Domestic Abuse in America

According to the National Center for PTSD, here are some staggering statistics about domestic abuse and other types of partner abuse. Now these statistics were about 5 years ago, but I can only imagine that the statistics are higher now in 2014:

1. At least once in their lifetimes, 20-30% of American women are physically abused by a partner.
2. Each year, 1.3 million women and more than 800,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner.
3. More than 200,000 women are raped by an intimate partner each year.
4. Of those in same-sex relationships, 11% of women and 23% of men are raped, otherwise physically assaulted, and/or stalked by an intimate partner.
5. More than 500,000 women & 185,000 men are stalked by an intimate partner each year.
6. Of all women's emergency-room visits, 30-40% are for injuries due to domestic violence.
7. Fifty percent of men who assault their female partners also assault their children.
8. Each year, 3.3 million children witness acts of domestic violence.

This needs to change!

The Mayne Man

My Life With PTSD

I'm reading a book about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), because I'm in therapy for it (as a result of surviving child sexual abuse - I share a little of this in the Author's Note of Deaf, Dumb, Blind & Stupid), and I believe I am called to educate those who are blind to what we deal with.

There's a paragraph within the book that goes like this: to a casual observer, people living with PTSD seem to be doing fine. The truth is, they are battling symptoms that, if left untreated, make it difficult or impossible for them to hold down jobs, have meaningful relationships, or achieve their goals and dreams.

What is the message: don't assume that a person is fine on the surface and pass them by. Always have your discernment light on and be available to offer an encouraging word (not to get them off your back), but one that shows that you love them and are with them.

One thing I find when it comes to PTSD is that some people can be callous to what PTSD really is, but what we all need to understand is this: when Vietnam war veterans ended up with PTSD, they were met with little sympathy. Why? Because the protests showed hatred to those involved especially those soldiers who had no choice (the draft). Sadly, many PTSD patients are treated as if this disorder is a sign of weakness. 

Another thing that comes to mind is that the media will focus more on war veterans who develop PTSD (and I stand with them as I am a fellow veteran) than they will those who develop PTSD as a result of rape, sexual abuse, domestic violence, etc. I am willing to believe the media doesn't want to address PTSD among us survivors because they will have to give an account as to why they are glorifying the abusers/rapists and cursing the victims & survivors (and even the more when victims commit suicide).

In closing: though I am in therapy, I am commuted to my healing to fully thrive and I encourage all of my fellow survivors to be committed to their healing. We can't be victims forever. And I believe our stories are a testimony to the fact that we are still alive and that we are here for a divine purpose. I stand with you survivors and I love you all! The best is yet to come for us in 2014!

Blessings

The Mayne Man

The Truth & Myth of "Loving Yourself"

God created us "to love & be loved." But because we live in a fallen world, two words appear, "hatred" & "selfishness." 

I remember reading a book by Chuck & Nancy Missler entitled "The Way of Agape," and she broke down the truth & myth of loving yourself. I'm going to share a small clip of what she said and then I want to share my thoughts especially when we are "trying" to help abused victims (and what happens when we don't let children know that are loved). 

What Nancy said: when we are not having victory in our walk with Christ, the enemy will say: you need to love yourself more so you can love others.

The more I think about what Nancy said, there's a point that needs to be addressed. If you look at what the enemy's specialty is, it's simply serving "self." He is the king of "self-centeredness!" 

Continuing on what she said: 

The basic problem is not that we don't love (agape) ourselves, we do that naturally. The problem is we don't like (storge) ourselves. 

The solution is that we are never to agape self, but instead to agape God and others. We do want to storge self. This will come as we understand that we have been conformed to His image.

I'm sure some questions and/or thoughts are coming up such as the following:

1. So what are the types of love you mentioned above? I will give brief definitions on those two and two additional love's right now:

Storge love - natural, emotional, feeling love

Eros love - natural, sexual love

Phileo love - natural, friendship love

Without God's intervention, those 3 become conditional, self-centered love that desires the good of itself

Agape love - this is God loving through us (1 John 4:12), we can't do this on our own. There are no strings attached, and it's other-centered love.

2. I was abused and I don't feel loved? There's a possibility that whoever was responsible for looking out for you abandoned you and overlooked your abuse. Let me state this: you are not plagued with a demonic spirit. You were never taught the truth about love. Now, you just need an understanding about what love entails. See question #1.

3. So why do I hear from people inside and outside the church shoving down my throat the need for me to love myself? Both groups don't have an understanding of what love really is. Many say it because they don't want to hear problems of others, which really equates to them just being selfish. Now if adults from your childhood always demonized you (verbal abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, domestic abuse) it's only natural for you to feel that way (and that part is not your fault). But is that the truth about you? No. Now you have the chance to do something as an adult (I don't expect you to overcome this overnight), and that's simply learn the truth of who you are in Christ.

4. What happens when a child never knew who their true identity is and they carry that into adulthood?

Many things can happen. They can end up bound with a mental illness, self-mutilate, or possibly commit suicide. 

5. How can we prevent this? First, don't condemn by pointing a finger stating "you are in sin!" From there, they are not going to receive the good news. You have to understanding they are hurting and heading down Niagara Falls, so to speak. Only those who are able to swim and be able to scoop them up before they drown should be the ones doing this. Too many ill-equipped people are doing this and we're creating more hurt people. 

Another way is to let them know that not only does God love them, but you love them (and please don't just say it cause it sounds good). Listen to them because they're crying for help and love. If God is living in us, we are agents of light and love.

I would recommend that everyone read the book mentioned above along with CS Lewis' The Four Loves. 

Blessings.

The Mayne Man

Have We Embraced The Angel of Light?

This post has been on my spirit since the beginning of this month. And I really don't want us going into 2014 continually embracing the angel of light (via his leaders, music - portraying to be of God).

I echo Paul when he says this in 2 Corinthians 11:12-15:  But what I do, I will continue to do, [for I am determined to maintain this independence] in order to cut off the claim of those who would like [to find an occasion and incentive] to claim that in their boasted [mission] they work on the same terms that we do. For such men are false apostles [spurious, counterfeits], deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles (special messengers) of Christ (the Messiah). And it is no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light; So it is not surprising if his servants also masquerade as ministers of righteousness. [But] their end will correspond with their deeds.

I believe with all of my heart that we're entering a time where we are heaping teachers based on what our itching ears want to hear. Paul's final letter before he was killed was prophetic. 2 Timothy 4:3-4 says this:  For the time is coming when [people] will not tolerate (endure) sound and wholesome instruction, but, having ears itching [for something pleasing and gratifying], they will gather to themselves one teacher after another to a considerable number, chosen to satisfy their own liking and to foster the errors they hold, And will turn aside from hearing the truth and wander off into myths and man-made fictions.

This is actually where I want to camp out. Now, I don't know if this post is going to be prophetic or not, but at the same time, I believe if we want to spend eternity with the Lord & Savior of the world, Jesus Christ, then we really need to get our heads out of the sand, quickly. I also believe that many people will read this and be in constant denial (or think I'm blowing smoke because it doesn't sound good to their ears). But he that has an ear, let him hear.

The Lord was showing me something last night and inside, I cried. We are living in a time where people are doing one of the following items (or maybe all of them), while they may or may not know that they could be embracing the angel of light.

1. When people put a leader on a pedestal (over the Bible), there's a strong chance the angel of light will be embraced.

2. When we members of a congregation anoint pastor that we know or may not know are living foul to positions of apostles/prophets, we have blindly embraced the angel of light.

3. When we call people enemies cause they expose the darkness in leaders, artist, etc. not for self-glory, but is totally concerned about the purity of the body and with a desire to see the Bible be preached fully, then we have blindly embraced the angel of light.

4. When people give themselves titles knowing full well that their attitudes stink to the high heaven (and even anoint themselves as prophets/prophetess) or knowing they're going ahead of God and elevating themselves to a position of authority, they are really in disobedience and yes, they've embraced the angel of light's principles (exalting self)

5. When people stick their heads in the sand when they know they're defending a leader that's living foul (and yes, I'm referring to homosexual lifestyle), they've not only embraced the angel of light, but they are in a state of denial!

6. When people try to yoke their current pastor who's not living foul to one who's living foul cause their ear is being itched, then they've trying to corrupt what's holy with unholy (light should not dwell with darkness).

7. When people speak against homosexuality but will defend to death their favorite pastor/artist living that way, then that's really just hypocrisy!

 

One of my sister friends shared with me last night after I asked her thoughts on this. This is what she said: What I hate which is pastor worship, meaning they worship the creature more than the creator and they defend the pastor in his/her bad behaviors as well! Also, prophet and apostle worship too! We are to follow these leaders as they follow Christ but when they stop following Christ, we are to stop following them. We are in the last days and like you said, we need discernment, like eyesight, we need 20/20 discernment!!! It seems like those of us that are really serving The Lord get passed up for titles and looked over but think about it the world (yes, in the churches) loveth their own. You can't tell the difference between the world and the church nowadays without the discernment! I've yet to find a real church that really cares about what God cares about, people! Most are after what they can get out of people, not about who they can give to people, Jesus Christ!!! We as believers must keep seeking God with our whole heart and keep trusting God to see us through and to direct out path! God will see us through and He will put special people to walk with us in this journey!!! Keep praying!!! 

I agree with her, and pastor worship make a situation ripe for embracing the angel of light (because the angel of light is all about self-exaltation). Self-exaltation, was Satan's downfall. If you were to merge Ezekiel 28 with Paul's teachings (from 2 Corinthians 11/2 Timothy 4), you'll find that Satan, a gifted musician, has transformed himself into an angel of light. Now watch this, because he's portraying himself as an angel of light (and we are warned by Paul not to be deceived), many Christians have blindly embraced the angel of light (translation: just because they say the music is of God - and it itches our ears, makes us feel good - it MUST be from God). Now how religious does that sound? Satan thrives on us blindly embracing the angel of light. Wake up people! Now, me typing this does put me on the devil's hit list, but I don't care.

The time for us wanting to hear smooth things needs to come to an end. Before someone says to me, you're not being loving with this blog. The truth is: I care about your eternity as much as God does (He cares a lot more than I do), but all I care about is the Truth of His Word and it bring revelation and restoration to a dying world. As we continually be deceived, we are rendering ourselves ineffective to the world. As a result, we remain part of the 99 found sheep and we forget the lost soul.

Blessings

The Mayne Man

Go And Sin No More (a FAMU Archive)

I originally wrote this lesson January 30, 2001 (during my final semester at FAMU). I don't know about you, but I've been convicted of this recently. With that, I want to share this with you all (and you will be reading it in its original format). Hope this blesses you.

Hey everybody:

If this seems depressing, forgive me. When the Lord convicts you, it should serve as a wake-up call. Throughout this E-mail, I will point out some people for a reason. On that note, let me begin.

John 8:1-11 says this (But Jesus walked out to the Mount of Olives.  Then early the next morning he went to the temple. The people came to him, and he sat down and started teaching them. The Pharisees and the teachers of the Law of Moses brought in a woman who had been caught in bed with a man who wasn't her husband. They made her stand in the middle of the crowd.  Then they said, "Teacher, this woman was caught sleeping with a man who isn't her husband. The Law of Moses teaches that a woman like this should be stoned to death! What do you say?" They asked Jesus this question, because they wanted to test him and bring some charge against him. But Jesus simply bent over and started writing on the ground with his finger. They kept on asking Jesus about the woman. Finally, he stood up and said, "If any of you have never sinned, then go ahead and throw the first stone at her!"  Once again he bent over and began writing on the ground.  The people left one by one, beginning with the oldest. Finally, Jesus and the woman were there alone. Jesus stood up and asked her, "Where is everyone? Isn't there anyone left to accuse you?" "No sir," the woman answered. Then Jesus told her, "I am not going to accuse you either. You may go now, but don't sin anymore.")

I like this particular version of this. It's interesting to see (and I can speak on this, because I fall guilty on this myself) that Christ can forgive us, but we can hold people's past against them. Now, let's look into this for a moment. Many people in the world and in the church like to quote he who is without sin cast the first stone. Granted, we are all sinners, but we do have a mission: to please Christ and to shun evil at all costs, BUT REMEMBER IT GIVES YOU NO EXCUSE TO SIN, and some people use it to justify their sin which is wrong. But if a person is weak, we should help them; however, we are to let a person know that their sin is wrong and we should see that a person repent, never to return to that state again. Off tangent for a moment: (Remember that our salvation demands responsibility. A problem develops however when people start to think that they don't need to show any responsibilities towards God's gift of salvation). Even though Jesus didn't really deal with her sin, it's easy to imagine how this woman felt in the presence of Jesus. We can easily assume she felt condemned and we should too when we come into His presence and we've done wrong. If not, we (including myself) might want to check to see if we're really regenerate. And sometimes, we may have to come to that point to where we just break down and say, "Lord, forgive me, I've wronged you." Much like David in Psalm 51 and if we've wronged the Lord, this should basically be the prayer using verses 1-14: (You are kind, God! Please have pity on me. You are always merciful! Please wipe away my sins. Wash me clean from all of my sin and guilt. I know about my sins, and I cannot forget my terrible guilt.  You are really the one I have sinned against; I have disobeyed you and have done wrong. So it is right and fair for you to correct and punish me. I have sinned and done wrong since the day I was born. But you want complete honesty, so teach me true wisdom. Wash me with hyssop until I am clean and whiter than snow. Let me be happy and joyful! You crushed my bones, now let them celebrate. Turn your eyes from my sin and cover my guilt. Create pure thoughts in me and make me faithful again. Don't chase me away from you or take your Holy Spirit away from me. Make me as happy as you did when you saved me; make me want to obey! I will teach sinners your Law, and they will return to you. Keep me from any deadly sin. Only you can save me! Then I will shout and sing about your power to save.)

I like the latter part, and that's what I believe we should do. But remember, if we pray something like this; know that anyone who keeps on sinning belongs to the devil. He has sinned from the beginning, but the Son of God came to destroy all that he has done.

God's children cannot keep on being sinful. His life-giving power lives in them and makes them his children, so that they cannot keep on sinning - according to 1 John 3:8-9.  For me personally, this lesson is a bitter pill that I have to swallow. Sometimes it comes down to this.

Author Spotlight (Sherri Scott)

I met this author in September 2013 at the BWABC Literacy Festival. What caught my attention with this author was her T-Shirt and it was talking about the coolness of abstinence. She's a delightful person to talk to and I'm sure I kept her laughing during the festival. With that said, show your love for this week's author spotlight (my final one for this year), Sister & fellow author Sherri Scott.

Sherri Scott is a first time novelist and single mother of one. Somewhere in the middle of raising her daughter, Taelor, working full-time, and pursuing her Masters of Public Leadership, she found the time to write Never Cast Your Pearls, a delightful novella packed with compelling lessons about love, friendship, and faith.

 

On top of her roles as mother, student, and author, Sherri is a budding social entrepreneur. Her program, Living Pearls, a rites of passage program, was completed in the summer of 2012 to rave reviews from both parents and teen participants. The program was thoughtfully designed to help young ladies transition into adulthood successfully.

 

Furthering her ministry to teens, Sherri launched Never Cast Your Pearls Ministries in September 2013. Its mission, through a series of special events entitled Purity Oriented Workshops and Seminars (POWS!), is to promote sexual abstinence for teens by designed to teach teens how to avoid and advocate for themselves in high pressure situations.

 

Sherri has been a featured speaker at several local schools and chuch youth groups and a featured author for the 2013 Black Writers and Book Club Literacy Festival, Bookstock! Memphis Area Author's Festival, Myron Mays Book Club and Myron Mays Online Radio Show.

Author Spotlight (Trinisa Pitts)

I met this author in September 2013 at the UBAWA Book Fair (held in Atlanta). I went to her table and asked her what her book  is and her response was a testimony of overcoming multiple addictions. It's definitely a privilege to present to you all this week's author spotlight, Sister & fellow author Trinisa Pitts.

Electrifying audiences and inspiring dramatic life changes, author and motivational speaker Trinisa Pitts helps those struggling with overwhelming challenges in life by sharing her personal testimony of overcoming addiction, abuse and heartache to embrace a life filled with forgiveness, purpose and The Divine. Trinisa empowers her audiences with the tools to fearlessly face adversity.

Trinisa is a native of Syracuse, NY, and started her journey of true and diligent healing several years ago when she decided to let go and let GOD guide her path. She has since authored two works, The Essence of Me, Life After the Pain and Trinisa’s 365Day Daily Inspirations.  She has also contributed to three other book collaborations, Chronicles of a Walk with Christ, the Amazon Best-Seller, A Letter to My Mother: A Daughter’s Perspective, and When Sister’s Pray.

Trinisa loves motivating others to move forward and uses social media platforms as a tool to do so.  She is an Independent Columnist, and a Poet. She has written articles for the local Scotsman Newspaper in Syracuse, NY. She is a regular contributor to The Business 101 Magazine which publishes her articles under T-Inspires and her Poetry in the Poet’s Corner.  She has been featured on numerous Blog Talk radio shows, and contributes her literary work in many online magazines to include Disilgold.com. In addition to all of her writing accomplishments, Trinisa ran in her first Woman’s 5k race in September 2012. This is to show her audience that ALL things are possible if you are determined to reach your goals.