The Untouchables of the American Church

Prelude: before you read this post, I want to inform you that I agree with this 150%. This was written by my editor & fellow author Shantae Charles. I remember her telling me a month ago she was planning to write this, and I was waiting for it. She released this on her blog page last week and it was fire! I'm with her when she says, "if you can't tell it, let me tell it!" Most of you know, that's how I am (especially if you went to FAMU with me between 1998 - 2001). With that said, you will probably get offended by this, but I'd advise you to pray about what you''ve just read.   

 

        As I begin this blog, I want to make it clear: the Pastoral calling, and indeed the calling to 5-fold ministry (Eph 4:11-14) is one of the most daunting and rewarding calls one can recieve from God. As a minister who is called to 5-fold ministry, I count it an honor that God counted me worthy putting me into ministry. I am also blessed to have been discipled and trained under pastoral leadership both past and present that has been full of integrity and full of the Holy Spirit's empowerment. I know that many people complain about their church or Pastors, but this is NOT a complaint. I hope to encourage the 5-fold ministry while at the same time provoke my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to good works and greater relationship with Jesus Christ.

         Jesus said that those who are not saved, are already condemned. He came to provide good news, news of salvation and deliverance, news of healing and forgiveness. Once we have recieved that message, and been grafted in to the Body of Christ, the fold of God, through justification, we emark on a lifelong journey with God in fellowship, in discipleship, in community with other believers, and along the way, we mess up. We screw up royally. We confess, we repent, we ask for God's forgiveness, and faithfully God provides it (I John 1:9).

But, what happens to us when we no longer want to hear the message of the cross? When our walk becomes comfortable and we take a laissez-faire, "let it be" approach to sin? What happens when church becomes just another thing "to do" instead of another opportunity "to change", to be renewed in the spirit of our mind, to understand what it means to put on Christ and not fulfill the desires of the flesh/carnal man?

Well, we come upon what I call The Untouchables: things that many pastors are inceasingly having a hard time addressing over the pulpit or have stopped addressing altogether for fear of losing membership, social or political reprisals (losing a pastorate), economic reprisals (decrease in tithe and offering to support church ministry), and as our laws becoming increasingly "anti-Christian", time in jail. Though there are many more, here are 8 of what I call The Untouchables of the American Church and the attitudes that go along with them.

1. "Don't preach to me about music."

"Yes, I will sell my soul for a Jay-Z, Beyonce, etc. concert ticket, and don't expect me to show up for service if the concert is on the same night as Bible Study...So what if their lyrics mock/deny Christ, and make fun of all that is good, glorifies sex outside of marriage, hustling, drugs, gang violence...the beat is thumping, you can't deny that.

2. "Don't interfere with my love/Sex life."

"So what if I want to be with more than one partner? That wait until marriage idea is archaic. Besides we both agreed to this open marriage...its what's in right now. You've got to try the relationship out first before you settle down with one person, right?"

3. "Don't preach to me about "rights to life."

"Its my body and I can do what I want with it...despite the fact that most abortions are not occuring because the mother's life is in danger, or because of incest or sexual abuse...so what? If I want to use abortion like its birth control, who are you to tell me what to do?"

4. "Don't tell me homosexuality is a sin."

"Look, you just need to get over this, okay? People have been doing this for centuries and its not going to stop. Besides, my Mom, BFF, Uncle, Grandpa, and favorite singers are gay and they're nice to me, so, what's the big deal? You should be able to be with who you want to, right?"

5. "Don't tell me my political views are wrong."

"My president is black, and that's all that matters to me, and if you say another word, I'll shut your mouth for you...besides, faith shouldn't play a role in how you vote and what bills you support, right?"

6. "Don't tell me my appetite is out of control."

"Look, you're not Richard Simmons, so don't even try to tell me what to eat...so what my blood pressure is a little high, and I'm ignoring all the medical advice I have recieved from medical professionals...I'm going to eat, drink, and be merry. End of discussion."

7. "Don't preach to me about my social life."

"You're on thin ice,now. I've sacrificed to join this organization, I've given my time, money, blood, sweat, and tears, I've got too much invested and I'm not giving it up...besides, if you just give me some time, I know I can win them over."

8. "Don't preach about my vices.(Drinking, Obscene Language, Gambling, Smoking)"

"I know, I know, they're bad for me, but everything in moderation, right? My habits aren't really hurting anybody, as long as I only socially drink, and I don't smoke around my kids...so what if I fly off the handle? Everybody gets angry and has an off day, right? Oh, and if I hit the jackpot, I fully intend to donate to the church, okay? Just, leave me alone! I'm only human."

The above attitudes may surprise you, but what surprises me the most is that these attitudes are reflected by Believers in conversation and demonstration. When you have attitudes like this, it is no wonder 1,500 Pastors daily on estimate leave the ministry. If Pastors can't address the things in our lives that fuel carnality and unrighteousness, then where does that leave the church? We have to be a body of believers willing to hear the truth regardless of whether it is socially or politically correct. Our main concern should be whether it is Biblically correct. Is this for my spiritual good? Is my lifestyle leading me to eternal life or eternal death? Pastors have a serious charge to provide us with truth, to mature us in righteousness, and to give account for our soul, if we have been placed in their flock.

The Apostle Paul and other apostles throughout the letters to the church (not unbelievers) addressed some of these very same issues: sexual immorality, reveling, unnatural affection, sobriety of the saints, filthy language & communication, and so forth. Yet, at a very critical time in world history, and indeed church history, it appears the church is still needing milk. We must go on to maturity, but we must be a church committed to holiness, righteousness,truth and purity, which by the way are required of all church regardless of denomination or non-denomination. God is coming back for the  Church, His Bride without spot and wrinkle, not a church that excuses or makes excuses for a stained garment.

I encourage you, as I was challenged by the Lord, to examine yourself and see if you are in the faith. I encourage Pastors to not back down from the hard issues, the "untouchables" and preach the unadulterated Word of God. We're counting on you!

Blessings, Peace, and Church Love

The Freedom of Sex (a FAMU Archive)

I wrote this E-mail lesson September 30, 2000 while I was a FAMU student. As I look back at this lesson, I took a lot of heat for it and people were complaining that I'm this, or I'm that. But it also confirmed my theory that Biblical issues are less important than political issues to some people. And to me, that's a tragedy. Here's the lesson:

This is probably one of the boldest E-mails that I’ve ever sent, and I might make some bold statements.  This is an E-mail that might cause some division, but I’m at a point that I don’t care.  I hope this E-mail makes you vomit because of the content of this.  This is the direction that I’m going because we as Christians need to wake up, smell the coffee, and stop playing church and just having some form (if any) of religion.  I also want you to think about this up and coming election.  I’m not telling you who to vote for, but I want you to think about some statements coming from our future president, whomever that may be.  We as Christians need to evangelize this world, because this country (in particular) is going to hell in a handbasket, and we are not fulfilling the Commission of Christ (I admit, I’m not moving like I should either). 

Many of you have heard of this controversial abortion pill called RU-486.  This comes from the weekend USA today paper (dated September 29th to October 1st, 2000).  Here’s the big headline: FDA approves abortion pill (controversial RU-486 could be available within a month).  So what is the world saying to the world (and us): that sex/fornication is perfectly all right and we can kill our child (and/or evidence).  You can truly say that Satan has a hand on this (we can fornicate – which is detestable in God’s sight; and we can murder – which is also detestable in God’s sight).  This is just giving people to up and have sex and not have a child.  We’re just enabling people to link with Satan.  I personally feel if the world can kick up their wrongs, we need to kick up our stand for what’s right and not try to be like them and be all things to them!  Hello somebody! 

Let’s keep this going, the article continues.  Here’s what George W. Bush had to say on it: “The FDA’s decision to approve the abortion pill RU-486 is wrong.  As president, I will work to build a culture that respects life.”  Al Gore (who praised the approval of Mifeprex – that’s what it’s called) had this to say: “Today’s decision is not about politics, but the health and safety of American women and a woman’s fundamental right to choose.”  And there you have it people.  Some people may say that it’s a lesser of the

two evils, how far do you plan to take that?!  Now we as Christians have the right to speak against the wrongs (that’s what Jesus did) and state and tell them what’s right.  Yes, we’re in a period where people will die for doing that, are you willing to do that or remain silent.  I’m at a point in my life that I’m willing to die for this.  I believe that in a few years, the words Christian & Jesus will be banned. 

Here’s some more information on this: It first appeared in France in 1988, the drug has been used by more than 620,000 women in Europe, China and Israel.  It will be available in clinics and doctors’ offices in four weeks.  The patient is required to have three doctor’s office visits over a two-week period.  It can be used as soon as a woman knows she is pregnant up until seven weeks after her last menstrual period started.  Almost all women experience at least one of the drug’s side effects, which include bleeding, cramping and nausea (to include vomiting and diarrhea).  In U.S. clinical trials, 5% of women still needed a surgical abortion after using mifepristone, and 2% nrequired surgery to stop heavy bleeding.  Only doctors who can accurately detect the age of a pregnancy and whether it’s ectopic, or tubal, will be allowed to administer the drug.  The drug blocks progesterone, a hormone needed to maintain a pregnancy, and can be used from the time a woman knows she is pregnant until seven weeks after the start of her last menstrual period.  The drug, mifepristone, will be sold in the USA under the trade name Mifeprex.  Women will be able to obtain Mifeprex through doctors’ offices and clinics.  It will also be distributed only through physicians who can accurately determine the duration of a patient’s pregnancy.  The steps to terminating a pregnancy consist of this: (It requires three visits to a doctor’s office or clinic over a two-week period.  At the first visit, a woman will receive counseling about the process and an FDA-approved medication guide explaining how it works.  She then will swallow three tablets, each containing 200 milligrams of Mifeprex.  In two days, she will return to take two 200-microgram tablets of misoprostol, a prostaglandin sold under the name Cytotec.  About 12 days later, she’ll return so her doctor can make sure the pregnancy has ended). 

If you want any more information about Mifeprex, here are two websites:

www.earlyoptionpill.com

www.earlyoptions.org or call (800) 772-9100.

If you feel that we should depart ways as a result of this E-mail, let me know.  I still love you, but I hope that I didn’t cause any form of animosity.  But I believe this is a Biblical truth (which is coming to pass according to Matthew 24:36-39).  This states But of that day and hour knows no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.  But as the days of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the Son of Man be.  For as the days of that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark.  And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of Man be.  

God bless you all and I love you all.

Your brother in Christ:

T-Mayne

P.S.  Excuse the length of this!

Complacency & Hebrew Slaves

Complacency: the thief that robs us of our identity and causes us to stay in bondage.

In Exodus 1, Jacob & Joseph had died and there was a new Pharaoh in town (who disregarded God's chosen people). God's people were slaves in Egypt and were treated horribly. They were treated so bad that the Egyptians wanted the Hebrew women to kill the baby boys but let the girls live.

Now fast forward a few chapters into Exodus, after Moses gets the children of Israel over the Red Sea, the children of Israel do one thing that's interesting: complain and want to go back to Egypt and be Hebrew Slaves. They said that they got food to eat, notice they neglected to say they got beaten and cruel treatment. God was trying to test their faith and rely on Him but they failed horribly.

Now, there's a better life for us, are we longing for someone to tell us what to do and be cruel to us? Are you willing to step out on faith or do you want an easy way out? The easy way out is simply complacency and your life withers away.

In my prior blogpost, I briefly mentioned about people on jobs and they are so complacent because it's easy even though their working hard like a Hebrew Slave. But when things go wrong, such as insurance costs go up, retirement is getting cut, salaries are getting cut, everybody wants to complain, but won't step out and cross over to their own Promised Land. They'll still endure the Hebrew Slave treatment and remain complacent.

Think about this: has complacency gotten you to the point where you have amnesia? If so, what do you intend to do about it? Also, why is it that people who are truly complacent remember the insignificant things but ignore the hardships endured to acquire the insignificant things? Think about it, the children of Israel had their backbones beaten just for food. What they should have been thinking about was stepping out on faith to have freedom as well as the horrible treatment endured by the Egyptians. Now, let's bring it to us: are we being told to love your job and being fed from our employer that we should be thankful that we are working for them (just to ensure an ESP - I call that an Economic Stimulus Paycheck, or to ensure insurance, retirements - which for many people those are now in jeopardy)? Are you afraid to take a leap of faith and pursue the freedom and talent that God is calling you to because your employer is telling you that nobody is going to take care of you like we do? Remember, misery loves company. Now, those things (ESP, benefits and paychecks) are really insignificant; however, we ignore having our jobs threatened, having no raise and/or bonus, having our salaries reduced, and having our retirement funding be reduced in order to have the insignificant things. If we're smart enough, we should remember the horrible treatment more than the insignificant things given to us (which aren't even guarantees). That should in itself cause you to want to break free from complacency.

Another thought, remember when I mentioned above that misery loves company? Think about people on your job, and how bitter some of them are because of their complacency and want you to be bitter as well. I’m sure there are people who you work with will complain about you (especially if you refuse to give in to complacency) and then they run to their supervisor and say, “he or she is not conforming to your rules of complacency.” The moral is simply, the subordinate is getting beaten (by threat of loss of job security through termination or demotion, etc.). Again, that should in itself cause you to want to break free from complacency.

When you decide to step out from complacency and you're breaking the chains of Hebrew slaves, I promise you it won't be an easy road. You will have death staring at you (cause the enemy wants you killed). In fact (a little side note), on April 10th, on my way home from church, the light turns green and I'm preparing to make a left turn, a car jumps the divided median and if I hadn't slammed on my brakes, the car would've hit me directly on the driver's side. But the Lord said, not this day, I've got work for you to do here.

There's one more thing I need to bring up. There could be another group that's complacent because they stepped out and faced a setback in the way (whether it be minor or major). To this group, did you forget that setbacks are inevitable? Why did you throw in the towel and willingly go back to the life of complacency and Hebrew Slave treatment? You'll hear some people say when they're in their promised land, "Yes, when I was working for someone, I had a steady paycheck, had a little free time, not too much work to do at times. Why is it so difficult here in the Promised Land? I have to work harder now than I did when I was complacent. Nothing is given to me like before!" How many of you know what I'm talking about? One of my good friends would say, "You're already in your promised land! Yes, you're not going to be eating the same food as you did when you were complacent. Now is not the time to complain and quit (saying, I like having things handed to me)! You have more peace in your spirit and you have freedom!" Another good friend would say this, "you are in your harvest, but most people don't reap the harvest because everybody doesn't put in the necessary work to reap it!" As I think about it, some people quit because they are trying to get rich quick (or they want that instant gratification). No! You are going to have to work, give up some sleep. But it's all worth it. Think about it, most millionaires/billionaires got rich because they made sacrifices, went through discomforts, and a lot of failures. And we have the nerve to sit up and complain they need to give us their money, when we could have the same thing. My brother Darrell would say, "God can bless you with harvesting ideas (to make you a millionaire)." Now what's so difficult about that?

Are the chains of complacency worth breaking? Absolutely. You will feel so free that people will want to experience it also. Let's go to the Promised Land together and let those who want to remain complacent and be treated as Hebrew Slaves stay in the wilderness.

Complacency & Talents

Complacency, it's the thief that steals our true purpose & destiny.  It can happen to the best of us.  Look at your current job, have you become extremely bitter especially if you've been there a long time and have you noticed the people around you extremely bitter (if they've been there a long time)? Let me add to this, how many of you have heard people complain over and over and still remain complacent with their lives? You've probably heard numerous complaints. 

I hope this blogpost will cause you to rise up from your complacency (or should I say your comfort zone) and you can start fulfilling your purpose before you move to the next phase of life.

In Matthew 25:14-30, there's a parable of the talents. One received 5, one received 2 and one received 1. God gave them a specific number of talents based on their hearts (one thing that must be said, God knows the beginning & end. He knows our hearts and what we're going to do with the talents He's blessed us with. Our responsibility is to be faithful with what He's blessed us with). The one who received 5 acquired 10, the one who received 2 acquired 4 and the one who received 1 buried it and acquired 0. When the giver of the talents had them check-in, the giver was pleased with the first two, but for the one who buried the 1 talent, he was angry and told him to give it to one who acquired 10. Now here's a thought-provoking question, why did he have him do that? Also think about this, if you waste your talent, it will be taken from you. And then you'll end up living a life of regrets. A little side note: there will be some people who will love you when you're not using your talents, and will turn around and hate you when you decide to step out and use your talents. Here's another side note: not everybody will want to break free from the complacency syndrome, because they feel the complacency syndrome is convenient (notice I didn't say comfortable, because they're downright miserable inside).

Let's now talk about you, what talent have you buried? I know a lot of people and many of you have made your talents known to me. And I must ask, what are you doing with them? I beg you not to let them go to waste, because your talent is NOT just for you. Only you can do what you do with the talents that have been bestowed upon you. Now you might think your talent is small, but in God's eyes, it's important! No matter how big or small your talent is it's the ticket to put you where you need to be in your life.

If you were to look at the talents from a monetary standpoint and you bury the talents, you're setting yourself up for disappointment and anger against others, God and yourself. I believe your talents are designed by God for you. Some people say "it takes money to make money," that's not true. I agree with my brother Darrell Kelly when he says this, "it takes creativity to make money," considering that your talents are from God and He's the creator of all things. With that said, are you afraid of stepping out in that talent? Are you afraid that you're going to be rejected? Cast your fears aside or else, you'll land in the complacency cycle (where you start complaining and we have to hear comments like this, "the president or government is not taking care of me, my parents are hindering me" and your life withers away). I simply say to that, you're an adult, please GROW UP and GO FOR IT!

God bless.

Freeloading (Part 2)

This will conclude my series on Freeloading. Now, I promised in Part 1 that I was going to discuss homeless people in this part, so here’s what I have to say on that. Most people who have signs out aren’t beggars, they’re really freeloaders. Some of them will actually work 5 days a week but some of them feel they shouldn’t have to work if they don’t want to. So, they’ll put a sign out and collect money from well-deserved people. Making a $100 a day for a beggar is really easy, and as I think about it, most beggars are just hustlers. Now let’s think about that for a moment, if you make $100 a day working 8 hours that equates to $23K a year.

I’ve heard it said, “Its better to give them something to eat versus giving them money.” Not to worry, God will deal with them even if you give them money and they go buy drugs and alcohol. Note that I’m not bashing all beggars, because some of them are really homeless and honest about it. But when it comes to the beggar who’s freeloading, they really don’t want a job and they feel they don’t need a job. That’s what you call a deep sense of entitlement. Most beggars say that the government should give more entitlements to them. A little side note: most freeloaders want a handout and their mentality is “what’s in it for me?”

I need to revisit a section in Part 1 for a moment: remember when I was referring to a woman who was being evicted (and that story), let me expound on that for a moment: it’s wrong when an 85-year-old woman gets evicted because of foreclosure but another woman who hasn’t paid on the mortgage since 1985 and owes $100k but she apparently knows the law (she’s a paralegal) and refuses to leave the house. And then we turn around and blame the banks (this causes people to trash their homes before the bank can take their homes). There are companies that allow people to walk away from their homes (such as www.youwalkaway.com) even though they signed a legal contract. Freeloading is walking away from responsibility. Some companies encourage people to live mortgage free for 8 months. Let’s take a real-life story. Someone in California buys a home for $400K, and the house is now underwater worth $300K. The website mentioned allows you to walk away without owing a penny. Is it legal? Unfortunately, yes. This is saying, “we encourage freeloading!” Most people don’t care about their moral contract when they freeload.

Corporations also freeload. General Electric restructures its company wherever the government goes to receive their handouts. In fact, the government gave them handouts to where they owed no taxes despite the profits earned. In the early days, companies made profits by investors or made profits by ideas. Microsoft (Bill Gates) is the best example, and of course the government got upset and sued Bill Gates for offering free software (interesting thought, huh).

The rich aren’t off the hook also. They freeload just like the poor. Example: flood insurance. Why is it that rich people buy a house on the beach, knowing well enough their house could be damaged by a flood, hurricane or a tide? The answer is simple, because the government requires people to purchase flood insurance (so their house is covered). If you buy a hybrid car, invest in solar power, you get a tax break from the government (or better yet, it’s paid for by the government). Farmers also get handouts from the government – example is Bon Jovi who owns acres after acres and only pays $100 in state property tax (because he raises honeybees which qualify for a honeybee subsidy). Is it unfair? Some would say yes, some would say no. Note that no laws were broken, but they qualified for a tax break. The way to stop this cycle is for Congress not to pass so many laws that encourage freeloading.

Can somebody answer this question: why is it when people receive handouts from the government, they’re worse off (and they want more handouts)? I said to some people in the beginning of 2011, because of the state of the economy, the number of panhandlers will increase for two reasons: 1-survival and 2-some just don’t want to work.

A way to stop freeloading in its tracks is simply, “stop enabling those who are capable of working!” And yes, this requires the discernment of God and knowing that we can’t judge their hearts. Some states have signs in downtown areas saying to give money to a shelter or a charity, and do NOT give money to panhandlers! What about holding people accountable and being responsible unless you’re disabled? Another way to stop freeloading is to empower people and if they don’t want it, move on! When I say empower people, I’m talking about using the Word of God and letting them know they have a purpose in this life.

Freeloading (Part 1)

What’s your typical definition of freeloading? In most cases we think about freeloading friends or homeless people who stand on corners with a sign (I’ll talk about the latter in Part 2), but let’s look at it in other ways.

There’s a bible verse that says that the poor will always be among you. In fact, there’s another verse that says the soul of the sluggard desires but has nothing.

Think about this? Person #1 is a hard worker that’s not able to modify a loan on the house (irrespective if the house is under water) and only miss one payment, this person will be evicted from their home. However, if person #2 is willfully not paying their mortgage, they’re able to stay in the house – irrespective of the fact that person #2 signed a legal contract to pay for the house. Here’s an additional thing the second person can do that the first can’t do: they will also complain that they’re not receiving more benefits from others. What happens? We blame the bank and say they evil.

Now here’s my thought on that: if the bank offers you something and you know it’s not in the best interest for you, it does NOT mean that you should take it (if you know well enough you can’t afford it). This is common sense we’re talking about. 

Is there any wonder that freeloaders seem to be more needy than the diligent? Think about this, when freeloaders get a handout in some shape, form or passion, they are never satisfied. In fact, they are coveting (which is actually breaking the tenth Commandment). I can take that a step further, those who are diligent and struggle to make it are far better off than those who take the handout (in fact, people who don’t take a handout come out far better than those who take the handout). Now how many would classify freeloaders as enablers? If we enable them to freeload, then they see no need to be diligent and work with their two hands.

There are freeloaders in church also. They pray to God for health and wealth, but then they turn around and poison their bodies, and not making wise decisions with their finances. Or another group is they pray to God for health and wealth, but yet, they don’t want to work and still want the latest hook-ups. Then they turn around and complain to God, why aren’t you blessing me (they’re really saying, God, why aren’t you satisfying my greed)?

There are freeloaders in interest groups.  Their sole purpose is to seek benefit for themselves and is solely in competition with others. It’s every man for himself or every woman for herself.  Most diligent people are blessing others and will celebrate another person’s success in the group. I’m involved in an author’s group, and we’re all about keeping each other accountable and ensuring that we pursue our passions, dreams and that our talents don’t go to waste (and we encourage others to do the same without a selfish motive).

One way to solve the freeloading problem is to put more energy into our ideas and passions, the same way we put our energy into complaining and blaming. Also remember, what may be free to you will always be at the expense of something or someone else.

Basketball Wives Lack Husbands & Virtue

Sometimes I catch this show when I'm working out at the gym. When I first saw it, I was appalled to see the women act the way they do. Just the other day, I said they should change the title to "Basketball Gold Diggers."

I'd like to thank my sister & fellow author Tracy L. Darity for allowing me to post this on my blog. If you're interested in checking out her books, her information is at the bottom of this post. Note that I agree with Tracy, they do lack husbands & virtue. If I could, I'd rename the title of this blog to Basketball Gold Diggers Lack Husbands & Virtue.

In Proverbs 31: 10 -31 the perfect wife is defined as a virtuous woman with characteristics that are wholesome and pure.  We are also told that when a man finds a wife he has found a great thing...well I guess the cast of VH1's Basketball Wives aren't familiar with these popular passages.

  10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

It’s been a week since part two of the reality show Basketball Wives reunion aired, and I am still reeling after that profanity laced sparring match between Royce Reed—former Heat/Magic dancer, ex-girlfriend and baby mama of Magic Center, Dwight Howard (did I just write baby mama…;); and Evelyn Lazado, the ex-fiancee of former NBA Forward, Antoine Walker, and current fiancee of NFL Wide Receiver, Chad (Johnson) Ochocinco. This season’s reunion was hosted by former NBA star, John Salley, who actually out-instigated Bravo’s notorious Andy Cohen. But I had to give him kudos when he called the women out, stating, “You keep saying you’re grown (expletive) women, although you’re acting like teenagers.” Hhmmm, they say children live what they learn.

The remaining cast of Basketball Wives, which also include show creator, Shaunie O’Neal the ex-wife of Center Shaquille O’Neal, and a few other ex this, and ex that…Ahhh, there seems to be a recurring theme here, nobody is actually a wife. Well one is, Jennifer Williams, soon-to-be ex-wife of former player Eric Williams; but she would rather divorce her husband than actually put in the work to see if her marriage is salvageable. So I began to wonder, if these women are so fabulous, and desirable, and the cream of the crop, as they seem to think they are, then why oh why didn’t they make it down the aisle, and if they did made it, why haven’t their marriages lasted? Furthermore, why are they on this reality show making complete fools of themselves showing how uncouth and undignified they really are? Being more obsessed with designer names than the names they are being called. I guess comedian, J. Anthony Brown was right, “For every beautiful woman there is a man somewhere who is sick and tired of her mess.”

15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

During season 2, we saw Lazado meet Chad Ochocinco, via Twitter; receive some flowers and a pair of boots, and then jet off to Cincinnati and happily give-up the punanny, without him even having to work for it. Now I know some people will say, yeah but now she’s rocking a huge diamond, reported to be between 7 and 10 carats. Well for the money he makes, why not. Will a wedding actually take place, who knows? I guess it would be fair to say after all the “f” bombs she dropped while professing her love of “f”ing, all the while defending her short-lived affair with the then husband of cast-mate Tami Roman; if Chad still finds her desirable, then they obviously deserve each other. My main concern; however, is exactly what are our young girls learning by watching this type of behavior. Lazado herself has a teenage daughter entering college. What must she think of her mother? Excuse me while I have another “Hhmmm moment.” Jennifer’s expressions were priceless as Evelyn replayed her weekend with Chad. I wonder if at any time, then or since, has Jennifer asked herself why she’s running behind Evelyn in Miami, when she should leave this show and these women behind, to give her marriage a real try. Now that’s what’s up!

28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

Shaunie O’Neal may believe that she hit the goldmine with this reality show but I have to wonder if she truly understands the harm she is doing. This season we saw a couple of real wives chime-in, but their appearances seemed awkward and misplaced, which is a sad commentary because if the show were about their lives no one would watch. Now the word on the street is that, as Shaunie O’Neal looks for new cast members to bring the drama, the men are taking a stand and forbidding their girlfriends, fiancee's, and wives to be apart of the show. I say, “Good for them!” because a real man understands that his woman is a reflection of him; just ask President Barack Obama.

In the end, the reality of this calamitous situation is; in order to remove these negative stereotypes from television, we must stop being an audience for their buffoonery. It is easy to say that these shows are for entertainment purposes, but the truth is, with the success of this show and others like it, these women really are setting the standard for womanhood, and virtue is becoming a thing of the past.

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Much Love,


Tracy

Tracy L. Darity is the author of He Loves Me He Loves Me Not! and Love...Like Snow in Florida on a Hot Summer Day, available in print and Kindle formats. For more information, visit www.TracyLDarity.com.