speed Of Trust, which was written by the late Stephen Covey (with the actual book written by his eldest son), one part of the foreword struck my attention and would birth this blogpost that I’m finally writing. I know many people struggle with the concept of forgiveness and trust, but for the purposes of this blogpost, we will focus on trust as I know everyone has had their trust violated in some way. Here’s the part that grabbed my attention:

Low trust causes friction, whether caused by unethical behavior or by ethical but incompetent behavior. Low trust is the greatest cost in life and in workplaces as well as families. Low trust creates hidden agendas, politics, interpersonal conflict, win-lose thinking, defensive and protective communication. 

When I think about low trust in a relationship, the first thing that comes to mind is when one person lies about the simplest thing. That low trust can turn to no trust when one person cheats and won’t admit it (or they’ll apologize but keep doing it). The person that cheats show that they are not trustworthy and that person doesn’t realize how much collateral damage has been done. 

When someone struggles with trust, no one can be trusted in their mind - and the wounds from what was done to them can sometimes manifest in multiple ways. There must be a balance as to trust. If a person violates trust, that could cause someone to trust anyone to include God. For some people, the trust is in the mind, but not in the heart. Psalm 118 says it’s better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in man. How many can say they have resorted to “self-preservation” as a result of having been hurt or of having low to no trust? If you said yes, it would not surprise me.

So let’s shift gears for a second. How would you answer this statement, “people either have trust or they don’t. It’s just that simple.”

The author of the book makes a compelling statement when he says trust issues affect everyone. In fact, he hears these statements when he speaks on this topic:

I’ve been burned in the past. How can I ever trust anyone to have a real relationship?

The older my children get, the less they listen to me. What can I do?

I feel like my contributions at work are hardly ever recognized or valued.

I foolishly violated the trust of someone who was important to me. Will I ever be able to rebuild the relationship?

When you look at those statements, which ones do you think can patched up or has the trust been violated so bad to where there is no chance of being repaired?

Trust means confidence and distrust means suspicion. So, who in your life do you hold with high trust or low trust? Another question: do you believe that relationships of all kinds are built on and sustained by trust?

In closing, personal trust can be restored if we are willing to do the work (seeking God and having Him clean those hidden chambers of our hearts). If you don’t trust you, there is no chance for you to trust others. If this is you, you can be made whole by seeking Him (laying it all before Him). He’s the professional cleaner! 

Blessings,

The Mayne Man