Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 22: Men)

Happy 2023, I am declaring that this blogpost will be the final part to close out the series Will You Be Made Whole, which I started back in 2016. A lot has transpired during that time, learning a new job, getting married, finishing Bible School, completing the Ministry Internship Program and now seeing what God is going to do in my life (especially for 2023). Let me preface a few things before I get into this topic, as it’s strange that I have to talk about men, as I am one, obviously (smile). Anyway, if things come up as it relates to being whole in any area, I’ll just make it a bonus. Feel free to go back through some of my blogposts that I’ve written, not just this series, but other things that I’ve blogged about as I’m all about the heart and soul of man. With that said, let’s talk about men. 

 

When I was 24 years old (back in 1998) I left the military and attended Florida A&M University (which we simply call it FAM or FAM-U). One of the things I discovered during the course of talking to people was the following: most of these women problems are because of us MEN! The last two blogposts have been on absent fathers with a little dash of Mary J. Blige, so we’re going to build on that, and just talk about men. First of all, don’t take this blogpost as male bashing, as that’s not the intent. Granted, many people saw Waiting to Exhale as male bashing, I didn’t see it that way; however, I saw that when I was 21, and I saw it as women that I meet on a day-to-day basis picking men that aren’t even considered men (with the exception of Gloria’s character, who ended up with a man that I would call a MAN). I’ll shut it down here, so I don’t go into my soapbox about Waiting to Exhale. I have a lot of thoughts and comments that I will spare you all of. I will say this as I think about it, I wasn’t saved when I saw it, yet a lot of the views that I have about it still remained. My late father got upset with me because I took the movie personal. I felt I had the right to take it personal as a man because it’s men out there who don’t care about a woman, that will strip their identity, break their mental and emotional state and then they end up guarded, “bitter, angry and mean” (which I call it the BAM syndrome). I can’t begin to tell you how many women I’ve met in my life that are still struggling with relationships, many of them I’ve known since college and even high school. During my college years, I would strive to live life like a Kingdom man only for women who say they “luh” God to end up with some trifling boy! Yep, I said boy, because they’re not even worth being called a man.

 

Okay, let me get back on track. Trust me, I still have more thoughts about Waiting to Exhale. By the way, Mary J. did a song for that soundtrack called Not Gon’ Cry. Pencil that as we will come back to that song. So, let’s go back to my earlier statement: the source of most women problems are because of men. If you don’t believe me, just listen to a song from Mary J. Blige. She would be the perfect example, and I pray for her heart and spirit as well as she’s dealt with some trifling men in her life. Okay, staying on task here. If you listen to the lyrics to Not Gon’ Cry, Thick of It or Your Child (my prior blogpost was on this song), the focus of each of these songs are about TRIFLING MEN that broken women can relate to and understand. Thanks to the wonderful age of YouTube, you can watch Mary perform “live” and many of the women are cheering her on while she’s internally bleeding inside. In some cases, when she’s singing those songs, she’s bleeding on others who are struggling with their own pain. Question: when songs like that are being sung, who is getting healed? Help a brother understand. What I see is anger, unforgiveness and a hard heart, which could possibly lead to high blood pressure. Understand that the enemy is using that anger, unforgiveness and all that to bring on an illness – that’s the enemy’s plot, to keep you bound and you may not even be aware of it. Now I’m just using Mary as an example as there are so many people who are hurting and are bleeding on people who are not equipped to help you heal. We’ll talk about the healing piece later on in this blogpost. The more I think about it, I had a neighbor who slit all 4 tires to a man’s car, and I can imagine a song being written about it – the sad part is that women (saved and unsaved) who have done that would glorify the song. Now, I understand writing is therapy – this is what we writers do. What’s so important in what we write is that we write healthy solutions (especially if you believe God) to these problems as we are this world’s answer. Okay, continuing on.  A lot of the songs sung by women that have been out since the 1990s have been about women issues and “I don’t need a man” or pretty much talk about trifling men. Now to those women listening to those songs, especially if they’ve been hurt mentally or emotionally, they will gravitate to songs that speak on keeping your pride and not crying. That song by the way is Karyn White’s Superwoman (1988) – by the way, it was a good song. There was another one that came out in the same year that bothered me, and it was called Thanks For My Child. I saw that as an anthem for single mothers who got pregnant by a trifling man! Yep, here it goes again. I was 14 when that came out, and for that to bother me then speaks volumes of what God was doing with me. So, back to the pride piece, you do realize that pride goes before destruction (according to Proverbs), so that will require a little humility to swallow your pride. Yes, I know you’ve been hurt my sister, and you can heal the proper way (not by a song that’s just going to keep your wound open or cause your scars to become so callous). Understand that the devil thrives off of pride, as it opens doors to fear, anxiety, worry, insecurity – things that will contaminate your faith. And it’s pride that got the devil kicked out of the garden of Eden! Also know that the devil likes it when people are pride because he will attach you to someone else who is bitter, angry and mean (BAM) and then, no healing can really take place – just straight bondage. Galatians 5:1 talks about standing fast in the liberty which Christ called you to and to not be entangled with the yoke of bondage. Some of you ladies who have been damaged by men, just need to get away from them for a season, fast, pray, so you can heal properly. 

By the way, I said this when I was 24, many women think I’m hard on them, I’m worse with men. I’m still that way today. We men have got to get it together, I have to take my role as a husband, father and a man of God seriously, as we are losing men to the prison system, to the devil, and sadly, to death!

 

I’m not finished with this just yet. It’s sad that I have to talk about this, yet it’s so very important that it needs to be addressed. I remember writing a sermon via e-mail in 1998 about the concept of Defilement – what I was addressing was Genesis 34, where Shechem rapes Dinah, and then two of Jacob’s sons killed Shechem as a result. What Shechem did before he raped her was eyed her in a spirit of lust. And that’s what I saw going on during my time at FAMU (especially my first year) and many of the women were so gullible (like they dropped off all the spiritual wealth they gained at home) once they got to campus. And today, the concept still hasn’t changed. It’s men like that (with an evil eye and heart) seeking to damage women – of course, we all know it’s the devil who is after the woman. Why? Glad you asked, understand that it was the woman who birthed Jesus that would crush the devil’s head! And God even stated that he would put enmity between the devil and the woman (Genesis 3). And that’s the devil’s plan, to send men like Shechem to women with the sole intent to break you physically, mentally and spiritually to where you believe that you are damaged goods. What’s so sad and I’m glad my pastor (Dr. Mike Freeman) posed these two questions: how are we men not paying for the babies we made? And why are we letting women go to court to get us to pay child support? Another pastor (Pastor Ken Friendly) said this and I had to agree: it’s a tragedy when a man (father) won’t pay child support and have the audacity to live better than the children and mother who birthed his children. 

 

It's true, we men have to get it together. This absent father syndrome needs to stop, yet we men must be held accountable, considering the strength of a nation is determined by the male population. I’ve said this for some time and got flack (even to the point where someone verbally attacked me for it): at men’s conferences, we’re usually talking about sex or pornography, and that’s fine. We’re dealing with the acts and that’s fine, the issue is as follows: we’re not dealing with the whole man here. Many of the men don’t know what it means to be a husband, a father, or a man of God. I believe if we deal with those three, then the acts can clear up simultaneously. If we just keep talking about sex and pornography at these men’s conferences without teaching men how to be a man of God, a father and a husband, then men would never graduate from the “boy” state!

 

In summary, we all (men and women) need to go to work on our lives and be healed and whole from the damaged that was done to us from our past. Now let’s talk about this thing called “work.” Praying and declaring the Word and healing scriptures is fine. Some work is needed, seek Holy Spirit and not your inner conscious (Proverbs 3:5), talk to a counselor (secular or Christian), talk to a pastor, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to an authentic pastor and to God so that your scars and open wounds can heal properly. If you pray and declare without doing the necessary work, you’ll still end up bound – considering, faith without works is dead. Take that first step, so that you can let God know that you’re serious – understand that the enemy will seek to stop you whether it’s to prevent you from taking that first step or midway. The key is to have the discipline to follow through! I trust and believe that you can be made whole. Remember the story in Luke 17 where the 10 lepers got healed, two came back and gave thanks, and they received wholeness. There’s a difference between the two, healed is for a certain thing, wholeness is for everything! In your process of getting whole, give thanks in the midst of your process! Look to the promise while going through your process. You can make it; you have the Mayne Man in your corner routing for you and most importantly, God is routing for you! 

 

Blessings,

 

The Mayne Man

Caring For/Loving Someone When They're Hurt (And/Or You're Hurt)

Good evening:

Last night, I was asking God a lot of questions and I continued to ask questions as I woke up this morning. I was silent after my questions, and He spoke to me. I would gain a lesson that I believe will be a blessing to those who may need to read this (but especially the brothers who read this). Now, I will forewarn you that this blog will take a turn near the end, but during my lunch hour, God really broke me off to the point I had to stop typing because this is so real.  This post was inspired by a conversation with a group of brothers I had on a prayer call last week, but also a conversation I had with a sister friend after an author’s meeting.

Let’s just be honest, there are hurt people in the church. And the hurts vary. Men are hurt, women are hurt and children are hurt. But God was talking to me about how to care for/love someone when they’re hurt (or you’re hurt). There are many people who are in this very situation today. It’s not a bad thing at all, and I’ll explain as I go. In fact, this will make you more serious about spiritual warfare, because this war is real (and … well, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself), but seriously, some yokes are going to be broken.

What are hurts that I’m talking about? People of all walks of life have been hurt via a bad relationship, bad marriage, physical/sexual abuse, emotional abuse, death in the family (loss of parent, loss of child), and many others that I probably didn’t mention.

Although I’m giving my perspective, there are many people who can give their spin on this very topic.  You see, sometimes you can tell when a person is hurt by the words they say, their mannerisms, their facial expressions. Now don’t get me wrong, those items mentioned doesn’t qualify that they’re hurt. It could be just part of their personality.  But at the same time, behind a smile and having eyebrows up and feeling like you can take over the world, is a world full of pain and agony. And all it takes is a trigger to turn your picture perfect world upside down.

I'm willing to bet that many of our hurts stem from one of two things: either things we allowed to enter our lives/homes or things that other people brought on us. Either way, it's time to not let these demons of hurt go unchallenged.

Let me now talk about the first thing (things we allowed to entire our lives/homes). I’m going to use myself as an example – so that I’m the only person that’s offended. Let’s see, about 10 years ago, I was talking to someone and she shared a different ideology than I did. I knew this going in and I allowed her access to my life and to my heart. When she decided to end this friendship/relationship, she had my heart in her hands to the point I was thinking about suicide (which is an ugly spirit). So, what do I do – learn from this mistake and grow in the things of God. Sure, what were some other ill effects? Barriers for a long time, and not letting people get too close to me.  I know there are many people reading this who could identify with allowing people or things into our lives/homes that should have never been the case. Don’t beat yourself up. Remember a just man falls seven times and he rises up.  Now that I’ve gone through this, I’m back in the Word, I have my guard up (not to the extent of being mad at the world), but it’s only to not give place to the devil who’s true intent is to take me out (and his intent is to take you out). He can do it if we continue to live life with anger, bitterness and having a chip on our shoulder.

The second thing (things that other people bring on us) is real simple: abuse of any kind, rape, violence, etc. Let me say this upfront, this is not your fault. Now it’s time to do combat especially if you are hurt and have the desire to love someone. The same holds true the other way around. If they have been through and you desire to love them, you need to keep them in prayer, covered and understand this one critical thing (the person you love/care for – especially if they’re heart’s desire is to grow in God first and foremost and to see you grow – is NOT your enemy). The adversary is the real enemy.

As a result of the hurts from either scenario, can cause things to happen that neither of you might not know. When one person is short with you, just vents out of thin air, blames you for everything that happened in the past, it could be real easy to just write them off. But if you know they’re hurt and you’re listening to the spirit of God, you will stay with them no matter what. Why? Because God didn’t forsake us. 

I need to drop this small interlude here so I can talk to the brothers. When we meet a woman who’s been hurt (from the items mentioned earlier or something that’s not mentioned), we need to understand that she’s not our enemy. Sometimes she will not tell you everything about her life (and rightfully so), her past; understand who she is right where she is and just pray for her. That speaks volumes. Make the focus on her and her healing. Brothers, take thought to this. A woman could be hurt because of something we may have said or done. Don’t hide it from her, tell the truth irrespective of the outcome.

For the sisters: when you meet a man who’s been hurt (from the items mentioned earlier or something that’s not mentioned), you need to know that he is not your enemy (especially if he’s covering you, and his heart’s desire is to grow in God – and that’s his first priority). We men have a strong tendency to let pride take over when we have so many hurts in our lives. Just pray for him right where he is. That speaks volumes. 

For all, don’t take their rejection personal especially if they value the friendship/relationship. Using me as an example, if I’m caring for/loving someone who’s hurt, I will pray for her healing, and ask God to change my perspective when she does things that I’m not used to (such as a cold shoulder).  What I understand is this: two people are hurt and are striving to come out of their hurt together. Again, I can speak for me, but I’m probably the king of apologizing for things I say/do and for things I didn’t say/do (knowing full well that I didn’t say/do anything wrong). The key here is for me to seek God (now this is the only time I’ll say it’s good to go to your boxing corner so you can replenish – please go into the corner for that and to spend time with God). And when I’m in my corner, I should be asking God, if it’s something she’s struggling with, I pray that You allow me to see her for who she’s is, a woman of God who is not my enemy. It’s the enemy from her past that’s trying to divide us. If it’s me that’s the problem, help me to be a MAN and tell her that I’m sorry. Knowing that it’s not about to please or keeping the peace, but it’s a matter of knowing that the friendship/relationship is of utmost importance to me and to God.

I also understand that the enemy is striving to run Rothschild over us – especially when we’re in separate corners. That’s when his league of demons will come (and yes, some will come from church folk) along with some ugly spirits. There’s more to be said on that in just a moment.

So, how do you maintain a good (or should I say God) friendship/relationship? I’ll answer that question in just a moment, but let me also say this. The devil is not going to like this one bit. He thrives when we choose to stay hurt. I didn’t say that you had to be healed overnight; for many people, this will be a process as God reveals things to you (one of my dear sister friends said that to me and it blessed me). So to answer the question in summary form, you keep God as the center of your life and trust God as to how you conduct yourself in the friendship/relationship.

One of the greater blessings is when you are caring for/loving someone when both are hurt, is that they can both come out of the hurt cycle together. And the devil can’t stand that! This now brings me to the next topic.

When God connects you to someone and you know that this is a God-friendship/relationship, don’t think that life is going to be rosy. The devil is going to send some people to wreak havoc to break it up. In fact, there will be church folk praying that your friendship/relationship is destroyed because of envy, jealousy, or who knows what. And that’s probably under the guise of “misery loves company.” He’s more effective when you both are in your separate corners of the boxing ring. Now, let’s talk about what you need to watch for to maintain this God-friendship/relationship.

Jonas Clark said this and this is going to shake the foundation for sure. In “How Witchcraft Spirits Attack,” he said this: people who operate in witchcraft are masters as pitting people against one another in order to separate and isolate them. And I believe personally this is happening inside the church. In fact, Jonas expounds by saying this: this spirit will do whatever it takes to control the environment and wants to be the limelight in your life. In fact, a person operating in this spirit wants to talk about them, them, and them. In fact, they signify a bizarre attempt to cut off any other relationships in your life.

This is true fire right there. I have to pause for a moment before I continue.

I know, I was supposed to be talking about caring for/loving someone who's hurt (or you're hurt), but we're talking about the enemy who is wanting us to stay hurt and your loved one to stay hurt. I need to throw one more thing that Jonas Clark said: there are those who act super spiritual, which is a form of witchcraft (I was up all night praying for you, I just couldn't sleep last night; the spirit of God just really impressed on me to call you first thing in the morning, and the list goes on).

OK, I need to take a break! Wow! God is truly ministering to my spirit right now. We must watch for that in the church walls, for they will subtlety cause you to be separated from yourself (which is exactly what happened when Adam ate from the tree; when God said to Adam, where are you, He wanted Adam to locate himself).

Frank Hammond, in Pigs In The Parlor said this when it comes to attacks. Example: suppose a demon spoke to your mind saying "he doesn't love me; she's not praying for you," and you know that's far cry from the truth. You might have to something like this: You are a liar, demon. I reject that thought about my friend. My mind is under the protection of Jesus. I bind you from my thoughts. I command you to leave me alone, in the name of Jesus. This won't be a one-time thing; you will more & likely have to do this constantly until your mind is at peace.

Because many of us are hurt or have been hurt, we have to seek God to see where and how demons have invaded. Don't mull over the past and what has happened. Now, it's time to close the door. And because you have someone in your life that's praying for you, with you and over you, you can really wreak havoc in the enemy's camp.

I still believe this is why the enemy fights to separate two people who God joined together (whether it be friendship or relationship). But when they are together, warring against principalities, the friendship/relationship will blossom, healing will flourish and the devil will no longer have access to their lives anymore.

Blessings.

The Mayne Man

An Abused Woman Does Not Need A Spineless Man

This title was on my spirit as I was getting ready for work this morning and I believe that more women will read this than men (in all seriousness, men NEED to read this). 

A few disclaimers before I begin:

1. If I had to subtitle this blogpost, it would be An Abused Man Does Not Need A Prayerless Woman.

2. This blogpost is NOT intended to bash men; in fact, it's a plea for us men to wake up and understand the role we are to play as men (and husbands, though I'm not one as of yet).

3. If you are with someone who has abandoned you, I'm not saying you should just up and divorce him or her. Please seek God about it.

4. I want to extend a huge shoutout to the men who are covering their wives, praying over them if they have been abused, and are interceding for their healing. Sometimes you men are overlooked, so brother to brother, I stand with you. You are proving that there are men out there with spine.

Why does an abused woman not need a spineless man? First and foremost, women hurt easily than men do. The last thing they need is a weak man who will not be the support she needs. Ever since I released by 2012 novel DDBS, I have met a lot of people from all different walks of life. I have ran into a few scenarios that have left me concerned. One is where the woman has suffered childhood trauma and her husband is leaving her to suffer alone. I speak in many different outlets, and when a woman shares her abuse, I'll ask if she's married, where is her husband? I ask because he needs to be involved. Before I dive further as to why he needs to be involved, let's look at a familiar passage. 2 Samuel 13 is used a lot to address Tamar & her being rape, the sin of Amnon and the type of people (Jonadab) you don't need in your life (as he was an accomplice to Tamar being raped). I want to approach this passage from another perspective. 

Let's look at verses 1-22: Now Absalom, David's son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David's son, loved her. And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her. But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David's brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man.

And he said to him, "O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?" Amnon said to him, "I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister." Jonadab said to him, "Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, 'Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.'" So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, "Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand." Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, "Go to your brother Amnon's house and prepare food for him." So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house, where he was lying down. And she took dough and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight and baked the cakes. And she took the pan and emptied it out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, "Send out everyone from me." So everyone went out from him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food into the chamber, that I may eat from your hand." And Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother. But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, "Come, lie with me, my sister." She answered him, "No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you." But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, "Get up! Go!" But she said to him, "No, my brother, for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me." But he would not listen to her. He called the young man who served him and said, "Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her." Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. And her brother Absalom said to her, "Has Amnon your brother been with you? Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart." So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom's house. When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar.

Notice that King David was angry, but he couldn't do anything. Why? Two chapters back, he slept with Uriah's wife and had him killed when she informed David that she was pregnant. It was at that point where David was spineless because he could not even cover (protect) his own daughter. Absalom had to step in the role of what David was supposed to do. And it was to cover Tamar. That was David's responsibility to cover Tamar because she wasn't married and not Absalom's. But praise God Absalom covered her. And that's what Christ does when His children are hurting. 

So what am I saying? Husbands, if your wife is fighting for her healing, trying to get her life back after it was stolen due to trauma (sexual, physical abuse), it's imperative that you don't render yourself spineless. She is counting on you to cover her and be her support. 

Men, if you are single, you can cover a woman who's hurt as a friend. Be mindful of her emotions and yours (it's easy to be led on and of course - in some cases, one thing can lead to another). And the tragedy is that there is a broken friendship that could have been avoided. But praise God for restoration in Him. For He wants His children to be on one accord.

Let me get back on track. It saddens me when a man knows that his wife is cutting her leg to numb the pain and he's off in a different room as if she doesn't exist. Husbands, 1 Peter 3:7 says to dwell with your wives according to knowledge. Couples as they are courting need to lay their cards on the table. If a woman is in counseling, the rightful thing for a husband to do is support her, pray for understanding, and if you can attend with her, please do. That would make her feel special. To know that someone is willing to fight for her when people who have hurt her will seek to discredit her. 

A spineless man cleaves to his wife, but he doesn't leave his family. That can have great repercussions, because families (especially if their house isn't in order), can sow negative seeds in him and they fester in the marriage (such as, leave her, you don't need to deal with her trauma from her past). A husband with a spine knows that Christ covers His bride, and he would do the same for his bride. 

Now, there may be times when a woman is healed (or waiting for the manifestation of her healing - for whatever she's been through), a husband must stay in prayer in the event a trigger may arise in her (or God shows her something from her past that needs to be addressed), so he can be there when she needs him. The same holds true in reverse when a man has been hurt. She needs to be in prayer for him (and he desires to be whole). There may be cases where either spouse don't want help, advice: stay in your closet and intercede. Wait for God's instructions and not your friends. 

A little off subject, but I must say this: some of you husbands have a good woman. You know it, your wife knows it and God knows it. If your wife is going through and you are living your life like you're single, ignoring the things she needs, God is going to deal with you because you are technically abandoning her and the relationship (some of you might disagree with me on that, and that's fine). If she's cutting, her family is disowning her because she's speaking out of what happened to her, and you're emotionally absent or physically absent from her (or perhaps you're escaping into the arms of another woman), don't think you are getting away with it and you are emptying the emotional bank account the moment you neglect her when she needs you most. Yes, she's the weaker vessel, but at the same time, it does not give us men the right to treat her any kind of way. That is showing the world how spineless we are as men. I've said this for about 20 years and I believe it to this day: most of the problems some women have stem from our behavior and how we treat them. No one (inside or outside the church) are holding them accountable. Let me lighten up for a minute and say this: I understand that there are men who fear commitment and that's fine. Just don't drag another person into a relationship and you don't understand what a commitment entails. You will damage your life and hers. In a nutshell: commitment is sacrifice. You are giving up your life for something or someone you love. When you give it up, it requires all of you. No holding back. Before committing to a relationship, understand the cost (Luke 14:28).

A small note on men who have been abused: Women, I plead with you not to automatically assume that because he's been abused he's living an alternative lifestyle. I'm proof that I'm heterosexual and just waiting to place the glass slipper for the Cinderella God has for me (smile). I get this question a lot when I speak at different venues. We men don't need judgments from women, but we do need women who will pray for us, stand in the gap for us, and most importantly, respect us. Now there are some men who won't share their story with their spouse. Let me say that will set you up for failure. When a trigger occurs in you, she will not know how to respond (whether she's praying for you or not). I beg you men to let your spouse know if you've been abused and what triggers you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. She will appreciate that and support you.

In summary: communication between a husband and wife is critical. If there is no communication, there is a breach in the relationship. A genuine relationship should have no breaches. And that will happen when husbands & wives understand their roles. 

Blessings.

The Mayne Man