Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 16: Bad Men)

Between the blogpost that was released Friday (Part 14:Distorted View of God) and a conversation that I had with some men as we’re reading Dr. Tony Evans’ Kingdom Man yesterday, I’ve been thinking about this issue intensely.

Yes, I’m fully aware of the stereotype of that once you run across a bad man, everyone else is bad as well. In other words, one bad apple spoils the whole batch. Now, is that true or is that false? You have your thoughts on the answer. I’ll answer it and say it’s false. Just because you got one bad apple, doesn’t mean you have to throw the remaining apples out.

As I stated in my blogpost from Friday, my heart goes out to you if you went through life without a father (especially if you’re a woman), but now for this blogpost, I want to extend it by saying that if you ran across a bad man in your life (I don’t care if the man was a biological father, stepfather, adopted father, uncle, grandfather, teacher, coach, or pastor) or if you happened to be in an environment where your father was missing, absent, emotionally unavailable, abusive/controlling or just a tyrant, my heart goes out to you and this blogpost is dedicated to you.

Even though earlier, I was talking about apples, the same principle holds true as it relates to God. Even as a man, I can testify to this (where I placed my view of God as to my relation to my parents). How many of you have (or are currently) seen God based on your current relationship to your parents (or lack of relationship with your father/male figure)? If I could see through your mind and heart, it’s not a pretty picture, I know. You may be crying as you’re reading this, and I say let the tears flow. I can imagine that you’ve been holding the tears for so long, and are feeling like no one cares about the internal pain you’re going through. If no other human being cares, know that I do.

You can be made whole from Bad Men, and you don’t have to live in bondage because of what someone did to you, or didn’t give you the nurturing that you deserved in childhood. Men, let me say something to you: if you didn’t grow up with a father (or had to endure a man based on what I talked about above), you don’t have to live in bondage to where you are abusive to others. You can be made whole too.

To all reading this, please separate God from how a human being treated you. Don’t think that you deserved the pain you’ve endured. You can let it go. I heard Real Talk Kim say this (still on the topic of Bad Men): because you were ill treated and not protected, you are now protecting people that didn’t even protect you. I see men doing this more than women, but it can happen on both sides.

How many of you are willing to go to the mirror and make this declaration? I am not my past, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am not what my parents said that I was (especially if it was negative), I am not the abuse, I am not what a bad man said and did to me. God loves me despite what that bad man did to me. I no longer live my life in anger and shame! I declare that I’m healed from the pain that the bad man did to me (if you have to cry after saying it), do it! I’m free from what religious people say to me, because what’s important to me is what you, God, say who I am. And I accept what and who You say I am. I no longer have to prove to others of my identity, because You God have given me my identity! Thank You Jesus! I surrender all the myths, and false truths that I had of You. You are not like man, and I surrender every feeling that I feel that is keeping me in a cycle of hurt! No bad man has that much power over me to where I am stuck in this situation in my life. I forgive me, and I ask that You forgive me. Amen!

You can be made whole from the bad men in your life! Do you believe it? If yes, walk in it (by faith, if you have to).

Blessings.

The Mayne Man

Our Declaration as Sexual Abuse Survivors

This was something that I shared on my personal FB page two years ago today (and only selected certain people to read it). I truthfully forgot that I had written this, but after having read it now, I believe that this needs to go global. With that, I’ll let you read this declaration and then I’ll share some closing comments.

(July 11, 2013)

Good evening everyone. If you see this post, that means you were selected to see this. Not everybody on FB will see this because of the gravity of this. I want you to be at peace when you read this. This was on my spirit all afternoon and I want to share something with you. I title this: "Our Declaration as Sexual Abuse Survivors." Here it goes.

Yes, we are adult survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. But you know, we're still alive. We are alive with a purpose and we have been commissioned to change the world with our voices/testimonies. We have survived the tests, the heartaches, the pain, the rejection, the neglect, the abandonment, the times when we wanted to give up on life. I don't know about you, but we have met for this purpose, to unite and save others from the miry clay of being "stuck." With that said, we who have made it out and are now on the healing side, have no right to point a finger at those who aren't where we are. Consider we used to be at that stuck period (and for some of us, we're getting closer). We as survivors need to come together, and stop declaring whose abuse and pain is worse than someone else's. All that matters is that we survived the pain and the tests, and now that test is a TESTimony. And believe me when I say this: someone who has a voice needs to hear OUR voice.

Think about it, we went through our pain (not because God didn't care about us or was punishing is) because we would be the ones that can make a serious impact within our realm of influence and the world. Can you understand the weight of that? There are many people who think they are experts of abuse who haven’t endured what we did, but as survivors, we can speak with authority and with boldness, unafraid to let others share the journey with us. Not so they can feel sorry for us, but to let them know that we have the ultimate victory. Considering many of our abusers (to include those who have neglected us and abandoned) didn't care if we died, the fact remains that we're still alive and there's a plan for our lives.

Now someone reading this might be wondering, when will I be compensated for the pain that I went through? My brother, my sister, your compensation will come as a result of you sharing your story of how you survived. Trust me, many of us never dreamed of where we would be right now. Many of us have bachelor degrees, masters and even doctorates. Some of us are writers, singers, poets, in short, we’re very creative. Can somebody get excited about this? As we share our lives with others, many people will understand they have a hope and can overcome whatever they may face. Don't fret when others don't understand or care about what you went through. Our lives are to touch those who need it. In a dying world who doesn't care about those who have suffered like we did, we have to be that voice crying in the wilderness (with love, compassion, and mercy). I can declare to you that your life (and what you've been through) is attached to somebody else. Somebody needs you and your story; don't ever doubt that!

I believe we can declare this as abuse survivors: We will go to those who have suffered, get down in the dirt with them (not to stay with them down there), pick them up and watch them blossom. We will never hurt each other as survivors with our words, for we need each other to survive. We have been ordained to this mission field because we can change the world!

(In Closing)
As I shared in a lesson I taught on Tuesday (Mental Illness and the Church’s Response), use discernment as to how much of your story you should share. If you want to hear this lesson, here’s the link:

http://fccdl.in/BicWmubK1

If you want to know more of what I do (and yes, this is a plug), on the right hand column of my blog you’ll find some videos (one is a song where I sing the second verse & bridge – dedicated to sexual abuse survivors; and the other video is an interview where I share my story). I have a novel about child sexual abuse, mental illness and suicide (you can read an excerpt right here):

http://maynetre.com/mm/books/deaf-dumb-blind-stupid-michael-andersons-fight-for-life/

And by all means, if you’re a survivor and this is your declaration, retweet this, share this, and spread the word! Let’s make an impact on the world.

Blessings.

The Mayne Man