Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 21: Hole In The Heart)

In the previous part, I talked about absent fathers. I want to stay on this topic because I heard something yesterday that brought me to tears. I remember 22 years ago, I was in a music store and I heard Mary J. Blige’s song Your Child being played. Now, I remember when she came out on the scene with her debut album What’s the 411 in 1992, and most of her songs have a theme: Women Empowerment/Women Issues With Men.

 

Personally, Your Child is my favorite song from her, as it talks about Mary being with this guy yet he is denying a child that he has with someone else – the mother of the child confronts Mary and tells her the truth that it’s actually his child. Well, I managed to hear the live version of this song (recorded at the House of Blues back in 2004). As the song was coming to an end, it was like Mary snapped. Allow me to share a clip of this because what she says is very important and I know a lot of people will be able to relate to this. And if this is you, stay with this blogpost till the end. Here’s the dialogue with the audience:

 

I’ve got a question for you. How come these brothers and some of these mothers, they leave these children, abandon them and then they don’t want to take care of them? They don’t want to tell them they love them. And when they grow up, they’re going to want to know, how could you do it?! How could you do this to me, I was your baby. Why didn’t you love me? Why didn’t you hug me? Why didn’t you kiss me? Why didn’t you teach me? Why didn’t you tell me I was beautiful? Why didn’t you teach me how to walk like a lady? Daddy, where were you?! They were touching my body, where were you?

 

The song finally closes at this point, and she’s in tears (and granted, I’m in tears typing this up). I can feel her pain, as I can imagine that Mary’s father abandoned her (left her when she was 4 years old, he suffered with PTSD and he would assault Mary’s mother). So, let’s pick up from where the music breaks, because there’s more to what Mary has to say (and this is the most important piece).

 

It’s killing me! I’m so sorry, but it’s killing me. Where were you daddy?! Where the f*** were you, excuse me, but where were you? That’s why we got to take care of the babies. I know this is a club and you all probably don’t want to hear that, but it’s real. It’s the reason why we are all f***** up in our head right now because nobody wanted to love us.

 

Here’s where I break out in tears for the second time. I have a question to everyone reading this, how many of you can relate to the pain that Mary is feeling at this moment? If you can, my heart cries for you. If you were abandoned, broken, unloved by your parents, abused by someone in your family and your parents didn’t take your side (or they were the abusers), you definitely have a hole in your heart. No matter how you try to camouflage it, it’s there. Now, if you went to counseling, praise God. So many times, we neglect counseling thinking we have the strength to do it by yourself. Or we just deal with it on a surface level because of the shame that’s buried underneath. There’s nothing wrong with counseling, it can be secular or spiritual (whatever your religion). The key here is to get your pain out, because if you keep it inside, the hole in your heart will become enlarged and you will end up with a heart that is beyond repair, that could remove years of your natural life. 

 

Now as a man of God, I have to tell you that the best way to have the hole in your heart filled is to give it all to Jesus. He cares for the broken hearted. He will be the first to tell you that what you went through was not your fault!!! Please understand, I don’t care with other people say to you. He loves you. And you might be questioned, why didn’t He protect you when all of this was going on? Excellent question, He was there – in that pain with you. Give it all to Him, and your life will never be the same. I love you all, and I’m here if you need to vent.

 

Blessings,

 

The Mayne Man

P.S. I don’t know if Mary is healed from her father wound or not. I do pray for her regardless of her state. I believe everyone could use prayer – even me. If you are in need of prayer due to a parental or familial wound, drop a comment below and I’ll pray. Oh, and if you are healed from your familial wound, feel free to share your story in the comments below.

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 18: Battle Wounds)

As I’m preparing to head to Cali today, I keep hearing my spirit Battle Wounds. There are so many of you who have been through so many battle wounds (whether it be battles with the devil, or bad choices in which the devil would take advantage). Regardless of the situation, I want you know that you can be made whole. And if there is any message I want you to gain from this blogpost, it would be this: your life is worth fighting for (not only is there someone in your circle fighting for you, your life and your dreams, but God is fighting for you, your life and your dreams and He wants you to win).

Take a moment to look at where you are right now: are you in a situation to where you believe you can’t break free (fear of being on your own), you’re trying to find love in all the wrong places, you’re using a situation to gain the upper hand on others, you’ve gone through an abortion, you’ve been raped, you’ve been neglected, you were lied to, you were physically abused, emotionally abused, verbally abused, sexually abused, abandoned by those you say were for you, those who were supposed to protect you. You may have gone through those things, and you just want people to know how much you’ve been through. Many in this life are oblivious to what you’ve been through, and let me say this: God is not the author of what you’ve been through/experienced.

I know you have battle wounds, and if you let God heal them correctly, they will be a testimony of how God not only healed you, but of how faithful He is to restore what you’ve endured. Some of you have been lied to in saying God caused your experiences or He caused your loved one to die (translation: He took your loved one). Let me say something to you: because of the lies you’ve heard (and the experiences you went through), many of you have given up on what you believed and are striving to reach God or gain His blessings on your terms. Basically, you’ve surrendered because you’re constantly looking at the battle wounds of what others, yourself and the devil inflicted on you. God doesn’t see your wounds (and neither do I), He sees you healed and whole. And yes, you can be made whole from the wounds and scars that you’ve endured. Will you be made whole? Don’t put off going after healing His way any longer. Remember, your battle is not flesh and blood; it’s the devil who’s after your very soul (and most importantly, your faith). If can steal your faith, your view of God will not only be distorted, it will cause you to not only quit life (and your dreams), but God too.

In this thing called life, it is a fight. And because there will be tribulations, you will experience wounds. But understand that the only fight you’re supposed to fight in this life is a “faith” fight. He loves you, but circumstances are doing all they can to deter that love He has for you. For some of you, you have fell to procrastination, almost to the point of giving up because the wounds that you’ve endured hurt other parts of your body (heart, mind and parts of your flesh). I know many of you are warriors and wouldn’t allow this battle to get this crazy! But because it did, you’ve lost your sense of peace and are looking everywhere but up for the peace that surpasses all of your understanding.

In summary: He loves you and has an awesome future for you (that your eyes haven’t seen). You have to believe me when I say this. Your life is worth fighting for, and I want you to know my reader, that I’m fighting for you.  Just don’t quit as you experience battle wounds.  If you’re one who quit (or is on the verge of quitting) because the fight is so over the top, call on God’s angels to fight for you (and those who are focused on seeing you win, and not gossip)! If you don’t quit, and acquire a made-up mind, you will win! It’s a fixed fight!

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 16: Bad Men)

Between the blogpost that was released Friday (Part 14:Distorted View of God) and a conversation that I had with some men as we’re reading Dr. Tony Evans’ Kingdom Man yesterday, I’ve been thinking about this issue intensely.

Yes, I’m fully aware of the stereotype of that once you run across a bad man, everyone else is bad as well. In other words, one bad apple spoils the whole batch. Now, is that true or is that false? You have your thoughts on the answer. I’ll answer it and say it’s false. Just because you got one bad apple, doesn’t mean you have to throw the remaining apples out.

As I stated in my blogpost from Friday, my heart goes out to you if you went through life without a father (especially if you’re a woman), but now for this blogpost, I want to extend it by saying that if you ran across a bad man in your life (I don’t care if the man was a biological father, stepfather, adopted father, uncle, grandfather, teacher, coach, or pastor) or if you happened to be in an environment where your father was missing, absent, emotionally unavailable, abusive/controlling or just a tyrant, my heart goes out to you and this blogpost is dedicated to you.

Even though earlier, I was talking about apples, the same principle holds true as it relates to God. Even as a man, I can testify to this (where I placed my view of God as to my relation to my parents). How many of you have (or are currently) seen God based on your current relationship to your parents (or lack of relationship with your father/male figure)? If I could see through your mind and heart, it’s not a pretty picture, I know. You may be crying as you’re reading this, and I say let the tears flow. I can imagine that you’ve been holding the tears for so long, and are feeling like no one cares about the internal pain you’re going through. If no other human being cares, know that I do.

You can be made whole from Bad Men, and you don’t have to live in bondage because of what someone did to you, or didn’t give you the nurturing that you deserved in childhood. Men, let me say something to you: if you didn’t grow up with a father (or had to endure a man based on what I talked about above), you don’t have to live in bondage to where you are abusive to others. You can be made whole too.

To all reading this, please separate God from how a human being treated you. Don’t think that you deserved the pain you’ve endured. You can let it go. I heard Real Talk Kim say this (still on the topic of Bad Men): because you were ill treated and not protected, you are now protecting people that didn’t even protect you. I see men doing this more than women, but it can happen on both sides.

How many of you are willing to go to the mirror and make this declaration? I am not my past, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am not what my parents said that I was (especially if it was negative), I am not the abuse, I am not what a bad man said and did to me. God loves me despite what that bad man did to me. I no longer live my life in anger and shame! I declare that I’m healed from the pain that the bad man did to me (if you have to cry after saying it), do it! I’m free from what religious people say to me, because what’s important to me is what you, God, say who I am. And I accept what and who You say I am. I no longer have to prove to others of my identity, because You God have given me my identity! Thank You Jesus! I surrender all the myths, and false truths that I had of You. You are not like man, and I surrender every feeling that I feel that is keeping me in a cycle of hurt! No bad man has that much power over me to where I am stuck in this situation in my life. I forgive me, and I ask that You forgive me. Amen!

You can be made whole from the bad men in your life! Do you believe it? If yes, walk in it (by faith, if you have to).

Blessings.

The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 13: The Letter)

Hey Special One,

As you read this, I want to you know that you are beautiful, you are special, and most importantly, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. And for anyone to tell you otherwise, is not telling you the truth, nor is what they say that’s not who you really are the truth. So, let’s shine the light over that lie.

I see the best in you and most importantly, the God that I serve sees the best in you. I don’t know who discounted you or wrote you off during your childhood. Was it your mother, your father, your siblings, your aunts, your uncles, your grandparents, or was it other extended family members to include friends of family? I also don’t know who is currently discounting your true identity or worth right now, is it the man or woman that’s in your life? Is it a co-worker, or a stranger that really doesn’t know who you really are? It may be time to cut those ties, because your associates will either add value to you or devalue you. And I’ll say this, those who discount you, are actually devaluing you.

Whoever told you that you need to be the talk of the town and that you need to just be popular – just to get attention – is lying to you. I know your childhood wasn’t picture perfect, and neither was mine. May I encourage you right now and tell you that you are not your past. You are not what your abuser said that you are. You can be free, healed and whole. I know you have dreams, aspirations and goals. May I say that you may not be mentally ready for some of them just yet? There is a growing process that has to take place, and it starts with being comfortable in your own skin. So, you must ask yourself, do you love you? When you look in the mirror when you’re by yourself, what do you see? Do you see your past, your pain, your shortcomings, or possibly your mistakes? If you do, do you believe that you can learn from them, grow from them so you can eventually declare what was mentioned in the first paragraph that truly is your identity? No man, woman or other human being will ever love you unconditionally than God. And let me say that you don’t have to compete with others for your attention; you are beautiful just as you are. I see the pain when I look at you, and I know that you are doing all you can to masquerade it, but there are consequences if you’re not careful.

Whoever told you that you need to be a certain shape or size just so you can be attractive, is lying to you. Whoever told you that love has to hurt is lying to you. I know you are strong, and I don’t deny it, and when I look at you, I see the pain and the tears that you are holding on to because of the situations you’ve put yourself in. I know you are fearful of the next step in your life. Just know that fear paralyzes, and faith sets you free. You are more than what people say they are and you don’t have to live up to other people’s expectations. That old saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is a lie from the pit of hell! Words have the power to hurt or heal. And you are not the negative words that clearly devalue who you really are. The people who talk down to you are people that are trying to build themselves up at your expense. Let them go, as they will do what they can to destroy you with their words. May I encourage you right now and tell you that you are not your past. You are not what your abuser said that you are. I know you are carrying a weight (not physical weight, I’m talking about weight of fears, hurt, shame, etc.), which is actually a burden, but our human bodies aren’t built to carry that weight. You can be free, healed and whole. I know you have dreams, aspirations and goals. Write down who you really want to be and desire to have in your life. So, you must ask yourself, do you love you? When you look in the mirror when you’re by yourself, what do you see? Do you see your past, your pain, your shortcomings, or possibly your mistakes? If you do, do you believe that you can learn from them, grow from them so you can eventually declare what was mentioned in the first paragraph that truly is your identity? No man, woman or other human being will ever love you unconditionally than God. And let me say that you don’t have to compete with others for your attention; you are beautiful just as you are. Once you divorce yourself from the opinions of others, you enter another dimension.

Just know my special one, you are uniquely gifted, and there is no one like you. Despite what you’re going through physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually, God loves you and He is not punishing you. He has nothing but love for you, and I do too. May His peace surpass all of your understanding, and know that you can be free, healed and whole from everything that you’ve been through in your life. He can give you beauty for the ashes that you’ve accumulated in your life and He can restore your broken self-worth/self-identity if you will let Him.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Interlude: If I Could)

Good morning or afternoon, wherever you are in the world. I pray that God's love is touching you and you are walking in that love.

Many of you who have been following my blog for the past 2 years know that I have been on the series "Will You Be Made Whole?" Before I continue on, I want to take a moment and share something on my heart with you.

Back in 1993, there was a song recorded by Regina Belle entitled If I Could (and I believe it was also recorded by jazz legend Nancy Wilson). It's basically saying that I would do such and such to take the place of what you went through.

As I look at my life, I have seen a lot of things and met a lot of people. Of course, life doesn't hand everyone a rose, and because I have a heart that really cares, it can be real easy for me to be either misunderstood. So, if you are reading this, take a moment to locate where you are mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. If you have suffered a lot in your life, I now declare a trigger warning. Please understand I don't mean any harm, I care about your freedom and so does Christ.

So reader, if I could cry the tears you cry because you have been lied to by your significant other, I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain of having to raise your child without help, I would and I will. If I could cry for the lack of support you get from your significant other, I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain you've endured in your relationship, I would and I will. If I could cry for the death of someone you loved or close to you, I would and I will. If I could cry for the ostracizing you've endured in childhood and adulthood, I would and I will. If I could cry for the abuse you endured in childhood, I would and I will. If I could cry for the hole in your heart as a result of your father being absent in your life (or was there but was a silent father), I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain you take on at the hands of your abuser (knuckling down to the devil), I would and I will. If I could cry for the pain you are experiencing as a result of your parents or family abandoning and/or neglecting you, denying your pain, and causing you to be the scapegoat, I would and I will. If I could cry for the lies you were told by a mate, family member, or those who said they loved you, I would and I will. If I could cry for the blockages in your mind, heart and spirit due to anything mentioned above, I would and I will. If I could cry for the shame you feel after having been manipulated, I would and I will. If I could cry for the torment you feel as a result of those in church who threw legalism at you to condemn you or puff themselves up over you, I would and I will. If I could cry for the anger you feel from church folk who talk you into staying bound and keep you from expressing true freedom, I would and I will. If I could cry for the view of God that arose as a result of your past, I would and I will. If I could cry for the hurt you feel and the help you haven't received, I would and I will. 

So, what is the underlying message to this post? It's very simple. I cry with you because we are to bear one another's burdens. We are all a part of God's body. And as I speak on burdens, our bodies aren't meant to carry burdens. You can be made whole, and more importantly, Jesus wants you to be whole. I know many of you want it and desire it, but you have to act on that in order for it to be a reality. You can try to rationalize it in your mind, that's not going to get it. The burdens are going to have to come off you as if you were taking off your wet clothes (did I say that). And as you take your wet clothes off, you leave them at the feet of Jesus, never to return from those wet clothes that have kept you bound. Just know that I love you reader, and here's to your freedom in Christ (and please don't let the devil whisper in your ear telling you to hold on to them).

Blessings,

The Mayne Man