Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 13: The Letter)

Hey Special One,

As you read this, I want to you know that you are beautiful, you are special, and most importantly, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. And for anyone to tell you otherwise, is not telling you the truth, nor is what they say that’s not who you really are the truth. So, let’s shine the light over that lie.

I see the best in you and most importantly, the God that I serve sees the best in you. I don’t know who discounted you or wrote you off during your childhood. Was it your mother, your father, your siblings, your aunts, your uncles, your grandparents, or was it other extended family members to include friends of family? I also don’t know who is currently discounting your true identity or worth right now, is it the man or woman that’s in your life? Is it a co-worker, or a stranger that really doesn’t know who you really are? It may be time to cut those ties, because your associates will either add value to you or devalue you. And I’ll say this, those who discount you, are actually devaluing you.

Whoever told you that you need to be the talk of the town and that you need to just be popular – just to get attention – is lying to you. I know your childhood wasn’t picture perfect, and neither was mine. May I encourage you right now and tell you that you are not your past. You are not what your abuser said that you are. You can be free, healed and whole. I know you have dreams, aspirations and goals. May I say that you may not be mentally ready for some of them just yet? There is a growing process that has to take place, and it starts with being comfortable in your own skin. So, you must ask yourself, do you love you? When you look in the mirror when you’re by yourself, what do you see? Do you see your past, your pain, your shortcomings, or possibly your mistakes? If you do, do you believe that you can learn from them, grow from them so you can eventually declare what was mentioned in the first paragraph that truly is your identity? No man, woman or other human being will ever love you unconditionally than God. And let me say that you don’t have to compete with others for your attention; you are beautiful just as you are. I see the pain when I look at you, and I know that you are doing all you can to masquerade it, but there are consequences if you’re not careful.

Whoever told you that you need to be a certain shape or size just so you can be attractive, is lying to you. Whoever told you that love has to hurt is lying to you. I know you are strong, and I don’t deny it, and when I look at you, I see the pain and the tears that you are holding on to because of the situations you’ve put yourself in. I know you are fearful of the next step in your life. Just know that fear paralyzes, and faith sets you free. You are more than what people say they are and you don’t have to live up to other people’s expectations. That old saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is a lie from the pit of hell! Words have the power to hurt or heal. And you are not the negative words that clearly devalue who you really are. The people who talk down to you are people that are trying to build themselves up at your expense. Let them go, as they will do what they can to destroy you with their words. May I encourage you right now and tell you that you are not your past. You are not what your abuser said that you are. I know you are carrying a weight (not physical weight, I’m talking about weight of fears, hurt, shame, etc.), which is actually a burden, but our human bodies aren’t built to carry that weight. You can be free, healed and whole. I know you have dreams, aspirations and goals. Write down who you really want to be and desire to have in your life. So, you must ask yourself, do you love you? When you look in the mirror when you’re by yourself, what do you see? Do you see your past, your pain, your shortcomings, or possibly your mistakes? If you do, do you believe that you can learn from them, grow from them so you can eventually declare what was mentioned in the first paragraph that truly is your identity? No man, woman or other human being will ever love you unconditionally than God. And let me say that you don’t have to compete with others for your attention; you are beautiful just as you are. Once you divorce yourself from the opinions of others, you enter another dimension.

Just know my special one, you are uniquely gifted, and there is no one like you. Despite what you’re going through physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually, God loves you and He is not punishing you. He has nothing but love for you, and I do too. May His peace surpass all of your understanding, and know that you can be free, healed and whole from everything that you’ve been through in your life. He can give you beauty for the ashes that you’ve accumulated in your life and He can restore your broken self-worth/self-identity if you will let Him.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

My Healing Journey (Part 1)

If you're reading this blog and are living with Aspergers (Autism) and/or PTSD, I welcome you to my journey of healing. One of the reasons why I love writing is because it's therapy and my desire is to write to right the broken soul (mine and yours). So, I thank you for accompanying me on this journey to healing. Even though we may have Autism and/or PTSD, we can be very thankful that there's a healing for the anxiety as a result of it. Of course, there's a cure for PTSD; however, Autism is a different story. But as I have learned, Autism is actually a gift (I'll share more on that as I share part of my journey with you all). So let's get up close and personal as we heal together (in fact, lift your hands up in victory)!

I heard someone say that the better neurotypicals (non-autistics) understand our journey, the more acceptance and support we will receive from them. Well, when I was diagnosed with it in 2014, very few people were very supportive with me. But I know that for some people, my anxiety disturbs them and I can totally understand (some know that it's due to autism). One of my dearest friends recommended that I looked into a support group, and I did. I'll be honest; anxiety and stability are the two things I struggle with the most. I'm others have told anyone who struggles with anxiety that if they would just learn to relax; the anxiety would go away.  Well, it's not that easy (especially if you have Aspergers/Autism). Over a period of time, the anxiety-filled memories from childhood become locked in our brains, tending to make the anxiety stick with us throughout our lives (I'm a living witness to that). When you think about it, Autism breeds other disorders such as OCD, PTSD, and different forms of anxiety.

If you could watch my life via a movie throughout my school years, you would find an anxious boy. Some would even call it obnoxious due to trying to find my place in this world (as Michael W. Smith would say). Fear was my best friend at home and at school (I didn't experience that much fear during my last three years of high school though). What were my greatest fears? Well at home, it was the belt. This is not an attack on my parents by any means. If I received notes to take home from elementary school that stated that my behavior was terrible or that stated I called out a great deal, I had to fear the belt. There were times I would come home and hide under the bed because I knew that a belt was waiting for me. At school (especially my freshman year in high school), I was bullied because most of the upper classman knew my uncle (and him molesting me), so that made me fresh meat! So, the world was a scary place for me, and as a result, I lived most of my teen years in isolation. Now some would say that I had no reason to be anxious during that time, if only you knew. Now that I'm an adult, I still have to face these fears, just in a different way. One of my first jobs out of college was working as a teller at a bank. I was written up mainly because I didn't gossip with the co-workers. The write-up did indicate that I dressed professionally, I was never rude to my co-workers or to customers and I did my job in excellence. But it was the one negative thing that was harped on. And truthfully, that was my life at home. Never mind the good things I did, it would be the one thing that was harped on. In fact, during my 5th grade year (this was the year of my molestation), my grades were average - wasn't failing in any subject, but my behavior was atrocious. My parents didn't know about the molestation, but they sure harped on my behavior and bypassed my grades. As an adult, I struggle with social situations. One of my dear friends said to me that she could spot me out in a group photo, which is usually buried in the back to myself. And truthfully, that's due to my inner anxiety. Now some would say, just come out my shell. It's easier said than done. But not to worry, I will journal more as I am on the path to healing from the anxiety that Aspergers brings.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

How Fear And Pride Hurt Others

You know, I was listening to a sermon over the weekend talking about Faith To Finish and I want to focus this blogpost on one of the points made (by the way, it was a great sermon overall). I turned the point that the pastor made into a series of questions and I want you all to think about my questions and the following example:

Why do we disobey God when He tells us to do something and we do something contrary? Here’s my example: someone comes to me for healing and I pray and ask God to give me a Word to speak to that someone. He gives me the Word, but I disregard the Word and go through the “healing” Scriptures, and lay hands on them and then go on my merry way (when in reality, it’s just to get them out of my face so I can go on with MY business). Now how does that look? Would you say a bit selfish? I also need to say this, there’s nothing wrong with praying a Scripture over someone and laying hands on someone who needs healing. But if I call myself a minister of the Gospel, I’m to be seeking God for a Word (or allow God to speak through me). So my final set of questions are as follows: Why do we disregard a Word that God gives us for either our lives or for someone else’s life? And as we disregard what God is trying to say to us, we parrot Scriptures that we know or deliver a word from our flesh (that’s really designed to manipulate the situation or the someone that really needs a Word from the Lord)?

I asked my co-worker this morning that very question and gave her the example I’m giving to you all, and she said this to me: “One of the reasons why we don’t do what God tells us to do is because of ‘fear and pride.’ It’s no different than the story of Jonah. God wanted Jonah to deliver a Word to Ninevah, and he went to Tarshish instead.” I said to her, “oh, you’re preaching good here.”

But that co-worker made me think after she brought up Jonah. It’s one thing to be fearful and prideful, but it’s a tragedy when we hurt others with our fear and our pride. That’s not good.

Let me use a situation that could’ve had a tragic ending. If you’ve read some of my other blogposts, you might have read this – but I want to use this and dissect it as to how fear and pride in people can actually have a tragic effect on a life that’s hurting and actually needing a healing from the pain inside (and more importantly, needing a healing that only God can give).

Back in 2012, I remember a woman posted on social media stating that she was going to take her own life. Now, I’m not condemning anyone who commented underneath her post, but it sure left the question if anyone consulted the Lord when they posted what they did. The majority of the comments were saying the following things, “get over it,” “rebuke the devil,” and some were even calling her a devil (it may not have been that specifically, but I know they called her anything but a child of God). I allowed God’s Spirit to speak to my heart and spirit because it was broken when I read that at 5:30am in the morning. God gave me specific instructions to approach this situation. He said to inbox her these words, “if you happen to get this message, give me a call and here’s my number.” About 4 hours later, she called me and all I said was this: “you have my undivided attention, talk to me.” She shared what was on her heart and all I did was listen to her heart. Just a simple ear to a hurting soul can help prevent suicide.

So, you could say this blogpost is really a #MayneMan admonishment to us believers. We have got to be so into Christ that we don’t allow fear and pride to cloud our lives and inadvertently destroy the lives of others.

Now that I’ve said all of that, let’s discuss this.

Blessings.

The Mayne Man

The Spirit of Indecision (Part 2)

Indecision - the feeling that you are unable to make a decision. As I look at the definition, indecision can be a good thing or a bad thing. It can be a good thing especially if we're yielding to the will of God. It can be a bad thing if we're indecisive and decide to take matters into our hands.

The focus of this blogpost is about the spirit of indecision and having what we believe in put to the ultimate test. I believe when your belief (or should I say your faith) is challenged, it will determined if you will be true to what you believe or will you just fall to the place of indecision. Another factor to consider is when your faith is challenged, it will determine if it even holds up in the first place. Just because you believe in something, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing. When it really is the right thing, you will be put to the test. Many will fall into indecision and take matters into our own hands (some will get emotionally tied to it). I’ve fallen into this at times, so if I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about me.

Now, many things are happening around us. And you would question why you are in the place you’re at right now. You feel paralyzed by fear, panic, indecision, and the list goes on. Can you just stop for a moment? While you’re in that feeling of fear, panic, indecision, the devil is loving every moment of this because if you stay in it too long and no one is around you to encourage you, pray for you, you will become a casualty. You see, just because you have a strong belief in something doesn’t mean you’re immune from having it being put to the test. The devil, who is the god of this world, governs this world by fear, lies and poverty. The devil needs partners to agree with him to keep as many people in the spirit of indecision and its cousins. This is why we need agreement partners strong in faith (that’s for a blog to come shortly, so stay tuned for that). In order to prepare for what’s to come, break the spirit of indecision by yielding to the will of God because I guarantee you, if you don’t, you will waste what’s remaining of your life.

His Hand Is On You

It’s my prayer that you are reading this and you’re feeling well today. If not, take comfort in this post. If you’re like me, you’ve gone through something traumatic in your life (and probably still are) where you feel that your life was sifted from you and/or has caused you to put your life on hold. As a result, you are either living in fear or indecision. You can overcome by praising God for the fact that you're still alive, and you are here with a God-given purpose. What was supposed to sift you out or caused you to put your life on hold didn't kill you, so that means God has His hands on you even though you wonder why you had to go through. Feel free to ask Him why, He loves you. There are probably a lot more questions going through your mind, and it’s totally understandable. I dedicate this blog post to anyone who has gone through a traumatic past and is still trying to get through it (or has gotten through it).

I want to extend my hand to you in friendship and in love. I understand that you might have felt alone at times wanting to give up in life. That was my life (and I’ll put this out and say I struggle with it too). Your past may not be my past, but mine was traumatic and I’m sure yours was too. That’s one thing we have in common. Just know that we’re on this road to recovery together and He has His hands on you.

I know there are going to be some people who read this and ridicule me; I’m cool with that (considering I’m used to it). The one thing remains though, I’m still alive and so are you. They tried to kill us, but we’re still here. We have scars, but we’re still here. I hope you were able to at least smile or cry tears of joy. Believe me when I say, it’s OK to cry. Sometimes you have to on this road to recovery.

I know there are times when we’ve tried to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps, know that we can’t do this alone. We need each other on a horizontal level (and say I need help), and we need to say to God that we need help. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, discern who to ask for help (because not everybody will have your best interest at heart). The unique thing about us considering we’ve survived what we did, is that we have sympathy for others (which is lacking in this world today). Everyone today is so selfish and out for themselves. And to add insult to injury, there are those who haven’t gone through what you did, and they tell you either to “get over it,” or “so what if I didn’t go through what you did; you need to grow up.” As a result, you end up feeling like a second-class citizen. I understand there are those who have good intentions, but they will never understand what you feel if they haven’t lived through what you had to.

A word of encouragement: if you make it out before me, help me out; and I’ll do the same vice versa. We’re in this together.

I don’t know who has heard this, but I’m sure an evil spirit will tell you that Jesus was raped (which He was), but He didn’t say a word, so that means you shouldn’t say a word now that you made it out (or you should’ve allowed it to continue without saying a word). This is totally misinterpreting the Scripture. Your voice needs to be heard. If more voices are raised, we can truly change the world to wrong the rights. If we abused victims are accountable, the abusers, the people who neglected us need to be accountable. There must be a balance, wouldn’t you agree? For many of you, your stories have touched me deeply and I want to say right here and right now that I love you and that I will always have your back. If you need an ear (in most cases, many of us know the answers to some of the questions in our mind and just need to get what’s in our heart and spirit out), just let me know and I’ll listen.

One lingering question you might have, why did I go through what I did? Well, we may not know the answer right now. But I am willing to believe that you’re still alive to either share your testimony to someone who’s about to go through what you did (or is trying to find a way out of their pain), or you are to write a book, and the list goes on. I don’t know who that is for along with this. You may have a ministry to teenagers, or a ministry geared to men (if you’re a man) or women (if you’re a woman). And the fact you’re still here to share your story is proof that He has His hands on you. I hope right now you can raise your hands towards heaven and say thank you Jesus for allowing me to stand here today.

I know what you went through has caused you to either live in fear or wanting to not pursue your childhood dreams. You might even feel that your life is on hold. I understand totally. Because you’re still here and on the road to recovery, take a moment to find out what is your greatest passion in life and what is your greatest talent (meaning: you know deep down inside you’re good at it? Once you find that out, pursue it and God will bless you (because His hand is on you). Acknowledge Him as you’re on that path.  I also know that your healing isn’t an overnight thing, it’s a process. God understands and will heal you in due time. Meanwhile, pursue your unique calling from Him, because the world needs your gift (and it’s not your body, OK). Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.

In closing: shake off your fears and don’t be afraid to live. It’s my prayer that this post encourages you. Feel free to comment (if you want to remain anonymous, please do so). Your destiny from God is waiting for you. Don’t worry about failing. You will fall down, just get up and know that His hand is on you.