Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 15: Denial)

I hope everyone enjoyed his or her fabulous Thanksgiving. When it comes to this particular blogpost, I know, I know, I’m rather late; I initially started writing this blogpost back in April of this year, but a lot has transpired this year for me, so I cease from procrastinating and finish this much needed blogpost. I don’t know about you, but this year has been a year of change for me. As I think about this year as a whole, there are many people (whether they will admit it or not) living in denial. Have you ever looked at someone and see the beauty of someone, but if you look into their eyes and sometimes listen to their words, you can see and/or hear the pain that they’re trying so hard to keep inside. They know they need to alter their mindset, or make a change on the inside, but they refuse to (and end up doing the same things over and over again expecting different results). Now that’s just one area. Let’s take this up a notch.

As you can see, this blogpost is dealing with the mask of denial. Where we know something is wrong, but we just don’t want to deal with it because it’s too messy, or it’s a matter of “I’ve got this under control,” when the truth is, you don’t! That’s denial. Have you ever been in a relationship when a man who was totally at fault, stepping out of the relationship, cheating, lying to you, and your healing process consists of you attacking them in the following manner, “Where were you? See, this is why I don’t trust you. You don’t respond to my texts when I text you? What! You don’t love me? Your words say one thing, but I just don’t trust you! I called your job, and they told me that you weren’t there. In fact, your friends told me that you skipped work! Give me your passwords to your social media accounts and your phone! Let me see who you’re texting?” And the other person says, “Where’s my privacy? You don’t trust me?” Would you say this is a case of jealousy or trust issues? I’ve never been in this situation before that I just type (thankfully), but I know these situations do happen in real life and on the TV screen. If I were to analyze this, there are issues that both parties have to address. The one doing the attacking is possibly struggling with trust and lack of it that he/she received during the course of their upbringing. The one who was asking, “Where’s my privacy?” actually provided no trust in the relationship for whatever reason. The last thing anyone should do is to not address it only to go through the same thing over and over expecting different results in a different relationship. For the one doing the accusing, it would appear that their heart is troubled (and Jesus said to let not our heart be troubled); for the one accused, there’s some hurt within too where they’re not standing up for themselves. So, because they don’t address the hurt, they’re in essence denying the hurt inside. Dealing with hurts inside requires one to own their process. This is how effective change takes place. This is something I’m working through in my life as I look at some areas where I am damaged, fearful, and feeling bound in certain areas. I have to own my process, and stop denying or procrastinate in making a change about it.

But let’s take the above paragraph another level. Sometimes the person doing the accusing may do this and there was never a violation in the first place. In other words, the accused is actually innocent, but the accuser is so used to being betrayed in the past (from the past – whether it be bad relationships, or upbringing), that now, they’re playing the doctor/nurse and just want to operate on something that doesn’t need surgery at all. So this could possibly be denial of what they’re experiencing in their mind and heart. The way this denial is expressed is very extreme. If you really look closely at the situation, the accuser just wants to be safe and secure. If you deny being truly safe and secure (and you just isolate yourself without God’s Word in your spirit), you can never be whole from this feeling that’s within you.

Think about this, have you ever said, “Are you feeling me?” only to just share your thoughts and describing your feelings. Feeling really requires one word, such as “I feel abandoned. I feel hurt.” Those are examples. When you do that, it actually helps you get in touch with what you are going through. This requires your thoughts to be separated from what you feel. Are you willing to understand your process? When there’s pain inflicted on someone, that pain is felt by the person who’s hurt and the response from the person who they hurt that now the person who did wrong has to bear. The key here is to stop denying the pain you really feel – regardless if it’s someone who’s currently in your life, or someone who’s no longer in your life. Let it go and let God create in you a clean heart. If your heart isn’t clean, the devil will allow you to stay in that hurt, and your heart will continue to bleed and will never heal. This is why I am always conscious of what I say and do to others, because I know that my wrongs don’t affect others, they affect me too. Staying in denial doesn’t hurt just you; it hurts others who are around you. For many, they’ll stay in denial because of the fear of the unknown. You’re not mean to go through this alone, that’s why Jesus said to take His yoke because it’s easy and His burden is light. Your body isn’t built to carry burdens. Carrying them just to have someone to carry is really pride (which the devil thrives on).

Did you know that faultfinding is a form of denial? What am I talking about, you might ask. This is where you strive to seek the bad/wrong in every person you are entering a relationship with, and the problems with the relationship are on them and not you. You use faultfinding as a weapon as needed so that you can take the nearest exit out of the door. A lot of this faultfinding is hinged on something you’ve experienced in your life. Would you agree or disagree? Think about this one. I know it hurts, but this could actually hinge on self-sabotage (mentioned in Part 12: Restoration of “Self”).

If you have ever justified your denial, you will probably relate to this part right here. If I deny the pain that I experienced in my abuse (like I did during my teen years) and justify it, then I’m really wearing the mask of “everything is fine,” when the truth is, I’m broken, battered and beaten. Sadly, society and some churches want you to have the mask on and stay in denial (without helping you cope with the pain that you have to take to bed with you every night). Denying my abuse and justifying it looks like this, “if you have protected me, then I wouldn’t hate you as much as I do now!” In a relationship, it will look like this, “I am single because the last man I had punched me in the face, talked down to me, cheated on me, wanted to have a threesome, etc.).” If someone violated your trust, you can easily project that on people who didn’t harm you and justify your reason for being extremely jealous. In other words, this justification of your behavior is denying that you have the ultimate responsibility for how you conduct your life – and you’re blaming other people for your actions.” The beauty of God is that He’s not judging you as hard as you are judging yourself. Your behavior is a work, and it’s not the grounds for your salvation. Religion (and the devil) will tell you that your behavior determines your salvation, and that’s a lie! And on that note, don’t deny your true feelings when you’re talking to God, He already knows and He’s not judging you, like man does!

When it comes to sexual abuse, we deny because of the shame that it’s placed on us as well as the pain that was afflicted on us (I will address the root cause of the pain which will be called Church Hurt, so stay tuned). I have met so many people who have denied their pain and I remember having to tell someone, “If you continue to deny your abuse, if a trigger happens and you haven’t dealt with it, you will explode.” Yes, the pain and the hurt you experienced was not your fault, you see the enemy wants you to take on the pain that was inflicted and denial causes you to assume the blame, pain and then you’re on a downward spiral to where it affects you mentally. I’ll be honest; this is something I had to realize. If unresolved pain isn’t resolved, and it’s denied, triggers have a way to cause the pain to be infected. Years ago, I experienced it, and it shook me to the core.

This might be off subject, but it still applies to the denial concept. On a normal scheme of things, if parents are walking with God, the parent loves the child unconditionally – there is nothing the child could do to make the parent stop loving the child. But of course, not every parent walks with God, and the parent puts conditions on the child (if you do this or that, say this or that, that will prove that you love me – otherwise, my love for you is conditionally). When parents walk with God, a child could say I hate their parents, the parents won’t stop loving and/or praying for them. When parents aren’t walking with God and the child says not only do they hate them, or questions why did they allow the abuse to happen to them, the parent will deny and wonder, “what did I do wrong?” and they deny what’s really going on within them. Then everything goes downhill, to include blame shifting (now everyone becomes the source of their own problem). That’s not healthy for anybody, and it’s just pure denial. I pray this paragraphs sets victims of this kind of abuse free (if you had parents who were manipulative – and denying it till the cows come home), and those who are living in pure denial. If you read Part 14: Distorted View of God, when a child is loved conditionally, this love can create a distorted view of God (and when a parent denies or neglects a child, it creates a distorted view of God to the point that their foundation of who God is to them is on shaky, if not stony ground). And when an adult (who is still longing for the approval from the parent, when the parent neglected them) is trying to discover who God is, it’s distorted (which is all a setup by the devil, not God). Refer back to the blogpost from yesterday on this. This paragraph here is really describing denial that indirectly affects you when you weren’t the one who caused it.

So what we have discovered here in this blogpost is that denial can either start with us, or be passed down from generations. Now, the decision has to be made if you want to be free and made whole from the mask of denial.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Why Faith Communities Bash Autism

This topic has been heavy on my heart for a few weeks, even though I address some of this in my novel Deaf, Dumb, Blind & Stupid. If I have to answer the question (especially since I’m so involved in the faith communities), it’s pure ignorance. Many people are so narrow-minded to the point that they think that autism is a disease. The truth is that autism is not a disease; it’s a different way of learning. Sure, for many people who are autistic or are on the spectrum, anxiety and a mental illness will come with it (and there’s a cure for that). I find that the older I get, the more ignorance I see when it comes to people who have challenges. In fact, many will bash others who are autistic, but heaven forbid they have a child living with autism. They would want others to be sympathetic to them and their children. According to Autism Speaks, autism is a complex disorder of the brain. And when I minister to faith communities about autism (as I educate people about it), I say that just like body parts get sick, brains get sick. Autism is a little different because although it’s associated with intellectual disability, and there are difficulties in motor coordination and attention to include physical health issues, many are gifted in visual skills, music, math and art.

I encourage you to visit www.autismspeaks.org to find out more information about it.

Continuing on with the topic at hand. Faith communities bash people with autism because of pride within themselves (believing they’re better than others because they don’t have it).  As I said in my blog last month entitled “My Healing Journey (Part 1),” the better neurotypicals (non-autistics) understand our journey, the more acceptance and support we will receive from them. And it’s recorded in Scripture that people perish for a lack of knowledge. Because of that lack of knowledge, it’s very easy to judge and discriminate against those living with autism. There is no cure of autism, but some of the symptoms do have a cure.

I find it very interesting that faith communities frown on people who are struggling with something (a life crisis, a health crisis, etc.), pointing fingers at them saying it’s because of a lack of faith. But when the table is turned, they want all the sympathy they can get, and will stand in any prayer line for prayer. In my book, I call it hypocritical. Everybody needs mercy and not everybody is perfect like YOU! I also find it interesting that we tend to bash the spouse when they have challenges, as if they had nothing tragic happen to them. Faith communities need to be able to support each other, just like married couples challenge each other (and not ridicule each other).

Think about it. Faith communities have become so callous to the point, when someone says they’re going through something, one of two things will happen: either they’re say you’re healed (and you don’t need to see a doctor), or it’s because of a sin that you caused or your parents. That’s not very loving if you really think about it. What I love about God is that He created everyone unique. I believe everyone has a thorn of some sort (according to 2 Corinthians 12:9), but watch this: His grace is sufficient. We don’t glorify God FOR it, but IN it.

Near the end of my novel DDBS, I make this statement: There are so many people who are plagued with ADD, AD/HD, PTSD, BPD, or Bipolar, and we steadily punish them for their mental differences and chemical imbalances. Galatians 6:7 says ‘don’t be deceived because God is not mocked. Whatever we sow, we will reap.’ I ask you a question: Why are we only sympathetic if OUR child has a mental disorder? On the contrary, if you know someone whose child has a mental disorder, they need a beating. This is unfair, and reflects the worse part of human nature.

Faith communities have challenges, and we need to stop acting like we’re immune to them. Faith is acting on what we believe, but denying it is faith. In fact, denial is foolish. And denial has been the trend for generations. We need to grow up, deal with what we’re struggling with, so that we can overcome. Everybody deserves love and compassion, not judgments because they are different!

This blogpost post is not intended to bash the faith communities, as I am a part of the Christian faith communities. And because I deal heavily with it, I see a lot of attitudes that are not godly causing church dropouts or causing other brothers and sisters to be infected with that attitude and they become extremely callous. That’s not healthy, and we must be healed from our pride. The easy way to heal from pride is to deny yourself and humble yourself.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Church Dropouts

One of my favorite pastors was teaching a lesson a few weeks back, and made reference to Church Dropouts and I allowed the Lord to speak to me about this very thing. You know there are High School Dropouts and College Dropouts, but we never really give thought to Church Dropouts. Allow me a moment to explain how Church Dropouts occur.

When I think about how high school dropouts occurs, there are two sides. There is the side of the school (and the people within it), and then there’s the person who dropped out. Both side have to bear responsibility for the person who dropped out. The same holds true to those who drop out of church (religion) altogether.  Now, I want to focus on the side of the church and the people within it more than the person who dropped out of church.

You might be asking why am I addressing this? If we are claiming to be the church that represents Christ, we have to own up to our own failures, and repent. And that’s not a bad thing. If anything, it’s showing humility on our part, which is actually worship to Christ. I have been in church for quite some time and it’s amazing as to why we act puzzled, or angry as to why people have left (and then point the finger at them as to why they left). Sure, they make the final decision to leave, but at the same time, we have to look at our hands to ensure that we don’t have their blood on them. And sad to say, we have a lot of blood. So, let’s talk about this.

How have we caused church dropouts around us? Pride and ego are the biggest two culprits.  How do they manifest themselves?

You go to that church? Our pastor can preach!

We had church over here!

Get over your issue (you should never have issues)!

I’m so holy than you that I can point out your flaws!

It’s your fault as to why you’re struggling!

It’s your lack of faith as to why you’re in the shape you’re in!

We care for our own (clique) and the rest of the people around me can go to hell!

I hear from God and I’m the only one who hears from Him.

Men are to dominate their women, and the women have no voice!

Those are just some examples, and I’m sure you can think of others as to why others either condemned or they feel they will never measure up to God. The beauty of God is that He loves us, even with our flaws.

I want to real quickly focus on one sentence I typed up there because I want to say something to that: “We care for our own (clique) and the rest of the people around me can go to hell!” This is one that I’ve seen that has caused many casualties in the church (and they eventually dropout). I don’t know about you, I can’t sit around and watch people go to hell.  Intercession is so necessary (and just because you go to intercessory prayer, doesn’t make you an intercessory prayer warrior). And now this takes me to my next point.

How do we stop the church dropout epidemic? Deny yourself (I heard one pastor say “Kill yourself – the flesh, that is), and humble yourself. In fact, Jesus said that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. In fact, Paul talked in Philippians 2 about the importance of being like-minded. Sadly, in the church, we care more about legalism, and our personal agendas than we do what God is requiring of us. To love and coming together on one accord. Jesus talked extensively about sacrificing for the glory of God. But as a result, we have many casualties, and we curse the very ones who are wounded. Maybe we need to read Luke 15 and get out of our comfort box (go after the lost sheep, lost coin and the son that’s lost).

Let’s go after perfection in Christ.

Blessings:

The MayneMan

How Fear And Pride Hurt Others

You know, I was listening to a sermon over the weekend talking about Faith To Finish and I want to focus this blogpost on one of the points made (by the way, it was a great sermon overall). I turned the point that the pastor made into a series of questions and I want you all to think about my questions and the following example:

Why do we disobey God when He tells us to do something and we do something contrary? Here’s my example: someone comes to me for healing and I pray and ask God to give me a Word to speak to that someone. He gives me the Word, but I disregard the Word and go through the “healing” Scriptures, and lay hands on them and then go on my merry way (when in reality, it’s just to get them out of my face so I can go on with MY business). Now how does that look? Would you say a bit selfish? I also need to say this, there’s nothing wrong with praying a Scripture over someone and laying hands on someone who needs healing. But if I call myself a minister of the Gospel, I’m to be seeking God for a Word (or allow God to speak through me). So my final set of questions are as follows: Why do we disregard a Word that God gives us for either our lives or for someone else’s life? And as we disregard what God is trying to say to us, we parrot Scriptures that we know or deliver a word from our flesh (that’s really designed to manipulate the situation or the someone that really needs a Word from the Lord)?

I asked my co-worker this morning that very question and gave her the example I’m giving to you all, and she said this to me: “One of the reasons why we don’t do what God tells us to do is because of ‘fear and pride.’ It’s no different than the story of Jonah. God wanted Jonah to deliver a Word to Ninevah, and he went to Tarshish instead.” I said to her, “oh, you’re preaching good here.”

But that co-worker made me think after she brought up Jonah. It’s one thing to be fearful and prideful, but it’s a tragedy when we hurt others with our fear and our pride. That’s not good.

Let me use a situation that could’ve had a tragic ending. If you’ve read some of my other blogposts, you might have read this – but I want to use this and dissect it as to how fear and pride in people can actually have a tragic effect on a life that’s hurting and actually needing a healing from the pain inside (and more importantly, needing a healing that only God can give).

Back in 2012, I remember a woman posted on social media stating that she was going to take her own life. Now, I’m not condemning anyone who commented underneath her post, but it sure left the question if anyone consulted the Lord when they posted what they did. The majority of the comments were saying the following things, “get over it,” “rebuke the devil,” and some were even calling her a devil (it may not have been that specifically, but I know they called her anything but a child of God). I allowed God’s Spirit to speak to my heart and spirit because it was broken when I read that at 5:30am in the morning. God gave me specific instructions to approach this situation. He said to inbox her these words, “if you happen to get this message, give me a call and here’s my number.” About 4 hours later, she called me and all I said was this: “you have my undivided attention, talk to me.” She shared what was on her heart and all I did was listen to her heart. Just a simple ear to a hurting soul can help prevent suicide.

So, you could say this blogpost is really a #MayneMan admonishment to us believers. We have got to be so into Christ that we don’t allow fear and pride to cloud our lives and inadvertently destroy the lives of others.

Now that I’ve said all of that, let’s discuss this.

Blessings.

The Mayne Man

Why Can't We Be One?

My spirit was so heavy this morning when I went into my office. And as the Lord does, He drops so many thoughts when I’m trapped in a meeting that I really don’t want to be in. Surprisingly, He did that very thing while sitting in a meeting this morning and was able to remember each thought as it relates to this topic. With that, let me begin.

Why can’t we be one? Why can’t the body of Christ be on one accord? The truth is: we can be on one accord, if we WILL to do it. It’s as simple as agreeing with you and you agreeing with me, regardless of what our personal opinions are. The tragedy is that we don’t want to agree because we’re inadvertently selfish. So what are problems that need to be addressed so that we can be one?

1. Church cliques – where I only deal with people from my church
2. Being a part of the AMCC – earlier this year, I did a blog series about the American Middle Class church, where it’s all about me, my family and my clique
3. Our personal agendas take priority over God’s agenda
4. Esteeming a leader that itches our ears over what the word of God says
5. Pride in our titles (and I believe that some are self-appointed especially with some of the attitudes I’ve seen)
6. Divisions due to racial/ethnic prejudices
7. Labeling true believers as enemies (especially when they’re going through something) and labeling enemies of the cross as true believers
8. Lack of balance (focusing too much on Ephesians 4:11-13 and not on the other key elements that assist in us being on one accord)
9. Allowing demonic spirits in churches and granting them access to pulpits and/or platforms (yep, you know it, I know it, God knows it and the devil knows it)!
10. Judging a brother/sister when they stumble, but tell others to pray when their church leader sins (this is just downright partiality – a hindrance to one accord)
11. We want feel good experiences over genuine worship – ears to be itched over hearing the Truth!

Now these are just some (and I’ll expound on just a few of them). Yes, this post is to rub our personal agendas the wrong way. And many will bypass this post because of bullet point #1 (I’m not part of their church clique). Think about this: if your leader were to point this out, you’d rejoice. But because I don’t have a title or am not popular, you’d throw stones at me.

With #3, if we leaders are to have a high standard, why are we so focused on personal agendas? If we can’t even forgive our brother/sister (over something minor), we should forget about being one! What example are we showing to the world?

With #7, here’s a perfect example as to someone who had a problem with a fellow believer, but didn’t cut him off. Paul rebuked Peter, but Paul didn’t cut him off. We (cause of our selfishness) will cut other fellow believers off and count them as enemies. In fact, we’re living in a time where true Christians are considered enemies to fellow believers as we accept imposters into the fold (without presenting them to gospel and compromise with them).

Still on #7, let me push the envelope a little bit further. There are two quotes that I could say that would cause you to believe I’m creating division in the body of Christ:

1. Why should God cancel your debt if you haven’t been delivered from poor financial habits? (bible reference: Luke 16:11)
2. Why should God heal you from AIDS if you haven’t been delivered from homosexuality? (bible reference: Romans 1:18-32)

With #8, I have no problems about preaching on Ephesians 4:11-13. I believe that we put too much emphasis and we fail to address those with titles who have an aught against a brother/sister (over a personal agenda). The five-fold ministry is a component to one accord, but there’s more to it (such as the application of prayer, fasting, intercession, speaking the same thing, laying our personal agendas down for the sake of the Kingdom, and the list goes on).

With #9, let me just say this: just because someone is gifted does NOT mean they are anointed by God. These days we’re living in is not the time to turn your discernment spirit off just because your ear is being itched!

I can’t help but to think about this: one person said to me years ago that I can’t be a Christian if I’m not a democrat. I scratch my head and think, really?! If I were to say that the President sneezed a certain way, you would label me your enemy and say I’m not of Christ. This is a perfect example of us clinging more to personal agendas over the Bible.

Matthew 24 tells us to not be deceived and false prophets shall arise. It’s hypocritical to talk about oneness and harbor unforgiveness. Question: how would you feel if God cut you off because cut off a true believer?

Let me end this post by saying this: this post is not designed to attack anybody. But we as the Body of Christ need to get it together and come together. We need each other to survive! We have been playing church games too long (putting leaders, churches, denominations and church cliques over the Bible). Together we stand, divided we fall. So we can be one, we just have to do it. If I’m holding unforgiveness among anyone reading this, let me know so I can repent and ask for your forgiveness. We have a job to do (and yes, there may be a time where we may have to separate like Paul and Barnabas, but we shouldn’t consider each other as enemies). The enemy is the author of division, and I don’t like division especially within the Body. Much love to you all.

The Mayne Man