Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 21: Hole In The Heart)

In the previous part, I talked about absent fathers. I want to stay on this topic because I heard something yesterday that brought me to tears. I remember 22 years ago, I was in a music store and I heard Mary J. Blige’s song Your Child being played. Now, I remember when she came out on the scene with her debut album What’s the 411 in 1992, and most of her songs have a theme: Women Empowerment/Women Issues With Men.

 

Personally, Your Child is my favorite song from her, as it talks about Mary being with this guy yet he is denying a child that he has with someone else – the mother of the child confronts Mary and tells her the truth that it’s actually his child. Well, I managed to hear the live version of this song (recorded at the House of Blues back in 2004). As the song was coming to an end, it was like Mary snapped. Allow me to share a clip of this because what she says is very important and I know a lot of people will be able to relate to this. And if this is you, stay with this blogpost till the end. Here’s the dialogue with the audience:

 

I’ve got a question for you. How come these brothers and some of these mothers, they leave these children, abandon them and then they don’t want to take care of them? They don’t want to tell them they love them. And when they grow up, they’re going to want to know, how could you do it?! How could you do this to me, I was your baby. Why didn’t you love me? Why didn’t you hug me? Why didn’t you kiss me? Why didn’t you teach me? Why didn’t you tell me I was beautiful? Why didn’t you teach me how to walk like a lady? Daddy, where were you?! They were touching my body, where were you?

 

The song finally closes at this point, and she’s in tears (and granted, I’m in tears typing this up). I can feel her pain, as I can imagine that Mary’s father abandoned her (left her when she was 4 years old, he suffered with PTSD and he would assault Mary’s mother). So, let’s pick up from where the music breaks, because there’s more to what Mary has to say (and this is the most important piece).

 

It’s killing me! I’m so sorry, but it’s killing me. Where were you daddy?! Where the f*** were you, excuse me, but where were you? That’s why we got to take care of the babies. I know this is a club and you all probably don’t want to hear that, but it’s real. It’s the reason why we are all f***** up in our head right now because nobody wanted to love us.

 

Here’s where I break out in tears for the second time. I have a question to everyone reading this, how many of you can relate to the pain that Mary is feeling at this moment? If you can, my heart cries for you. If you were abandoned, broken, unloved by your parents, abused by someone in your family and your parents didn’t take your side (or they were the abusers), you definitely have a hole in your heart. No matter how you try to camouflage it, it’s there. Now, if you went to counseling, praise God. So many times, we neglect counseling thinking we have the strength to do it by yourself. Or we just deal with it on a surface level because of the shame that’s buried underneath. There’s nothing wrong with counseling, it can be secular or spiritual (whatever your religion). The key here is to get your pain out, because if you keep it inside, the hole in your heart will become enlarged and you will end up with a heart that is beyond repair, that could remove years of your natural life. 

 

Now as a man of God, I have to tell you that the best way to have the hole in your heart filled is to give it all to Jesus. He cares for the broken hearted. He will be the first to tell you that what you went through was not your fault!!! Please understand, I don’t care with other people say to you. He loves you. And you might be questioned, why didn’t He protect you when all of this was going on? Excellent question, He was there – in that pain with you. Give it all to Him, and your life will never be the same. I love you all, and I’m here if you need to vent.

 

Blessings,

 

The Mayne Man

P.S. I don’t know if Mary is healed from her father wound or not. I do pray for her regardless of her state. I believe everyone could use prayer – even me. If you are in need of prayer due to a parental or familial wound, drop a comment below and I’ll pray. Oh, and if you are healed from your familial wound, feel free to share your story in the comments below.

Will You Be Made Whole (Part 20: Absent Fathers)

This part of the series has been on my heart for quite some time. I don’t know who this is for, however, I know someone who will be ministered to with this. I dedicate this blogpost to anyone who physically didn’t have a father present in their lives; or had a father, but was emotionally or mentally absent. For this, I want to look at Genesis 19 for a reason, and I want to dissect the first few verses for a reason.

 

Genesis 19:1-8 (NKJV)

Now the two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them, and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground. And he said, “Here now, my lords, please turn in to your servant’s house and spend the night, and wash your feet; then you may rise early and go on your way.” And they said, “No, but we will spend the night in the open square.” But he insisted strongly; so they turned in to him and entered his house. Then he made them a feast, and baked unleavened bread, and they ate. Now before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both old and young, all the people from every quarter, surrounded the house. And they called to Lot and said to him, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may know them carnally.”So Lot went out to them through the doorway, shut the door behind him, and said, “Please, my brethren, do not do so wickedly! See now, I have two daughters who have not known a man; please, let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you wish; only do nothing to these men, since this is the reason they have come under the shadow of my roof.”

 

Wait, press the brakes! Did Lot just say to the men, “here are MY two daughters, do to them as you wish.” Wait, did you catch that. What father, in their right frame of mind, would prostitute their daughters? Lot was not in his right frame of mind. Now how many of you women would wish their father be absent if they ever did something like that to you? Think about it. The men wanted the angels, Lot is trying to protect the angels as if they couldn’t defend themselves by giving his daughters to men who wanted to get busy with the angels. Lot right there was absent, although physically present, he was definitely absent mentally, spiritually and emotionally. 

 

If you grew up without a father, you need a father. Now this father may not be earthly, you need a Father who is not going to prostitute you, who will love up on you to heal those father wounds. Many people would call this concept of children without a father, a mother (or without both parents) an “orphan spirit.” 

 

I believe truthfully, this is the first case of sexual abuse recorded in the Bible. I can tell you story after story of young girls (and even young boys) being prostituted to other adults by their parents. It’s wrong, cruel, and God is not please with any adult who does this to their child!!!

 

As we look further into the chapter, you will find that the daughters that Lot was about to pimp out to the Sodomites would sleep with their father. One tribe would be called Moabites and the other Ammonites. They would turn on each other in 2 Chronicles 20 and be destroyed. 

 

If you suffered any parental abuse as a child, my heart goes out to you. Know that you can be made whole from this pain. The key is: how bad do you want to be free. Wishing it away or sweeping it under the rug is not going to get it. Give your pain to God, He will hear you. He’s not like man and will lead you down a path of pain and sorrow. I will pray for you if you want me to.

 

Blessings,

 

The Mayne Man 

How Spiritual Warfare & Rocky Tie Together

Good evening everyone. If you’re like me, you are a fan of Rocky Movies. I was walking during my lunch break yesterday (Thursday, June 2^nd to be exact), and I was thinking about a trial I’m experiencing in my life. And I saw clips of Rocky 3 in my mind. In Rocky 3, Rocky (played by Sly Stallone) doesn’t face tough opponents until he accepts to fight Clubber Lang (played by Mr. T). Now, for many of us, we are coasting through life. Not everyone can say that, I sure can’t. And you haven’t met a challenge of some sort (whether it be physical, mental, spiritual, emotional or financial). Well, Rocky takes on that challenge and loses the fight and the belt. Now, the question is, why did Rocky lose that fight? Rocky didn’t properly train for that fight, he was training like he did for those fights that weren’t tough opponents. Clubber Lang trained like a pit bull for that. Rocky didn’t study his opponent. Now, you have to study your opponent and take nothing for granted. This is how spiritual warfare is. You have to study your opponent. My pastor said to us men, that we can’t have a causal disposition with a vicious devil! And that is so true! You can’t fight a spiritual war without proper preparation. The main thing you have to understand is that Ephesians 6:12 has to be on lockdown in your spirit and in your mental understanding. 

 

Let’s move to the second fight within Rocky 3. Apollo Creed (played by Carl Weathers) trains Rocky as Apollo was Rocky’s opponent in the first two Rocky movies. As the second fight begins, each fighter is in their corners. This is where you regroup, recalibrate and refocus. After the first round, Clubber Lang is stunned. That’s how you know you have the upper hand. The second round, Clubber Lang comes back hard and the part that stuck out at me was when Rocky said “You ain’t so bad, you ain’t nothing!” That’s confidence even though Clubber nor Apollo understood it. And our enemy is nothing no matter what he throws at you. It may not “FEEL” like it in the natural, that’s why that understanding of Ephesians 6:12-18 is so important. Mind you in the second round that Clubber tried to keep him in the corner to where Rocky was at Clubber’s mercy and he actually knocked Rocky now. Rocky would eventually get us. In this spiritual war, the enemy wants to keep you in the corner to take you out and eventually take you out of the game. Remember what Rocky said to Clubber, he’s nothing. When Apollo confronts him asking what he’s doing, Rocky says “I know what I’m doing.” Apollo got it right, and said, don’t just know, DO IT! And that’s what we’re missing. A lot of people know the Bible, but aren’t doing it! This is why so many Christians are getting their head bashed repeatedly. In the third and final round, Rocky eventually implements his strategy and the training Apollo taught him and knocks him out winning the belt.

 

In the fourth Rocky, Apollo and Rocky are confronted with a Russian boxer named Ivan Drago (played by Dolph Lundgren). Now, if Apollo would’ve taken Rocky’s advice and learned more about their opponent and trained like he taught Rocky, Apollo would’ve stood a chance against Drago. Tragically, Apollo dies in the ring in the second round. Rocky studied his opponent and watching Apollo lose his life, Rocky trains like his life depended on it. And Rocky went the distance with Drago going all 13 rounds to eventually win the fight.

 

Understand this, in this life, we have to go the distance with the devil, and you have to stay on guard with the Word of God, hearing it and doing it – when it feels good, and when it doesn’t feel good. Just wanted to encourage you as this encouraged me yesterday.

 

Blessings,

 

The Mayne Man

Lessons from Joe & Irma Garcia

Happy 2022, I know I haven’t been blogging like I should, this tragedy in Texas struck a cord with me. Within this tragedy, I heard about the passing of Joe Garcia, the husband to the late Irma Garcia. I just posted this on Facebook, and now I want to share this with everyone.

#MayneMan on Real Love (and not the Mary J. type, either)! Now that I have your attention, I heard about the tragic death of not only Irma Garcia, but also the death of her husband. I don’t want to minimize the weight of any death that has occurred in these shootings and those that died tragically, I just want to park here to talk about the love these two have.

I don’t know what all of what their marriage entailed, and we will never know. Based on this photo here is very telling. I know I’m coming up on 3.5 years of marriage, and it’s definitely a learning institution I will never graduate from. What I found interesting is that they were high school sweethearts and their marriage was for 24 years. They stayed true to their vows, and that’s the first thing that struck me (till death do they part). The honor of Joe, he went to his wife’s memorial and he passed due to grief. If this isn’t love, I don’t know what is. Yes, both of their deaths were tragic, but their living out this thing called marriage speaks to me. Men, brothers, this is how our wives want to be loved, where we would sacrifice for them (even if it means we cease from living to protect them) and to always agape and honor them. We are in a covenant with our wives and our marriages are so important to the world and to God. Joe loved Irma so much that he would lose (sacrifice) his life in honor of his wife. That’s what agape and honor looks like. His heart broke over the loss of his wife. To me, that defines a covenant that they had. Ladies, I know this story of their passing is heartbreaking, let their marriage relationship minister to you (whether you’re single, married, etc). 

Think about this, the bridegroom gave up His life because He honored His bride. The bridegroom’s heart breaks when our hearts break. This is when two really become one (this is known as the power of covenant)!

My condolences go out to the Garcia’s children and to the families who lost loved ones due to this tragedy. 

#irmagarcia

#JoeGarcia

#GarciaStrong