In the previous part, I talked about absent fathers. I want to stay on this topic because I heard something yesterday that brought me to tears. I remember 22 years ago, I was in a music store and I heard Mary J. Blige’s song Your Child being played. Now, I remember when she came out on the scene with her debut album What’s the 411 in 1992, and most of her songs have a theme: Women Empowerment/Women Issues With Men.
Personally, Your Child is my favorite song from her, as it talks about Mary being with this guy yet he is denying a child that he has with someone else – the mother of the child confronts Mary and tells her the truth that it’s actually his child. Well, I managed to hear the live version of this song (recorded at the House of Blues back in 2004). As the song was coming to an end, it was like Mary snapped. Allow me to share a clip of this because what she says is very important and I know a lot of people will be able to relate to this. And if this is you, stay with this blogpost till the end. Here’s the dialogue with the audience:
I’ve got a question for you. How come these brothers and some of these mothers, they leave these children, abandon them and then they don’t want to take care of them? They don’t want to tell them they love them. And when they grow up, they’re going to want to know, how could you do it?! How could you do this to me, I was your baby. Why didn’t you love me? Why didn’t you hug me? Why didn’t you kiss me? Why didn’t you teach me? Why didn’t you tell me I was beautiful? Why didn’t you teach me how to walk like a lady? Daddy, where were you?! They were touching my body, where were you?
The song finally closes at this point, and she’s in tears (and granted, I’m in tears typing this up). I can feel her pain, as I can imagine that Mary’s father abandoned her (left her when she was 4 years old, he suffered with PTSD and he would assault Mary’s mother). So, let’s pick up from where the music breaks, because there’s more to what Mary has to say (and this is the most important piece).
It’s killing me! I’m so sorry, but it’s killing me. Where were you daddy?! Where the f*** were you, excuse me, but where were you? That’s why we got to take care of the babies. I know this is a club and you all probably don’t want to hear that, but it’s real. It’s the reason why we are all f***** up in our head right now because nobody wanted to love us.
Here’s where I break out in tears for the second time. I have a question to everyone reading this, how many of you can relate to the pain that Mary is feeling at this moment? If you can, my heart cries for you. If you were abandoned, broken, unloved by your parents, abused by someone in your family and your parents didn’t take your side (or they were the abusers), you definitely have a hole in your heart. No matter how you try to camouflage it, it’s there. Now, if you went to counseling, praise God. So many times, we neglect counseling thinking we have the strength to do it by yourself. Or we just deal with it on a surface level because of the shame that’s buried underneath. There’s nothing wrong with counseling, it can be secular or spiritual (whatever your religion). The key here is to get your pain out, because if you keep it inside, the hole in your heart will become enlarged and you will end up with a heart that is beyond repair, that could remove years of your natural life.
Now as a man of God, I have to tell you that the best way to have the hole in your heart filled is to give it all to Jesus. He cares for the broken hearted. He will be the first to tell you that what you went through was not your fault!!! Please understand, I don’t care with other people say to you. He loves you. And you might be questioned, why didn’t He protect you when all of this was going on? Excellent question, He was there – in that pain with you. Give it all to Him, and your life will never be the same. I love you all, and I’m here if you need to vent.
The Mayne Man
P.S. I don’t know if Mary is healed from her father wound or not. I do pray for her regardless of her state. I believe everyone could use prayer – even me. If you are in need of prayer due to a parental or familial wound, drop a comment below and I’ll pray. Oh, and if you are healed from your familial wound, feel free to share your story in the comments below.