Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 14: Distorted View of God)

Before I begin this blogpost, some of you, just based on the title may be thinking, “Who does he think he is? My view of God isn’t distorted!” Well, before you discount this blogpost, I want you to understand the perspective I’m about to write from, I promise you it’ll all make sense. I dedicate this blogpost especially to women who have been abused in childhood and/or grew up without a father in the home (or had a father there but was not present emotionally, or enabled the mother to be abusive).

I’ve talked to many women in my lifetime who have shared their story of abuse with me, and I think of one person in particular. I believe her story will show that there are many who are walking around with a distorted view of God. One day, about a month after the passing of my father, a woman posted a suicide note on social media. People ridiculed her and started to become overly spiritual with her, so I sent her an inbox to call me if she happened to get that message. Well, she called me, and proceeded to tell me her story. This woman, at the time, was between her late 20s and early 30s. She shared with me that when she was under the age of six, her father, a minister at a denominational church, molested her and would pass her off to her much older brother (in his late teens). According to her, they told her that she initiated it and wanted it. I had to tell her that there was no way she could initiate anything being so young, and most importantly it was not her fault.

I want to use this story to pull out a few points that clearly define a distorted view of God, and I must say that it’s not the victim’s fault. But the victim can now do something about it, which I will explain as this blogpost progresses.

The first point that I want to make is the fact that her father took advantage of a child who has does not have the capacity to think like an adult. And because he is a minister of the gospel, what does the child think? Her father is like God, and God endorses the ill treatment of His children. That of course is a lie from the pit of hell.

The second point piggybacks off the first point. If the father was never in the home, and if God is a Father, then that would signify that God isn’t there when the child needs Him the most. Thankfully, God is not like a natural father. Humans treat others cruel as a result of sin in the world; God can’t sin because He watches over His Word to perform it.

The third point is that this woman’s father lied to the child saying that she initiated the sex act. Then this will indicate that God can’t be trusted as a result of what the father did the child, if God is supposed to be a Father. And it also gives hints that God endorses abuse. That of course is a lie from the pit of hell. Man lies; God is not a man that He should lie!

If you look at those three points, there are many people who have suffered abuse that could relate to at least one of the three points. Just know that God is not like a natural father.

Let me say this, first and foremost, I’m sorry for any abuse you endured. God does not endorse this type of abuse. It’s recorded in the book of Matthew where Jesus states the following: “Whoever causes one of these little ones (children) who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (18:6). Another way of saying this would go (using the Message Bible): “But if you give them (children) a hard time, bullying or taking advantage of their simple trust, you’ll soon wish you hadn’t. You’d be better off dropped in the middle of the lake with a millstone around your neck. Doom to the world for giving these God-believing children a hard time! Hard times are inevitable, but you don’t have to make it worse—and it’s doomsday to you if you do.” So, we have here that God does not endorse abuse, and it’s more of a tragedy for a minister of the gospel to abuse a child and/or lie to a child (saying they initiated the abuse, or just manipulating the child). That is pure church abuse (which brings about church hurt). Know that you can heal, but keep in mind that man is fallen, God is not, as He is eternal. Separate the two and know they have to account to God. Keep reading, as I will share on how to get a right view of who God is. If you are an adult, and didn’t grow up with an earthly father, my heart goes out to you. I have more to say on that in just a moment. God does not take advantage of His children. He loves them and nurtures and as you can see from the passage above, He loves children and does not tolerate when adults abuse children. God doesn’t lie to His children because He is the Truth. Man unfortunately will lie to children, and when they do, it skews their perception of God.  So where does this distortion come from? Very simple, the devil! He doesn’t want children to know who God really is. God is so irresistible, that you can’t help but love Him once you understand who He really is. Society and the nuclear family structure is doing all they can to equate God to people, and there is no comparison. I’ll be honest; I thought my view of God was like my parents. Think about it, a child looks up to their parents, and when a parent fails them, their view of the world is negative (granted, mine was on many levels – this is why I go about changing the world the way I do).  Because their view of the world is negative, they’ll equate God like their parents and will be turned off from God.

I want to keep my promise and address those who didn’t grow up with a father (or perhaps the father was home, but was either absent, or was an enabler to a narcissist), you may have what’s called an “orphan spirit.” What’s that? Bishop Joseph Mattera (whom I quoted in Part 7: The Bitter Pill) has this to say about the orphan spirit:

Ever since Adam and Eve were alienated from God the Father in the Garden of Eden, an orphan spirit has permeated the earth, causing untold damage! (By “orphan,” I am referring to a sense of abandonment, loneliness, alienation and isolation.) Almost immediately after the fall in Eden, the fruit of this orphan spirit resulted in jealousy, culminating in Cain murdering his brother Abel because God the Father didn’t receive Cain’s offering. To make matters worse, in contemporary society, with the breakup of the nuclear family, large amounts of people are not only alienated from God but are brought up without the loving care and security of their biological fathers.

I believe all of the emotional, physical and spiritual ills of society can be traced to humans feeling alienated from God and their biological fathers.

One blogpost said the following about spiritual orphans (which can cause a distorted view of God):

https://cbgrace.wordpress.com/2010/02/24/how-to-pray-for-an-orphan-spirit/

Spiritual orphans are the result of several things.  The Bible indicates that when father’s and children’s hearts are turned from each other, a curse can result.   I am not sure about you, but I think we are there.  One of the great things about God is we can start over.    The church has allowed the attitudes and ideas of the world to infiltrate it.  With divorce and unwed mother rates soaring, western cultures have begun to embrace the idea that fathers as disposable and unnecessary.  Many individuals will live their entire lives without a healthy relationship with their father or a father figure.  Fathers have let down their children; they have abandoned and not pursued their own children.   Another attitude we have seen reflected in the church is that the “younger generation” with all their fiery passion is somehow more valuable than the deeply rooted generations that have gone before them.  When society began shuffling the elderly off to nursing homes, the attitude in our churches changed as well.   Most churches market to younger people.  Meanwhile, our older generation has thrown in the towel.  They no longer want to invest in a generation that devalued them.  Rejection begets rejection.

I want to address how to handle the orphan spirit but first we must identify it.

Here are some characteristics of the orphan spirit:

1. Unable to put down roots in a church or change churches frequently
2. Always on the look out for something bigger and better
3. Feeling based faith (if it feels good, feels right, etc then I will follow it).
4. Need recognition
5. Easily offended
6. Feelings of abandonment even when one has not been abandoned
7. Attitude of “No one is going to tell me what to do”
8. Attitude of “I know…” (unteachable)
9. Survivalist Mentality always looking out for oneself
10. Never truly comfortable in the presence of anointed spiritual father
11. Reject others before they can be rejected

In closing, a friend of mine (Joy Robinson) said this (and I believe this will allow you to be made whole from your distorted view of God):

When you have an orphan heart, you have a distorted view of God the Father. A son or daughter can accept correction and discipline because they know they are loved. But an orphan heart has difficulty accepting correction and coming into alignment with God’s plan for their life. Orphans have deep trust issues and consequently they will bail out first in an effort to avoid hurt. But daughters know that they are accepted in the Beloved already. Here are some declarations of being loved that sons and daughters should walk in: 

1. Because I am loved by God, I do not fear being unloved by people so I don’t have to do anything to earn love from anyone God nor people I don’t have to keep track of who loves me and who doesn’t.
2. Because I am loved by God, I am not envious of anyone or anything anyone has. I already have the most precious treasure in the world, the love of God.
3. Because I am loved by God I do not have to retaliate against anyone who wrong with me because nothing they can do to me could diminish God’s love for me by a millimeter because I am loved by God I do not have to retaliate against anyone who wrong with me because nothing they can do to me could diminish God’s love for me by a millimeter!
4. Because I am loved by God, I do not have to seek revenge in an attempt to even the score because the balance of God’s love for me was not and cannot be disturbed by anything anyone does.
5. Because I am loved by God, I do not have to hold grudges because note that any person owes me could ever out measure the balance of the love account got hat for me.
6. Because I am loved by God, I do not have to withhold love from anyone because God‘s love for me is not diminished by me loving someone else. My love tank does not go down from loving someone else. I am not in danger of running out of love because God is my source of love, not people.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Take The Limits Off Of You And God

How many of you desire to live life with no limits? I have a better question, how many of you desire to let God take the limits that you've placed on your life? If you answered yes to both questions, then I ask you how bad do you want this? Now there's a strong chance that your flesh is screaming no, but your spirit is screaming YES! Turn off the no that's screaming at you. Your life depends on it. Before this starts, grab some tissue as you will experience some moments of sorrow as well as tears of joy. If you happen to cry as you read this, let the tears flow, and yes, I shed some tears as I was writing the outline for this as this post was given to me via His Spirit. Don't worry as to who sees you crying as you read this, your freedom is too important to worry about what others think about you. Once they see your freedom, they'll want a piece of it. Believe me on this. With that, let's get started.

You know, there are many people walking around with a skewed view of God and how He is a loving Father. How do I know? You're looking at someone who has struggled with it. Many of you know my story. But let me share a piece of it from a different perspective. I was sexually abused, but at the same time, I lived in fear as to how my parents treated me. It was either do what I say on my timetable, or fear the wrath of the belt, which I felt on numerous occasions. The truth is that parents are really supposed to paint a picture of who God really is. And if a child is scarred through a trauma, they will rightfully question when older, can I trust Him, because I surely can't trust my parents after all the abuse I suffered, their abandonment and their neglect. Eventually what happens is that we treat God based on how our parents treated us especially if trauma is involved. How do I know? There were areas I struggled with God over. Example, if I messed up with my parents, it was like I had to make so many amends for them to forgive me. Even though God forgives me when I confess our sin, I still wrestle with the concept of "I have to make amends." What hastens is that I just limited myself and what God can do.

What happens is that we end up creating boxes and walls within our lives as a form of protection. And let something traumatic happen when we think to let the wall down, the heart will become callous for some. What's even worse is that we put a wall up to protect ourselves from God. And He is much more compassionate than our biological parents. Of course, it's hard to fathom when we surely didn't see a good example. And the reason why we didn't see an example is because the devil is after us. He knows the gift that's ok each of us, and he's after that. With that wall comes the feeling of we have to carry our own burdens, when we are to cast it over to Him for He cares for us. The truth is, He knows what we're holding on to and He wants it so we can have this 150 pounds lifted off of us. Excess weight costs us our life in many cases. The same holds true when it comes to burdens and limits. It will weigh us down to the point we end up with psychosomatic illnesses and in some cases, eating disorders. Galatians 5:1 says for freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

You see, we can put up a facade with people and in some cases with our family, but you can't put one up with God. He sees all and knows all. No matter how hard you try to box God in, we can't. I don't know about you, but I love surprises and His surprises always give me more of a reason to not quit on Him. Take Him at His Word and please don't cast away your confidence. He is up to something, but the key is to not keep your wall up so you block His blessings, but also to not bring Him down to your level. He'll let us go on our own for a little while, but you will physically and possibly spiritually burn out. Yes, there will be people (in and out of the church) who will discredit you and say, "You can't do this!" Believe me, I lived it. He wants to work through you so He can get the credit while you are blessed. 

I do believe that our walls and our limits within ourselves and with Him really is a lack of trust. That doesn't mean we're going to hell, and it is true we may not have had good role models when we were kids. Now, it's time for a thought exchange and ask for a spiritual download from Him so we can dump our past thinking for a mindset like His. It's recorded in James that what is not of faith is sin. I didn't say that to condemn, but it's because of the fallen world we live in).

Earlier, I mentioned about the devil was after our gifts. Let me expound further, he really wants us dead in all areas. How? I'm glad you asked. He brought the trauma through our lives via childhood abuse, domestic abuse, emotionally abusive relationships, con men and con women, unexpected deaths, and the list goes on. All of these things can cause the limits to come. And yes, God understands; however, He wants it so He can free you up for an unexpected blessing.

Of course, I ask, where's the church in all of this? Well, sadly, many of them have the mentality of the AMCC (American Middle Class Church) where it's all about me, my family and my clique and everybody else can go to hell with our help. 

How can we get the limits off of you and your thoughts about God? Great question. I want you to survey your life and ask, "what stinks? What's dead in your life?" If Jesus can raise Lazarus from the dead, He can raise you up. Now, Lazarus was dead for four days, and it turned around. I declare that some of our dead situations will turn around. Can you declare that?

Get those Pharisees that say "you will never amount to anything, you'll never recover, you're the blame for all that happened to you" out of your life. 

Sometimes we don't appreciate our miracles when we're not involved. The scars that you have remind you of how bad it was so you can appreciate how good the miracle is.

At the end of Luke 7, people called the harlot out, probably saying, "look at that whore trying to get to Jesus." And Jesus had to tell them, "leave her alone." Jesus built her up and forgave her. And we in the church want to remember people's wrongs. 

I really want to close this on a positive note. The beauty of God is that He specializes in forgiving our screw-up, He specializes in restoring the years you lost, He specializes in drying the tears you cried because you struggled to put food on the table, you stepped out on faith to leave that mate who abused you, He specializes in giving you double for what you've endured. I know I did some things wrong in my life, but He's not done with me (and He'd not down with you either). Don't be afraid to take the limits off of yourself and off of what God can really do (and who He really is). In fact Psalm 27:10 says for my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in. This is so true.

Can I just say this? Sometimes when we put limits on ourselves, we tend to make mistakes like Abram & Hagar. Now, Ishmael was not a mistake, Abram & Sarai wanted to help God out and jump ahead of God's timetable. God promised Abram that he and Sarai we're going to have a child. He doesn't think like we think, so we have to wait on Him. That waiting period requires faith. 

Now many of you know me. I'm an accountant by profession and I'm always talking about working our day jobs like a Hebrew slave. If you think that's all there is to your life, you'll be working above and beyond just to only get 50% of your money. There's a proverb that says your gift will make room for you and bring you before the great. Once you operate in the gift God gave you, expect unexpected blessings that your day job can't even do for you. Another way to take the limits off of you and God.

Take a good look where you are, can you testify of what He's brought you out of? If you can't think of anything, you're still breathing especially when your life was threatened at one point in your life. When we take the limits off of God and His majesty, we need to posture ourselves for the unexpected to happen (and that's meant in a way that will bless your life tremendously). Regardless of what we've been through, our God can do things we haven't even imagined. He's the only one that can restore our broken soul (even though I write to right the broken soul - smile, He does a much better job than I can), and heal us from the inside out. We need to stop trying to figure Him out; He's unlimited.

Come on, I'm trying not to cry. He's not done with you, He's not done with me. He rescued me from many dangers and spared my life on many occasions. He's just getting started. I'm going to say it again, He specializes in restoration!

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

There Is A Queen In You

I don't know why I'm writing this blogpost, but I believe this will touch a woman's heart, mind, soul & spirit. Back around 2009, there was a popular song by Donald Lawrence called "There Is A King In You," and it's dedicated to those who have struggled in life no matter what the situation. You can say that the song inspired this blogpost and now, I would like to target this post to the ladies because all of you need to know that there is a Queen in you. But first, let me give you a few definitions of the word "Queen."

1. the female ruler of an independent state, especially one who inherits the position by right of birth.

2. (Before I give this definition, if you have heard me talk about chess and my love for playing it, this confirms what I have said about the power of a woman, especially in a relationship) - the most powerful chess piece that each player has, able to move any number of unobstructed squares in any direction along a rank, file, or diagonal on which it stands.

3. A Biblical Queen using Sheba from 1 Kings 10 as an example - is a woman who knows her worth.

So what do I want to share with you? A few years back (in 2012) I did a blog entitled the attack on women. You see, when the devil tempted Eve, his sole purpose was to get her tied to him and her focus off of her husband as well as God. As a result, she started guessing her better judgment, she settled for temporary (like settling for coach instead of first-class). I know there are many women who can relate to this scenario to include being tied to men who aren't even the same faith and to destroy the true Queen that she's supposed to be and live. It's sad to see Queens destroy each other and tear each other down and it's even worse when men manipulate them forgetting that he's nothing without her (just like in chess). But this is simply an attack on a spiritual level. Because Christ the true King was born via a woman and would crush the devil's head, he (the devil) hates women and will do anything to destroy her true Queenship through doubt, situations such as rape, being abused sexually, physically, emotionally, financially and the list goes on. Romans 5:17 says For if because of one man’s trespass (lapse, offense) death reigned through that one, much more surely will those who receive [God’s] overflowing grace (unmerited favor) and the free gift of righteousness [putting them into right standing with Himself] reign as kings in life through the one Man Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). So if we're to reign, then we have to shame the devil! If we reign, one way to shame the devil is not dropping our pants and engaging in pre-marital sex because that's below the level of a king and a queen.

We as brothers and sisters in Christ need to stop writing off those who are knocked down. We're siding with the devil when we do that and those knocked down who are wounded need us to build them up via prayer, fasting, intercession and with love AND the authority of Christ. Ladies, I stand with you as a friend and a brother in Christ and know that you are a Queen and I see you as God sees you. A woman who is made in God's image. There is truly a Queen in You! Believe it, say it, and walk in it by faith, even as you are healing. Don't give up on your healing. You're not out for the count (even though many believers think you are), I will never count you out because God doesn't see you out for the count. So, for every woman reading this, I declare this over you (and I encourage you to declare this over yourself), there is a Queen in you.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

If God Really Loved Me, Why Was I Abused As A Child?

If God really loved me, why was I abused as a child? How many of you have heard people ask that question? I have a better question: have you ever wondered that yourself? When I think about it, that question could be modified to fit whatever you have been through (natural disaster, loss of a child, loss of a parent, etc.). But for this post, I want to focus on childhood abuse (physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and verbal abuse). Is this question a valid question? Hand down, yes it is. And it deserves an answer (which will come during the course of this blogpost). Before diving into this post, I do need to say one thing: if you have asked this question and came through, just read and enjoy this post. If you have asked this question and have turned away from God because of what you went through (or perhaps you have some scars that are in need of healing), I dedicate this blogpost to you. Also, if anybody has condemned you, or looked at you strange because you have asked that question (you know, the “how dare you ask that”), you will not get that out of me. Allow this blogpost to touch your heart and spirit.

Psalm 27:10 (from the Amplified Bible) says this: Although my father and my mother have abandoned me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child]. This will be the foundational verse for this blogpost. If you have suffered any type of abuse mentioned in the above paragraph, you’ve probably had these questions in your mind:

Why didn’t those who said they loved me protect me? Why does my family fight so hard to cover up the abuse that I suffered? What did I do to deserve this abuse? Was it because I was born that I deserve this? Was I not even wanted? Was I an afterthought?

I’ll be honest; some of those questions were in my mind as I went through my teen years.

Let’s take this a step further: when you went through your abuse, did any of these become part of your life (you don’t have to share, just think about it):

You became more of a social butterfly

You became an introvert

You became promiscuous (sex addict)

You found yourself attracted to someone of the same sex

You decided to be asexual

You abstained because of the hurt suffered (either by choice or you were mocked by the opposite/same sex that forced you to abstain)

You found yourself running to Christianity (or a different religion)

You found yourself turned off from Christianity (or a different religion)

Again I’ll be honest. Out of the items listed above, I became an introvert (part of that was due to me having Asperger’s), abstained from sex – partly by choice and partly because I was mocked during my school years and I found myself running to religion (Christianity) for refuge.

So let’s go back to the original question: If God really loved me, why was I abused as a child? The question sounds complicated, doesn’t it? Is the answer complicated? It depends. Because of the abuse you suffered, you might have some physical and mental scars, along with holes in your heart and spirit. Now, I mentioned Psalm 27:10 earlier and some of you might have grown up in a religious home where there was abuse. Because the abuse occurred by someone in your family, you are disgusted with religion and don’t want anything to do with it. Do I understand? Absolutely. Is the abuse your fault (or was the abuse merit)? Absolutely not!! Does God for this type of abuse? Again, absolutely not!! This is where Psalm 27:10 really shines. Abuse is really abandonment and rejected – and those that were supposed to protect you really forsook you. In fact Matthew 18: 4-6 says this (and this is Jesus speaking to His disciples): therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives and welcomes one child like this in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble and sin [by leading him away from My teaching], it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone [as large as one turned by a donkey] hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Now, why did God allow it to happen to you? This is an excellent question. We may not know the reason why while we’re here on earth, and keep one thing in mind: His ways are not our ways (in fact, they’re higher than ours).  If we were to look at the book of Job (especially the first 2 chapters), you’ll find that the devil wanted access to Job’s life to do harm. God allowed the devil to do certain things (except kill him). After the devil did his damage, God restored everything the devil destroyed at the end of the book (the 42^nd chapter to be exact). And if you have suffered, be encouraged that He will restore you and make your latter years greater than the former years. Note, the devil (in John 10:10) desires to steal, kill and destroy. He hates us. We suffered, and we may have holes as a result of what happened, but we can get healed and be restored. What’s key is that we have to fight for our healing and do our part (God wants to restore us). Don’t be afraid if you’re on the fence about it, go ahead and give Him a chance. You have nothing to lose.

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

P.S. If you can spare 3 minutes, on the right hand side of my blog, you’ll see a video (where I take the IAmMe Challenge); allow that song to bless your heart and spirit. And yes, I wrote and sing the 2^nd verse and the bridge. 

Relationship 101 (Unedited)

Between February 25 - March 9, 2014, I posted on Facebook what a brother in Christ imparted in my life. I tell you, it was heavy. So, here's the note that I compiled yesterday on Facebook.

On February 25^th, 2014, I talked to a brother who imparted something serious in me. Now some of you FB watchers won't understand this - lol, but I believe it's not just for me; it's for us brothers (and some of you sisters). I posted this on my wall in 14 parts, so here it is unedited.

Part 1
Brothers: When a woman is just coming out of something that's traumatic, such as divorce, loss of a parent or child, a domestic abusive relationship, etc., she's in a vulnerable state. If you love her, your prayers have to be all about her: that entails her healing, her being whole in areas she may know need healing or areas that she doesn't know need healing, knowing that God is the Ultimate Healer. We as men need to stop rushing women into a relationship especially if they have suffered in the present or in the past (now I'm flowing from this point as He leads). Remember we as men are dealing with a woman that God made (and if He created her, that means she's important to Him).

In summary: if she's going through or has gone through, we men must not push her, and implement what the Bible says: let patience have her perfect work!

Part 2

Brothers, when you meet a woman who's been through (past or present), she's vulnerable. If you're a man, you have to ensure that you erase any doubts she may have when it comes to relationships (especially if she wants to love again). Establish a boundary to ensure she has time to heal, that you don't cause her to stumble because she is your sister in Christ ... (yes, I'm flowing as He leads) and that God can deal with your kinks (believe me, I know I have some). We as men need to understand this: women are special and to see another man trample on a woman's emotions, chastity, etc. should break our hearts. Women who have had bad marriages (where men just abandon the relationship or where men just want the benefits and not the commitment that comes with it) or have been in hostile relationships need our prayers (especially if you have a heart for God and her well-being), our understanding (she will need to vent, and we need to cover her with the Word and not our agenda), and most of all time to heal!

In summary: Boundaries must be respected when a woman is healing, and if you love her, pray for her healing and that she be whole on His agenda and not yours.

Part 3

Sisters, if you are coming out of a bad relationship (whether marriage or simply a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship) and you meet a man who has qualities that are pleasing to God and that you did not see in your spouse or the man you thought was "the one," he should love you enough to set a boundary to not only protect him, but to protect you along with your heart, feelings and your relationship with God. It will only be natural to be attracted to him as you see the fruits of the Spirit displayed in his character, but know this: fruit is good but it must be picked at the right time (now that part right there is for men too, cause we can find a good thing, but try to grab it in the wrong season)! #SpeakHolySpirit
#PreachingToMe

Part 4

To the Brothers, if you believe that the woman you're praying for is the one (now let me qualify that, you've consulted God and you have a relationship with Him), then you need to be honest with yourself, and be sure you're praying for her well-being, that she's whole even while you're just friends. Especially if the friendship progresses, still make the focus on her (especially if she has scars whether it be abusive, marriage, etc), because scar tissue can become callous and she may not know there's a wound underneath and it can damage a friendship and possibly a relationship.

We as men have to understand that if a woman has been battered, beaten, abused, abandoned by her boyfriend or spouse, that we have to pray for her wholeness and restoration in terms of who Christ made her to be and no damage comes as a result of what he did to her.

Part 5

Scripturally speaking, if a man abandons the relationship, she is free to marry whom she will, but only in the Lord. The key is not so much that she's free, but is she ready. And that's something we men need to understand - pushing her into a relationship (even if she may push a relationship) displays that we're not waiting on God as well not waiting on her to be healed from the damage that her spouse or boyfriend did to her.

Part 6

Brothers, if you know a woman who's been through (emotionally abused, physically abused, bad marriage), we need to pray for her wholeness and that God will heal her  everywhere she's hurting (physically, mentally, financially & spiritually). This is what it means to cover a woman as the Bridegroom covers His bride #PreachingToMe

No man should push a woman into a relationship when she is coming out of a relationship that was plagued with abuse. Why? It’s because the wounds may not be healed and they can fester in the new relationship.
Brothers, if you know a woman who's been through (emotionally abused, physically abused, bad marriage), you need to pray for her wholeness and that God will heal her everywhere she's hurting (physically, mentally, financially & spiritually) and in the places where she's vulnerable.

Continuing on: This is what it means to cover a woman as the Bridegroom covers His bride #PreachingToMe
While I'm on that subject, God wants both husband & wife to be complete in Him, whole & lacking nothing

Part 7

Now if a man really loves a woman who's been battered, beaten, and suffered much pain via marriages, relationships, rejection, he will pray for her that she be complete in Him so when she thinks of her "exes," it won't be painful (meaning, she can think about it or talk about it and it won't be painful). She can move on and recognize that these men were nothing more than a demonic spirit who was trying to seize the woman (like Shechem seizing Dinah, or the serpent pushing Eve).

Part 8

When a man really loves a woman (or is interested in a woman) he will see facets in a woman that are extremely desirable (not just sexually). The key is to let patience have her perfect work. No man or woman should have anything lacking in their relationship. A lot will be lacking and missed if a relationship is rushed. So a man must check his prayers and to be sure pray for her well-being (now that can work vice versa).

Part 9

When a woman has lost a parent, a child, or the father of the child abandons the woman & child, there's a sense of loss. If you're a man of God and you have an interest in a woman in this situation, God can use you to be the ointment of restoration (my insert: Hallelujah!), but you have to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, not rush her and allow her to move at her pace without making her feel like she has to move faster because she might "lose me."
#TheyThatWait

Afterthought: Ladies: the minute a man says that you will "lose him," that's not a red flag, that's a black flag! A man will show that he loves you when he is more than willing to wait on God's timetable and not be operating by his hormones!
#MayneManApproved
#IDontMindWaiting

Part 10

When a man loves a woman and she's suffered a loss (such as a parent/child), or she was in a relationship and the ex abandoned her, this man will implement Proverbs 18:24 and be a friend that sticks closer than a brother. And he's going to need discipline especially when her losses are very recent. Yes, she's a strong woman, but there's pain even though she may not show it. And there are doors that she may not want to open right now. And if the man really loves her, he will continue to be patient with her and pray for her wholeness. Now when she's ready to open the doors and the Lord has predestined for the two of them to progress further, he, being a Godly friend, will be there to help her open the doors if there is a relationship beyond friendship. Otherwise, there will be things he'll never know because she's guarded (to avoid opening up to get hurt).

Part 11

What does it mean to be a true friend to someone you care for? Well, though this works both ways, let me speak from the perspective of a man who really cares for a woman. He must be very guarded and not move faster than he should. His motives and actions have to be solely in what's best for her right at this moment and that's a tall order. But a real man will rise to the occasion to spiritually mature.

Part 12

If a friendship turns into a relationship, a man of faith will cease from making the attention on what's best for her and will then make the attention on what's best for them. Through this friendship, a woman should see the authentic man for what he is versus a man who wants to take advantage of her (trust me a woman doesn't need a Shechem in her life)!

Part 13

When a woman (who has been through) sees a true man, then she will able to truly love & care for him without feeling vulnerable (and not subject to being hurt). She will be willing to take the risk of loving him without restraint (but he must prove it by his actions).

Part 14

If a man does what he knows is right when tending to a woman (refer to the other 13 parts), the breakthrough will come and will happen quickly. He just needs to be prepared. Meanwhile, he just needs to do the following
1. Make his prayers all about her
2. Continue to grow in his relationship with God (and let God deal with his issues)
3. Serve God with all of his heart

what will happen as a result is this: folks will be like "where did he come from?"

They will ask because they won't understand the foundation he built, the depth of his efforts, because when people burst out on the scene, it looks like they were there all the time. But he was just implementing Galatians 6:9.

The Truth & Myth of "Loving Yourself"

God created us "to love & be loved." But because we live in a fallen world, two words appear, "hatred" & "selfishness." 

I remember reading a book by Chuck & Nancy Missler entitled "The Way of Agape," and she broke down the truth & myth of loving yourself. I'm going to share a small clip of what she said and then I want to share my thoughts especially when we are "trying" to help abused victims (and what happens when we don't let children know that are loved). 

What Nancy said: when we are not having victory in our walk with Christ, the enemy will say: you need to love yourself more so you can love others.

The more I think about what Nancy said, there's a point that needs to be addressed. If you look at what the enemy's specialty is, it's simply serving "self." He is the king of "self-centeredness!" 

Continuing on what she said: 

The basic problem is not that we don't love (agape) ourselves, we do that naturally. The problem is we don't like (storge) ourselves. 

The solution is that we are never to agape self, but instead to agape God and others. We do want to storge self. This will come as we understand that we have been conformed to His image.

I'm sure some questions and/or thoughts are coming up such as the following:

1. So what are the types of love you mentioned above? I will give brief definitions on those two and two additional love's right now:

Storge love - natural, emotional, feeling love

Eros love - natural, sexual love

Phileo love - natural, friendship love

Without God's intervention, those 3 become conditional, self-centered love that desires the good of itself

Agape love - this is God loving through us (1 John 4:12), we can't do this on our own. There are no strings attached, and it's other-centered love.

2. I was abused and I don't feel loved? There's a possibility that whoever was responsible for looking out for you abandoned you and overlooked your abuse. Let me state this: you are not plagued with a demonic spirit. You were never taught the truth about love. Now, you just need an understanding about what love entails. See question #1.

3. So why do I hear from people inside and outside the church shoving down my throat the need for me to love myself? Both groups don't have an understanding of what love really is. Many say it because they don't want to hear problems of others, which really equates to them just being selfish. Now if adults from your childhood always demonized you (verbal abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, domestic abuse) it's only natural for you to feel that way (and that part is not your fault). But is that the truth about you? No. Now you have the chance to do something as an adult (I don't expect you to overcome this overnight), and that's simply learn the truth of who you are in Christ.

4. What happens when a child never knew who their true identity is and they carry that into adulthood?

Many things can happen. They can end up bound with a mental illness, self-mutilate, or possibly commit suicide. 

5. How can we prevent this? First, don't condemn by pointing a finger stating "you are in sin!" From there, they are not going to receive the good news. You have to understanding they are hurting and heading down Niagara Falls, so to speak. Only those who are able to swim and be able to scoop them up before they drown should be the ones doing this. Too many ill-equipped people are doing this and we're creating more hurt people. 

Another way is to let them know that not only does God love them, but you love them (and please don't just say it cause it sounds good). Listen to them because they're crying for help and love. If God is living in us, we are agents of light and love.

I would recommend that everyone read the book mentioned above along with CS Lewis' The Four Loves. 

Blessings.

The Mayne Man