Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 22: Men)

Happy 2023, I am declaring that this blogpost will be the final part to close out the series Will You Be Made Whole, which I started back in 2016. A lot has transpired during that time, learning a new job, getting married, finishing Bible School, completing the Ministry Internship Program and now seeing what God is going to do in my life (especially for 2023). Let me preface a few things before I get into this topic, as it’s strange that I have to talk about men, as I am one, obviously (smile). Anyway, if things come up as it relates to being whole in any area, I’ll just make it a bonus. Feel free to go back through some of my blogposts that I’ve written, not just this series, but other things that I’ve blogged about as I’m all about the heart and soul of man. With that said, let’s talk about men. 


When I was 24 years old (back in 1998) I left the military and attended Florida A&M University (which we simply call it FAM or FAM-U). One of the things I discovered during the course of talking to people was the following: most of these women problems are because of us MEN! The last two blogposts have been on absent fathers with a little dash of Mary J. Blige, so we’re going to build on that, and just talk about men. First of all, don’t take this blogpost as male bashing, as that’s not the intent. Granted, many people saw Waiting to Exhale as male bashing, I didn’t see it that way; however, I saw that when I was 21, and I saw it as women that I meet on a day-to-day basis picking men that aren’t even considered men (with the exception of Gloria’s character, who ended up with a man that I would call a MAN). I’ll shut it down here, so I don’t go into my soapbox about Waiting to Exhale. I have a lot of thoughts and comments that I will spare you all of. I will say this as I think about it, I wasn’t saved when I saw it, yet a lot of the views that I have about it still remained. My late father got upset with me because I took the movie personal. I felt I had the right to take it personal as a man because it’s men out there who don’t care about a woman, that will strip their identity, break their mental and emotional state and then they end up guarded, “bitter, angry and mean” (which I call it the BAM syndrome). I can’t begin to tell you how many women I’ve met in my life that are still struggling with relationships, many of them I’ve known since college and even high school. During my college years, I would strive to live life like a Kingdom man only for women who say they “luh” God to end up with some trifling boy! Yep, I said boy, because they’re not even worth being called a man.


Okay, let me get back on track. Trust me, I still have more thoughts about Waiting to Exhale. By the way, Mary J. did a song for that soundtrack called Not Gon’ Cry. Pencil that as we will come back to that song. So, let’s go back to my earlier statement: the source of most women problems are because of men. If you don’t believe me, just listen to a song from Mary J. Blige. She would be the perfect example, and I pray for her heart and spirit as well as she’s dealt with some trifling men in her life. Okay, staying on task here. If you listen to the lyrics to Not Gon’ Cry, Thick of It or Your Child (my prior blogpost was on this song), the focus of each of these songs are about TRIFLING MEN that broken women can relate to and understand. Thanks to the wonderful age of YouTube, you can watch Mary perform “live” and many of the women are cheering her on while she’s internally bleeding inside. In some cases, when she’s singing those songs, she’s bleeding on others who are struggling with their own pain. Question: when songs like that are being sung, who is getting healed? Help a brother understand. What I see is anger, unforgiveness and a hard heart, which could possibly lead to high blood pressure. Understand that the enemy is using that anger, unforgiveness and all that to bring on an illness – that’s the enemy’s plot, to keep you bound and you may not even be aware of it. Now I’m just using Mary as an example as there are so many people who are hurting and are bleeding on people who are not equipped to help you heal. We’ll talk about the healing piece later on in this blogpost. The more I think about it, I had a neighbor who slit all 4 tires to a man’s car, and I can imagine a song being written about it – the sad part is that women (saved and unsaved) who have done that would glorify the song. Now, I understand writing is therapy – this is what we writers do. What’s so important in what we write is that we write healthy solutions (especially if you believe God) to these problems as we are this world’s answer. Okay, continuing on.  A lot of the songs sung by women that have been out since the 1990s have been about women issues and “I don’t need a man” or pretty much talk about trifling men. Now to those women listening to those songs, especially if they’ve been hurt mentally or emotionally, they will gravitate to songs that speak on keeping your pride and not crying. That song by the way is Karyn White’s Superwoman (1988) – by the way, it was a good song. There was another one that came out in the same year that bothered me, and it was called Thanks For My Child. I saw that as an anthem for single mothers who got pregnant by a trifling man! Yep, here it goes again. I was 14 when that came out, and for that to bother me then speaks volumes of what God was doing with me. So, back to the pride piece, you do realize that pride goes before destruction (according to Proverbs), so that will require a little humility to swallow your pride. Yes, I know you’ve been hurt my sister, and you can heal the proper way (not by a song that’s just going to keep your wound open or cause your scars to become so callous). Understand that the devil thrives off of pride, as it opens doors to fear, anxiety, worry, insecurity – things that will contaminate your faith. And it’s pride that got the devil kicked out of the garden of Eden! Also know that the devil likes it when people are pride because he will attach you to someone else who is bitter, angry and mean (BAM) and then, no healing can really take place – just straight bondage. Galatians 5:1 talks about standing fast in the liberty which Christ called you to and to not be entangled with the yoke of bondage. Some of you ladies who have been damaged by men, just need to get away from them for a season, fast, pray, so you can heal properly. 

By the way, I said this when I was 24, many women think I’m hard on them, I’m worse with men. I’m still that way today. We men have got to get it together, I have to take my role as a husband, father and a man of God seriously, as we are losing men to the prison system, to the devil, and sadly, to death!


I’m not finished with this just yet. It’s sad that I have to talk about this, yet it’s so very important that it needs to be addressed. I remember writing a sermon via e-mail in 1998 about the concept of Defilement – what I was addressing was Genesis 34, where Shechem rapes Dinah, and then two of Jacob’s sons killed Shechem as a result. What Shechem did before he raped her was eyed her in a spirit of lust. And that’s what I saw going on during my time at FAMU (especially my first year) and many of the women were so gullible (like they dropped off all the spiritual wealth they gained at home) once they got to campus. And today, the concept still hasn’t changed. It’s men like that (with an evil eye and heart) seeking to damage women – of course, we all know it’s the devil who is after the woman. Why? Glad you asked, understand that it was the woman who birthed Jesus that would crush the devil’s head! And God even stated that he would put enmity between the devil and the woman (Genesis 3). And that’s the devil’s plan, to send men like Shechem to women with the sole intent to break you physically, mentally and spiritually to where you believe that you are damaged goods. What’s so sad and I’m glad my pastor (Dr. Mike Freeman) posed these two questions: how are we men not paying for the babies we made? And why are we letting women go to court to get us to pay child support? Another pastor (Pastor Ken Friendly) said this and I had to agree: it’s a tragedy when a man (father) won’t pay child support and have the audacity to live better than the children and mother who birthed his children. 


It's true, we men have to get it together. This absent father syndrome needs to stop, yet we men must be held accountable, considering the strength of a nation is determined by the male population. I’ve said this for some time and got flack (even to the point where someone verbally attacked me for it): at men’s conferences, we’re usually talking about sex or pornography, and that’s fine. We’re dealing with the acts and that’s fine, the issue is as follows: we’re not dealing with the whole man here. Many of the men don’t know what it means to be a husband, a father, or a man of God. I believe if we deal with those three, then the acts can clear up simultaneously. If we just keep talking about sex and pornography at these men’s conferences without teaching men how to be a man of God, a father and a husband, then men would never graduate from the “boy” state!


In summary, we all (men and women) need to go to work on our lives and be healed and whole from the damaged that was done to us from our past. Now let’s talk about this thing called “work.” Praying and declaring the Word and healing scriptures is fine. Some work is needed, seek Holy Spirit and not your inner conscious (Proverbs 3:5), talk to a counselor (secular or Christian), talk to a pastor, allowing yourself to be vulnerable to an authentic pastor and to God so that your scars and open wounds can heal properly. If you pray and declare without doing the necessary work, you’ll still end up bound – considering, faith without works is dead. Take that first step, so that you can let God know that you’re serious – understand that the enemy will seek to stop you whether it’s to prevent you from taking that first step or midway. The key is to have the discipline to follow through! I trust and believe that you can be made whole. Remember the story in Luke 17 where the 10 lepers got healed, two came back and gave thanks, and they received wholeness. There’s a difference between the two, healed is for a certain thing, wholeness is for everything! In your process of getting whole, give thanks in the midst of your process! Look to the promise while going through your process. You can make it; you have the Mayne Man in your corner routing for you and most importantly, God is routing for you! 




The Mayne Man

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