Caring For/Loving Someone When They're Hurt (And/Or You're Hurt)

Good evening:

Last night, I was asking God a lot of questions and I continued to ask questions as I woke up this morning. I was silent after my questions, and He spoke to me. I would gain a lesson that I believe will be a blessing to those who may need to read this (but especially the brothers who read this). Now, I will forewarn you that this blog will take a turn near the end, but during my lunch hour, God really broke me off to the point I had to stop typing because this is so real.  This post was inspired by a conversation with a group of brothers I had on a prayer call last week, but also a conversation I had with a sister friend after an author’s meeting.

Let’s just be honest, there are hurt people in the church. And the hurts vary. Men are hurt, women are hurt and children are hurt. But God was talking to me about how to care for/love someone when they’re hurt (or you’re hurt). There are many people who are in this very situation today. It’s not a bad thing at all, and I’ll explain as I go. In fact, this will make you more serious about spiritual warfare, because this war is real (and … well, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself), but seriously, some yokes are going to be broken.

What are hurts that I’m talking about? People of all walks of life have been hurt via a bad relationship, bad marriage, physical/sexual abuse, emotional abuse, death in the family (loss of parent, loss of child), and many others that I probably didn’t mention.

Although I’m giving my perspective, there are many people who can give their spin on this very topic.  You see, sometimes you can tell when a person is hurt by the words they say, their mannerisms, their facial expressions. Now don’t get me wrong, those items mentioned doesn’t qualify that they’re hurt. It could be just part of their personality.  But at the same time, behind a smile and having eyebrows up and feeling like you can take over the world, is a world full of pain and agony. And all it takes is a trigger to turn your picture perfect world upside down.

I'm willing to bet that many of our hurts stem from one of two things: either things we allowed to enter our lives/homes or things that other people brought on us. Either way, it's time to not let these demons of hurt go unchallenged.

Let me now talk about the first thing (things we allowed to entire our lives/homes). I’m going to use myself as an example – so that I’m the only person that’s offended. Let’s see, about 10 years ago, I was talking to someone and she shared a different ideology than I did. I knew this going in and I allowed her access to my life and to my heart. When she decided to end this friendship/relationship, she had my heart in her hands to the point I was thinking about suicide (which is an ugly spirit). So, what do I do – learn from this mistake and grow in the things of God. Sure, what were some other ill effects? Barriers for a long time, and not letting people get too close to me.  I know there are many people reading this who could identify with allowing people or things into our lives/homes that should have never been the case. Don’t beat yourself up. Remember a just man falls seven times and he rises up.  Now that I’ve gone through this, I’m back in the Word, I have my guard up (not to the extent of being mad at the world), but it’s only to not give place to the devil who’s true intent is to take me out (and his intent is to take you out). He can do it if we continue to live life with anger, bitterness and having a chip on our shoulder.

The second thing (things that other people bring on us) is real simple: abuse of any kind, rape, violence, etc. Let me say this upfront, this is not your fault. Now it’s time to do combat especially if you are hurt and have the desire to love someone. The same holds true the other way around. If they have been through and you desire to love them, you need to keep them in prayer, covered and understand this one critical thing (the person you love/care for – especially if they’re heart’s desire is to grow in God first and foremost and to see you grow – is NOT your enemy). The adversary is the real enemy.

As a result of the hurts from either scenario, can cause things to happen that neither of you might not know. When one person is short with you, just vents out of thin air, blames you for everything that happened in the past, it could be real easy to just write them off. But if you know they’re hurt and you’re listening to the spirit of God, you will stay with them no matter what. Why? Because God didn’t forsake us. 

I need to drop this small interlude here so I can talk to the brothers. When we meet a woman who’s been hurt (from the items mentioned earlier or something that’s not mentioned), we need to understand that she’s not our enemy. Sometimes she will not tell you everything about her life (and rightfully so), her past; understand who she is right where she is and just pray for her. That speaks volumes. Make the focus on her and her healing. Brothers, take thought to this. A woman could be hurt because of something we may have said or done. Don’t hide it from her, tell the truth irrespective of the outcome.

For the sisters: when you meet a man who’s been hurt (from the items mentioned earlier or something that’s not mentioned), you need to know that he is not your enemy (especially if he’s covering you, and his heart’s desire is to grow in God – and that’s his first priority). We men have a strong tendency to let pride take over when we have so many hurts in our lives. Just pray for him right where he is. That speaks volumes. 

For all, don’t take their rejection personal especially if they value the friendship/relationship. Using me as an example, if I’m caring for/loving someone who’s hurt, I will pray for her healing, and ask God to change my perspective when she does things that I’m not used to (such as a cold shoulder).  What I understand is this: two people are hurt and are striving to come out of their hurt together. Again, I can speak for me, but I’m probably the king of apologizing for things I say/do and for things I didn’t say/do (knowing full well that I didn’t say/do anything wrong). The key here is for me to seek God (now this is the only time I’ll say it’s good to go to your boxing corner so you can replenish – please go into the corner for that and to spend time with God). And when I’m in my corner, I should be asking God, if it’s something she’s struggling with, I pray that You allow me to see her for who she’s is, a woman of God who is not my enemy. It’s the enemy from her past that’s trying to divide us. If it’s me that’s the problem, help me to be a MAN and tell her that I’m sorry. Knowing that it’s not about to please or keeping the peace, but it’s a matter of knowing that the friendship/relationship is of utmost importance to me and to God.

I also understand that the enemy is striving to run Rothschild over us – especially when we’re in separate corners. That’s when his league of demons will come (and yes, some will come from church folk) along with some ugly spirits. There’s more to be said on that in just a moment.

So, how do you maintain a good (or should I say God) friendship/relationship? I’ll answer that question in just a moment, but let me also say this. The devil is not going to like this one bit. He thrives when we choose to stay hurt. I didn’t say that you had to be healed overnight; for many people, this will be a process as God reveals things to you (one of my dear sister friends said that to me and it blessed me). So to answer the question in summary form, you keep God as the center of your life and trust God as to how you conduct yourself in the friendship/relationship.

One of the greater blessings is when you are caring for/loving someone when both are hurt, is that they can both come out of the hurt cycle together. And the devil can’t stand that! This now brings me to the next topic.

When God connects you to someone and you know that this is a God-friendship/relationship, don’t think that life is going to be rosy. The devil is going to send some people to wreak havoc to break it up. In fact, there will be church folk praying that your friendship/relationship is destroyed because of envy, jealousy, or who knows what. And that’s probably under the guise of “misery loves company.” He’s more effective when you both are in your separate corners of the boxing ring. Now, let’s talk about what you need to watch for to maintain this God-friendship/relationship.

Jonas Clark said this and this is going to shake the foundation for sure. In “How Witchcraft Spirits Attack,” he said this: people who operate in witchcraft are masters as pitting people against one another in order to separate and isolate them. And I believe personally this is happening inside the church. In fact, Jonas expounds by saying this: this spirit will do whatever it takes to control the environment and wants to be the limelight in your life. In fact, a person operating in this spirit wants to talk about them, them, and them. In fact, they signify a bizarre attempt to cut off any other relationships in your life.

This is true fire right there. I have to pause for a moment before I continue.

I know, I was supposed to be talking about caring for/loving someone who's hurt (or you're hurt), but we're talking about the enemy who is wanting us to stay hurt and your loved one to stay hurt. I need to throw one more thing that Jonas Clark said: there are those who act super spiritual, which is a form of witchcraft (I was up all night praying for you, I just couldn't sleep last night; the spirit of God just really impressed on me to call you first thing in the morning, and the list goes on).

OK, I need to take a break! Wow! God is truly ministering to my spirit right now. We must watch for that in the church walls, for they will subtlety cause you to be separated from yourself (which is exactly what happened when Adam ate from the tree; when God said to Adam, where are you, He wanted Adam to locate himself).

Frank Hammond, in Pigs In The Parlor said this when it comes to attacks. Example: suppose a demon spoke to your mind saying "he doesn't love me; she's not praying for you," and you know that's far cry from the truth. You might have to something like this: You are a liar, demon. I reject that thought about my friend. My mind is under the protection of Jesus. I bind you from my thoughts. I command you to leave me alone, in the name of Jesus. This won't be a one-time thing; you will more & likely have to do this constantly until your mind is at peace.

Because many of us are hurt or have been hurt, we have to seek God to see where and how demons have invaded. Don't mull over the past and what has happened. Now, it's time to close the door. And because you have someone in your life that's praying for you, with you and over you, you can really wreak havoc in the enemy's camp.

I still believe this is why the enemy fights to separate two people who God joined together (whether it be friendship or relationship). But when they are together, warring against principalities, the friendship/relationship will blossom, healing will flourish and the devil will no longer have access to their lives anymore.

Blessings.

The Mayne Man

Why Can't We Be One?

My spirit was so heavy this morning when I went into my office. And as the Lord does, He drops so many thoughts when I’m trapped in a meeting that I really don’t want to be in. Surprisingly, He did that very thing while sitting in a meeting this morning and was able to remember each thought as it relates to this topic. With that, let me begin.

Why can’t we be one? Why can’t the body of Christ be on one accord? The truth is: we can be on one accord, if we WILL to do it. It’s as simple as agreeing with you and you agreeing with me, regardless of what our personal opinions are. The tragedy is that we don’t want to agree because we’re inadvertently selfish. So what are problems that need to be addressed so that we can be one?

1. Church cliques – where I only deal with people from my church
2. Being a part of the AMCC – earlier this year, I did a blog series about the American Middle Class church, where it’s all about me, my family and my clique
3. Our personal agendas take priority over God’s agenda
4. Esteeming a leader that itches our ears over what the word of God says
5. Pride in our titles (and I believe that some are self-appointed especially with some of the attitudes I’ve seen)
6. Divisions due to racial/ethnic prejudices
7. Labeling true believers as enemies (especially when they’re going through something) and labeling enemies of the cross as true believers
8. Lack of balance (focusing too much on Ephesians 4:11-13 and not on the other key elements that assist in us being on one accord)
9. Allowing demonic spirits in churches and granting them access to pulpits and/or platforms (yep, you know it, I know it, God knows it and the devil knows it)!
10. Judging a brother/sister when they stumble, but tell others to pray when their church leader sins (this is just downright partiality – a hindrance to one accord)
11. We want feel good experiences over genuine worship – ears to be itched over hearing the Truth!

Now these are just some (and I’ll expound on just a few of them). Yes, this post is to rub our personal agendas the wrong way. And many will bypass this post because of bullet point #1 (I’m not part of their church clique). Think about this: if your leader were to point this out, you’d rejoice. But because I don’t have a title or am not popular, you’d throw stones at me.

With #3, if we leaders are to have a high standard, why are we so focused on personal agendas? If we can’t even forgive our brother/sister (over something minor), we should forget about being one! What example are we showing to the world?

With #7, here’s a perfect example as to someone who had a problem with a fellow believer, but didn’t cut him off. Paul rebuked Peter, but Paul didn’t cut him off. We (cause of our selfishness) will cut other fellow believers off and count them as enemies. In fact, we’re living in a time where true Christians are considered enemies to fellow believers as we accept imposters into the fold (without presenting them to gospel and compromise with them).

Still on #7, let me push the envelope a little bit further. There are two quotes that I could say that would cause you to believe I’m creating division in the body of Christ:

1. Why should God cancel your debt if you haven’t been delivered from poor financial habits? (bible reference: Luke 16:11)
2. Why should God heal you from AIDS if you haven’t been delivered from homosexuality? (bible reference: Romans 1:18-32)

With #8, I have no problems about preaching on Ephesians 4:11-13. I believe that we put too much emphasis and we fail to address those with titles who have an aught against a brother/sister (over a personal agenda). The five-fold ministry is a component to one accord, but there’s more to it (such as the application of prayer, fasting, intercession, speaking the same thing, laying our personal agendas down for the sake of the Kingdom, and the list goes on).

With #9, let me just say this: just because someone is gifted does NOT mean they are anointed by God. These days we’re living in is not the time to turn your discernment spirit off just because your ear is being itched!

I can’t help but to think about this: one person said to me years ago that I can’t be a Christian if I’m not a democrat. I scratch my head and think, really?! If I were to say that the President sneezed a certain way, you would label me your enemy and say I’m not of Christ. This is a perfect example of us clinging more to personal agendas over the Bible.

Matthew 24 tells us to not be deceived and false prophets shall arise. It’s hypocritical to talk about oneness and harbor unforgiveness. Question: how would you feel if God cut you off because cut off a true believer?

Let me end this post by saying this: this post is not designed to attack anybody. But we as the Body of Christ need to get it together and come together. We need each other to survive! We have been playing church games too long (putting leaders, churches, denominations and church cliques over the Bible). Together we stand, divided we fall. So we can be one, we just have to do it. If I’m holding unforgiveness among anyone reading this, let me know so I can repent and ask for your forgiveness. We have a job to do (and yes, there may be a time where we may have to separate like Paul and Barnabas, but we shouldn’t consider each other as enemies). The enemy is the author of division, and I don’t like division especially within the Body. Much love to you all.

The Mayne Man

The Power of Two (Parts 1 & 2)

I started to entitle this blog It Takes Two. Some of you are either thinking about Rob Base or the version done by Marvin & Kim. I’m doing to divide this blog into two parts.

The foundational scriptures for this entire blog are as follows:

Genesis 2

Matthew 18:19-20

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Amos 3:3

Genesis 11 (mostly for Part 2)

So, let’s begin.

(Part 1 of 2)

Let me start by asking a question or two:

1. Why did Jesus always send His disciples out two by two? He could’ve covered more ground just by sending one.
2. Isn’t it good that God said that if only two people agree instead of fifty? Think about this, Jesus spoke and people left Him. I’m sure He knew having extra baggage would cost Him.
3. Why was Paul always accompanied with Barnabas or Silas when he did his missions?

Understand that there’s synergy (in the natural and spiritual) when two people get together and do what God called them to do. But I’m also glad that it doesn’t take the majority (example: Joshua & Caleb). Those two were in agreement in taking the Promised Land (Numbers 13 & 14). Though they were cheated 40 years because they were part of a team (and the other 10 spies operated in fear), they still got to the Promised Land.

In the beginning, you’ll find that God created a helper for Adam. Note to the brothers: woman wasn’t created to be your domestic slave or playmate. We all must understand that a man and woman complement each other, and should NOT compete against each other. I’ll cover the house divided in Part 2.

Single people need a praying friend, and NOT someone who will take your time to include not adding value to your life (and that’s also for married people). We should have someone to agree with and not qualify everything. Married people need to learn their mate and if need be, go to God on their behalf (stand for their mate) especially is something is troubling them (so they can stay in agreement).

I’m telling you, that “I’m Every Woman” and that “I’m a Self-Made Man” spirit needs to go!

What I like about Matthew 18:19-20 and Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 is this: when two or three are gathered in His name, there’s also a third person in the midst (which of course is the Holy Spirit). Daniel 3 is a perfect example. When the three Hebrew boys went through the fire, there was a fourth person.

Amos 3:3 says can two walk together except they be agreed. Sadly, some try to enter into something that’s godly (and yes, I’m talking about marital relations), but it’s on their own terms (butt first). If there’s no agreement (in this case, covenant), nothing will come out that’s good. Each person is being selfish and that brings me to part 2.

(Part 2 of 2)

This part will focus on hindrances to agreement. Selfishness & division go hand-in-hand.

Isolation (comes in two ways). Intentional and unintentional (the latter is because people don’t want to bear burdens or are too selfish). I want to focus more on the unintentional because this gets overlooked. Sometimes we end up alone not by choice is because others are being selfish and only focused on their own lives and their own families and their own circle of friends. Speaking on behalf of abused victims, many of us end up alone because of selfishness which brings about division. When division settles, the devil is authorized to be involved (the selfish one is prideful and the one hurt turns to other means to self-medicate – and some turn away from church). We need to understand that no blessing will come to you when you’re being selfish. Of course, the intentional isolation is due to the person’s own sin and selfishness.

What am I saying? Well, the devil needs an agreement partner. Once we become selfish (example is giving lip service to someone hurting by saying “oh, get over it,” or “I’ll pray for you [from afar]” without stopping what you’re doing to come alongside – and yes, there needs to be a balance), we’re giving the devil (the father of division) something to work with. Selfishness does not bring agreement. Where there’s envy and strife, there’s confusion and every evil work.

Tell me something (a little off subject): if we can’t show love to a hurting soul, how will they see Jesus? And this is what the enemy breeds on. Sadly, we’re preying on each other out of frustration and despair (no need for the devil to divide us, we’re doing a good job doing it ourselves). Another note, God didn’t create this division, we did.

In order to stop the division, we have to be sensitive to each other so we can agree. If I can’t reach out to a brother/sister, I’m no good for the Lord. Another passage said if a house is divided, it can’t stand. If my house is divided and I come into church without dealing with the division in the house, I’m infecting the church with my division. When there’s division in the church, selfishness is inevitable and folks with gifts who visit a church are turned off due to the division. I said earlier that when there’s envy and strife, there’s confusion. When it’s festered in the church, gifts are lost or the church will become very prideful and state that gifts are only for the church. And then we start bashing other churches creating more chaos. If a church is in agreement, then the gifts that each person has can truly be manifested in the local church as well as the world for His glory.

And of course, I can’t wrap this up without covering Genesis 11. Those working on the Tower of Babel were in agreement (but also in rebellion). And you’ll find that good agreement is about to meet bad agreement. Good agreement went down and confounded their language.

(In Closing)

There’s power when you yoke up with someone full of the power of God. It’s serious when two people partner to do what God called them to do (each fulfilling the other’s purpose). There’s no selfishness or division when the power of two is at work! If we can agree on the things of God, we can truly change world for His glory!

Church Issues (Unity - The Lesson)

Remember in the prelude, the greatest impact the church has made on the world is our lack of togetherness. The body of Christ (the church of Jesus Christ) is divided, denominationally, racially, and probably economically. The tragedy of the matter is that we put more emphasis on our denomination, our pastor, and our church over the Bible. Some churches and/or denominations (or folks within their congregations) swear up & down they are the right church and every other church is the wrong church. This goes to show that we are taking pride in our division!

Now because of all this division, it’s easy to assume that those who are antagonistic will not attend church. And if they’re smart enough, they’re probably thinking, “Why do I need to go to church where there’s division; I can stay home and be divided.” It’s our division and attitude within the church why the rest of the world is going to hell first class. Consider, we as the church have talked the talk, but have not walked the walk. We have not demonstrated to the world by our actions, togetherness. In fact, we’re the greatest perpetrators of division in the world! We have got to come together. Here’s a great example of how we create division among ourselves. Once you start talking about denominations with certain people, they will get so indignant over that (I was born this denomination, and will die this denomination) than they do over Jesus & the Bible. God instituted a plan and is allowing us to be a part of it. We have an awesome responsibility but we’ve been playing church (being about the denominational business instead of the Kingdom business). I’d like for us all to do some independent thinking for a moment. Just because you were raised a certain way doesn’t mean you were raised correctly! Don’t forget, that judgment must begin with the house of God? How do you think our report card as a church would look?

Note that I’m not saying to leave the denominational church; I just want you to think about how divided we are. Here are some thoughts:

1. Some of us in our respective churches have become so worldly, that no one can tell the difference between saved people and worldly people. In fact, we have forgotten about a dying world, but we tend to those within our own church and/or denomination.
2. Now this will offend some people, but think about this. Some people will have the audacity to put our denominational doctrine over the scripture that we become overbearing and judging those who don’t measure up to the denominational doctrine. To me, this really a tragedy.
3. There are missions who are really preaching the Bible, Jesus & the cross. And there are some who are bent on missions to get people to their respective church and/or denomination that we lose the real purpose of missions. Again, adding on to the division (and lack of unity).
4. Sometimes leaders in churches are tuned to the spirit of God; but will avoid heeding what God is trying to say to them for it not measuring up to the doctrine of the church. What happens is God’s plan is subverted to the local church and we’re not leaning on the spirit of God. Leaders can place such emphasis on another man’s doctrine, whether it’s Calvinism, Lutherism, and so on. Again, I’m not saying that’s wrong, but everything needs to be subject to the Bible, not the Bible being subject to us.

Another problem in some churches is this: everybody wants to “be,” but not everybody wants to “be obedient.” It’s because people want to be leaders, but we won’t have followers. In fact, if the leaders can’t come together on one accord, what chance does the church have?

If you have a bible, look at 1 Corinthians 1:10; 4:6 and Ephesians 4:11-13. The section in Ephesians is crucial; unfortunately, many churches lack this. If you back up to the book of Acts, you’ll find multiple times within the first 3 chapters that the disciples were on one accord. When that happened, miracles & blessings came. Many people were saved. We need a shake-up in our respective churches. I also understand that within this time, there were some coming with strange teachings, and as a result, wars would erupt. I believe this is a result of our division and us (as human beings) being downright selfish! We need to go back to the basics: where is your relationship with God (just between you and Him)? And I’m talking about, you studying the Bible and not based on what another person (whether it be a fellow church member, or your church leader)! The Bible is to be our standard, not the other way around.

All we have to do is put our personal agenda’s aside, and decide to agree to agree! Remember we need “U” in Unity!

Church Issues (Unity - Prelude)

This is a very serious issue and it’s a deep concern to my spirit. I dedicate this series to anyone who says they’re a Christian and to anyone who’s an antagonist. I believe you all will be able to understand what I’m about to discuss.

I was able to attend a church in 1998 and the lesson was entitled “Together On One Accord.” The pastor asked all of us a question and it was simply this: what’s the greatest impact that the Church has made on the world (and I’d like to ask you the same question). Before you read further, just think on that (better yet, make a list). We said things such as salvation, faith, healing, and things of that sort.

If you did come up with your list, are you satisfied with what you wrote down? I’m willing to believe that your list is actually correct, but the pastor said these words, “our lack of togetherness – in short, division!” And that is going to be the topic of this Unity series.

Now I’m sure some of you were thinking of Queen Latifah’s U-N-I-T-Y. But that’s not what I will be discussing. But there’s a statement that says, united we stand, divided we fall. This is so true and so far, we are divided and falling away from true unity.

Jesus never showed partiality, He only showed impartiality (Matthew 22:16). Consider His genealogy, His residency in Nazareth and His willingness to minister in Galilee & Samaria. If He only showed impartiality, we have no right to put our church and/or denomination over the Bible (if we do that, that’s almost saying, that’s our lord and not Jesus). I can’t forget that churches can be divided by classes (whether it be low-income, middle-class or wealthy). We tend to look down on those who are not in the same class they are, therefore creating division.

Most of the problems in this world stem from the church, whether it’s due to the lack of silence, promoting the denomination’s agenda, the church’s agenda. We’re supposed to be about the Father’s business, but because of what I stated in my prior sentence, nobody (Christian or non-Christian) wants to get involved. Truthfully, I can’t fault them. While I’m on this particular subject, it’s interesting that you’ll find some churches that will promote themselves as the true church (and all other churches are either apostate or are tombstones) or the church that has true religion. Notice the problem here, the emphasis is on the church and not on Jesus. Now a question has to be asked and answered: if this is true, why is it that most people who will make the claim that their particular church either is the true church or religion, are so caught up in the world that they glorify the evil that’s in the world (I would even expand that to ask, are we not even sensitive when the world degrades the God you say you serve)? This is the mystery since we’re all reading from the same Bible that says that we were once in the world, but we’re to separate from the lifestyle of the world. Continuing on this topic, some churches are like one big social clique to the point they can’t stand to socialize with anyone that’s not part of their local church or denomination. I’d like to ask you plainly, what’s up with that? Apparently, we must’ve forgotten the passage in John where Jesus (being a Jew) was talking to a woman at the well (from Samaria). He was witnessing Himself to her, not a particular church (and that’s where we have failed seriously, which I believe is mainly due to pride).

An example of division (among us as Christians). One thing that troubles my spirit is when a Christian leader has the audacity to throw Israel under the bus (and nothing is said about it). Here’s the leader’s quote (from early 2008):

The Israelis have illegally occupied Palestinian territories for almost 40 years now. It took a divestment campaign to wake the business community up concerning the South Africa issue. Divestment has now hit the table again as a strategy to wake the business community up and to wake Americans up concerning the injustice and the racism under which the Palestinians have lived because of Zionism.

The Divestment issue will hit the floor during this month’s General Synod. Divesting dollars from businesses and banks that do business with Israel is the new strategy being proposed to wake the world up concerning the racism of Zionism. That Divestment issue won’t make the press either, however.

Apparently, this leader must not have read his bible (and yes, I made that comment)! Because Joel 3:2 pretty much says, God will judge those who divide Israel. We can not be a Christian and bash the nation of Israel. It can’t happen!

As I embark on my Unity blog in full (which will start next week) and hopefully I didn’t get too far ahead in this post: if you knew your church was talking against your race in the past, would you currently stay in your church?