Caring For/Loving Someone When They're Hurt (And/Or You're Hurt)

Good evening:

Last night, I was asking God a lot of questions and I continued to ask questions as I woke up this morning. I was silent after my questions, and He spoke to me. I would gain a lesson that I believe will be a blessing to those who may need to read this (but especially the brothers who read this). Now, I will forewarn you that this blog will take a turn near the end, but during my lunch hour, God really broke me off to the point I had to stop typing because this is so real.  This post was inspired by a conversation with a group of brothers I had on a prayer call last week, but also a conversation I had with a sister friend after an author’s meeting.

Let’s just be honest, there are hurt people in the church. And the hurts vary. Men are hurt, women are hurt and children are hurt. But God was talking to me about how to care for/love someone when they’re hurt (or you’re hurt). There are many people who are in this very situation today. It’s not a bad thing at all, and I’ll explain as I go. In fact, this will make you more serious about spiritual warfare, because this war is real (and … well, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself), but seriously, some yokes are going to be broken.

What are hurts that I’m talking about? People of all walks of life have been hurt via a bad relationship, bad marriage, physical/sexual abuse, emotional abuse, death in the family (loss of parent, loss of child), and many others that I probably didn’t mention.

Although I’m giving my perspective, there are many people who can give their spin on this very topic.  You see, sometimes you can tell when a person is hurt by the words they say, their mannerisms, their facial expressions. Now don’t get me wrong, those items mentioned doesn’t qualify that they’re hurt. It could be just part of their personality.  But at the same time, behind a smile and having eyebrows up and feeling like you can take over the world, is a world full of pain and agony. And all it takes is a trigger to turn your picture perfect world upside down.

I'm willing to bet that many of our hurts stem from one of two things: either things we allowed to enter our lives/homes or things that other people brought on us. Either way, it's time to not let these demons of hurt go unchallenged.

Let me now talk about the first thing (things we allowed to entire our lives/homes). I’m going to use myself as an example – so that I’m the only person that’s offended. Let’s see, about 10 years ago, I was talking to someone and she shared a different ideology than I did. I knew this going in and I allowed her access to my life and to my heart. When she decided to end this friendship/relationship, she had my heart in her hands to the point I was thinking about suicide (which is an ugly spirit). So, what do I do – learn from this mistake and grow in the things of God. Sure, what were some other ill effects? Barriers for a long time, and not letting people get too close to me.  I know there are many people reading this who could identify with allowing people or things into our lives/homes that should have never been the case. Don’t beat yourself up. Remember a just man falls seven times and he rises up.  Now that I’ve gone through this, I’m back in the Word, I have my guard up (not to the extent of being mad at the world), but it’s only to not give place to the devil who’s true intent is to take me out (and his intent is to take you out). He can do it if we continue to live life with anger, bitterness and having a chip on our shoulder.

The second thing (things that other people bring on us) is real simple: abuse of any kind, rape, violence, etc. Let me say this upfront, this is not your fault. Now it’s time to do combat especially if you are hurt and have the desire to love someone. The same holds true the other way around. If they have been through and you desire to love them, you need to keep them in prayer, covered and understand this one critical thing (the person you love/care for – especially if they’re heart’s desire is to grow in God first and foremost and to see you grow – is NOT your enemy). The adversary is the real enemy.

As a result of the hurts from either scenario, can cause things to happen that neither of you might not know. When one person is short with you, just vents out of thin air, blames you for everything that happened in the past, it could be real easy to just write them off. But if you know they’re hurt and you’re listening to the spirit of God, you will stay with them no matter what. Why? Because God didn’t forsake us. 

I need to drop this small interlude here so I can talk to the brothers. When we meet a woman who’s been hurt (from the items mentioned earlier or something that’s not mentioned), we need to understand that she’s not our enemy. Sometimes she will not tell you everything about her life (and rightfully so), her past; understand who she is right where she is and just pray for her. That speaks volumes. Make the focus on her and her healing. Brothers, take thought to this. A woman could be hurt because of something we may have said or done. Don’t hide it from her, tell the truth irrespective of the outcome.

For the sisters: when you meet a man who’s been hurt (from the items mentioned earlier or something that’s not mentioned), you need to know that he is not your enemy (especially if he’s covering you, and his heart’s desire is to grow in God – and that’s his first priority). We men have a strong tendency to let pride take over when we have so many hurts in our lives. Just pray for him right where he is. That speaks volumes. 

For all, don’t take their rejection personal especially if they value the friendship/relationship. Using me as an example, if I’m caring for/loving someone who’s hurt, I will pray for her healing, and ask God to change my perspective when she does things that I’m not used to (such as a cold shoulder).  What I understand is this: two people are hurt and are striving to come out of their hurt together. Again, I can speak for me, but I’m probably the king of apologizing for things I say/do and for things I didn’t say/do (knowing full well that I didn’t say/do anything wrong). The key here is for me to seek God (now this is the only time I’ll say it’s good to go to your boxing corner so you can replenish – please go into the corner for that and to spend time with God). And when I’m in my corner, I should be asking God, if it’s something she’s struggling with, I pray that You allow me to see her for who she’s is, a woman of God who is not my enemy. It’s the enemy from her past that’s trying to divide us. If it’s me that’s the problem, help me to be a MAN and tell her that I’m sorry. Knowing that it’s not about to please or keeping the peace, but it’s a matter of knowing that the friendship/relationship is of utmost importance to me and to God.

I also understand that the enemy is striving to run Rothschild over us – especially when we’re in separate corners. That’s when his league of demons will come (and yes, some will come from church folk) along with some ugly spirits. There’s more to be said on that in just a moment.

So, how do you maintain a good (or should I say God) friendship/relationship? I’ll answer that question in just a moment, but let me also say this. The devil is not going to like this one bit. He thrives when we choose to stay hurt. I didn’t say that you had to be healed overnight; for many people, this will be a process as God reveals things to you (one of my dear sister friends said that to me and it blessed me). So to answer the question in summary form, you keep God as the center of your life and trust God as to how you conduct yourself in the friendship/relationship.

One of the greater blessings is when you are caring for/loving someone when both are hurt, is that they can both come out of the hurt cycle together. And the devil can’t stand that! This now brings me to the next topic.

When God connects you to someone and you know that this is a God-friendship/relationship, don’t think that life is going to be rosy. The devil is going to send some people to wreak havoc to break it up. In fact, there will be church folk praying that your friendship/relationship is destroyed because of envy, jealousy, or who knows what. And that’s probably under the guise of “misery loves company.” He’s more effective when you both are in your separate corners of the boxing ring. Now, let’s talk about what you need to watch for to maintain this God-friendship/relationship.

Jonas Clark said this and this is going to shake the foundation for sure. In “How Witchcraft Spirits Attack,” he said this: people who operate in witchcraft are masters as pitting people against one another in order to separate and isolate them. And I believe personally this is happening inside the church. In fact, Jonas expounds by saying this: this spirit will do whatever it takes to control the environment and wants to be the limelight in your life. In fact, a person operating in this spirit wants to talk about them, them, and them. In fact, they signify a bizarre attempt to cut off any other relationships in your life.

This is true fire right there. I have to pause for a moment before I continue.

I know, I was supposed to be talking about caring for/loving someone who's hurt (or you're hurt), but we're talking about the enemy who is wanting us to stay hurt and your loved one to stay hurt. I need to throw one more thing that Jonas Clark said: there are those who act super spiritual, which is a form of witchcraft (I was up all night praying for you, I just couldn't sleep last night; the spirit of God just really impressed on me to call you first thing in the morning, and the list goes on).

OK, I need to take a break! Wow! God is truly ministering to my spirit right now. We must watch for that in the church walls, for they will subtlety cause you to be separated from yourself (which is exactly what happened when Adam ate from the tree; when God said to Adam, where are you, He wanted Adam to locate himself).

Frank Hammond, in Pigs In The Parlor said this when it comes to attacks. Example: suppose a demon spoke to your mind saying "he doesn't love me; she's not praying for you," and you know that's far cry from the truth. You might have to something like this: You are a liar, demon. I reject that thought about my friend. My mind is under the protection of Jesus. I bind you from my thoughts. I command you to leave me alone, in the name of Jesus. This won't be a one-time thing; you will more & likely have to do this constantly until your mind is at peace.

Because many of us are hurt or have been hurt, we have to seek God to see where and how demons have invaded. Don't mull over the past and what has happened. Now, it's time to close the door. And because you have someone in your life that's praying for you, with you and over you, you can really wreak havoc in the enemy's camp.

I still believe this is why the enemy fights to separate two people who God joined together (whether it be friendship or relationship). But when they are together, warring against principalities, the friendship/relationship will blossom, healing will flourish and the devil will no longer have access to their lives anymore.

Blessings.

The Mayne Man