Why The Judicial System/Government Is Failing Abused Children (Part 1)

It was pressed on my spirit (New Year's Day) to do a post on this topic. This is dear to my heart and it's my prayer after you read this, you will be moved to action. In the final part, I will share my thoughts as to why the judicial system is failing. Meanwhile, I want to share three articles with you and hear what some of my fellow authors, fellow survivors & fellow advocates have to say as to why the judicial system/government is failing abused children.

Article 1:
http://www.okcfox.com/story/24336336/police-woman-concerned-son-was-assaulted-kidnaps-man-and-slices-genitals

 

Article 2 (this one focuses on suicide – which the rate for children is increasing):

http://freepatriot.org/2013/12/31/5-year-old-girls-hangs-california-possible-foul-play/

 

Article 3:

http://freepatriot.org/2013/12/31/disgusting-mother-accused-sexually-abusing-children-agesa-8-33/

 

Rhonda Walker has this to say (she's the founder of Healing R.A.G.E. & the author of Healing The Rage Within):

Article one has me disturbed just for the fact that the story does not go into detail as to why the mother thought the man was abusing her son. Did the mother see something or did the child say something to alert her. Although we KNOW abuse happens, we also KNOW that false accusations also happen. I think before we outright accuse or harm someone...we must have the facts...evidence of abuse so to speak. If the abuse did happen, i commend the mother for defending her child..but we must have proof.
As for article 2, I'm also stumped because it seems to me that a child can not hang herself from a ceiling...not a 5yr old child. I think there is some foul play in this situation. From the neighbor the children were often left unsupervised so that leads me to think child neglect was in place. I think the police really needs to look at the adults that were left home.
Article 3 is just sickening and she needs serious jail time. she obviously has a drug problem and doing whatever to the children for money. sick!!
It saddens me to read stuff like this because the children are innocent and they are being harmed. Sadly the system does not get involved unless abuse is reported and oftentimes its not.

Lisa Wynn (fellow survivor) has this to say: 
After reading all 3 reports ... Imagine if SUDDENLY every child's untold hells were told by media. Imagine if SUDDENLY every adult survivor's voice was also amplified by the media. Do you think that would be enough to make it impossible for the world to continue to deny / remain unaware of how many people walking this earth are affected by child abuse? Do you think this would be enough to ensure that every abuser was identified and held accountable? I just don't know.

 

New Year Blog Hop (Book & Gift Card Giveaways)

Enter to win big!!!

I’m participating in a New Year’s Blog Hop with prizes that include 2-$25 Amazon Gift Cards and books penned by some amazing authors!!

Click the link below to get in on the fun and prizes!!

http://2014nybh.blogspot.com/

P.S. This blog hop will be from January 6-11, 2014. Feel free to share this with others!

Author Spotlight (Gail Moss)

I was privileged to meet this author in August at the African-American Author Expo. We share one thing in common, a love for poetry (and she shares one for this spotlight). Without further ado, this week's author spotlight (and kicking off 2014) is The Poetic Evangelist Gail Moss.

Gail Moss gave her life to the Lord at the tender age of seven. As a teenager, writing became Gail's outlet to express her emotions after the death of her mother. During difficult times, she found inspiration and motivation through the greatest words ever penned - the Holy Scriptures.  The Word of God continues to encourage and inspire her today, and in turn, she goes forth to encourage and inspire others.

The major themes of her written work and LIVE performances are: Worship, Praise, Evangelism and Spiritual Warfare.  Audiences, congregations, followers, and fans leave inspired, encouraged, and motivated after their encounter with The Poetic Evangelist. 

This Author, Artist, and Speaker enjoys using her gifts to share the love of God with others, and encouraging people from all walks of life.  It is her prayer that her work will draw people into an intimate relationship with God.

For more information, visit: www.ThePoeticEvangelist.com

Here is a poem I wrote:

MY NEW BEGINNING

 

There’s A River of Life

Overflowing Within Me

I’m No Longer Lost

I Have A New Beginning

 

No Longer Afraid

No Longer Do I Worry

For I’ve Cast All My Cares

They’re His Now To Carry

 

There’s A Sweet Spice

To This New Life

For I’m More Than A Conqueror

I Triumph In Christ

 

With Faith and Expectancy

I Awake Each Morning

Because My Slate

He Has Wiped Clean

 

Christ Secured My Destiny

Now I’m Bursting with Blessings

For He Placed Me On

His Winning Team

 

No Need To Pinch Me

I'm Not Daydreaming

This Is Simply The Genesis

Of My New Beginning!

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Philippians 3:13-14

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

 

Why The AMCC Mentality Breaks The Heart of God

I’m going to close two lessons in this one blogpost. Last year (between January and April 2013) I did two lessons entitled “The AMCC” and “What Breaks The Heart of God.” I will respond to those who commented on some of those lessons which were actually attempting to attack me as being judgmental (especially The AMCC – Part 3: The Ostrich Syndrome) and add some closing remarks as to how the AMCC mentality breaks the heart of God.

For the benefit of those who don’t know what the AMCC stands for (which is an acronym I coined by the way) it stands for the American Middle Class Church. What makes this up? You see, in life, there are three classes of people and their economic state. You have the rich, the middle-class and the poor. I work in a system where the majority (if not all) would be classified as middle-class. There’s nothing wrong with that. Because of the pressures of the economy, what you find is that attitudes are based on what the economy is doing and not based on the word of God. In short: the middle-class in the workplace is simply, “what’s in it for me? And if it doesn’t involve me, my family, and clique, you will have to fend for yourself.” Now here’s the tragedy: we carry that same mentality over into the church world. If you have wealth, you’re frowned upon, and if you’re poor, you’re frowned upon as well. In the church world, you have many churches that you would probably call a middle class church. But because most of our demeanor has been protecting me, my family and my clique, that mentality carries over and we use that same principle when it comes to prayer, and if someone is in need. If you’re outside the circle, you’ll get help, but also be snickered behind your back (or they’ll internally gloat knowing that you need them). Heaven forbid someone outside a person’s circle is thinking about ending their life. The simple words “get over it” would be used. If they’re part of the clique, they’ll be showered with prayer and anything else that would show favoritism. If you speak out of this mentality or the schisms within the church that even look like this mentality, you’ll be called out as being cynical. Most people who cry “you are being cynical” are simply immune to it and are comfortable in this mentality. In this mentality, it’s real easy to become complacent and have your head stuck in the sand. It’s easy to identify someone in this church – example: you may have some that want to help others outside their AMCC wall (and that’s a good thing), but because they may feel trapped in the wall, they remain there and end up losing effectiveness because they don’t go down to their level. They’ll stay within those walls, and talk down to you when you don’t measure up to them. That’s not getting a full picture of where others outside your AMCC circle are.

Now, when I did the Ostrich Syndrome lesson, a comment was raised saying that I was being harsh with our church and was saying if he were to talk about the black church, that he was being prejudice (or something to that extent). Well, here’s my take on his response: yes, I am black but my blackness is not who I am. But yet and still, if it was a black church acting with an AMCC mentality, I would call it out as well (in fact, we’re worse when it comes to acting with that mentality to the point where we will sell each other out for $2 and a biscuit). The color of a church doesn’t matter to me. This is all about a mindset. When we’re selfish, we’re acting no different than the world. I believe many people have just gotten complacent in their comfortable seat in the pew (and their position in the church) and a lesson like the one we heard in church (and me agreeing with the lesson) just offended their personal beliefs. It’s as simple as that. So, because they were offended, they just took it out on me and not seeking the Lord to see if there is any validity to what I’m saying.

So, how does the AMCC mentality break the heart of God? Simply, we play favorites, we focus on people that are either of the same church, denomination, economic class, and not embracing everybody. When we excuse the sins of those in our circle and curse the sins of those outside the circle (whether it be denominational circle, clique, church circle, etc.), that shows we’re breaking the heart of God with our AMCC mentality. Another way the AMCC mentality breaks the heart of God: We keep secrets within the clique and refuse to share what’s public record to those outside the clique (example: I don’t like you so I won’t share, but you have to kiss up and get my favor in order for me to share what you’re supposed to know cause you’re part of the fellowship). That’s really partiality, and discriminatory. Now don’t get me wrong, I am just as guilty as the person sitting next to me in the pew. When we hear truth, but we close our minds to the validity because he’s outside of the clique; but we hear something that’s false or from an uncleansed vessel, but because he’s part of the clique, we embrace it. That’s having an AMCC mentality and it also breaks the heart of God.

I pray that you all were blessed by the series, I know this not a shouting type of lesson, but we’re in the last days and it’s time to reach a world that’s dying on our watch.

Domestic Abuse in America

According to the National Center for PTSD, here are some staggering statistics about domestic abuse and other types of partner abuse. Now these statistics were about 5 years ago, but I can only imagine that the statistics are higher now in 2014:

1. At least once in their lifetimes, 20-30% of American women are physically abused by a partner.
2. Each year, 1.3 million women and more than 800,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner.
3. More than 200,000 women are raped by an intimate partner each year.
4. Of those in same-sex relationships, 11% of women and 23% of men are raped, otherwise physically assaulted, and/or stalked by an intimate partner.
5. More than 500,000 women & 185,000 men are stalked by an intimate partner each year.
6. Of all women's emergency-room visits, 30-40% are for injuries due to domestic violence.
7. Fifty percent of men who assault their female partners also assault their children.
8. Each year, 3.3 million children witness acts of domestic violence.

This needs to change!

The Mayne Man

My Life With PTSD

I'm reading a book about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), because I'm in therapy for it (as a result of surviving child sexual abuse - I share a little of this in the Author's Note of Deaf, Dumb, Blind & Stupid), and I believe I am called to educate those who are blind to what we deal with.

There's a paragraph within the book that goes like this: to a casual observer, people living with PTSD seem to be doing fine. The truth is, they are battling symptoms that, if left untreated, make it difficult or impossible for them to hold down jobs, have meaningful relationships, or achieve their goals and dreams.

What is the message: don't assume that a person is fine on the surface and pass them by. Always have your discernment light on and be available to offer an encouraging word (not to get them off your back), but one that shows that you love them and are with them.

One thing I find when it comes to PTSD is that some people can be callous to what PTSD really is, but what we all need to understand is this: when Vietnam war veterans ended up with PTSD, they were met with little sympathy. Why? Because the protests showed hatred to those involved especially those soldiers who had no choice (the draft). Sadly, many PTSD patients are treated as if this disorder is a sign of weakness. 

Another thing that comes to mind is that the media will focus more on war veterans who develop PTSD (and I stand with them as I am a fellow veteran) than they will those who develop PTSD as a result of rape, sexual abuse, domestic violence, etc. I am willing to believe the media doesn't want to address PTSD among us survivors because they will have to give an account as to why they are glorifying the abusers/rapists and cursing the victims & survivors (and even the more when victims commit suicide).

In closing: though I am in therapy, I am commuted to my healing to fully thrive and I encourage all of my fellow survivors to be committed to their healing. We can't be victims forever. And I believe our stories are a testimony to the fact that we are still alive and that we are here for a divine purpose. I stand with you survivors and I love you all! The best is yet to come for us in 2014!

Blessings

The Mayne Man

The Truth & Myth of "Loving Yourself"

God created us "to love & be loved." But because we live in a fallen world, two words appear, "hatred" & "selfishness." 

I remember reading a book by Chuck & Nancy Missler entitled "The Way of Agape," and she broke down the truth & myth of loving yourself. I'm going to share a small clip of what she said and then I want to share my thoughts especially when we are "trying" to help abused victims (and what happens when we don't let children know that are loved). 

What Nancy said: when we are not having victory in our walk with Christ, the enemy will say: you need to love yourself more so you can love others.

The more I think about what Nancy said, there's a point that needs to be addressed. If you look at what the enemy's specialty is, it's simply serving "self." He is the king of "self-centeredness!" 

Continuing on what she said: 

The basic problem is not that we don't love (agape) ourselves, we do that naturally. The problem is we don't like (storge) ourselves. 

The solution is that we are never to agape self, but instead to agape God and others. We do want to storge self. This will come as we understand that we have been conformed to His image.

I'm sure some questions and/or thoughts are coming up such as the following:

1. So what are the types of love you mentioned above? I will give brief definitions on those two and two additional love's right now:

Storge love - natural, emotional, feeling love

Eros love - natural, sexual love

Phileo love - natural, friendship love

Without God's intervention, those 3 become conditional, self-centered love that desires the good of itself

Agape love - this is God loving through us (1 John 4:12), we can't do this on our own. There are no strings attached, and it's other-centered love.

2. I was abused and I don't feel loved? There's a possibility that whoever was responsible for looking out for you abandoned you and overlooked your abuse. Let me state this: you are not plagued with a demonic spirit. You were never taught the truth about love. Now, you just need an understanding about what love entails. See question #1.

3. So why do I hear from people inside and outside the church shoving down my throat the need for me to love myself? Both groups don't have an understanding of what love really is. Many say it because they don't want to hear problems of others, which really equates to them just being selfish. Now if adults from your childhood always demonized you (verbal abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, domestic abuse) it's only natural for you to feel that way (and that part is not your fault). But is that the truth about you? No. Now you have the chance to do something as an adult (I don't expect you to overcome this overnight), and that's simply learn the truth of who you are in Christ.

4. What happens when a child never knew who their true identity is and they carry that into adulthood?

Many things can happen. They can end up bound with a mental illness, self-mutilate, or possibly commit suicide. 

5. How can we prevent this? First, don't condemn by pointing a finger stating "you are in sin!" From there, they are not going to receive the good news. You have to understanding they are hurting and heading down Niagara Falls, so to speak. Only those who are able to swim and be able to scoop them up before they drown should be the ones doing this. Too many ill-equipped people are doing this and we're creating more hurt people. 

Another way is to let them know that not only does God love them, but you love them (and please don't just say it cause it sounds good). Listen to them because they're crying for help and love. If God is living in us, we are agents of light and love.

I would recommend that everyone read the book mentioned above along with CS Lewis' The Four Loves. 

Blessings.

The Mayne Man