Rejected & Offended

Last weekend, I was listening to a lesson entitled Overcoming Offenses, and it really made me think about some things, one being how we don’t confront those who actually offend us. But then there are times that people are offended when you actually don’t do anything wrong (a great example is that you have changed the course for your life and others don’t agree with it – as a result, they reject you and they’re offended because you decided to do something different with your life). Now I’d like to use the story of Jesus when He was in his hometown – this is after He grew up and was baptized into His ministry. So let’s just look at Mark 6:1-3 (and then we’ll talk a little bit more after):

Then He went out from there and came to His own country, and His disciples followed Him. And when the Sabbath had come, He began to teach in the synagogue. And many hearing Him were astonished, saying, “Where did this Man get these things? And what wisdom is this which is given to Him, that such mighty works are performed by His hands! Is this not the carpenter, the Son of Mary, and brother of James, Joses, Judas, and Simon? And are not His sisters here with us?” So they were offended at Him.

How many of you have ever experienced this (where people reject you and become offended because you’ve changed – or you’re not like you used to be when you were little)? I’ll use a little bit of my life. When I decided to follow Christ, my family was like, “you used to do this when you were little.” I laugh when I think about it because you have probably heard the phrase, “you never grow up to your parents.” Friends are no different (now this isn’t my life), they would say something, “you’re a sellout, I remember when you used to run around chasing after every girl, and you had a girl on your arms every time I see you. You used to smoke and drink on the corner, but you call yourself changed your ways.”

Now watch this, as we look at verses 4-6.

But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own country, among his own relatives, and in his own house.” Now He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. And He marveled because of their unbelief. Then He went about the villages in a circuit, teaching.

What caused the people’s rejection of Jesus and them being offended at Him was because of first their unbelief. And second, they were plagued with that familiar spirit. A familiar spirit is when you’ve been around a person so long, the moment they changed, you don’t like it, and as a result, you reject that person (and are offended because they changed). It’s been said, if you become too familiar with someone, there’s a strong change that you’ll abuse him or her.

If you have ever been rejected and offended because you’ve changed and have decided to make a difference in this world (and going with Christ), don’t let people box you in to other people’s circle. Let them stay offended at you, and let them reject you. God has so much that He wants to do with you (and like Jesus, you may have to leave your hometown because they won’t believe it). Granted, those are the people that would say something like this “I’ll believe it when I see it.” Or they’ll say “he’ll be back to his old ways (or she’ll be back to her old ways), just watch. I’ll entice them back to their old ways.” My advice to that, get as far away from them as you can.

I pray this encourages you if this applies to you.

Blessings.

The Mayne Man

The Meaning of Jabez

This blogpost is a “did you know?” kind of blogpost, but also it’s a post dedicated to anyone who has suffered childhood abandonment, neglect or rejection. If you have suffered childhood abandonment, neglect or rejection, allow this blogpost comfort your heart, soul and spirit. Now many of you are familiar with the book The Prayer of Jabez or perhaps the song Bless Me. I won’t talk about either of them in this blogpost (thank God).

Surprisingly, Jabez is only mentioned in two verses within the entire Bible. So, why is Jabez important (apart from the fact that he asked the Lord to enlarge his territory and to bless him indeed)? I’m glad you asked. If you look at 1 Chronicles 4:9 (which we overlook and go directly to verse 10), we get a backdrop on the life of Jabez. Verse 9 says this: Jabez was more honorable than his brothers; but his mother named him Jabez saying, “Because I gave birth to him in pain.” Now you can look at this in one of two ways. The first way is because of the pain while giving birth to him. But let’s look at the second way. We can infer from verse 9 that there was no father in the picture. And if you think about it, within the OT, it was the father that named the child. But let’s look at the name Jabez, it also reveals the mother’s life. Jabez’s name actually means misery, pain and sorrow (and I would venture that no parent would intentionally name their child misery, pain or sorrow – maybe some would).

Think about this, in Genesis 38:18, when Rachel was about to pass away, she was giving birth to her second child (her first child was Joseph). Now, her second child’s name wasn’t originally Benjamin; it was originally named Ben-oni (son of her sorrow). That was because she was about to die. But Jacob (Rachel’s husband) named him Benjamin (son of my right hand) – to show that he was glad he was here. He didn’t want Benjamin to be a burden because of his name. Notice that it says “son of my right-hand” – that means a son in a position of importance and honor. That’s very important. How parents treat children will shape their future.

OK, back to Jabez. By giving Jabez that name, that would show the mother how she felt about him and or what he means to her. It also would show her the life she was living herself. Now, I want to expand this for a minute. Because regardless of the child’s name, but there are many parents who feel burdened because of their child, the pain that’s going on in their own lives, but also the fact that no man is stepping up to the plate to be a father (now that last part is for the single mothers). Do you know that a parent’s pain will actually shape a child’s mind if it’s left unchecked. In fact, a lot of how children turn out in life is based on the environment we were raised in. In fact, I’ll use myself in this case. When there’s an environment where secrets are held within the family unit (where there’s child abuse and child neglect), a child is going to act out all of the pain that’s inside if it’s not addressed and no healing was provided. How do I know? I’m currently in the healing process (some things were revealed as I got older in life).  – I mean I didn’t go out and do drugs, drink excessively, but there are some things I did during my teen years that I’m not proud of). Let me also say this: praise God knowing that He is the ultimate Healer, but sometimes we have to swallow our pride and seek professional help (if needed or He’s telling you to seek it) so you can walk in the inheritance that God has prepared for you.

Let’s go back to the lesson. If Jabez’s father wasn’t there, or his mother went through with his father (verbal arguments/confrontations), all that pain she had was being poured out into her son, Jabez. Sometimes parents fail to realize what we communicate to children and to the world.  But let’s look at us. If we have pain for whatever reason, we have to keep in mind what we communicate to the world. Sometimes others may experience indirect abuse because of your pain. How do I know this? I’ve done this at times (and of course, I have had to apologize on many occasions). Notice that Jabez’s mother didn’t name his other brothers that kind of name. Truth is, a son always has a good relationship with his mother (there’s a beautiful bond with a mother and a son). Let’s say hypothetically that Jabez didn’t deal with the sorrow that was brought on by his mother and he gets married. He will bring all of that into the marriage and into the children (hopefully, he will have an understanding wife that will help him heal – knowing that they are a unit and she’s in the fight with him and vice versa). But if it’s not dealt with, it’s worse at the second level.

Now I get to the crux of this blogpost: what did Jabez suffer from (just from what we read in verse 9)? Childhood rejection! You can’t be called pain, sorry, and misery without expecting rejection. Rejection can emotionally handicap you and any of you who have suffered childhood rejection will know exactly what I’m talking about! In fact, some of us have never fully healed from the rejection from childhood and it’s playing out in multiple ways (some greater, some smaller).

Here are some phrases that could hinge on childhood rejection: “if my sister wasn’t spoiled,” “if my parents would’ve protected me from my abuser,” “if my mother would stop beating me for minor things,” “if my mother or my father had spent more time with me,” and the list goes on.

I talked about some of the symptoms in a blogpost I did a few weeks back called “If God Really Loved Me, Why Was I Abused As A Child?” Here’s the link -> http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2015/10/if-god-really-loved-me-why-was-i-abused.html

Let’s now move to verse 10, what did Jabez do to break the childhood rejection? First, it said in verse 9 that Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. And he turned to the Lord. He asked the Lord to bless him indeed and enlarge his territory. As a result, God honored his request. Verse 10 says this: so Jabez cried out to the God of Israel saying, “Oh that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my border [property], and that Your hand would be on me, and You would keep me from evil so that it does not hurt me!” And God granted His request.

Jabez followed his heart beyond the words of his own mother and turned to God to boldly receive blessing, increase and freedom.

In closing: if you have suffered childhood rejection, please click on the link to read that blogpost. Now open your heart to receive this: God wants to you that He’s so good that He’s not going to let your negligent mother or father that had didn’t care about you, affect you if you come to Him. He’s saying that He’s got you, He knew you when you were in the womb. He’s also saying that He’s responsible for you and He just want you to come to Him right where you are. He wants a chance to take care of you. Stop blaming your predicament, your life and destiny on some other human being that needs a Savior just like you.

Blessings.

The Mayne Man

P.S. Also check out Psalm 34:8-10 and Psalm 27 in its entirety.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Before I begin this post, I have to ask how many of you have asked this question. If you asked it, was it because you have had your heart broken? Let me submit to you that I understand. I want to take this blogpost and share a little bit of my life in the prayer that it touches your heart and spirit.

This song was on my spirit as I was heading to work this morning. When I first heard the song, it was in the summer of 1984 (and I just turned 10 years old). My summer that year encompassed joy and pain. Let's see, I fell off of my bicycle and ended up with six stitches in my left knee; but at the same time, this is when I would be sexually abused. It was during this time that I heard the song. Many of you will remember this song by Tina Turner (in fact, she won a Grammy for the song). To this day, there's one part of the song that touches me and that's where I want to focus the remainder of this blog. She sings this part near the end of the song:

I've been thinking on a new direction

Well I have to say

I've been thinking about my own protection 

It scares me to feel this way

Even as I type this, it brings tears to my eyes though they are not falling. I believe this post is a release for me and for many others reading this. I do ask a question: how many of you think about your protection if you have been hurt? If you have had your heart broken, you could relate to that part (along with the question, who needs a heart when a heart can be broken). Granted, many hearts have become callous because of that, and I understand. More to say on that in a moment. If you have been abused in any form, you can relate to that part for sure. If you have been neglected, rejected, abandoned in childhood, you can definitely relate. To the last two points, I can wave my hand. 

Before I get close to wrapping up this post, I need to address the question "what's love got to do with it?" Truthfully, love has everything to do with it. You may not have experienced the love you need from childhood or as an adult; but love is the reason why you're still here. I want you wherever you are to just breathe.

If you have seen the movie "What's Love Got To Do With It?", there was a song at the end of the movie when the credits were rolling that was also moving. I saw the movie in 1994 as I was a few days away from leaving home. The chorus of that song moved me (and it summed up how I felt about the things I endured in childhood). It said this:

I don't care who's wrong or right

I don't really want to fight no more

It's time for letting go!

I like that. We don't have to fight anymore. The thing we have to do now is let go of the hurt, the pain and any loose fragments that may come up as you're healing from the hurt you endured. And I'll be honest, when I do certain things in my life, I am thinking about my own protection. I have had my share of wounds in childhood that I'm addressing to this day (so my wall of protection can come down). I encourage you to find where the wall of protection started so you can heal. As always, I have to make a caveat, as the wall comes down, be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. Don't fully let your guard down.

Blessings, 

The Mayne Man

Are You Seeking Acceptance From Man or God?

I was asked by a dear friend of mine to share this with you all. I initially shared it with my inner circle when  God spoke this to my heart (around 8:30am on 10/5/13). So, here it goes.

God just revealed something to me that hit home. All of my life, I longed to be accepted. I tried getting it from my family (I got it as long as it fit their mode of operation), I tried getting it through my gifts (some would backfire). Today, I find that as long as I am accepted by Jesus is all that I need acceptance from.

For my calling (and for others with a calling this serious), rejection is expected and many sufferings will be in order. Sadly, many people don't want to bear burdens because of pride. And the sleeping church will league with those with pride issues. We have problems and don't want to share burdens. We don't share because we will face ridicule from prideful people (causing us to feel more condemned). We don't share because we'll receive a deaf ear. Apparently, we're to only need God; however, we do have to listen to their problems. Another reason we don't share is because the same people who want us to open up will be the same ones to make a spectacle out of us and to boost their righteousness over us.

Final revelation: many people will say we have to ask the wrong doer to forgive us when we were abused, neglected, almost to make us feel that we caused it. Of course, this should sound absurd, but we still inflict this on people who need a touch from God. Yes, Jesus took on things He didn't do for our sake, but we're not Jesus. Granted, I got in trouble growing up for things I didn't even do (it was all blamed on me). One thing that comes to mind is the time when one of my relatives who lived with me stole money from the money collected from my cookie sales that people ordered. It has taught me now to be very ethical with how I conduct business with others. So finding acceptance from my family was more difficult. Again, I know now that acceptance only comes from God alone. The world will view us as failures and will want us to bow down to it's acceptance.

So what is the underlying message to this: each person must look to Jesus for acceptance and to determine who you share your most intimate issues with. Not everyone who says that are for you ARE (even in the church world). As Jesus pulled away, sometimes we must do the same thing. People will want to take offense before coming to you to resolve the offense (or they'll tell you they were offended and write you off because they are holier than you). As brothers/sisters, we can't afford to live ourselves to the point that we throw fellow brothers/sisters to the wolves (as open prey to the devil). If God has called someone to something important which requires rejection and suffering, prayer & intercession is necessary (not writing them off). And for us to side with people like that is saying, I agree with writing them off. We all have our quirks, but we should always see the best in people (and not league with the devil by seeing the worst in them). If we can say death and life are in the power of the tongue, we must be truthful at all costs, but discern where a person is in their lives. It's not a one size fits all.

Blessings:

The Mayne Man

No Love, No Honor, No Support

Jesus was explaining a parable in Luke 14:15-24. There was a man who made a great supper and invited people to come. One by one, there were excuses as to why they couldn't come. Eventually, the master said to the servant to go out to the streets and lanes of the city, the poor, blind etc., and invite them. When they all came, there was still more room at the supper. The master then said to the servant to go to the highways and hedges so the house will be full. What's the focus here? Well, this parable was an invitation to Israel to accept the invitation to Jesus, but they rejected him (granted, Jesus would say in other gospels that a prophet is not welcomed in his own home town). Jesus got from Israel no love and no honor.

You are called to do something great, and people who are close to you won't accept you and what you can provide. Instead, they will find every excuse in the book not to support you, or they will want you to give something to them at a discount (or better yet, for free, cause we're brothers, sisters, first cousins, whatever). What happens is that you get no love, and no support from your own.

I dedicate this section to my fellow authors (you will understand this). One of my fellow authors wrote a comment on her Facebook page and it provoked my thinking on this topic. To all the authors that have complained to me about how their friends and family don't support them and haven't bought their books, I say," So! There are way more people out here that you don't know than the ones you do know and are related to. Millions! So if your friends and family won't support, reach out to the millions of strangers that WILL!" I still have several "friends" and family members who haven't done a thing to support me.

What she said was the essence of the parable mentioned above. There is no love, and no support from your own (I'm referring to close friends and family - whether immediate or extended). But when you make it big and are a celebrity, that's when people will take notice. By that time, it will be too late.

This post is not to convict anyone, it's just a little thought about the need to support each other's visions, dreams and talents. We don't do that because we're selfish (and some are just jealous because they went for it) and we need to suppress that spirit. There's no need for us not to love, honor and support someone who's trying to make their dream happen. We all have dreams and talents and we need to support each other. But if you want to sit on your dream and talent, you have no one to blame but yourself! Let me repeat that, you have no one to blame but yourself! Trust me, if you support me, I will support you. This is what it means to have love, honor and support!